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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/1/2008 11:52:03 PM | My ex boyfriend and I had been together almost two years when we broke up. He had had fights before that have lead to him saying he wanted to dump me, but we always fixed things and moved on. The last fight we had when he broke up with me was the worst night of my life.
We were living together with a few of his buddies from work, and none of his friends liked me. We both worked at the same mall, so we got off at the same time that night, and then went home. Everything was fine until he decided he wanted to be a total ***hole, and he ended up screaming at me. He stomped out of our bed room and I thought he had left the house. Turns out he was downstairs, so I went to him and tried to make him feel better, all the while crying my eyes out.
Then he dropped the bomb. He told me he didn't want to be with me anymore, that he wanted to break up with me. I had heard this before, so I refused him as I always did, telling him he didn't really wanna break up with me because he loved me. He told me he did, so then we argued some more, and then I finally agreed with him. He was speechless.
He went upstairs, and I followed of course. He yelled that he wanted me to pack my shit and get out of his house. He then left the house, to go meet the other guys who had gone to 7-11 for smokes. I cried and cried in my bedroom until he came back with everyone else. Apparently he had told everyone we had broken up, and they decided it'd be funny to piss me off some more, so they turned the volume up on my tv in the living room to a point where everyone in the house could hear it. Me still being pissed off, confronted them and told them to turn it down, that I wasn't in the mood. Things escalated from there.
That night, when he came to bed, I was so ready to just push him out of the bed and make him sleep on the couch, but I figured we would get back together that night. So he slept in my bed.
The week that followed, I stayed at the house because my parents were in the Dominican until the following week, and I wasn't going to be in that house alone. So I stayed at the house, each night sleeping alone because he had started hanging out with a "friend" he had met at work. I cried myself to sleep every single night until I wanted to puke. I felt so alone in that house, no one came to see if I was ok, no one came to comfort me, I was completely alone and it was like no one cared.
After I moved out of the house I figured everything would work itself out in a month and we'd be back together. A little while later I found out he was dating that "friend" from work. I cried in my moms arms for a good hour, my heart completely broken again. It hurt so bad knowing he was with someone else.
Since then, we've hung out a few times, without his girlfriend because she hates me, and I hate her. We used to e-mail each other, talk on the phone until we were really tired, and he even once surprised me at work by just showing up.
Now all that has stopped, and he's ignoring me. He told me before he still loved me, that he wanted to give us another chance some day, but he didn't want to hurt his girlfriend by up and dumping her and then come back to me. I know it's probably for the best that we're no longer talking, but from going from seeing him every day, to not talking to him at all makes me wanna puke. I miss him so much, and I still hurt so bad after almost 5 months of being a part.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him, wonder what he's doing, wonder if he misses me. It feels like only yesterday that we broke up.
How do I move past him?! One minute I'll be ok, and the next I'm crying like it was only yesterday! I used to cry every night because I missed him so much, but now it only happens maybe twice a month! How do I get over him!?
Help!!! | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:46:12 AM | Until you finally decide this guy isn't the one or maybe a new guys takes over shows you that he's the one for you, you won't. How do I know this, because I'm going through the same thing. Abit different but at times I hate her for destroying our life together, then happy because she's gone because I seemed to be the only one working on this relationship. See she always said things like 'it's all about me' as in herself, I hope he never said that type of stuff to you. Anyway it's been 3 months since she's left for Nev, 6 months since she said she was leaving but had to stay for 3months because she had nowhere to go. Plus I was hoping she would see how much I loved her and stay, want to stay because she wanted me. But she didn't but still wanted to be friends.
But thats just my opinion | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:37:25 AM | I could tell you stories about an ex that's hard to get over, that would eclipse yours to the point you'd say "Oh. Well never mind then. Thought it was bad."
Some ex's you just don't get over. Some wounds time doesn't heal. Sometimes the wounds you're inflected with are just so severe and mortal, that you they just stay open for the rest of your days. You just learn to live with it.
