| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:32:55 PM | Ok guys what is going on now a days?
I am a normal woman I would say average in my looks and who I am. I do not see myself as anything all that special. Just your average typical female, however it seems that most of the guys I have been meeting seem very desperate.
I am here now only for the forums due to this. I meet a guy we get together, we get along, things going very well and poof a few more dates and thats it they want me moved into their home, throwing the "L" word around like it means something. I tell them I want to take things slow, they agree and then after about 5 dates they are in love me and need me in their life.
WTH is up with this. Since November 2007 I have met 6 guys all but 1 claimed to be in love with me in a very short time. I want to meet someone that wants me. Just me, but it seems like these guys are really "In Love with being in love"
On POF as with most dating sites there are way more men then woman, is it they think they need to go to that level so she does not find someone else? Is it a desperation tactic? Have any of you other woman found this as well, or am I a desperate magnet? | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:45:06 PM | | It might be too soon; after all, it's just one post, but I think I'm in love with you too *LOL* | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:52:37 PM | I have a shed out back you can move into. I love that shed, and the sheepdog that lives there.  | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 5 | |
| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:27:29 AM | If you're a dominant woman...you will naturally attract desperate/needy/emotionally passive men.
They stick to dominant women like fricken Klingons on the starboard bow.
The more dominant you are...and the more needy he is...the more he will attempt to butt his head fighting to win your love. 
Even if he does love you...he just has no idea how to relate to a woman as an equal in a non-dysfunctional partnership cos its usually completely outta his comfort zone.
Thats okay if you wanna be his mother...or if you wanna solve every damn problem that comes along in life...but most women dont.
The same thing occurs when they think they're inlove with a woman who's actually not even interested in them or treats them like crap. They continuously look for approval/validation.
Usually very very shy emotionally, even if they are social people.
And a typical analogy would be...The Nice Guy.
If you attempt to meet him halfway... or show you care for him as opposed to him just chasing a rainbow...or give him the chance to step up and be a Man...
...he will freak out and run cos he's literally got no idea what to do in a relationship where he has to actually contribute anything except desperation. | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:30:07 AM | haha..I'd have to say all that reading was pretty funny.
OP I have found the same. I have heard it more times then I care to remember. I honestly don't know what to tell you. I think desperation plays a part for sure. As soon as I hear those 3 words, I run and run fast!
Ironically, the only man I ever loved, never loved me back. The world is a funny place sometimes... | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:10:22 AM | To Kyn - message #9...
You hit the nail on the head!
Needy guys are initially attracted to strong, independent but then when they can't "be the man" in the releationship because they don't know HOW to step up to the plate (because they are so needy and lost) they can start becoming spiteful and passive-aggressive controllers.
This type of guy takes one type of action........ RUN!  | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:22:00 AM | | When women are not complaining about how distant and unable to commit men are they are complaining about how needy they are...well ladies that's a two way street..women need to make up their mind and decide whether they want a mate or a sparring partner that they can compete with to see who cares the least...a race to the bottom if thet ever was one...a good relationship is where both people understand that they do need each other for love,comfort,support and most of all friendship on a different level...but if you prefer a Mexican stand off carry on. | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:24:02 AM | | Ha, many women are as well, try getting the same approach at a bar after one dance. I find men do have tendacy just settle for any one when there, not lonely but needed. Women will settle because they are lonely but dont need a man. Just my observation within my surrounding. The ones that rush into things by both genders will most likely be back on this site in no time at all. | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:35:45 AM | Are men really that desperate,, I think not,, this is just another post on how to ruffle men's feathers,, The problem could be with some men,, however,, if that's the type of man your attracting,, I would think your hanging out in the little boys club,, after 6 guys,, I would think you would be able to weed that crap out,, there are some women who like to stoke men,, just so they in return feel special,, then dump those desperate guys after 5 dates.. it's two that play the game of dating,, I wonder what these men wrote about you,, | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:53:26 AM | Of course the problem is with all men, it couldn't possibly be with you.
