| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:48:19 PM | Topic 3: By the time we reach are 30s, the lion share of people have had at least a few Long-Term relationships. In the world of employment, we create documents called resumes, to attract potential employers interest in us as candidates. That said, why has the dating world not picked up on this process. We have head hunters after a fashion. Would it not be more efficient to have a historical relationship document that outlines your past, your values, your interests, your goals and your social and educational back ground. After all, aren't these really some of the core things we ask about a potential partner before we get into dating? (Are our profiles a generic resume of sorts...if so...why aren't they treated that way?)
The Question: Should we as singles drive for a more useful way to weed out the candidates we review and should this be done via some kind of Dating Resume?!?
Guidelines: Pick a side....yes or no and defend your side.
If you think this is a stupid idea...say so...but don't belabor the point.
This is not a request to have you outline your own personal resume. DONT DO IT!
DO NOT ATTACK OTHERS for not seeing things your way. Respect your fellow
posters; Agreed to disagree!
Thanks OP 
Chris | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:00:55 PM | Ah, I'm gonna have to vote on the "bad idea" side of this one, though I give you props for coming up with an interesting perspective.
The purpose of profiles here is to create emotional attraction. Resumes, by their very nature, are stuffy and cold. This is fine for an employer but not so fine for a person who is looking for someone they can connect with on a multitude of levels. | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:05:00 PM | Thanks, OP? Are you thanking yourself?? LOL ;O)
Well, the first two things that come to my mind, are...oftentimes we may not want a prospective employer to contact a former/current one! Maybe you are checking out your options while still working? (And we all know what this would equal to in the dating world!) Maybe you left on bad terms, but not neccessarily anything that was negative about YOU? (Again...we can equate this to the dating world!)
Another thing that comes to my mind...the testimonials. I always used to say, if we REALLY want these things to be effective...we should have the last three people we dated or were in a relationship with, fill them out! LOL
So my vote would be NO...not because it is stupid, per se...but because as with a resume for a job...it can be padded to make the prospect look more enticing. Would we also have a "90 day probationary period" to try it, with no strings? ;O) LOL | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:15:54 PM | HarleyKat,
You bring up a great point...something that I should have considered in my guidelines. When looking for a partner, we shouldn't be in a current relationship. This certainly isn't the case for employment. That said...PEOPLE Please assume that the resumes would be used by people currently at a point where they could enter a relationship...IE...single and not currently in a relationship. Morality aside, this is not a discussion to focus on searching while in a relationship already. HarleyKat...thanks for pointing that out. The dynamics of a job hunt and a partner hunt are not equivalent on that level. We job hunt while employed. | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:30:26 PM | Well, in spite of your new guidelines...LOL...my vote remains the same...for the same reasons! :O)
Let's say Joe Blow sends me his dating resume. He looks AWESOME on paper! We date. I discover how padded his "resume" was...not so awesome, any more! LOL
And when it gets down to it...our PROFILES here, really ARE our dating resumes! ;O)
Ironically, the WORSE subject tends to be past relationships. No one wants to read a profile (resume) about how sh1tty their last relationship was...it makes them sound bitter. On the flip side...someone telling how incredible their last relationship was, would sound as if they were not ready to move on! | |
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| A Dating Resume is a splendid idea! Or is it?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:33:56 PM | | It depends on the person. A dating resume complete with relationship objectives, description and duration of past relationships, with a list of references would certainly shed light on things which may not have been previously disclosed (both positive and negative) . This would be a great opportunity for people who feel confident identifying and describing who they are, what they have to offer, and what they would like in a relationship, but for people who have difficulty expressing themselves on a regular dating site, it could be very discouraging. | |
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| A Dating Resume is a splendid idea! Or is it?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:45:31 PM | EyesofTHEDEEPESTblue,
Well said. This clearly is a bigger picture topic. Its certainly out there in concept, but then sometimes thinking about things outside of the proverbial box, is exactly what people who've grown accustom to certain ideas need to grow and develop. I find it interesting that one rejection of the idea was the concept that "fluffing up the resume" might occur, but when one choose to lie in any environment, be it a resume, interview, date or elsewhere; the person is looking at a risk benefit, and selecting the lie because the feel the risk is worth it. Personally, its not my model...but it offers insight into our psyche.
