| Friendship is like a dysfunctional relationship
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:46:53 AM | | Ok this issue is with a girlfriend of mine...not a romatic relationship, but at times I feel like my friendship with her is a dysfunctional relationship. This girl is almost 30 years old, she is pretty insecure and paranoid, and Anyways, I don't know what to do. Our friendship was totally fine until I got to another friend...now it seems like she likes to just to be ****y a lot lately. Last Thursday my ex was coming up to the bar to see me, she got real pissed at me and told me she would never talk to me again, etc...then the next day she apologzied. Then the next night, she left work early and told me to call her when I got out if anything was going on - I forgot to, I just went home. She sends me a snotty message saying "thanks for the call"...then the next day she is fine. Then on Monday she has all this drama and I talk her through it. Anyways, there is this concert that I really want to see, and she says if she can make 30 dollars, she will go with me. Well, she did make 30 dollars, but I apparently didn't tell her it was 36, and she got all pissed. Really? 6 dollar difference and you don't think you can go?! I'm pretty sure I DID tell her 36, but she says I didn't. So I told her hey, if you cant go, its ok..then she was like hey, I'll wait for you in the parking lot outside the concert..what?! Then I said its ok, again. Then she gets this attitude and is like "ok you don't want me to go, fine." I said if you change your mind, let me know tom0orrow afternoon because I'm going to get the tickets in advance. Then shes just blows me off and acts all pissed. I just don't know what to do about this girl. Am I wrong here? I feel like im in high school dealing with this girl. I'm a very easy going person and don't deal with drama well. All my friends tell me she treats me like a child and disrespects me. I feel like I can't tell her how I'm feeling because she is so insecure and paranoid. What do you guys think I should do here? Is it up to me to apologize? What do you guys think here..any info would be great because I do really like this girl, but she drives me bananas sometimes. Any advice? | |
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| Friendship is like a dysfunctional relationship
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:54:17 AM | Friends just like romantic interests are different with various levels of need and roles that they fill in our lives. The thing with your situation is that if you have never sat her down and tried to explain to her how unreasonable she is and how this behavior detracts from the good about her, you cannot be angry with her or expect her to change.
Yes she should know she is being a pain in the rear but I suspect that she has few other friends and has probably had a sh*tty childhood or something, or for some other reason needs to be the most important person in your life. Any conversation you have, try to be as positive as possible. I really like you, you are a good friend, but....She may not know that part of friendship is forgiving other people, the night you forgot to call her, she had the ability to phone you and as a friend probably should have to make sure that you were okay.
Some friendships also need to be ended. If it gets to the point that the bad about this woman outweighs the good, then you might want to consider extricating yourself from the friendship. I have friends that I have had for nearly 40 years so I don't end friendships easily but sometimes it is the best answer for everyone involved.
Create the boundaries, if she can't or won't deal with them, then you have a decision to make. | |
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| Friendship is like a dysfunctional relationship
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:55:45 AM | | sounds like your friend has more than friendship feelings for you.. thats where the jealousy and psycho activities come into play.. trust me I've pulled something like that before. Simply as hard as it seems.. you must talk to her.. it will help.. and calm things down.. it might end up too, upsetting her and her not wanting to talk anymore, but let it go man.. if shes gonna go psycho.. and treat you how you say.. you really don't need her around... hope I helped some.. :) | |
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| Friendship is like a dysfunctional relationship
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:54:35 AM | Sounds like a friend you don't need. Sometimes these type of people can bring you down. I had a girlfriend like that once for five years. It wasn't until after several failed relationships, that I found out they had failed because she had somehow gotten involved. Either talked to my partners online, phoned them, or just started hanging out with them. When she didn't want to do something on her own, she would ask me to do it, like tell someone off, or make a post online. So finally, one day, I just had enough and said, no, you can do it yourself. And boy did she freak saying, it was just one tiny favour, and she never asks me to do things blah blah blah...
Things I told her in confidence, got back to other friends or individuals, like a guy I was seeing. That relationship ended because she got in the middle of it. So...after five years of this, I finally just distanced myself from her, calls became less frequent, once a week, one every couple of weeks, and now we talk maybe once a year. She hasn't even met my current boyfriend, and for once, and things are going fantastic there.
Some people you can afford to do without in your life. All those years I thought it was me, that I was doing something wrong...but no...her meddling and drama caused enough heart ache. Amazingly enough, in our group of friends, the drama seemed to subsized after she was pushed out. | |
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| Friendship is like a dysfunctional relationship
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:35:29 AM | | Yeah...I think she may have bi-polar disorder or something. I even feel like I have to hide things from her so she wont be upset..for example like when I hang out with other friends. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I can't stand the way she has acted towards me, especially this past week has been the worst. | |
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| Friendship is like a dysfunctional relationship
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:33:46 AM | > What do you guys think here..any info would be great because
> I do really like this girl, but she drives me bananas sometimes.
All I can conclude is that you like dingbats.
Just be sure to never loan her your car. | |
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| Friendship is like a dysfunctional relationship
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:51:01 AM | Stop with the victim stuff; if she's making you crazy then talk to her about it; obviously she is showing some jealousy;
Talk to her about it and not strangers on a dating site. If she doesnt respond then move on. | |
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| Friendship is like a dysfunctional relationship
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:33:13 AM | yeah, but talk to her about what? Is her friend even open to having the subject of 'conflict' being brought forward? Bet you dollars to donuts it's not the OP who's playing victim by not broaching the subject, but the "paranoid insecure" woman who is her, apparently, best friend who's doing her damnedest to avoid such talk.
I get the feeling the relationship is immature: Her 'friend' gets pissy and ****y but confronting her about it only gets an answer of, "i really want to talk about something else that's REALLY bothering me" and turns a reasonable conversation into a Petty Pity Party.
Guys and Gals who're immature will do that alot: be belligerent, then cry on your shoulder about something unrelated to why they were belligerent.
If any of what I just said makes sense, then I believe your friend doesn't have your best interests at heart since they're not "paranoid and insecure" as much as "selfish" | |
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| Friendship is like a dysfunctional relationship
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:47:23 AM |
Stop with the victim stuff; if she's making you crazy then talk to her about it; obviously she is showing some jealousy;
Talk to her about it and not strangers on a dating site. If she doesnt respond then move on.
I second that. | |
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| Friendship is like a dysfunctional relationship
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:46:35 PM | Holy Sh*t Blondie!!!!!!!! Run like hell as fast as you can!!! If she drives you crazy now, what do you think it's gonna be like later on???? She sounds like a sycho to me. I dated one like this and believe me, it's not worth it!!! | |
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