| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:21:15 AM | | my X has recently threatened me by saying she's gonna put a restraining order on me... the long story short is i addressed one of her partners in saying i'd appreciate it if he didnt come around as often for my daughters mental health... i do have another forum post kind of explaining my current cituation... my X is having multiple partners come in and out in front of my daughter... and i dont believe this is right.. thats not my question... but i talked to him in the parking lot... man to man... just talking... no fighting, no arguing... ok?? i told him i didnt want my daughter seeing so many male faces taht werent family... but that i didnt care waht my X does as long as its not around my daughter... after we got done talking we shook hands and parted... afterwards he caled her and told her i threatened him... and now she is threatening me witha restraining order... i know that she doesnt have grounds cuz 1 it was just me and him in a vacant parking lot... so my question is... what do i do??? so i sit back and wait for her to do it?? do i beat her to he punch even though i have no grounds on her?? if she gets it (even if its temporary) i cant go near the apartment i pay for, or see my daughter... | |
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pk66
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Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 2 | |
| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:42:10 AM | | Maybe instead of talking to the guys, why don't you offer to take the child while the mother has a date. This would eliminate any issues and you could spend more time with your child. | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:45:27 AM | ^^^^He already has the child a great deal of the time and has tried to do what you suggested. The woman just doesn't give a shit about how her behavior is affecting the child nor is she willing to just give up the child.
You need to check with a lawyer because she would need a hell of a lot more than a restraining order to prevent you seeing your daughter. Restraining orders are not worth much and for a protective order or no contact order you would have to have beat the hell out of the woman or have witnesses to some violent activity; they won't be granted on he said/she said crap. In the future, don't ever have that type of conversation without a witness and it sounds like you probably should have left it alone because the guy obviously used the whole thing to make points with your X.
Make a statement about what happened now and have it notarized. Document that she has threatened you and take a statement from anyone you spoke with this conversation about before your X contacted you about the allegations, i.e. if you mentioned it to your parents and told them that the guy sounded receptive and you thought it went well.
My best advice to you because I have dealt with someone like this before, you must think of every single potential consequence to any actions you take because it is possible for people to manipulate the system based on lies and half-truths. Try to make sure any time you talk to her or anyone with whom she associates is with the presence of a witness. Record all of your telephone conversations if it is legal in the state within which you live; in Texas, as long as one party is aware, recorded conversations are admissible in court. Document every single contact with the X even if it seems inconsequential.
She doesn't sound like the type of person to do any of this and if you walk into court with all of this documentation it starts making her look like a nutjob and you the sane reasonable parent. Try not to worry about this stuff because it will wear you out and make you a worse parent for your child. Bottom line, you cannot really influence a lot of this so you need to chill and make chances, take action when and where you can. | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:52:04 AM | | Packagedeal has given you some sound advice, but I want to add... don't confront her partners in the future. Your beef isn't with them, and they have no investment in your child so why should they care? Talk to your ex about it. Document your conversations. Talk to your landlord about getting your name off of things. Get your asses into court and get a stipulation in your agreement about having sexual relations when your child is present. Move on and get your poop in a group!! | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:58:35 PM | I agree, confronting the ex's bfs don't acheive anything other than animosity, you may intend it to go that way but they may think you still have feelings for her and are being territorial. It's not up to them on how they behave because she's not their blood, but it's up to your ex to provide better behavior.
Another thing with restraining orders, it can only be issued to those who feel in threat, so in this case it would have to be pursued by her bf's since you talked to them about keeping away. | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/4/2008 3:58:02 AM |
you must think of every single potential consequence to any actions you take because it is possible for people to manipulate the system based on lies and half-truths.
I so agree with that statement.
OP- Like the rest have said...document EVERYTHING. If things are happening around your child (heavy drinking, drug use, sex, fighting, etc) call and report it. You can even do anonymously so that she wouuld maybe think it was a neighbor.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:38:45 AM | Bear in mind, calls to police dispatch are both recorded and public record.
If you choose to go the anonymous route, don't call 9-1-1 and block the caller ID info on your phone. They'll still be able to get a tape of the call itself, but that's harder than just looking at the report and seeing your name and phone number.
