| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:39:37 PM | ..a single parent has, put off potential suiters?
I have 4 girls, aged between 12 and 2, i have spoken to a few women on here and met others through just going out etc. I was quite surprised at first how their attitude changed after finding out about how many kids i had, it kind of went from 'potential relationship' to 'just friends'.
I got so fed up with it that i put on the profile on here that i had kids and when i meet people outside, its one of the first things i tell them, and yes as you can probably tell, im still single. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:57:00 PM | You have four young children,that will be quite nerve racking for any potential partner i am afraid.Even those with children of their own would be pretty scared of four young girls,hell i have 2 daughters of my own and they scare living daylights outa me nevermind anybody else
You havent mentioned if you have full custody of your girls? as this is an important factor. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:08:46 PM | Well done you!.
All i can say is keep holding out for the right woman,one with a huge heart and plenty of patience.Dating again when you have young children is never going to be easy it just takes a bit more effort.
The bonus is though that when you have kids you are far more cautious about the type of person you are willing to let into your families life which actually gives you a better chance of finding the perfect partner | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:28:08 PM | I would not have a problem neccesarily with four children, because I am crazy! 
The simple answer is yes...However, there would have to be time for an adult relationship to be devolped and fostered, or really there would be no sense, you know..
I have only one, and I don't see really the difference between men wanting to date women if they have one or four. Either they are against dating a single mother, or are open to it and the amount of children I don't *think* the amount comes into play that often. However, that could be just my experience.
Perhaps it is the same for single dads...
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:29:16 PM | | Yes, I think it is a put off for most. I have one and I think that has been an issue with some of my dates. Nevertheless, if they can't accept "the whole package" then there is nothing I can do. I think if we keep looking one day there will be someone that can accept it until then I remain single, too. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:33:43 PM | Not a put off for me...I have 3 of my own, and in my last marriage there were six all together.
My only concern would be if we had similar parenting styles or not...learned the hard way that if you don't it can cause major problems. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 3:59:03 PM | I guess it all boils down to personal preference. Some people are freaked out at the thought of a potential partner having more than one or two children. You have to remember that they could become your children future step parents and 4 children is alot for someone to adapt to..especially if they themselves have none.
I myself have 4 children aged 4-15. I met a man off here who has 4 (one lives with us). You think its easy? HELL no lol..oh my god, we've been together just 18 months and i dissagree with the way he raises his son as does he with my kids. We have been to hell and back and my partners son lovingly calls me 'step mum to be from hell' (bless) and my kids are not getting on with my partner. In fact at the moment all of us living together is like hell on earth!
You WILL find someone willing to accept you for you (kids included), but dont kid yourself it'll be easy, because with 4 it isnt. I myself will kill for my kids and their happiness and if someone upsets them god help them..try keeping 4 happy!
Take my advice..stay single, keep women as friends and wait till the kids leave home. Sounds boring but TRUST me..im learning the hard way!
(from a complete miserable cynic) | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:59:20 PM | I agree with everyone else. I think if you wait, you will find the right one. I have a friend who has 4 children ranging from 3-10, she meet a man on another dating site. He is about 9 years older than she, never had his own children, and was maybe two months out of a divorce. They got engaged about 2 weeks ago and could not be happier. Keep trying and hold out for the good one.
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:16:43 PM | OP...I know a woman that is 22 and has 6 children. Yes 6. All by different fathers. Now, I really can understand men not wanting to date her. That shows shes irresponsible. But your oldest would put you at 20 when she was born. And I'm willing to assume that your children are all by the same woman...two women tops. So, to me...not really knowing your history, it seems that I could put you under the 'family man' category. If I were dating...that's the type of man I'd be looking for. Someone grounded in their life and putting their family first.
Sure, 4 is considered a lot of children these days, so yes some women will have an aversion to it. Plus a lot of women now are career oriented...and taking on a man with 4 kids would be a turn off.
Trust me...your fishy IS out there!!
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:12:26 PM | I think you would have to fully expect 4 children to affect womens perception of you and the possibility of a relationship with you. It may not be fair or right but I think it is quite reasonable.
If its a woman with no kids of her own then she will suddenly have 4 children to consider. If its a woman with 2 or 3 kids of her own then you have the situation of having 6 or 7 kids between you and much as I like kids......thats a hell of a lot of them!
Personally I think thats why a lot of us dont get involved until the kids grow up......makes life simpler and there are plenty of good years left once the kids have flown the coop. Then we can think of no one but ourselves for a change!! | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:17:46 PM | Could be your profile. In it you say very little about yourself except "I Have 4 Kids" and "their Mom is useless". Are you trying to scare women away?
No one wants to read about your Ex wife in your profile. It makes your life sound very drama filled and appear like you have serious anger issues. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:55:39 AM | | no i dont believe it does make it sound like i have serious anger issues, i think it makes it sound like i have a sence of humour! And to be fair my life was quite drama filled. I have met people both off of here and other sites (before i changed profile to include how many kids i had), everything would be fine until i told them about the kids. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:58:58 AM |
Posted By: hilly1971 on 6/1/2008 6 26 AM Subject: does the amount of children.. Message: I think you would have to fully expect 4 children to affect womens perception of you and the possibility of a relationship with you. It may not be fair or right but I think it is quite reasonable. If its a woman with no kids of her own then she will suddenly have 4 children to consider. If its a woman with 2 or 3 kids of her own then you have the situation of having 6 or 7 kids between you and much as I like kids......thats a hell of a lot of them! Personally I think thats why a lot of us dont get involved until the kids grow up......makes life simpler and there are plenty of good years left once the kids have flown the coop. Then we can think of no one but ourselves for a change!!