Again, thanks for the well thought out reply.
Chris | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:51:49 PM | I think most profiles on here are very similar to a resume.... or at least a cover letter. They outline the positives in the person and sometimes address what it is they hope to find.
It actually goes hand-in-hand with the first meet/date which is so much like an interview. Both people trying to gather as much information about the other while selling themselves as well. Being the interviewer and the interviewee is quite the balancing act and not everyone can do it well.
If we handed out resumes to potential partners, we would see a whole new take on the "read/delete" threads in these forums:
Q - "Why am I not getting any responses to my resume/messages?"
A - "Only those chosen for an interview will be contacted."
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Naamah
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 9 | |
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:02:39 PM | I can see how you see a correlation between the two...employers are looking for certain proven skills and qualities in a new employee, and sure, you could say that potential partners are looking for certain proven skills and qualities in a new partner. But I doubt it's as simple as saying one could be handled like the other.
Whilst the "skills" section on a dating resume would be mighty interesting reading  , the qualities section is the part most seeking a LT relationship would be interested in....and the thing is, the qualities that come out in you in a relationship can vary depending on the individual relationship dynamic. Work environments would, I think, generally be more consistent and comparable environments from which to assess what qualities have been displayed, whereas assessment of qualities displayed in a previous relationship might not give accurate clues to how they'll be in the next one. (A person can easily be a jerk to one partner, but still be perfect for another.)
And with reference checking. Past jobs...you might have left because of a better opportunity, more pay or better terms elsewhere, a transfer, a promotion, a change of career path, a redundancy, a simple desire to explore other opportunities...these things are perfectly normal in a work context and generally don't cause most former employers to drunk dial you, write you long pleading emails, steal your DVD collection, or let the air out of your car tyres. The degree of emotional investment is different, and some people would no doubt have exes they would not want to give as references through no fault of their own. And then, you also will have the people who had the major relationship of their life end due to the death of their partner, and they wouldn't be able to give their best reference, for obvious reasons. :( | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:28:55 AM | Hmmm ... does that mean that the men would have to tell the truth? Like will they actually have to be honest about how much they really (cough) weigh, how tall (cough, cough) they really are?
On this resume, would they be required to let us know if they're an "abuser"? Would they be required to let us know if they were a "cheater" in their previous relationships? Would it tell us if they are gainfully employed and would they be required to explain that. I know lots of men who state they are "self-employed" when all they really do is draw some sort of disability check and mow an occasional lawn ... and live in their parents' basement.
Sorry ... I really don't see a difference in the profile and this so-called resume. If someone is just out of prison, do you really think that's going to appear on the "resume"? Probably no more so than it would appear on a profile. | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:59:19 AM | | A few different sites have "testimonial" features were you can have someone be kind of the job seeking equivalent of a reference. I don't get the impression that the feature gets used much. I'd thought about asking a couple of former girlfriends and another woman I'd dated briefly and am still friends with to do it, but the whole process just seemed kind of awkward. If more people used it, I guess I would. | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:01:22 AM | I haven't used a resume to get work for over twenty years, all my work is contract work, I have lots of clients, I get paid by the hour and to get work I sometimes run a small add in the local newspaper. If I transfered this idea to the dating world I'd be a prostitute
But seriously I agree with cotter; the profiles on here are really just a form of resume and as with resumes people put in the good stuff and leave out the bad. | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:07:44 AM | I think that this is a fantastic idea, and the concept crossed my mind a long time ago. Unfortunately, it is also a little idealistic and it would be difficult to create much conformity to it.
In one sense, our profiles here are, or at least should be, dating resumes. The problems occur when the "resumes" don't provide you with any data that you actually need. One liners, indecipherable spelling, x-rated details and long testimonials about how bitter one's previous relationships are do parallel typical bad resumes and we all generally dismiss these. There is simply no format to these things, and while profile reviews on PoF are helpful and do help to bring out the information that the target audience seeks, it's an imperfect science.