Just an fyi. | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:59:02 PM | | OP- I would like to hear her side to this story and also the b/f you confronted in a vacant parking lot with no witnesses around. And then you talk about getting a restraining order on her when she hasn't done anything for you to get one. That is really showing your daughter how to behave and tell the truth and not falsify a police report. Do it, I hope you get caught and then you won't be seeing your daughter. You are letting your anger control your actions. I don't think you are any better then your x is. | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:52:20 PM | | I realize tit 4 tat is wrong... thats why i didnt do it cuy i realized it was wrong... | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:00:55 PM | | Sorry, but this has everything to do with your x and not much to do with your daughter.... | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:44:28 AM | | Get a lawyer. You probably won't get any good legal advice this way. Talk to your ex instead of her boyfriends. It may not work, but it is better. Will her family stick up for you? I applaud your efforts, but make sure you have your kid's best interests at heart, and are not just trying to control your ex. Also, make sure you are spending time with your kid and taking care of the material needs. After that, what more could be asked of you? | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:31:23 AM | | RO (restraining order) should be the last thing to do after trying all other options first. And please understand that an RO is only valid if both parties obey the agreement stated on said RO. In short it can become invalid if any individual voluntarily breaks, i.e. violates RO agreement. Documentation is a very good ideal. If you need to talk or discuss issues concerning the child of interest you should also have someone present (witness) with you at all times. If you can’t then I suggest that you meet in a safe place like a public place or a police station. The safety of your daughter and you should be first and foremost. As for any other relationships other then the parent. There is no need for them to be present in your life. So you can put limitations on that issue. But because (I assume she is) your ex/gf is the mother of your child. She can be in this child life as well and when in her company without you, you have little control as to how the child may be spending that time with. Unless there is a court judgment stating that issue. It would be nice if both parties would agree that when she spends time with the parent that both parties will put limits on whom she (child) will see and what she will see. The courts only concerns are what is “best for the child”. Both you and your ex may want to view this situation in the same way. Fighting no matter who is at fault is counter-productive and should be kept at a minimal level. That is what is “best for the child”. | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:34:34 AM | I agree with the poster that said you need to think about the consequences to everything you do in these situations.
For instance try to imagine what this guys gunna be thinking after you said this.
i told him i didnt want my daughter seeing so many male faces taht werent family
He'd be thinking 'sh1t is she cheating on me'
My advice would be to get some mediation, and unbiased third party that you and your ex can sit down with and discuss your concerns. There are people trained in this sort of thing, and they're a lot cheaper than lawyers. | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:55:10 AM | | Well is this your ex wife or ex girlfriend. If ex-wife you can do as we did have ammendment put in the divorce papers stating that neither party is to have spend the night company of the opposite sex unless family or spouse. Next recourse of course would be to file for sole custody of child. | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:05:31 AM |
RO (restraining order) should be the last thing to do after trying all other options first. And please understand that an RO is only valid if both parties obey the agreement stated on said RO. In short it can become invalid if any individual voluntarily breaks, i.e. violates RO agreement.
This is not necessarily true. In my state, you can't break your own RO. Meaning, the petitioner can contact the other party but the other party can't contact the petitioner. | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:46:23 PM | Just for reference sake I am a single parent and my x had 3 kids all different fathers and I spent almost 7 years in court to hang on to my visitation rights. I personally would make a police report against the one lying to cause problems and make sure to include everything and as specially that you were threated with having some restraint against you. I went through hell and it started almost like that, think of it as being bullied as it will keep getting worse unless you make a stand. Also if in court later the liar would not be able to go against you. As well if it is that bad for your little girl go for custody and minimum the court would be there to witness and or keep her in check, even if you couldn't win.
Best Be To You and Yours,
Take care and best of luck, Teecee | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:08:40 AM | | well.. i posted another forum.. cuz she actualy got one on me now.. i have my hearing date for next monday (6-23)... after 3 tries... the 4th time is the charm i guess... lol... on her 4th try she got it... | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:26:17 PM | | Well, each state has it's own laws. So I guess this can be true for your State. But not for Illinois. | |
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| X threatening me...
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:34:48 PM | | If you would have kicked his ass bad enough mayne he wouldnt have sqwuacked on you. Life is a learning experience. | |
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