But if it were a single man dating a women with kids and he then didnt want to know after he found out about them would that still be "quite reasonable"? | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:28:30 AM |
But if it were a single man dating a women with kids and he then didnt want to know after he found out about them would that still be "quite reasonable"?
It depends on the man...I have 3 children, and the comments that I get usually include something about being subjected to a minivan, especially if he has a child or 2.
The reality is that for those of us with more than one or 2 kids, we need to find like minded partners...ones who believe in or enjoy bigger families. It takes time. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:34:49 AM | i dont hink the amount of children makes any diffrence as much as
how many diffrent fathers there are, or mothers( for single guys with more kids) | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:50:32 AM | | Oh for sure it can, especially for a fellow who doesn’t have children of his own... it can be incredibly scary. Some guys would just say no because they foresee problems and I guess others just don’t want to share a partner with anyone else. The number of children would have an impact on everyone in a perspective new relationship...that could be a positive or negative effect. , Although it’s probably a general truism that the more children a lady has the more difficult it would be to find a fellow that really wants the responsibility and all the things that go along with that. Some would relish it, and a lot wouldn’t. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:31:48 AM | Oh HECK YEAH!! I have 7 kids(yep 7) and I have 4 of them at home and 1 grandchild I am raising. Men run for the hills when they hear that!!! It is hard at times, but I figure it takes a special person to raise that many kids, especially from different races (they are all adopted) and it would take a special man to be worthy of being with me!!!
Do not worry, the RIGHT one will come along!! Just have faith.
BTW I tell me up front about the kids becuase I want to be completely honest.
GOOD LUCK! | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:42:09 AM |
But if it were a single man dating a women with kids and he then didnt want to know after he found out about them would that still be "quite reasonable"?
I cant imagine getting to the stage of dating someone without them at least knowing I have kids, But yep I think it would be reasonable. To be honest I would rather someone didnt want to know then pretended he was cool with my kids when he wasnt.
If you hang out im sure there is someone out there who wont mind the number of kids you have. Just for the record, I take my hat off to you even having the time or energy to date. I only have two and its well beyond me!! | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:55:26 AM | I know this might sound terrible (its not how I think, but may be how others think!) but it could be seen that you've been careless in the past. I dont beleive that you were.
One thing about guys with kids is that the girls always know that they will never come first but will always have to settle for 2nd best. In your case they girl would have to settle for 5th best. It's a hard thing for someone to get their head around. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:00:13 AM | Barring a really large amount of kids that would create financial instability for our household.... the number of kids doesnt concern me. But, the number of parents might. If a man had 4 kids with one, or even two women that came from a relationship-- no problem. But if a guy had 4 kids from 4 women and majority from flings, etc... that'd be a red flag of instability for me.
Here is my thing. If someone is willing to date a single parent... then the number of kids shouldnt matter, within reason. I have said since I had my son at 18, any child that would ever come into my home.... would be my child. Not in the sense of replacing their parent, etc. But, if you allow a child into your home and you are a parent, or a role model adult... you automatically volunteer yourself to be a parent/support system for that child.
Someone who says, I could be a stepparent to one or two kids, but not three or four... they arent really interested in being a parent. Because a parent is open and loving no matter what. If someone has a caveat about how many kids they can love... then it's not about being a loving supportive co-parent... it's an issue of convenience. They arent really committed to being a parent... just committing to be around and be present. A parent is a parent... step, adoptive, blood, whatever-- the definition doesnt change. A person dating a single parent needs to take the kids on as their own with no hesitation. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:01:02 AM | | It would only be a put off for me if the guy didn't want another...since I want another. If you had 4 kids with 4 different women I would not even consider it. Even 3 women, 4 kids is bad IMO. 2 is reasonable. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:18:16 PM | | it was 2 women, 4 kids (3 with one of them). Long stories both of them. All four live with me fulltime so i can imagine it would be scary for any women. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:04:28 PM | Yes and no. Scary for someone who doesnt know if they can commit to someone elses kids, yes. Scary for someone whose happy to accept a single parent and their children, no.
Sounds oversimplified, but I assume that most of the women who back off once they find out about the kids are women who would not have been up to being a good stepparent to one child, let alone four. Call it natural selection, they weed themselves out for you.
Dating as a single parent is so hard, but dont lose hope. I didnt have a serious relationship beyond a few dates for a little over 4 years after my son was born. My son is now 5 and I've been happily seeing a great guy for over a year. The right one will come along. Keep looking, but dont lose hope if someone women can't hang. That'll reveal more about their character than you could ever hope for early into a relationship.
If the right man for me had 5 kids... wouldnt matter to me! So long as he and his ex's were stable... I'd gladly accept his children. And I'm only 23... someone who is willing and ready to be a mother will always have open arms to children. | |
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| does the amount of children..
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:59:09 PM | | It could matter as 4 chioldren would be a lot for a lady to take on. Yiu just need to find the right one. | |
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