There are dealbreakers for everyone. for instance, this morning, I happened upon two appealing profiles, or at least they were at first glance. One was an accomplished medical professional, the other a mechanical engineer. The medical professional identified his profession as "Dotcor" and the engineer filled his in as "Enginnner." Now, call me choosy, but isn't it odd that an accomplished man would mis-spell his own profession? Doesn't that rather indicate that he's either not so accomplished at what he has devoted his career to, he's ultimately lazy, or he's not in that profession on the first place? Like a career resume, it seems relevant that you'd be required to spell your profession before you qualify to work in that field. Similarly, you would have to spell your intention on a singles site before anyone would be even mildly attracted to you. I'm really excited when someone is looking for a hyp gurl. It's all about a first impression. There are many ways to present yourself in any resume-like format, and they fail AND succeed in all forums.
My best suggestion is to add a questionaire to this resume idea. That would help, maybe.
Greetings from Gotham.
/I | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:07:25 AM | I some what agree with you on this, like employer is seeking to hire because he/she needs someone to fill a position. In relationship people seeking potential mate usually want to have relationship but dont need one. So for the ones wanting a relationship or needing ones is up to individuals to decide wether they are wanted or needed. I beleive it should be 50/50 split when wanting and needing a relationship for it to work. Just like being hire, do you want part-time, full time, or casual on the call basis. I hope that when searching for your future soul mate, you have to decide what your searching for first and why your searching for that particular thing. And of course you have to find someone that is willing to except your offer.
Nothing worse thinking you been hire for full time with benefits and your employer trick you into believing that, but just need you for that temp. postion. Nothing worse then false advertising.
I find that most women in todays world, do very fine on there own and dont need SO, but they want one. But I fine that women only wanting not needing, find them selves alone, because there wanting is very short lived. | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:41:37 AM | Cotter,
The topic of lying on a dating resume was covered above, but for the sake of repeating myself, lets dig deeper into that topic. Can and would people actively lie on there resume, certainly, it happens all the time in job resumes. Would people choose to focus on their best qualities, while avoiding their flaws. Absolutely, but does that really matter going into it?
There are those among us who take creative liberties when building an employment resume, and those same people may choose to do so with a social resume, but that is what your intuition is for and how your experience comes into play. When someone puts "self-employed" on their social resume, then you can be looking for clarity in that point.
Past Experience:
(Self-Employed) Worked as a general contractor building the Manhattan Towers: 9th wonder of the world.
verses......
(Self-Employed) Lawn care specialist.
Resumes do this every day. The better written ones with more detail get noticed. The same would hold true with a social resume. As for lying about your experience, if the individual creating the resume has nothing to lose, then the risk benefit may seem worth
it. Either way....those people eventually reap what hey sow, because lies have a unusually effective way of making their way out into the light of day and that persons character is further tarnished because of it.
Chris | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:48:14 AM | | Daring resume...bad idea....some people may not have dated much..others may not want you to know about their past before you get to know them..maybe they have been used or were in abusive relationships!!! | |
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| I've been in a lot of interviews, and not one turned me on
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:13:09 AM | How's that for reason #1?
Second, I don't want to know everything about someone up front. Part of the fun of meeting new people is getting to know them over time.
Third, we all cast ourselves in the best possible light, and would undoubtedly fail to include information critical to the other party.
So, put me down for a vote against the dating resumé.
Perhaps what we need instead are warning labels written by people in our past. LOL! | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:41:40 AM | I just had a thought ... how would the resumé of someone seeking "intimate encounter" look? Let's see ...
**January 1990 - December 2007 ... dated 100's of women ... exhausted all the local places to "hook up".
**January 2008 - present ... member of POF to look for more women to "hook up" with.
Extra curricular activities ...
**Screwing in general ... your place or mine. 
OT ...
Nah ... I really don't think we need a dating resumé.
