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 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 1
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
After meeting with your date, what are some good questions to ask?
Which are you better at, listening or speaking?
What do you do when there is silence in a conversation?
How do you feel about cussing and strong language?
How do you communicate when you are upset, if you do at all?
How important is eye contact when speaking to another person?
If something is bothering you, how long will it take you to bring it up?
 HalidonCry
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 2
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:57:24 PM
I hate conversations that take the form of "Q&A's" with a passion (my profile states this). It's such an unexciting way to get to know someone. So routine and methodical; "What do you do?, "Where do you live?", "Why are you dating on-line?", "What are you looking for?" Sheesh!

In a date (or any introductory conversation), I tend to be a listener. I let them talk and I respond when appropriate. Some information will be voluntary and some will require a little probing. Some information will be interesting and some will be dull. That's the joy of it.

I for one, enjoy silences. I don't like to fill up the space with meaningless chatter. A lull in conversation is natural. Some information will allow the conversation to flourish, some will not. Don't worry about it. Take your time, regroup and carry on.

I don't cuss or swear. So while I won't begrudge others for doing so, I tend to find it unnecessary.

A simple, "I'm not comfortable with that" or "I think I may take offense that", accompanied with a smile should get the message across, without making things too awkward.

Eye contact is always important. In any kind of interaction. Not too much, not too little, I say.

I'm usually pretty direct about such things. As long as you convey this to them politely, there should be no problems. No need to get worked up, simply express your dislike at their approach and unless the person is a real life troll, they will most likely take a step back or apologise.

Hope this was of some use to you. Good luck on your dates, :).
 BeerShark
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 3
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:09:20 PM
I agree with the previous poster. The Q&A bit does make for a unspectacular first date. All of those questions you propose can be asked on line or on the phone before going on a date with another. That being said, it would be an awfuly quiet date if no questions are asked. The trick, I guess, is to keep it from becoming an interview.
 AngelicRose
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 4
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:30:52 PM
After meeting someone in order to find out more about them but in a less intrusive way and not just the basics more about their character, I like to do the random question thing, that is if a conversation about both of our interests has faded and such. For instance, "If you could grant one person a wish other than yourself, who and why would you chose them?"

Generally I am a good listener, I am also a good communicator it just depends on what is needed most at the time.

I don't normally cuss however, I don't find it offensive or anything. Ofcourse this is depending on where we are at and if it is inappropriate.

If I am upset and/or if something is bothering me, I do bring it up depending on if my feelings are validated and what not. I try to bring it up in a way that isn't going to be taken wrong or offend anyone.

I feel eye contact is quite important. I don't tend to have proper eye contact initially however, I make people aware that I am not being rude I am just shy. I make eye contact when I speak with people generally, not too much where I am staring down but I know when and how much to use it (being trained to be a counsellor helps).

If something is bothering me, I take time to think it over and decide if indeed I Should be bothered by that, or if I am being irrational. If it is something serious, I make sure I am calm and not going to say something I will regret.
 SCUDRUNN3R
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 5
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:41:56 PM
Because I'm random- "the weather and the price of cheese" keeps popping into my head.
Hey, Im ****, yeah Im 23, Double Glouscter is £5.73, and it's raining by the way. Wensleydale is Buuuum!!!.....

+ alcohol- usually helps
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 6
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:45:09 PM
Asking questions, whether via email, IM, phone or in person should only be a lead-in to an actual conversation. The shot-gun Q and A gets old...QUICK!

Some are conversationally challenged, if you can't find something to talk about, it's unlikely there's much there.
 HalidonCry
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 7
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:46:53 PM
Agreed! If all you have are questions and answers, then neither of you have anything worthwhile to say.

When you meet someone who you find yourself genuinely interested in, you don't even have to try. The conversation naturally ebbs and flows.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 8
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:49:51 PM

The conversation naturally ebbs and flows.


I agree...to an extent. It's not like asking a question is prohibited, but I think of it like spice. Just a little sprinkle here and there...if I'm genuinely interested, then there's lots of things I'd like to know and if the convo doesn't drift that direction, then I will ask. If it's just Q and A...
 Jozepha
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 9
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:58:53 PM
If you are genuinely interested in something that your date has mentioned before--like a hobby for instance that is a good way to get a conversation going and it should flow from there. Also asking what a perfect day for them would be.

