| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:15:15 PM | This is going to challenge some people's sense of propriety, I fear, and to others it will make sense.
I'm over 50 and have been married once (22 years) and dated quite a lot since my divorce. I have not found "the one" yet and to be honest I'm beginning to wonder if that's a flawed concept. Certainly in our parents' and grandparents' generations, people didn't expect spouses to be superbly able to meet all sexual, emotional, companionable, financial, intellectual and security needs. Most people got maybe two or three of those areas met, and stayed in the relationship, supplementing it with friends and extended family as well as community/church activities.
If I can't find a committed long-term relationship with one person who seems to meet all these needs - why shouldn't I have one partner for sex, one for intellectual stimulation, one who understands my emotions, one who likes the same hobbies and pastimes as me, and so on? (Obviously, not all of these partners need to be of the opposite sex.)
Don't all blast me at once. I'm just trying to figure out the logic here. I've had several "serious" couplings since my marriage and none of them boded well for all of the dimensions I've mentioned. And the pickings get slimmer the older I get. Please comment. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:21:31 PM | | Well, I think your argument is pretty lame. I can tell you right now you wouldn't meet all of anyone elses needs either. To justify having multiple partners to make up the perfect person is pretty self absorbed and selfish. Its not all about you, but your needs seem to be all that matters. Good luck with that. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:22:20 PM | Funny thing.. I don't see the word love anywhere here? Perhaps thats why you can't find the 'one', and really the word need should be want, need is something you can't live without like air, food,love... the rest are all wants... Did your last marriage fulfill all your wants?
Edit - so if it didn't why do you want it now? 22 yrs is a long time for a relationship and you must have been content or it wouldn't have lasted so long. maybe you have your ideas all muddled to want more this time.. I know we shouldn't settle for less but your expectations seem a lil unreal, oh and yes mine did while it lasted lol, I don't expect anything different, but people change, so certain things have changed. but am not unrealistic in my wants. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:26:37 PM | | I agree with you 100%. At my age I will NOT settle. Until Mr. Wonderful comes into my life. I will continue to look and don't see it as a flawed concept. Like my profile states: I'd rather be alone for the right reason then be with "someone" for the wrong reason. Enjoy your life and one day you WILL find the happiness you are looking for. My two cents. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:27:18 PM | | I agree with you that the concept of "the one" is deeply flawed. Too many people are holding onto that concept and looking for that perfect person, and keeping themselves from finding meaningful relationships, out of an "all or nothing at all" mentality. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting people settle for less than what they want, but as we get older maybe we realize we don't really want someone who is exactly like us and agrees with everything we do. Its not necessarily a question of finding someone who fulfills all your "needs", but someone who has a good heart and a good mind; from there we can embrace each other's differences, and that can be a lot better than being bland and perfectly compatible. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:35:10 PM | | Have whatever you want, but you'll never find true satisfaction until you can find one partner who meets all of your needs, and who you mutually want to fulfil all their needs too. Feeling completely happy can only be accomplished when you feel you are giving as well as receiving. Just a thought, but selfishness is not the way to fulfilment. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:38:57 PM | I've said something similar before to myself. I wish it were possible to take bits and pieces from men I have dated and roll it all up into one. However, I know its not at all possible. Wishful thinking nonetheless but someone will eventually come along and provide nearly everything that you want in a person. Just have to have an open mind and introduce all the things you enjoy to one particular person and see if they can handle it. Just one is all a person should need. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:39:39 PM | | I also will not settle either but, to think that I will find someone who is perfect is dreaming. We all have issues and finding someone who will meet ALL of your needs isn't very realistic. I have certain things I look for in a woman, as we all have preferences, but there realistic ones. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:41:36 PM | | I think that it's unreasonable and unfair to think that any one partner should be able to fulfill every single one of your needs or wants. That's a lot to put on one person, and as someone else commented, you should be able to satisfy some of those needs yourself. You should also be able to look outside of your relationship to others for some of these things (e.g. finding people who likes the same hobbies and pastimes as you), but I'm not so sure that it's reasonable to expect that you'll find a single perfect (to you) person who'll fill all of those shoes, and I also don't think that not being able to find that person is justifiable reason to discount monogamous relationships. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:41:58 PM |
I've said something similar before to myself. I wish it were possible to take bits and pieces from men I have dated and roll it all up into one
I'm always telling people that if I could just melt all my exes into one woman, she would be perfect lol. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:43:03 PM | Maybe I'm missing something here, but isn't what you described called "life?"
