| Do people just want validation?
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:24:23 PM | I think this could apply to both relationships, and the forum. I've noticed here that when people ask questions, they are rarely looking for advice, but rather reasons to feel validated. A couple of good examples are the Marijuana thread and the Cuddling thread. There are lots of others of course.
I think this also happens in relationships. People say things like "I didn't do anything wrong, did I?" or assorted statements to that effect. They aren't really looking for discussion or new ideas, but rather for their mates to justify their behaviour. Are we really so insecure in our views and beliefs that we must turn to other people to justify our own feelings and actions? | |
|
| Do people just want validation?
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:34:09 PM | That's a hard call. I often have people asking me for advice but no matter what I suggest, they have an objection or reason why it wouldn't work out. Sometimes that's because my recommendations are all wrong for them, but other times it's because they are in a "yes but" frame of mind. And no matter what I suggest, it will be wrong because they're not really open to a new idea.
And yeah, I would agree with you that when somebody ends any kind of sentence with the words "right?" or "did I?" that would indicate a need for validation. And the constant need for validation or affirmation could be a sign of chronic insecurity, but I think we need to frame those statements within a context to see what it actually means. You can probably tell better than me because you know the situation that you're talking about.
Have a nice weekend! Sigrid | |
|
| Do people just want validation?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:24:32 PM | | I think human beings are ordinarily creatures of social dynamics. Being that, we tend to look too our peer group and seek out advice and snippets of wisdom as you have done. Not that this is "wisdom" by any means but we do seek out favorable validative answers from others...as in getting Father's nod of approval, seeking an agreement among coworkers...asking a sexual partner if they liked this or that. We seek to understand their needs and to experience our own in a go, no -go situation. We want verbal or physical assurances. We seek out validity. | |
|
| Do people just want validation?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:35:27 PM | | I agree, and usually it's obvious to everyone but them. I find it interesting when they get annoyed if the thread goes off into an area they didn't want to talk about and they try hard to control what people post then they get really pissy and attack. LOL Shows me a lot about their personality, the neediness, the control problems and how closed their mind is. I don't think you can get a real perspective on people just from posts but that is one thing that does jump right out, when people are extremely rude and/or whining when things don't go their way or they need validation for actions that they already know the answer to but don't want to do anything about. | |
|
| Do people just want validation?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:44:06 PM | The whole idea of having a forum is to brainstorm options and allow others to see our points of view. Those information injections can help people to consider new ideas or clarify the ones they already have.
If someone posts a thread that invites commentary on a certain situation, it may also be because they have a really strong "feeling" about something being right or wrong but they just can't "put their finger"on how they came to have that feeling. Reading about others who share their feelings and why they think that way can also help to clarify why a person has those feelings.
Some threads are for validation but I think it would be more correct to call it "clarification". A lot of people already know how they think or feel about something.. they just can't remember why. Where this is the case, you will find resistance to someone trying to talk them into holding another set of values. That isn't what they're looking for... They just want to finally be able to put their finger on why they feel or think a certain way. | |
|
| Do people just want validation?
Posted: 5/31/2008 2:57:10 PM | | SIlken Fire: I think clarification is a good term. Thanks for that. That makes a lot of sense to me and puts it in a more positive light. | |
|
| Do people just want validation?
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:07:24 PM | Totally agree, Kathy. This forum often serves more as a bulletin board for self-promotion and self-aggrandizement than as a true discussion venue. Try establishing a controversial thread and see what happens; I don't think I hold the record on deleted OPs, but I'm not last, either!
You cannot post anything controversial in these "relationship" type forums, unless it's purely insipid. The more insipid and callow a post is, the more likely it will be treated with seriousness. You will have more success in "Off Topic" or similar. Don't challenge the minds of the closed-minded, meek, and terrified. | |
|
| Do people just want validation?
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:07:11 PM | | I agree; people want to be proven correct. I see some people who get cheated on 4, 5, even 8 times and because they are a woman, some woman say if he's the one stay just to agree with the poster. Its pretty pathetic. Men do the same thing. | |
|
| Do people just want validation?
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:42:45 PM | | Maybe it's because deep down or subconsciously the posters see themselves in what is being discussed in the topic?????? So in comes subjectivity...and not objectivity. | |
|
| Do people just want validation?
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:45:20 PM | Just now noticed?
You don't notice all the hypocrites on this site?
They say cheating is bad, on another post say "swinging" is ok , as long as the other half consents.
I have also made quiet a few post on "chemistry" topics.
When I explain to them what chemistry really is, and explain to them what they had was lust/infatuation they get REALLY mad. They say well , I don't believe that's what chemistry is. Like you said justifying it. They take parts if the meaning of lust and infatuation and add it into the definition of chemistry( which is NOT There), so that doing lust/infatuation isn't so bad. Basically saying chemistry is something it is not.
Sorry can't make a cat a dog, by teaching it to bark.
Ever heard the term cherry picking? Thats basically all it is, take what they like and create and illusion.
They only way the confusion will ever be fixed, is to know right from wrong. I am not saying because you are doing something bad you have to stop or I/we condemn you. Just to leave the slanderous bullshit at home and don't confuse the minds of others that REALLY need help and want REAL advice. | |
|
Home
login 