If I don't know you well or don't trust you, you may think I'm a bit quieter than usual if I am upset or angry. It's not my style to tell everyone all my problems. If I have an issue with you or something you have said---you will know. I'll try to be polite, but I do get passionate about some topics.

I don't like to hear the F word used as an adjective in every sentence. I really don't want to hear foul language used at all unless you have stabbed yourself with your fork. A mild explictative is okay when someone cuts you off---but you shouldn't have to censor your language should I run into my grandmother on our date and I introduce you.
 spiritfillup03
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 10
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:00:02 PM
I think questions are VERY important!! I would rather have my date ask me questions about who I am and what I'm about then to be the only one asking them, however I do like to listen to the answers~how else are you going to get to know them?
 Cannonfodder
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 11
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:15:25 PM
Have you been incarcerated before?

If so was it a misdemeanour or a felony?
If yes on misdemeanor was it more then one?
Do you have any warrants for your arrest that you know of?

Do you live with your parents? If so why?

Have you ever been in a mental hospital? If so, for what?

How much alcohol do you consume daily?

How much does your weekly drug habit cost?

How many children do you have?
First wife? Second wife? Third wife? Hookups?

Do you have any STD's? (second date question)

What is your opinion on hitting women? (If yes just leave or call police)


 HalidonCry
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 12
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:20:01 PM

I think questions are VERY important!! I would rather have my date ask me questions about who I am and what I'm about then to be the only one asking them, however I do like to listen to the answers~how else are you going to get to know them?


Neither should rely on solely asking questions.

You get to know them, by simply talking. Questions are useful to clarify or expand on something, but they shouldn't be the bulk of the conversation. For example;

"You mention you have a cat. I mention I have a dog. You tell me about your cat. I tell you about my experiences with cats, that led me to not having a cat. You recall a funny story about being in a pet store/animal shelter. I counter with a funny story of a friend and a pet store experience. Then I decide to tell you more about that friend and how we came to be friends. If I'm mixing things up, you ask a question to clarify. When I'm done with my friend story, you mention a story about a friend that say your mother disliked. I mention how my parents didn't care what friends I had.........and so it goes."

Questions kept to a minimum and yet you still get to know someone. It can be done. I recently had a chat (not real life I know) with someone, and in a chat session that lasted an hour, I think we asked each other a total of five questions each! We just talked.
 Ms.Extreme
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 13
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:20:49 PM
OPie-- not knocking you or anything but uhmmmmmm why wouldn't you ask the person you allegedly are going to meet up with those questions in EMAIL or via phone conversation BEFORE you meet? That is what I am perplexed with...... honestly.

I would just find something to chat about when you meet, avoid getting too personal you don't want your *potentials* to feel as if it is a KGB intrusion of sorts. Talk about current events, etc.... just don't pry TOO hard into their personal lives.

For some folks *raises her hand* like me......... it's just *gags* too much, not that I have anything to hide - I just don't feel like telling all...... if I wanted someone to know all, I would have demanded they read my autobiography which is in the works before we met.... lol

R E L A X and just let things flow naturally, trying to force to happen is just going to make for a bad experience.
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 14
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:21:47 PM
If you pay attention, all those questions can be answered without asking in a 30 minute conversation.
 emarguy
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 15
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:25:00 PM
Here's a tip: start staring down onto the floor like you're frantically looking for something. When he/she asks what you're looking for just say "I lost my Congerssional Medal of Honor". It's sure to break the ice and you may even get lucky.
 HalidonCry
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 16
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:26:50 PM
If you pay attention, all those questions can be answered without asking in a 30 minute conversation.

Excellent point. Asking questions puts me on guard. I am more relaxed when NOT asked questions. It allows the person to get a better glimpse of my personality, when I don't have to come up with a bunch of generic answers to a bunch of generic questions. Just talk people. That's all you have to do.

One more "So...what do you for fun?" e-mail question or chat introduction, and I will shoot someone.
 Artistee
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 17
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:28:48 PM
A good question to ask?

