| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:26:09 AM | Why is it that every man i meet wants to break my heart? I joined here in September 2007 and within a week i met someone who lived a bit far away. Obviously i was a bit wary at first but he paid for my ticket to see him. So i went down to see him and we got on so well so well in fact i went down every weekend (on his request). I met his family and friends and we talked about our future. We did have our rows (thanks to a friend of his) but we always made up. Until saturday that is........ when he rang and said i spoil his weekend and that he didn't want to see me again!!!!!!!!!!!!
So i ask you all why do men do this??????? | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:05:07 PM | Erm... hello? Not all men do this. - You're obviously picking the wrong guys...
But I wish you well if you decide to go work it out. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:15:45 PM | | Im sorry not all guys do this...I would suppose your young, "Most young guys arent very grounded"...Life can be a big candy store, "If your a young guy, dumb, stupid and full of (whatever)...Go after the guys your age that have something going for them, other than a fancied up Jetta...Good luck.. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:21:06 PM | | No one wants to intentionally break someone's heart (ok, maybe some sadists do, but certainly not the majority of people). When something like this happens, spend some time reflecting on what you may have done to bring this about. It's very seldom just one person's fault. It usually is caused by both people. Until you can be honest with yourself about what you may have done to cause the demise of the relationship, it will keep happening, over and over. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:49:23 PM | | He said because he was working all week me being there spoilt the weekend | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:14:26 PM | If he had feelings for you, he wouldn't have said that.
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:23:46 PM | "Why is it that every man i meet wants to break my heart? "
They're all related? | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:07:41 PM | Hi, excuse me, if you don't mind me asking, but how did you actually spoil his weekend?
Chela | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:19:03 PM | | The one thing about guys is that you can expect a "cooling off" period after they start to realize the relationship may be getting serious. It usually happens at around 3 months, but can happen sooner or later. He may start to feel trapped and want to date other women. Or he may just not feel you're the one. Some know how to tell you that. Others just back off. Some pick a fight to get distance. I think that's a lot of what goes on in these broken hearts forums. All you can do is to back off and give him his freedom. If he is really into you, he will come back. However, you can make it clear to him that if he sleeps with someone else, you will no longer be available to him. In your case, add in some immaturity (on his part) and poor communication skills. In any event, let him go. Someone better will come along. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:25:04 PM | No one wants to intentionally break someone's heart . . . > ForumFilly
No one breaks anyone's heart. The idea is ridiculous and originates in that department of the brain called Poor-Me, on the level called Fantasyland.
I have been married twice, and both times my ex-wives cheated on me. It wasn't a rumour or a suspicion. I caught them at it - red handed, as they say. Did these incidents break my heart? No, they didn't. It simply isn't possible. Was I upset? Or course. Disappointed? Yes. Crestfallen? Yes. Did I start my life all over again? Yes. But my heart wasn't broken.
No one has broken my heart or ever will - no matter what they 'do' to me, no matter how often they 'let me down.' I edit my thoughts. I am careful what I allow into my consciousness. I don't magnify emotions out of all proportion and announce to people I have never met that some date broke my heart.
All that matters is the now - what we do today. We cannot blame other people for our state of mind or how we perceive life or what occurred in our lives when we become involved with people. We need to grow up and take responsibility for our emotions and our perception of events. Otherwise we trudge around like the walking wounded, with signs tacked on our backs: "Don't hurt me," "My heart has been broken," "Oooh, my poor heart," "I don't trust men (women)," "I am a victim - a casualty," etc.
No one learns through success. Failure is our greatest teacher. [ Søren Kierkegaard Danish philosopher 1813-1855 ]
Pain is but the breaking of the shell that encloses our understanding. [ Khalil Gibran Lebanese poet and philosopher 1883-1931 ]
Best wishes - Soul Union. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:47:09 PM | | Perhaps you should move up a class....no more Beavis and Butthead until you actually don't act like that in real life. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:57:18 PM | | he said that because he works all week me coming down spoilt the weekend for him | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:17:05 PM | | Dude, read snakewhisperer's post. That's sound advice right there. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:32:24 PM | | If he works all week and says you spoil his weekend by showing up to be with him, then it's perfectly clear he doesn't give a rats ass about you and you should thank your lucky stars that you found out now instead of a wedding ring , 3 kids and a divorce from now.... Just brush off the hurt , hold your head up high and know that YOU WILL meet a man someday that will look forward to spending time with you on the weekend and during the week.... but until that man comes along. DON"T SETTLE for someone that you know is not into you!!!! lifes to short ... | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:44:09 PM | | Well if every man you're involved with 'breaks your heart', consider the fact that YOU are the common denominator in all of these relationships. Maybe you need to step back and take a good look at what kind of men you're getting involved with. Not all men are like this, by the way. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:47:15 PM | | mass dating, like a kid in a candy store, would one candy item be enough, probably not. Who knows what tomorrow might bring so why settle for what you find today. That is how it is and it does not seem to matter if you are young or old, the same thing keeps happening. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:10:56 PM | Again?? I can't believe this! Come on men, fess up and tell us once and for all....Why do you ALL do this??