I do want to know if I might be hooking up with a "player" or man who's just looking to get his dipstick wet ... but those types wouldn't admit that on a resumé anyways ... RIGHT? | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:30:57 PM | Dating Licenses....now that is a whole different topic...funny as it may be. Its a slippery slope though....soon we'd be able to keep the stupid from procreating .....call it procreation licenses.
NOW thats an idea worth looking into!!! 
Thanks man...too funny....dating licenses  | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:31:33 PM | The only answer that I can think of when I see something like this is.... No
I personally find the idea of a straight up resume style approach to be abhorrent as it sucks everything that is good and right with the world up and spits it out in the dung heap of uniform homogenization. There is just something soulless and wrong about trying to quantify attraction and dare I say it, love, in such a way. Maybe I'm stupid.... maybe I'm naive... and maybe I'm totally non type A... but, I just don't get it.
I realize we need to have some info or a general idea of a person and their personality... but, that's as far as it goes. I don't need to see their 10 year plan or whatever.
There is a level of absurdity in something like this... and also another thing that goes with this... expectation, that seems rampant.
the giggleparts - Better living through giggleparts | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:13:55 PM | | I think its a damn stupid idea. Dating can be tough enough as it is, without making it seem even more like trying to get a job or a new position (feel free to indulge yourself in all the double entendres that description invites!). If we all had a crisp clean record behind us, as far as our "dating resume" goes, none of us would be here online looking for someone to connect with, heart and soul, and would already be living our happily ever afters. Sure, our past has helped to shape the people we are now, but people are much more than just the sum of their experiences. | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:44:59 PM |
Dating Licenses....now that is a whole different topic...funny as it may be. Its a slippery slope though....soon we'd be able to keep the stupid from procreating .....call it procreation licenses.
Would it stop the arrogant from procreating as well?
A dating resume? Do you have a check list too? You don't think this approach is a touch cold in looking for interpersonal human relationships?
shaking head, rolling eyes | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:09:14 PM | GPsweetheart,
Yes...absolutely... the next step would keep the arrogant from breeding too. Then we'd stop the folks who have brown hair or brown eyes...since they are so "common" ...me included. I'm glad the irony of the topic didn't escape you.
You do bring up a good point....do we have check lists...I guess alot of use do. The traits we seek are certainly considered when looking at a candidate and if something comes up that is a deal breaker...take buying a car as an analogy....call it faulty brakes on a car or burns oil...you check of the deficiency and move on to the next car.
As far as the resume topic goes...I haven't voiced my opinion. I try not to sway the thread by directing it with my thoughts...thats why I posted it...for you to comment. Clearly I do consider what is said and offer feed back when I can...See above.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Chris | |
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| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:57:26 PM | The problem is that no one would be completely honest in their resume, much like how people are in their resumes when looking for a job.
I mean, the profiles on these dating sites are in a sense the resumes, but no one would really want to state their past if they are in their 30s and still single. Here's why in my opinion:
1) Men or women who have been flighty in their 20s will now be seen as whores of playas.
2) Men or women who have cheated in the past will be immediately ousted by many.
3) Men or women who haven't had a lot of luck or experience in dating will be seen as weirdos or people no one would want to touch, thinking there must be something wrong with that person if he/she has only had 1-2 relationships since high school.
4) Too many would do as they do on other dating sites, judging it all on pics, income, and if they have kids or not.
The big problem in dating now is that too many men and women seem to think this is an assets comparison. Like good looks, a healthy body, high income, career, nice car, nice home, experienced sexual past, exciting lifestyle, etc...like these are all "exchanges". Like we all are just about "levels" or "leagues" in terms of finding an equal exchange of a male and female.
Where's the love? Where's the emotional connection? For men, in our quests to find a thin healthy good looking female who hasn't aged too badly and has no children and a career...we lose sight of the possibility of finding a connect with the woman who isn't everything on the shopping list.
Same deal for women. In the quest for good genes, good looks, good income, exciting lifestyle, etc...many have forgotten to really check if he's a good boyfriend to women, but maybe more "hope" he'll be one.
People need to stop thinking everything it supposed to be an exchange of assets. | |
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