| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:49:30 PM | We have all seen them, both male and female. Profiles and ads that lay down highly specific criteria about the desired mate.
While it is all well and good to have in mind what you want, what I personally find troubling are the double-standards presented by some daters.
You have seen the pattern: The dater requires you to be a certain physical type and/or salary bracket that actually *ahem* may be of a higher caliber than their own.
My personal pet peeve are the ones who insist you read every word of their profile yet cannot be bothered to look at yours...
No one is saying you should settle for someone you are not keen on but is this kind of approach to dating becoming more prominent? Are we turning into people who insist on having mates who are sexy, successful and rich even though we ourselves are far from it? | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:02:25 PM | | We all have standards. We all have preferences, wants, desires. Some will be unrealistic, some not. If someone is poor or simple, odds are they can want a Donald Trump but A. I don't think he (or his equivilent) is on here. B. I don't think they'll get him. As for reading profiles, ALL (both sexes) are guilty, guys women go for great pic's not substance, harsh but real it seems.Bob | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:05:54 PM |
My personal pet peeve are the ones who insist you read every word of their profile yet cannot be bothered to look at yours...
No one is saying you should settle for someone you are not keen on but is this kind of approach to dating becoming more prominent? Are we turning into people who insist on having mates who are sexy, successful and rich even though we ourselves are far from it?
I fail to see the connection between these two statements. Care to explain? | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:19:37 PM | Hey Reporter....
I agree with you about some people and their double standards.... however, like Bob mentioned, everyone has preferences.
For the most part I don't think we are "turning into people who insist on having mates who are sexy, successful and rich".... some might be, but most are not in my opinion. Most of the people I've corresponded with on here are not looking for Mr or Ms Perfect.... just someone who is right for them.... and that does not mean someone of a "higher caliber" than they are.
However, I can look for someone who is sexy, successful and rich 'cause I am all of those things!! Sexy.... damn right..... successful..... absolutely in what I do..... rich.... in laughter, the love of my family and wisdom!!  Just haven't figured out how to pay the bills with those things yet..... hehehehe
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:31:36 PM | Some people demand your undivided attention, paying to attention to every thing they mention about themselves yet cannot be bothered to look over another person's profile.
It's like they are saying: "Look at me! But I am not going to treat you equally because you're not that important."
The thing is I get this notion online dating is becoming very much like catalog shopping! ;-) | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:36:41 PM | | Sounds like sour grapes to me. Some of us prefer substance to a great pic. After all over the long term we will all age some of us better than others. The pic may be the first attractant but the heart & mind will be what will keep me interested. Beauty is of more importance on the inside. Chemistry is very elusive. | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:44:42 PM |
The thing is I get this notion online dating is becoming very much like catalog shopping! ;-)
It absolutely is! Where else can you see person after person, read a little blurb about them and decide to "try them on" or move on to the next "item"? You can't.
Like it's been said many times in the forums, consider it a good weeding tool.... you really don't want to be with someone like that anyway, do you? There are good people here OP..... just keep on fishin'!!
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:08:58 PM | | I've not run across many men's profiles that seem to require a higher 'caliber' of partner. Most of us are trying to find the one that is right for us. Caliber seldom figures into it. If there is a connection, that's what's important. I don't judge a man by his check book, his vehicle, the size of his house or any material objects. Is there a chemistry between us, does kissing him curl my toes, do my eyes light up when I see him and do his light up when he sees me, do we enjoy the time we spend together and do we have a passion for each other. None of these things pertain to caliber, but they are imperative in for me when it comes to a successful relationship. | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:08:50 PM | Like the guy I met from here ( my first, my ol to rl cherry as it were), who,advertised his insistance on a woman that was young sexy and fit and he was none of those things . In fact it had been at least 20 years since he had been any of those things. We met because he pursued ...uh...begged..me. He had to beg because I am fit but did not meet his other "requirements". Apparently he wrote the profile when he actually was those things or he is completely delusional. We went out. He had a great time. I did not. He grabbed my tits. I punched him out. (not really out).
I think shopping is great! But ordering as if we are all customizable, is a bit delusional. So you have to consider the source. Someone that thinks that way, wouldn't be my type anyways. So hell yes I read profiles and if it has those kinds of menu board ordering picks...I pass.
Who knows? People can be strange here just like everywhere. Nothing surprises me any more.
Although too many things delight me. | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:19:15 PM | | ^^^ I know exactly what you mean(about them not being the shape they claim)....although I haven't had to hit anybody yet! | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:49:24 PM | Maybe we're just so well trained to be consumers that we're trying to apply the same approach to finding a mate. You know, how much thought do you put into your shampoo? (I mean not you personally-- wrong product choice!) Let's say, your toothpaste: it should be environmentally friendly, or it should whiten, or it should prevent cavities, or it should contain real sugar, or it should contain synthetic sugar, or what have you. You don't care for wintergreen, you always get peppermint. So you get on a dating site with zillions of "possible mates" and being a good consumer, you think of all your criterion. What suits your lifestyle, and so on.
It's just funny because most of us can dimly remember that in real life falling in love isn't like that at all. There's a certain amount of divine intervention required; it isn't all up to us. | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 2:46:36 AM |
Some people demand your undivided attention, paying to attention to every thing they mention about themselves yet cannot be bothered to look over another person's profile.
OP...you do know that people have the option of viewing profiles in "stealth" mode right? Meaning that you wouldn't know whether someone looked at your profile or not. For example, I just looked at your profile but I won't appear in your "viewed me" list as I set my "Allow a user to see I viewed their profile" function to NO. ( found in the mail setting).
