| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:43:44 PM | I met a girl about a year and a half ago. We met on Facebook of all places, where neither one of us had a picture up. We became good “online friends” without ever knowing what the other one looked like. I really liked her, and she seemed to really like me, but obviously attraction never came into it.
Then we met. I found her attractive. I did nothing about it because there was no precedent for it. I might have flirted a little bit, but it wasn’t conscious. She might have flirted a bit too, but it’s hard to tell when you first meet someone. She’s usually the one to ask me out to do various things. I felt nervous about asking her because as I got to know her better, I liked her more. I feel like a p*ssy, but I can’t help it.
We have a weird relationship. It’s definitely “just friends,” but it’s not the same as my other friendships. We sometimes talk on the phone for 5 or 6 hours, we spend our birthdays together, she buys me presents “just because.” She does a lot of playful stuff like footsie and punching or slapping me lightly when we’re joking around. Whenever I compliment her she always grills me about whether I’m joking and how it’s mean to tease her about that kind of stuff and sometimes when I’ve made sarcastic comments about how great she is she’s said things like “I wish you really thought so.”
When it’s not just kidding around stuff I think we both keep a whole personal space thing between us, and she acts really nervous about touching me casually, but she’ll slowly move closer and closer to me over the course of an hour if we’re sitting on a couch or what ever.
She claims that the only guys who like her are losers, so I’m not sure if she’s including me there, or if she assumes I won’t like her because (maybe to her) I’m not a loser. I once asked her “am I a loser?” and she said “no, you’re my favourite person ever.”
My Questions: Has it been too long for me to act on my feelings? Is there any way to find out where she stands, short of blatantly making my own feelings known? (She’s dated friends before so I’m not too freaked out about the “friendzone” thing. She doesn’t seem to subscribe to it.) And lastly, and most pathetically, do you think she might like me?
I know variations on this topic have been done, but my situation is a bit different (though I guess everyone thinks that). I hope this doesn’t get deleted immediately. Any comments/advice are seriously appreciated. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:59:58 PM | If a person thinks it has been to long to act on feelings then it has been way to long to act on those feelings. This is like when you are guessing at multiple choice answers on a test. Take the first guess and move on.
You long ago entered into the "Friend Zone" and as a self proclaimed "****" (he chose the word, not me) you are forced to remain there forever and be a should for her to cry on while she dates guys who are not self-proclaimed Pussies.
Now, please post contact info so that those of us who know how to make a move can show you how it's done!! | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:35:56 PM | i think that it's great the way the 2 of you are getting along, especially not knowing what each other looks like before meeting in person. if she says that you're her favorite person then act out on that, be open and ask her if she would like to start dating more open. the more you procrastinate and let things drag out the harder it's gonna be for you to get out of that dreaded friends zone.
keep in mind that friends of the opposite sex don't always talk on the phone for 5 or 6 hours, they don't play footsies (unless flirting), they don't always buy gifts "just because". | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:45:13 PM | Jump on it. I did and got rejected (legit reasons that I already knew in my mind but nothing ventured, nothing gained). We're still great friends. Judging by your relationship with her, she may like you, she may just be like that. Either way, you telling her that you would like to take her out on an actual date, I doubt would have any serious effect on the relationship given you could deal with the rejection (if that was the answer) and your own feelings.
Give it a go, should never hurt to ask. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:05:35 PM | | OK, attitude adjustment doesn't know shit -- who cares about "friend zones" and that crap. What is this, 7th grade?? If you like a girl, go for it!!! I don't care if you've been friends for a year or 50. All of this "OMG once you're in the friend zone you can't make a move" shit is bull crap. petty, and immature. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:14:57 PM |
We have a weird relationship. It’s definitely “just friends,” but it’s not the same as my other friendships. We sometimes talk on the phone for 5 or 6 hours, we spend our birthdays together, she buys me presents “just because.” She does a lot of playful stuff like footsie and punching or slapping me lightly when we’re joking around. Whenever I compliment her she always grills me about whether I’m joking and how it’s mean to tease her about that kind of stuff and sometimes when I’ve made sarcastic comments about how great she is she’s said things like “I wish you really thought so.”
Read this back and pretend that you're hearing this from someone else. Then tell her how you feel. I've never seen a girl act this way towards someone she wasn't romantically interested in. : )
BTW, cut out the "do you think I'm a loser" and the sarcastic comments. She's probably holding you at arms length because she's not sure how you really feel toward her. Playful banter is fun, but if you do it all the time you run the risk of convincing her that that's how you really feel. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:24:15 PM | Sounds to me like a friendship that's been smoldering and is about to catch fire. Sounds to me as if she likes you, is attracted to you, and is waiting for you to make a move.
So go for it ~ the only things we regret when we get old are the risks we didn't take, not those we did. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:24:56 PM | I think the whole "friend zone" thing is silly...the old saying about being friends first still has merit. If you already know you like each other, enjoy each others company, can have a conversation about more than the weather etc. Then I'd say you have a pretty good basis for a relationship.
