| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:27:47 PM | A guy I meet pursued me for about a month or two, I started to really like him so I finally agreed. Well, at first things were ok. He had a new job, and schedules were FAR from perfect. We had oppisite days off, and worked different hours. At first he would call and/text everyday. Than not so much...then he started talking to my friend more than myself. Alright cool, we drifted apart and split. I had a couple really bad relationships before him, and he said all the right things. I put trust in him that I did not have, and well...as you can tell. I have not gotten any of it back.
Here I am a few months later, we talk now, hang out and generally have a good time. For me the feelings have began to resurface. I know I am in NO postion to have a relationship, and nor is he. However, he claims (in not straigt forward round about ways) that he still cares about me. The other night, I tell him, I still have feelings for you, and I do not feel right having other "friends". and I am wanting to knock it down to just being you.I asked him his feelings, and after extended times of NO responses, and alot of "I dont know what I want." I said **** up. He is not listening. Bear in mind, I was not asking if he wanted a relationship, I even told him I dont want one right now. I was asking his feelings.
Who is the bigger idiot here, me for telling him my feelings, or him for not listening. I am wanting to know everyones opions. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:34:54 PM | | ummmm no one's an idiot! You're embarrassed cuz you laid it on the line and (yes, he listened... he chose NOT to answer you) | |
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TLC_
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 3 | |
| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:02:22 AM | not sure about the idiot part, but sitting there without saying anything shows a lack of manners at least.
an answer from him would have been nice, even if it was something along the lines of 'im not sure what i want' | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:07:10 AM | These kinds of situations always make me shake my head....guys are always saying "she doesn't tell me what she's thinking", "she doesn't tell me what she wants". Here you are laying it out in simple terms and he can't even respond. Unreal.
No, girl, he's the idiot here. Time to persue someone new. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:56:11 AM | Neither of you are idiots. You expressed your feelings and he clearly didn't feel comfortable hearing them/didn't know how to respond because he didn't feel the same way. That doesn't make him an idiot. These kinds of 'talks' can be awkward if you're on the receiving end of someone telling you they have feelings for you and you simply don't quite feel the same way.
You claim you weren't asking him for a relationship but you did say that you didn't feel right having other "friends" so to me that sounds like someone saying "I want to see you exclusively, I want to be in a relationship with you."
Again - neither of you are idiots.......you're just 2 people who don't feel the same about one another. Don't fret about it. Don't waste your time trying to analyze it or make him change his mind -- move on and find someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:58:16 AM | Bleh, pleading the 5th is evil.
Does the fact that he has a history of this make a difference?
I mean, I felt\feel pretty stupid for even saying anything in the first place. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:26:59 AM | | i was in a relationship for 8 years with somone i loved i kept saying for years to him were is this going what about a comitment its been a long time me and you now he kept silent every time the question was raised one day i felt as though this question was becoming boring so i finished it i loved him but personally i felt i was waisting my time i got out ov it and now hav decided to start again i am still single but hasnt been too long i like to take my time to get to know someone but eight years hey thats just too long i say if you feel u are been ignored get out ov it move on | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:30:27 AM | | We all feel like complete idiots sometimes. Consider this a lesson well learned. You might be a little embarrassed right now, but this experience may save you a lot of embarrassment later, on something much bigger and more important. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:40:06 AM | He doesn't want you the way you want him.
So you can be content with what you have, and most likely not receive what you want, or you can move on. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:46:24 AM | OP,,, You did the right thing by stating clearly your thoughts..
He had something to consider and think about and decided to do just that..
Would you rather he just lie to you??
Always be completely up front like this and you won't go wrong.
Someday a guy will take you up on your offer and you both will be glad you said what you wanted.. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:48:43 AM | There are no idiots in your situation, OP.
You're in a state of 'mating tension' - you've done the right thing and honestly raised the matter. Now you've presented him with it it's up to him.
Personally if I were in your situation I'd move right along and find your next b/f - you need to concentrate on multiplying your opportunities, not hanging in limboland waiting for him to make his mind up. Could be twenty years.
If a gal I liked did to me what you did to him and it all seemed appropriate I'd tell you there and then.
Don't live on 'hope' - live on the basis of what you've actually got in front of you. A 'not sure' situation isn't something you should invest in. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:52:43 AM | And one more thing - in my experience people who leave you wondering what the hell's going on either have a secret agenda they're planning on manipulating you into (it's a power move) or they just don't have the guts to be straight.
Either way you don't want to be putting up with that, mate. When they're done with you they'll turn and tell you how it was all your fault they weren't up front. Happens in all kinds of relationships, that one. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:04:54 AM | he claims he cares????????/
go to wal mart @ 3am..........call him & tell him you have a flat tire........if he's on his way ...........let the air out...............if not.........shop for awhile then go home | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:43:45 AM | Bear in mind, I was not asking if he wanted a relationship, I even told him I don't want one right now. I was asking his feelings.
The other night, I tell him, I still have feelings for you, and I do not feel right having other "friends". and I am wanting to knock it down to just being you .
" Just being you " sure sounds like someone wanting a relationship to me.
No wonder he had a lot of:
extended times of NO responses, and a lot of "I don't know what I want." Seems like you don't either. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:06:52 AM | | I do agree with you as far as that goes he is the idiot, loser, plus some, good luck !!! | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:10:40 AM | "Lets all face it,, Hes the idiot, men cant help but be idoits"
Wow...I read your profile. That, plus what you wrote here, answers the question why a pretty girl like you can't find a man. Looks fade, character remains.
OP...next time choose better. He is not the one for you. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:11:58 AM |
The other night, I tell him, I still have feelings for you, and I do not feel right having other "friends". and I am wanting to knock it down to just being you .
I have a pretty straight forward pesonality. I tell them up front before we get into a "friendly" relationship that I will have others, unless my feelings towards one increases. That was a statement telling him that I no longer feel comfortable with having other "friends".
I have a few skeletons in my closet, and at this moment, I wouldnt be the best girlfriend I could.
I wanted to know his feelings, because I needed to know if I should try and forget my own and move on. That was the point of the conversation. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:12:18 AM | | I would move on, he's not worth your time needless to say, I know where you coming from, there's alot of A/Holes out there that like to play games, this is why I don't date no body on this site, to much B/S. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:18:27 AM | Hey Hon,,,
No,no,no,no.........I assume you just wanted to know where you stood and gave him the common curtisy, in telling him where he stood with you.....:)
Jeeeezzzz......Darlin, move on>>>>> YOU are worth more than a "NO REPLY GUY"
K~~~~~~I wish ya best~~~~~ | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:19:48 AM | The fact that he didn't answer you given your history suggests that he is not interested in anything long-term at this point and probably not ever.
You say you are not ready for a relationship but making things exclusive with him is really getting into a relationship. The only reason you wonder why either of you is an idiot is because you got into a relationship with certain terms, want to change them, and he doesn't.
You have set yourself up to be miserable. You either have sex with no strings or you have sex with strings, the limbo is something that is difficult for anyone to navigate so you can either be an fwb with this guy or platonic friends or nothing, your choice. | |
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| Am I the idiot or is he?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:20:15 AM | | there are alot of women on this site that like to lead men on & just to make their boyfriends juealuse that is pretty bad, some of these idiots have to much free time on their hands, why should we have to put up with the B/S game playing? | |
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