Although one method I use to make them less apparent, is to poison them. Poison the love you had for that person through other feelings. Eventually you feel a sort of love/hate things, that makes it easier to deal with. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:10:07 AM | I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I understand what you're going through completely. The love of my life walked out on me a year and a half ago after 14 years together (lived together 10, married 4). We never fought, always laughed, didn’t have money problems, our kids loved each other, we were the perfect blended family and I was absolutely positive that we’d be together till one of us died. One day he said he’d been wrestling with “issues” from before he met me and within 2 months he left to “find himself.”
I thought I’d be fine in 6 mos. to a year but that’s not the case - not even close. I still miss him every day and will probably love him till the day I die. But somehow I have to go on (even though at times I considered suicide because I didn't want to go on without him) and create a new life for myself. My faith has helped more than I can say, but I won’t preach to you. Faith is a very personal choice and that part is up to you. Having close friends helps, too. I have three women friends, two here and one in TX, that have helped me through it all. What I will strongly recommend, because it has really helped me to see things differently and begin to get my life together and move on, is a wonderful book. It was recommended to me by a Counselor girlfriend in TX who has gone through a crippling divorce of her own a few years ago. It’s called “Rebuilding: When a relationship ends.” by Bruce Fisher. You can pick it up really cheap on ebay and there's a workbook, too. It’s not clinical at all. Very easy, friendly reading! It addresses the feelings of loss, loneliness, rejection, etc. that all of us are experiencing and it tells you what to do to get over them and move on to an even better life. It helps you address the real issues and asks you questions designed to help you search your soul and come up with answers.
It says that while most people are able to move forward in 1-1.5 years, it takes some 2-5 to get over it. On one had I thought, “You’ve GOT to be kidding! I can’t possibly stand to feel like this for up to 5 years!!!” At the same time, I am realizing that I feel better than I did at first and if you take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour if that’s all you can manage, you WILL get through it.
If I can help in any way, or if you just want to talk, please email me at worksofheart@msn.com. Best wishes and hang in there. We’re all in this together. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:19:25 AM | | there are times I still wish my ex was with me . when I have no one . I miss going places with her . I want the samething today yet . we dated for 4 years . In some of my relations . I have made bad choices . BUT , still move on . | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:26:53 AM | | Yuor an idiot after he dumoped you you should have gone home. calmed down had some food and maybe try meeting someone new. Why continue sleeping over his house while they torture you? Why didn;t he jsut kick you out? Were you still ahving sex with him? I cna;t stand talking to women and asking them out when they are emotionally unavailable. Wh have an online dating site if you are not over your previous relationship? get over it, move on. Take a hint and meet someone new. Don;t dwell ont he past and move on. He was so mean to you. Some women are jsut glutons for punishment. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:31:35 AM | | Guy sounds like an ***hole, maybe recognizing that and actually believing that you don't want him back will help you to move forward. There are about a million threads on here about getting on after a break-up, do a thread search and use the valuable information posted there. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:19:10 AM | hey hon, i completely feel for you, been there done that! what the bottom line is, you have to search in yourself, remember who you are as a person. Sometimes we forget who we are when we are in a realationship, and we try so hard to make the other person happy, we would do, say, act , any way to try and keep a realationship from doing the downward spiral, or the inevitable break-up.
Sometimes the person becomes our addiction, like a drug we just cant live without.
You have to find things that are going to preoccupy your time, hobbies that u havent done in awhile, or find new things that interest you.
Every realationship has its good points, and its bad points, but even though your hurt, even you have to admitt it was a IMPORTANT learning experiance, and the old cliche is true! What doesnt kill us makes us stronger!
So chin up, there are people that love you, just keep talking to them, eventually the pain subsides and everyday becomes better for you. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:29:10 AM | I used to cry every night because I missed him so much, but now it only happens maybe twice a month! How do I get over him!?
You already are getting over him! soon you will cry zero days each month | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 1:50:44 PM | My friend and family hate him for what he's done to me, so I haven't really gotten the support I need to get over him. They just tell me he's an ***hole, that he wasn't good enough for me, and leave it at that. Everyone in my family hates him, so I've pretty much been on my own since he broke up with me.