And the "footsie, slap" etc...well I can't speak for all women but I don't usually touch guys that way that I'm not attracted to. That's a safe way to touch someone to see if they're going to reject your touch kind of thing. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:26:32 AM | The person you're in the relationship with goes from 'friend' to 'best friend'. I knew my ex for 3 years as a friend before we got together. And I'm still friends with the Ex I had before her.
It's totally random, believe me. I think it 'may' be down to the fact that the guy or gal with the feelings doesn't make a move. You just have to do it- preferably not in an awkward way.
Right now I'm trying my best to stay single- which seems to be the complete opposite of what most people are doing. (yeah there's a little bit of generalisation there- but it's meant in a non offensive way).
I've actually met a girl off here whom I saw for a while, but we both decided we should remain friends, as it was better that way. She's just had a baby girl, (not to me) and if I can help I will. We are simply better off as mates. It's all swings and roundabouts- I can't stress that enough.
Ok good luck with those dates. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:41:23 AM | | Personally I think she likes you. Why not change things up a bit and YOU ask HER out? It'll catch her off guard a bit and show her that YOU are interested. Good luck! :) | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:29:38 AM | | There is seriously no better lover than a best friend, you two seem to be flirty best friends, both holding back for whatever reason, it will happen, go for it and good luck! | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:36:49 AM | How do you meet someone on facebook? It's not even intended for that and yet I hear guys pulling this off all the time, f*ck sakes....what about me.
Out of the bajillion applications a person can add, there are a couple that are for finding people to hook up with. I have some friends who keep sending me invites to these things.
I am thinking now it's the applications themselves only posing as friends. 
*shakes fist at facebook applications* | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:39:36 AM | Go on and kiss d' girl!
Don't ask her! Tell her you can't hold back any longer and just do it.
Since you are asking, in my opinion, show some strength (and while you are at it, consider changing your name...big turn-off!)
Everything I find valuable about dating I learned from the movie "Hitch" (ok....not everything. The exaggeration is for emphasis!)
Go watch that movie! | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:50:16 AM | Aww how sweet. I wish my story turned out the same way. My buddy and I after 16 years almost kissed. Then we stopped and said what was that about! You are religious I am not. You smoke I dont. Your tall I am short. You like animals I dont. Youre a slob I am not. WOW that was close.
YOU TWO SOUND PERFECT! | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:10:27 AM | | From personal experience, all my serious relationships started out that way, sometimes being friends for years before anything happened. So no, there is no expiration date and yes, I think she likes you. It sounds like there is a lot of chemistry, but you're both afraid to act on it, which is completely normal if you really value the person. It seems like she's flirting with you, but you don't know, maybe it's your wishful thinking talking? It's that frustrating moment when you have a hunch, but don't know anything for sure. I think you should go slow, but do go ahead with it, there's a lot of potential. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 6/7/2008 3:57:02 PM | | Well if she is your friend, and you do seem to be great friends, then It should be easy to talk to her. Just be honest. Say something like.."Ya know (whatever her name is) I really enjoy being with you, and the more time that we spend together makes me wonder why we've never decided to date, or take it to another level, or whatever....How do you feel about that?" Then let her know that whatever her answer, that you wouldn't want to loose her as a friend. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:05:29 AM | HA-
That lady who talked about learning everything she learned from the movie hitch is hilarious. (seriously, who really learns about dating from a brutha who is paid to say things he really does not believe anyway!)
Just pickin on ya!
But really, you two sound like a dream about to come true. Bengi is right about best friends making the best lovers. *prays to be Bengis best friend* LMAO
Good luck to you kids, this will be beautiful and keep us updated! | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:15:43 AM | OP, what do you want this poor woman to do? Do you want her to show up naked on your doorstep with a bow and a sign saying, "I like you, take me!"
The women has given you WAY more than enough green lights. Step up to the plate and tell her your feelings. I feel for this woman. She is going to give up on you. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:52:46 AM | cb you're on facebook? i haven't seen you there yet.
op, things do happen on other sites as well. it's funny how one of the 2 are also members in here. i've been talking to someone that lives in canada...he and i have been flirting in facebook as well, all innocent then he started sending some more serious flirts and i've been returning them as well. he and i have spent a few nites talking on the phone (non sexual) and we're going to be meeting as soon as one of us is able to travel. this guy told me that when he and i talk on the phone he feels the butterflies in his stomach which is a good sign. he told me how he feels about me (non sexual) and how he wants to meet me in person. i get good feelings about him as well (slight fluttering in my heart, nothing sexual). who knows how things would turn out unless you give it a shot.
if you like someone, let the person know....don't hold back or else the next thing would be is hearing they found another. | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:20:19 AM |
OP, what do you want this poor woman to do? Do you want her to show up naked on your doorstep with a bow and a sign saying, "I like you, take me!"
Ahh, if only more women thought like this. It will probably never happen, but i can dream cant i? | |
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| Do feelings have a best-before date? (and more)
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:46:21 AM | | Whatever you do, and gathering from everyones responses, she likes you, so whatever you do, don't ask her, just do it. If she rejects you it'll be the same, if she doesn't then you've moved ahead and showed you're dominance, women love that. | |
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