How about..."Are you going to bombard me with all kinds of stupid questions?"
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 18
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:37:38 PM
I never asked to any questions with my ex g/f when I first met her. We met at a coffee shop and just introduced each other and from there we just talk about life in general. She had a pic of her dog and I had one of mine on our cell phones. From there we had many things in common and many relatives with the same names and we continued. No questions of what color do you like, or favorite foods etc. I`d say we took to each other without quizzing each other. Also I am a listener, I find talking sometimes boring. I just like to stare at the person I`m with. I look at their eyes and smile and that is what usually catches me firstly.
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 19
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:41:51 PM
As for swearing I hear it at work everyday and when I was with my g/f she never swore and I certainly didn`t. When we went to movies I was nervous about the swearing but she didn`t mind it. As a teacher she hears it from the kids.
 HalidonCry
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 20
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:42:26 PM
I never asked to any questions with my ex g/f when I first met her. We met at a coffee shop and just introduced each other and from there we just talk about life in general..

Only one person who has chosen to communicate with me on PoF has used this VERY effective strategy. :-(

You rock for not adopting a Q&A conversation style. I had to put a disclaimer on my profile saying if you are just going to ask me questions, write up a questionnaire and I'll fill it out.
 prairiechick2
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 21
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:54:31 PM
Not very romantic IMO. It sounds like an interview.
 RedCassandra
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 22
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:02:09 PM
Whatever you ask, make sure that you have a very bright light pointing to their eyes, don't let them sleep for at least 48 hours, and don't be afraid to slap them.

If they still resist answering any of your questions, waterboarding works miracles.

Just google it for detailed instructions... after all, it's OK according to the government.

 Blithe_Spirit
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 23
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:05:01 PM
Try telling a story - or better yet, encouraging your date to tell one, if they seem so inclined - rather than interrogating.

You can use followup questions from their story, to find out the things you might want to know. For instance they are talking about an annoying co-worker. So you ask them what industry they work in... etc. Or they mention a son, you ask how many children they have.

Also, volunteering a piece of information often encourages the respondent to reciprocate. So "I was married once very young, didn't last long, and a second time, for 13 years," might elicit the corresponding information from them. And if not, you can say "how about you?" and it doesn't seem so one-sided.
 1samrap
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 24
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:07:07 PM
hmmmmm, OP do you really not know this stuff...or just trying to compare your style to those of others? regardless, below are my answers....


After meeting with your date, what are some good questions to ask?

If you were an animal what would u be and why?
Who are you when nobody is looking?
What truly makes you smile?
What above all else are you passionate about?
What about a woman do you respect?

Which are you better at, listening or speaking?

both, however, its important to not monopolize the conversation and find the nice balance.

What do you do when there is silence in a conversation?

well its difficult to speak whilst kissing . but seriously, some silences can be good.

How do you feel about cussing and strong language?

as long as it's not every other frickin word the what the f@ck who gives a sh@t!

How do you communicate when you are upset, if you do at all?

calmly and concisely...raised voices are a waste of energy

How important is eye contact when speaking to another person?

VERY IMPORTANT!! I think if a person cannot look you in the eye they have something to hide

If something is bothering you, how long will it take you to bring it up?

depends on the situation and appropriateness of the conversation, but usually i will bring it up as soon as it happens or definitely shortly thereafter. honest, candid communication is key....that's how i operate and expect the same...with everyone i associate with

Sooooo....after really answering your questions, i would say...they are all good questions to ask on your date. obviously sporadically throughout the date and not in a rapid fire interview style.

good luck!!
as always, just my opinion
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 25
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After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:36:55 PM
After meeting with your date, what are some good questions to ask?
-Hopefully, the conversations flows... but, there is a great online book called 1,000 questions couples should know. Pick out 5 and they should get conversation flowing.

Which are you better at, listening or speaking?
-Speaking as well as listening... they are both important.

What do you do when there is silence in a conversation?
-Get uncomfortable. Try to crack a joke or think of something to ask. If too many silences there most likely won't be a 2nd date!

How do you feel about cussing and strong language?
-It can be a turn off especially if they are cussing about an ex and calling them names.

How do you communicate when you are upset, if you do at all?
-On a 1st date? If I'm upset on a 1st date it's over!

How important is eye contact when speaking to another person?
-Very important... no eye contact shows disinterest

If something is bothering you, how long will it take you to bring it up?
-Depends on if it's important or not. Usually, the next time I see the person
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