I don't like the men I'm dating. WAAAAAAAA! | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:53:32 AM | | These are the men you have attracted. Do you think maybe there is a reason for that. Anyway, you should let men you meet know right away your dating style, that you take a while before you get to know someone. I think 5 dates is definitely not enough to tell a woman you love them. Maybe, after a couple of months of intense dating, that might be okay, I guess or a few months of it. Some people are in a hurry to love someone. It happens. It is not a good idea. | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:10:26 AM | Shooo. The odor of nice guy is drifting throught the air around this thread.
*pinching my nose*
Obviously they are. And it has more to do with loneliness and the willingness to settle on anything that comes along.
If men would just take it slow and show the women that they can handle themselves without needing someone else in their lives, they wouldn't be alone. Turn the tables and make it seem that they're lucky to have you in their lives because you made time for them. And make damn sure that they know that if they waste that time, it'll be harder to get the same again. Then they might just find someone that they actually enjoy spending time with.
Fellas, make the women do some of the work. Make them show you what kind of person they are and then decide if you want to be with them. | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:31:18 AM | jimtash,,
Turn the tables and make it seem that they're lucky to have you in their lives because you made time for them
what you described is a desperate man,, playing a game to get what he needs...
And make damn sure that they know that if they waste that time, it'll be harder to get the same again.
Why try and convince a woman of anything,, ( that is needy just by the implications)that is way to much work,, in the end everybody looses,,
I would say,, a man should be his self,, not try and impress,, the same should hold true for a woman..
The attempt to impress someone is an act that will fail in the long hall,, there are many way to impress someone,, it could be with money, houses, boats, cars, status in the community,, just think of the failures all that will cause if, a man or a woman, deceive you through a personality that is just a facade.. I also think when someone tries to impress people,, that is a sign of being needy, insecure with who they are... | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:35:46 AM |
Ok guys what is going on now a days?
I am a normal woman I would say average in my looks and who I am. I do not see myself as anything all that special. Just your average typical female, however it seems that most of the guys I have been meeting seem very desperate.
I am here now only for the forums due to this. I meet a guy we get together, we get along, things going very well and poof a few more dates and thats it they want me moved into their home, throwing the "L" word around like it means something. I tell them I want to take things slow, they agree and then after about 5 dates they are in love me and need me in their life.
WTH is up with this. Since November 2007 I have met 6 guys all but 1 claimed to be in love with me in a very short time. I want to meet someone that wants me. Just me, but it seems like these guys are really "In Love with being in love"
On POF as with most dating sites there are way more men then woman, is it they think they need to go to that level so she does not find someone else? Is it a desperation tactic? Have any of you other woman found this as well, or am I a desperate magnet?
so 5 out of 6 have fallen for you in a very very short time..I'm thinking it's the falls you're choosing to date. You are either attracting ( as was already mentioned), the needy type, or you find yourself drawn to the needy type.
Either way, only you can change the pattern | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:38:30 AM | Geez, I don't think anyone has any right to define what Love means to anyone else here or anywhere in this big world of ours.
First, if someone falls in love with you and is gutsy enough to express it, then just accept it even if you're not there yet. I've been with many women that held back from expressing that emotion even though they had fallen in love with me "too fast". Give me a break, why can't people get over their hang-ups and their insecurities and just be real.
By the time one hits 40+, one should be able to recognize a lovable partner fairly quickly. Now, whether they are compatible enough to be life partners, that's another and wholly different matter. I think people are afraid to tell someone they Love them, because they attach some kind of permanence to the phrase. No, that is simply not what it expresses. Telling someone you Love them is not a contract to be with them for the rest of your life.
It's just an expression of how they feel for you. They may not Love you "deeply", whatever the heck that means but I believe they are expressing Love for you. With some people, I have fallen in Love in about 2 to 3 months. I can't say I found them compatible or partner-ready at that point but emotionally I Loved them, I felt Love for them, and I was willing and able to freely and openly express Love to them.
Every one falls in Love at different paces and perhaps it is a combination of where they are emotionally and the person they are with. But what amazes me is that people who are not in Love are willing to express tremendous emotion during kissing, sex, and other activities together. Sorry you don't have the guts to express it vocally or in writing but I hate to burst your bubble, but actions speak very loudly here. I recently broke up with someone because they weren't compatible with me for the longterm. I dated her for 3 months, but fell in Love with her in just 2 months. She was the nicest person I had ever met up to that point in my life and she was definitely worthy of my Love. She was in Love with me, too, but dared not express it, but it was obvious. Body language and her actions screamed it.