One hopes to get physical needs met in a relationship, and some part of intellectual and emotional needs as well. And then one picks up the rest (sex excluded) where one may - from co-workers, family, friends, activity groups, etc. That's why we socialize, join hiking clubs, book clubs, etc
Again, maybe I'm missing something, unless of course - when you wrote:
...one partner for sex, one for intellectual stimulation, one who understands my emotions, one who likes the same hobbies and pastimes as me, and so on?
you meant strictly ONE person for each of those aspects. Now that would be unusual. Is that what you meant?  | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:52:35 PM | | If you have love and most other things in a satisfying relationship........arent family and friends there to take up the slack? It would be pretty unrealistic to think my husband had looked to me for EVERYTHING......Thats a lot of pressure.......... | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:54:15 PM |
Well, I think your argument is pretty lame. I can tell you right now you wouldn't meet all of anyone elses needs either. To justify having multiple partners to make up the perfect person is pretty self absorbed and selfish. Its not all about you, but your needs seem to be all that matters. Good luck with that.
Way to go mthomjmark! Couldn't have said it better. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:56:58 PM | I have to agree with OP.. I know that would put a lot of pressure on me to think that I had to provide ALL of it ... I am only one person with flaws...why whould I expect ONE person to fill all my needs...I hope to find someone that I can relate to Emotionally, physically and intellectually to some level but I also know that I have hobbies that really don't appeal to men.. so I need to go out to explore those .. so why not other activities if the partner has tried them and really isn't interested..
I really have no interest in Wall street or stocks.....but if I have tried to have it explained to me and I still don't know the difference between a bull and a bear... well..is that a reason to dump me??? | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:00:35 PM | From Msg 12, Blueeyedbaldman:
I'm always telling people that if I could just melt all my exes into one woman, she would be perfect lol.
My mother used to say if you put her husband and her son-in-law in a paper bag together and shook real hard, you STILL wouldn't have one complete man.
Hey! Don't blast me! blast my mother! | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:01:31 PM | | maybe you just haven't met that someone yet.. and I know there's alot of people out there.. but... and if you haven't yet met the one.. and you've met others who fit into the many to serve the need.. well... that's what ya got.. take time, maybe one of them is who you need an you'll learn as you go... | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:05:11 PM | I don't think a spouse is supposed to fulfill all our needs. We have girlfriends, family and friends that fill in the gaps... but to suggest that I have numerous love interests at the same time with differing qualities to provide ME with everything?
Sounds kind of selfish, doesn't it? | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:06:32 PM | | To meet all of you needs.......That is a big load to put on any one person. Can you meet all of his needs? All men have certain strengths and also weaknesses. You just can't pack all of the good points int the skin of one man. A person has to be able to meet some of her own needs. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:09:00 PM | There are relationship needs and relationship wants. The confusion comes into play when people confuse a want for a need. It happens to the best of us. We need to complete ourselves, people are suppose to compliment us, not complete us.
No one can meet ALL of our needs. We should not lay that much or expect that from a person. It is up to us to do that, not someone else and if we look for someone else to do it, we are just going to be disappointed.
Granted, there are certain needs we have that we can only find in a partner so I refer not to those.
~Carrie | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:09:40 PM | I forsee many years with your fingers or magic bullet ahead! 
it is not all about you it is about give and take and finding someone that fills enough of that empty space with something worthwhile... the rest ...it's called having friends and a life
good luck anyways. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:10:16 PM | | When you are happy within yourself, and can make your own happiness, you wont "need " someone else to do it all for you. If your happy within the neediness goes. Its when you "need" so many things from one or more people that the trouble starts. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:17:13 PM |
I'm always telling people that if I could just melt all my exes into one woman, she would be perfect lol. Do you mean all of the GOOD parts of your exes?
Edit: royalpain I don't think there's meant to be someone to fulfill ALL of ones needs. If you truly need someone who does this it seems as though one is not complete within themselves. | |
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