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:06:58 AM | | Some people have insanely high standards. What makes it even worse is when they themselves can not live up to the standards they demand in others. | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:56:55 AM | OP - unfortunately, it is very much like window shopping.... and yes, many set insanely high standards. My personal favourite is those who have a long list of physical criteria he/she must meet.... and then they add in "spiritual" at the end. Ummmmm..... if he/she is truly spiritual, they would be running from your shallow list of physical attributes. I just laugh at the contradictions of online dating.... this site can be an excellent source of humour.
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:01:40 AM | After several attempts at having a pleasant, fun profile, yet one that also made it clear who I was looking for, I decided to make some changes again and leave it the way it is.
Why did I decide to do that? The answer is simple; because I was getting lots of attention, from the wrong guys!!
Now that I am focusing more on someone who shares my values, as well as my interests, I am having more success in regard to dates. While it may be true that I haven't found the "one" who makes my toes curl, or my heart flutter simply at the thought of spending time with him that day, I have not been getting the nasty notes from the bottom feeders either. Fact is, in recent weeks I have had some of the best dates I have ever had in my life. | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:11:48 AM | Forum Filly, the men's profiles that are unrealistic have different criteria such as the man who actually said that anyone whose clothing size was in the double digits need not reply, wtf?
Well, OP, should one of those books strike gold you shall be sexy, successful and rich, lol and then you have a new problem; taking the time to weed out the chicks who are vapid, shallow human beings but think you are the cat's meow.
Yes it is retarded and unrealistic but I figure that people like this whittle down the dating pool so much for themselves that it leaves a heck of a lot more people for us normal folks that have both realistic expectations and actually do read profiles and look at cute hungry little dogs.
We live in a disposable, instant gratification society. What you describe in your repost is just indicative of values that have fallen away for many, just be happy that you retain what your parents taught you and continue to have the temerity and patience to hold out for what you want.
If you do much forum posting, you might want to ease up on those e-mail restrictions because some of us old farts of certain Protestant sects might want to say hello. | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:31:47 AM | I'm not looking for someone of a "higher calibre" than myself - I'm looking for an equal.
I have my own money - enough for me to do the things I want to do, anyway.
I have a perfectly good car to get me from A to B.
I have a house big enough for us, and have the funds to furnish/repair it, should it need things.
I don't want some Brain Of Britain because I'd feel stupid next to him (though I'm intelligent myself) and muscles and 'conventionally good looking' men do absolutely nothing for me.
With the same level of (MY OWN) standards, I don't want some uneducated 'thick' bloke because I'd hate to think that he'd feel stupid next to me.
I want to be with someone who has the same kind of humour, a comparable intellect and at least a few of the same interests... You certainly won't see me holding out for some musclebound Adonis who stinks of money. | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:37:24 AM |  once again lostintheshuffle, your intelligence & insight belies your young age... are you really an older person in disguise? lol Wouldn't it be much better for us all if we kept our expectations in alignment with reality tho?
Well, OP, I have to say that I would have been 100% in there with you on this until last October at which time I finally met a truely "for real" person here. Yes, all that you say is true & you are certain to be lambasted here for stating this, obvious truth notwithstanding. Double standards pervade most all aspects of living, do they not? Examples: we speed down the interstate without much concern, yet when another blows our doors off on same said interestate, we might say (or at least think), where are the cops now? A woman moves ahead in the corporate world & other women say things such as, "Wonder who she slept with to get that job?" A white southern is labeled a prejudiced jerk based solely on the randomness of place of birth...isn't that prejudice? oh yea. Aren't these all cases of double standards? Again, oh yea.
I was only on POF a few months before I met my guy here but had been on various other dating sites so a certain amount of skepticism had crept into my thoughts too. But I continued to tell myself that there must be "real"/honest people on the internet - afterall, wasn't I one of those looking for another here & I'm not egocentric enough to think I must be the only one. But find him I did & am very thankful as well as happy in doing so.
Keep searching reporter, don't allow the tarnish to rub off onto you & you too might look at your favorites, mail or the forums one day to find that one for whom you've searched. It can & does happen - you know that old cliche you hear women say about having to kiss a lot of frogs...lol... tis true...tis true but oh, when you finally find that one, the warts will be worth it & he/she won't mind the warts left by the others...lol
Take care reporter & best wishes to you,
cata | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:42:22 AM | I hear this happening as well. The person is usually chronically single, even their friends and family hassle them with statements like, "Have you ever considered someone lesser attractive than what you desire?"
They are basically implying that don't date a barbie doll, when you aren't a "ken". They typically suggest dating someone a bit more plain or average looking (like yourself).
Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but there are single people out there that aren't supermodels that expect to date a supermodel. | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 5:03:52 AM | | simple and perfect. i have a feeling though that the further "up" one aims, the less they will achieve | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 5:22:26 AM | | I wouldn't call it so much a "double standard" as much as women being very choosy, and why shouldn't they be this way? My best friend's ex-girlfriend explained it this way: When you have been alone for awhile and have been in a bad marriage, you want to find the best possible match for yourself, and at the first sign of faults, you quickly move on to the next guy, all the while ignoring your own bad habits. I think men tend to do this as well. If we would be a little less judgmental, we wouldn't have such a hard time meeting people. It is really hard to get over past hurts. I wish women would realize that I am not the man who beat them or fooled around on them, so there is no need to punish me for it. The only thing I have in common with most men is my gender, and that doesn't automatically make me bad. | |
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| Online Dating Double-Standards
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:28:45 AM |
No one is saying you should settle for someone you are not keen on but is this kind of approach to dating becoming more prominent? Are we turning into people who insist on having mates who are sexy, successful and rich even though we ourselves are far from it?
No, it's always been this way. Just about everyone wants to "date up", or at least not "date down". It's only human nature. | |
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