"Why is it that every man i meet wants to break my heart? "
Quite simply dear, it's a conspiracy | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:14:08 PM | MSG#1 ~OP~Rock goddess wrote:We did have our rows (thanks to a friend of his) but we always made up. Until saturday that is........ when he rang and said i spoil his weekend and that he didn't want to see me again!!!!!!!!!!!!
So i ask you all why do men do this???????
I'd have to know what he was talking about when he accused you of spoiling his weekend?
I'd say best to leave him alone and not call him, Maybe he will get a change of heart or get to lusting for you and he will call you back and you two can patch things up. Sometimes them "Makeup Kiss's" can get pretty steamy :excited:
Some insight as to why he thought you spoiled his weekend? Actually what he should have said is "our" weekend.. it's not all about him.. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:33:12 PM | | Because they think with the wrong head and that makes them stupid. Lol im sorry that you went threw that. best wishes!! | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:44:31 PM | Snakewhisperer, This is great advice. I have totally found this 3 month time period to be my experience as well. I recently dated someone that I met through work. I tried very hard not to get too emotionally attached at first. He told me repeatedly that we were "meant to be." I kept saying, "let's just wait and see. I'm not going anywhere." He went over the top pursuing me, told me that he wanted me to trust him because he had been in love with me for over a year before he got the courage to ask me out. He treated me like a queen and kept dropping phrases like "when we're married." I know that phrase is the oldest one in the book and I'm embarrassed that it worked. I started to fall for him in a big way after I met his entire family and most of his closest friends. I got along well with all the people in his life also, except for one friend. I thought, "why would he introduce me to all the people in his life if he did not intend to continue dating me?"
Almost as soon as all the people in his life started calling me his girlfriend (around 3 months!) he withdrew. First he made excuses for two weeks about why we couldn't get together. Unusual because he was always the one calling me. I finally went to his house to talk to him about it and just clear the air once and for all. His ex-girlfriend's car was parked there so I didn't have the courage to ring the doorbell. The next morning at 6am her car was still there. I guess that says it all. He must have seen me at the door because the next day he emailed me (at work!) to say that he would be working out of town a lot and that he wanted to be just friends. That was 2 months ago. I haven't seen him since. I used to see him every week at work but now he avoids me like I've done something wrong. I wish that he had just been honest with me. Maybe then we really could have stayed friends. Life was so great before I dated him. He seemed nice when we started dating but I wasn't that crazy about him at first. Now I just feel like my life is so empty and gray. How can that happen? ............but enough about me.
A broken heart sucks but I guess we all go through it again and again until we find the right person. It's hard though because if you can't let down your guard what's the point of being in a relationship? | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:14:42 PM | I didn't pull this advice out of my butt, BTW. It came from an online book I downloaded called "Catch Him and Keep Him.com". Great book written by a guy. It seems that if all guys go through that period of indecision at the 3-month stage, women would have better success by letting the physical intimacy build more slowly. Don't give up everything all at once. This not only protects our hearts but keep us challenging to the guy. Again, when the guy starts pulling away at this stage, it doesn't necessarily mean he's gone for good. It means he's not sure and pulling back to check out his other options. It is of utmost importance not to chase him. Keep a loose connection to him. Go on with your fun life and show him what he's missing. But do make it clear to him that you will not be available if he sleeps with someone else. Some women at this point make the guy jealous a little. I really recommend this ebook. It totally opened my eyes. A lot of the stuff we do as women trying to win the guy back is exactly the opposite of what we need to be doing.
You have to remember that if he goes away and doesn't come back, then he is not the right person for you. | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:19:28 PM | | This does not mean the guy is insincere in the first few months of the relationship. It just means the relationship is in its early phases. There will inevitably be the indecisive phase, where he is wondering whether to get serious with you or not. Women need to be aware of this and not invest everything we have right away with a guy. (Easier said than done). | |
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| Broken heart (again)
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:20:27 PM | | First of all take him at his word! when a guy says he no longer wants a sure thing lady for a possiable rescue from the dreaded p#SSy desert, this means he has way more women than he has time to put up with, or you are just so irritating to him that temporary celibicy is a good option. The best one I have heard of is get over him by getting under his best friends, a little payback there don't you agree. If he has no best friends I would be willing to stand in. I don't know all is fair in love and war! | |
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