I was hoping he'd eventually get tired of his new girlfriend, because she's controlling and a complete **** to him about stuff. He used to tell me it was easier to be with me, than it is to be with her, and yet he's still with her.
Maybe I am an idiot for staying at the house after we broke up, but I couldn't emotionally be by myself after we broke up. My mom, dad, and sister were in the Dominican with my grandma, who lives next door to us. And my other grandparents live in a different town. So I had no one to talk to, no company if I moved back. And I am pretty sure I would have done something stupid if I had moved there to be by myself. I just couldn't do it.
I wanted to try and fix things, and he's told me that if he hadn't started hanging out with this other girl we would have been back together by now. I don't hate him, I never did hate him. I hate her with all of me, because as far as I am concerned, she prevented us from getting back together. I know it takes two people to fix something, and I know he could have had a part in him not getting back together with me, but I still hate her because she's with him the way I used to be.
As I said, some days I think I'm getting over him, and the next day it feels like it was only yesterday. I'll always love him for the time we shared together. I have a lot of great memories with him, and sometimes the stupidest things remind me of him. I never thought we'd break up. We even talked about getting married. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 2:32:54 PM | | Hi FYI i checked out your profile so i knew how old you are. Oh darling, break ups are the hardest and they never get easier. But you are a young beautiful woman. You deserve not to be in a relationship where the two of you are fighting then getting back together then fighting again and so on and so on. It sounds like the relationship was nonproductive. Perhaps time will heal things. It sounds like maybe he wanted to move along and you didnt. that happens. I speak from experience because i too have had some knarly breakups that i thought i would never get over, but about three months after you tend to not think of them as much. and pretty soon a day will go by and you will realize that you hadnt let him cross your mind at all. Dont hate the other girl, she is not the reason the two of you are not together, if he wanted that, you two would be together. I have great memories of my exs and the thoughts dont bother me, just glad i had them with that person. You will be ok i promise. Dont obsesse on it, go and meet people, you made a good step by putting a profile here and trying to meet new men. I always say there is a reason for a breakup, it just means that that person is not the right match for you and there is someone else out there. Keep your chin up, take care of yourself, and a lucky man will find you and fall head over heels in love with you and you will say " ex boyfriend? who? " | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:05:44 PM | Sweetie.........right now your into the good things about the relationship. You miss that comfort zone that you had with him.
You stated that he broke up with you more than once and he would fight with you. The relationship sounds volitile..
Sit down with paper and pen and make 2 columns......one with what was good about the relationship and one with the bad things. And be honest.
Tear it in half and throw the one with the good points away and post the one with the bad points on your dresser mirror. Every day when you look at it you will be reminded of all the reasons why you shouldnt be with him
The night he asked you to leave and he came back with the other roomies you were disrespected. PUT THAT AT THE TOP OF YOUR LIST.................
And it sounds like every time you got back together it was your doing. Do you want to be a butt kisser for the rest of your life.
I'm sorry for your pain. Take that energy you are wasting on him and turn it into something positive. Like going to the gym or volunteering somewhere. You deserve better...........know that and you will get it......................
Good Luck
Hugs and Blessings | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:37:14 PM | OP,
Here's a reality check from someone who has been there, done that:
1.) Your relationship was poison. It was like an addictive cycle--drama, drama, more drama, break up, get back together. Rinse and repeat. You go back over and over because it's the only thing you know how to do. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like there was any room for either one of you to grow into your relationship. Relationships are supposed to have trust, respect, patience, kindness, and understanding. And it doesn't sound like you were getting any of that.
2.) The family hating him (and his friends hating you) to me is a BIG warning sign. I spent years in this cycle with a guy who did nothing but make me happy one day and cry the next. I was so frigging miserable but I couldn't get it out of my head that somehow it was going to work, that all couples went through this, and if we just tried "one more time" that everything would be okay. Well, it wasn't. And the whole time everyone in my grandmother was telling me to break up with him. But, stubborn and defensive as I was, I wouldn't. Now I wished I had listened. I'm not saying that they should have control over who you date, but if more than one person is telling you this, then LISTEN. They aren't saying this to make you feel better, they are telling you the TRUTH.