She didn't express it until after the breakup, then she "desperately" expressed it, hoping that it would bring me back. But Love must be tough. Just because two people Love each other doesn't mean they are made for each other.
So, screw all the emotionally immature and insecure people in the world. Expressing one's Love for another human being is a right and a joy to do. It is very empowering and it is a gift to be shared. So Love on, that's what this Spanish man says. I have yet to meet a woman who didn't enjoy being told that I Loved them. Why? Because I am very selective and only say it when I mean it. I might say it "too soon", but when I say it, I truly mean it.
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:42:38 AM | rdcnorm,
No, a man who has many things going for him in his life needs to make it clear to prospects that he is making time for them. He actually WANTS to be with them and doesn't NEED to be with them. A woman will be more secure with that knowledge that the guy is actually there because he wants to be with her as a person. Not because he would settle with just anyone that comes along.
Second is that if man's time is spent revolving around a woman so much, she will quickly lose respect for him and look elsewhere. Being clingy is one of the worst things a person can do.
This has nothing to do with making an impression or acting out of character. It's there to tell a woman that hey, I'm letting you into my life because of who you are and not because of what you are. | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:51:47 AM | Lets just say you're a desperation magnet.
Because finding out what's wrong with those guys would take way too long. | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:52:52 AM | Jim,
I agree,,......what made me comment on your previous post,,
you said "make it seem" that to me is deceitful... but now I understand what you were saying... | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:57:02 AM | For the most part you hear stuff like, I want a man who will love me for me, won't try to change me. I want a good senstive man who will not hurt me. I want an HONEST man that I can trust.
Doesn't take all men long to figure out if they wanna be with you or not though. If you meet a guy who says he loves you too early for your taste, stop and think, do you like him beyond that? If so just let him know you don't feel the same way he does YET but given time you might feel diffrently and just see where it goes. If the conventional wisdom of playin around with a guy for a while, lettin him get somewhere with ya and then him leavin ya isn't workin for ya (aka hit and run type dates), then you might have to get a little unconventional in your search.
To answer your question though, no not all men are going to get like that with you. Men are however simple creatures (hell I know I am pretty simple on most subjects), so you might be the one who needs to reevaluate your approach to the situations. | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:11:57 AM | rcdnorm,
Very good.
It's not deceiving anyone. It's telling a prospect that she should actually value the time you're spending with her because you want to be there. That you're different and that you see something in her that other men don't. | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:20:31 AM | Of course the problem is with all men, it couldn't possibly be with you.
I don't like the men I'm dating. WAAAAAAAA!
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hmmmm....I see what you mean OP....you are probably better off not searching on here.....especially if this guy is anything to judge by...lol | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:19:51 AM | I have no problem admitting it is me who has the problem here. I just don't know why I am attracting this type of guy. The first time it happened and he said he loved me I though it was very nice. I liked him a lot but was honest and told him I could not say love yet. He said he was fine with that and we cointinued dating. Then the preassure started for me to move in with him. This was three weeks in. After 2 more weeks and he kept trying to push for us to live together I had no choice but to end it. In my mind I figured it was a one time thing and I thought everyone in the dating world likely goes through it and chalked it up to a learning experiance. After a few more of them I figured it had to me who was attracting them somehow.
However a friend of mine was getting the same thing over and over again, her and I talked about it and we thought maybe it was our age group people having that fear of being alone for the rest of their life that they turn into your velcro buddy within weeks.
So then we have confirmed it is me attracting them, So what are the signs I need to look for? What is the big red flag that I am missing tell it is to late?
Help me out here please. I want to date again but a little gun shy. | |
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| Are Men Really This Desperate??
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:25:55 AM | OP,
If you want to take things slow and want a man to back off...just use reverse psychology.
Tell him you LOVE him, want to move in with him and bear his children.
See how fast he runs. | |
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