3.) Don't hate the girl he's with now. She did you the biggest favor in the universe. You may not see it that way now, but believe me, you will in the future.
4.) As far as time, it took me well over a year to get over it. And like you, I still hung out with my ex after we broke up. But that was a BAD idea. It prevented the necessary closure and moving on that we both needed. And it made things ten times worse when he finally decided that I wasn't worth his time and he cut off all contact with me and found someone else. How did I move past it? I started immersing myself in activities--I joined a gym and exercised my a** off. I had many girls nights out with my sisters and/or closest friends. I called my best friend constantly to have her remind me of why not being with this guy was for the best. I also kept a journal--all of my thoughts and feelings about the situation. Every time I felt sentimental, I would write in it. Now I look back on my entries and can't believe it was the same person.
5.)Most importantly, You need to stay as far away from this guy as possible. No contact is really the best and surest way to get over him. It gives you time to reflect and the strength you will need to say no if he suddenly decides that he has changed his mind. Block his number if you have to, or change yours. And stop waiting for him to call you to get back together. Why would you want to get back together with someone like that anyway? You know perfectly well if you did, then the drama would start all over again.
Just give yourself time and you will be fine. It may take up to a year, but you'll get through it.
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:48:08 PM | | me and my ex were togeather for over two years togeather everyday and when we broke up i didn't think i was going to be able to move on i cry'd everyday i started drinking everyday and it got to the point were i was throwing up blood and fainting it was awful. so i decided i needed to get a hold of myself and move on so 2 months passed and i was doing good and he calls out of the blue and wants me to take him back stupid me i did we were togeather for 2 weeks and i realised he hasn't changed and neither have i so we broke up i still think about him sometimes and miss him a little but i just remind myself i'm better off and he didn't treat me the way i deserved to be treated.and with everyday that goes by i regain more of my self that he took away and i thank god for letting this happen now cause it has made me a stronger person and in my next relation ship i know how i should be treated and i wont settle for anything less....so what i'm trying to say is time heals a broken heart it might be seem like hopeless cause at first but with each passing day u grow stronger.... | |
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Dia623
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Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 15 | |
| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:59:01 PM | | You seem like maybe you are quite young. I know it hurts but you WILL get over it. And two years is not long to have been fighting as much as you have. Sounds like it may have been doomed from the start. MOVE ON....you are better off. This relationship does not sound heathly. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:32:28 PM | Even though there were a lot of bad times, we still had amazing times that I'll always remember. He used to take me places like Kananaskis Country, and Edmonton for over-night stays. We were so in love, or so I thought. I don't understand how he could have "moved" on so fast after our break up. Maybe he never truly loved me the way I loved him.
I just want all the hurt and the pain to go away so I can move on. I still wish we could talk sometimes, but deep down I know its for the best. I'll always love him, and care for him, and some days I want to be with him again, but I know I need to move on and find someone else.
Someone who treats me with the respect I deserve. Thats one of the reasons I joined this site. I want to find someone that wasn't like my ex. Someone who loves me for me. One day I will find that person, and as someone already said, I will say "ex who?" and I am very much looking forward to that point. I don't want to hurt anymore. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:44:17 PM | I am going through the exact same thing!! I am much older than you, and have dated my X off and on for almost 3 years!! We hooked up last week after 7 months of not talking. I don't know why I can not get over him, I can't expliain it. I am very successful, highly educated, and know in my heart he is no good for me. he calls me names constantly, belittles me, etc etc. I am so ugly, fat etc, men, can you answer this one for me>?? If a man thinks a woman is so ugly, fat etc, why do you keep coming back to her? Then the few nights together, yeah I know it;'s the sex, says the most amzing sex ever, I guess I am getting used and keep going back for more abuse. He calls when he wants something, never takes me out, he used to, plays online games and tells everyone our personal buisness on AOL.
I hate him but I love him, I really can't explain it. I go out with other guys, but always think of him. I have had therpay etc, I am not sure what to do.
He called me at midnight saturday night wanted me to come down to party, i did stand up and say NO!! But, I do that, it's the I am so ugly routine and go lose weight maybe it will turn me on more. mind you, i am 5'5 89 lbs, and on meds to gain weight!!
The belittling really gets to me, and I truely think i'm fat around him and very ugly.
I mean my self esteem is totally shot!!
help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:18:38 PM | | If you wanted the hurt and pain to go away, you would listen to your family. They have given you support, but it is practical and intelligent support and you do not want to hear it. When you are ready to let go you will, otherwise you will continue to wallow in your self-imposed misery. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:15:26 PM | I'm slowly getting there. As I said, he doesn't want to talk to me all of a sudden, which is fine as long as he doesn't call me out of the blue one day and tell me he's broken up with his girlfriend and wants to get back together with me. If he's not going to talk to me, it'll be easier to move on. I don't want all of this stuff to come back if he tries to get in contact with me.
I'll always love him because he was my first true love, and a first for a lot of things. I'll always care about him. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:31:06 PM | You will get over him ... its a matter of time and a matter of relizing that there are other men out there plus relizing that if he dont want you then it would of never worked anyway ... I just took out the time and cried until I cant cry anymore and then I saw things in a better light ...
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:33:02 PM |
I don't want all of this stuff to come back if he tries to get in contact with me.
When you accept that it's over, then this won't be a problem. But right now you're hoping in the back of your head that he will "come to his senses" and everything will be alright. It's not up to him to decide whether you two talk again or not, it's up to YOU. It takes two people to have a conversation. If you don't answer his calls, you don't look at his texts, you delete his e-mails before opening them, you throw away his letters without opening them, and you turn and walk away when you see him face to face, you don't have to listen to anything he has to say.
Don't get me wrong. I know EXACTLY where you are at. I was with a woman for almost two years (22 months), and we broke up 6 months ago as compared to the 5 months that you've been apart. I was sick, I missed her, I felt so empty and lonely that I thought I'd die without her, and I thought if we would only get back together again, we would both be so sorry about being breaking up and missing each other that everything would work itself out. And about 4 1/2 months into the breakup, we got back together. It lasted FIVE DAYS, with ME breaking it off. Nothing had changed, she was exactly the same as she always was, and all of the problems we had before were right back there staring me in the face again.
You don't need this guy. You don't want somebody who isn't 100% sure that he wants YOU and nobody else, you don't want someone who has to chose between you and someone else, and you definitely don't want to be the one he runs to because it didn't work out with someone else. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:38:37 AM | "I started immersing myself in activities--I joined a gym and exercised my a** off. I had many girls nights out with my sisters and/or closest friends. I called my best friend constantly to have her remind me of why not being with this guy was for the best. I also kept a journal--all of my thoughts and feelings about the situation. Every time I felt sentimental, I would write in it. Now I look back on my entries and can't believe it was the same person."
I think this is good advice; constant activity in some form or another makes it easier to move on from a failed relationship experience. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:13:17 AM | Lefty 2008, your statement that you don't want to hurt anymore and that you have hope that someday you will meet the right person is the first step for healing the hurt and pain that you have. You've seen this man's TRUE colors and it's the best thing that could have happened because you are not going to be investing any more time and energy in a dead-end relationship. If you have caller ID, don't answer the phone when he calls. It may be that he doesn't want you but doesn't want anybody else to have you and doesn't want you to move on. Don't give him that satisfaction, move on and show him you can make it without him. Like another poster said, focus on the disrespect and fighting that went on and not the good things. This is a closure technique that may help.....write everything down that you are upset about, kinda like a good-bye letter. Then tear it up, burn it, or bury it.
Also, work on your self esteem. There are lots of good books out there. You have to get yourself together first to have a new relationship. Know that you deserve the best, don't settle for second best!!
Best wishes. | |
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