| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:00:00 PM | I have noticed in many relationships that people do not want to say they are sorry or admit they could have handled it differently. Many marriages end over something as simple as not apologizing. I found this list and wanted share it and get your input. I think we all can benifit from this list.
Do you need to apologize? Here are 15 ways to say "I'm sorry" to someone you love.
1. I'm feeling defensive. When I feel defensive, sometimes I say things I don't mean.
2. I'm not talking to you like you are someone I love. Let me start over because I do love you.
3. I know I'm sounding angry, but I'm feeling extremely threatened. Let me take a deep breath and try again.
4. I know you're feeling harassed. Please bear with me, I will do better for you.
5. I'm afraid if I say I'm sorry, you'll make everything my fault.
6. I'm sorry. I think I was using a tone of voice I did not mean.
7. I think I'm overreacting.
8. I guess I haven't been listening very well. Please give me another chance.
9. Please forgive me?
10. I know I've hurt you. What can I do that would help us get happy again?
11. I've said some mean things. Can I take them back?
12. I'm making it sound like it was all your fault. I know that's not true.
13. I know I sound mad now. I'm sorry and I haven't stopped loving you.
14. I love you, I hate fighting, and I'm sorry for my part of this one!
15. I feel lousy about what just happened. Can we just make up?
Don't forget the best two words of all, "I'm sorry."
Don't forget the best three words of all, "I love you."
Don't forget the best four words of all, "Please forgive my ______." | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:23:04 PM | I have no problems saying I'm sorry.
Having to admit I might have been wrong about something is an entirely different story...lol! 
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:17:27 PM | Sometimes space is better than sorry. Though, say it anyways.
When I fight with my boyf, and he gets mad... all the sorry's in 10 different ways dont matter. Once he's PO'd, the best thing I can do is apologize sincerely... and then leave him alone to cool of.
Know your SO, and what works for them! | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 5:12:28 PM | Wow - I really like your examples, OP.
Sometimes it's almost too easy to say "I'm sorry" and not even know why you're saying it or saying it without meaning it. These sound much more from the heart because you're acknowledging what exactly is causing your misbehavior and trying to get beyond it. Thanks! | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:11:50 PM | | In order to say your sorry, you have to be able to own up to your mistake. Alot of people have problems with this. There are alot of people that don't just accept apologies and think that more has to be proven in order to regain trust. Both parties have to have a full understanding of both sides of any situation in order to give and recieve full forgiveness. It has to come from the heart and should not just be settled as just words uttered. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:12:20 PM | Your right OP, some people do seem to have a very hard time saying they are sorry. I guess it kind of goes with the new mentality of, "I CAN NEVER BE WRONG!"
But that is a very unrealistic and foolish way to think. And in time, the "I can never be wrong," way of thiking, will sink a relationship. I personally have no problem saying I am sorry, or that I was wrong. Even if I did something unintentional, or wasn't aware of. If it makes the person I am with angry or upset - Then I want to make it right, because I care about the other persons feelings. My GF recently got mad at me for eating too much junk food and cheeseburgers on the weekend. I didn't know it bothered her, but it did. She was concerned for my health - So I said i was sorry that it had upset her and have made a change in weekend eating. Because when it comes right down to it, no relationship is worth ending by fighting over a dumb cheeseburger. So Micky D's can keep the heart cloggers - I would rather consider her feelings, make a change and keep my GF - And besides all that, I just care what she thinks and how she feels. So I should be man enough to admit when I am wrong, and say I'm sorry when I messed up - Because in my opinion, this shows that I do care and that I am not taking her point of view for granted. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:23:28 PM | I have no problem saying I'm sorry OR admitting when I'm wrong.
On the otherhand I do know people who do not even acknowledge an apology when it's offered. Whether they accept it or not. They just say nothing at all and clam up. AND that in and of itself, I do know, is proof that the apology _wasn't_ accepted. BUT, it would be humane and of character to at least say something to the other person. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:10:05 PM | Great ideas. OP I 'm gonna try to use them, esp. Nr. 2 
I noticed something really interesting.
When i was still trying to work it out in my last relationship, my then boyfriend would quite often say: "I never made one single mistake." WTF? We all make mistakes, right?
When I had lost all interest in making this work any longer, I switched over to just tell him how something he did made me feel. No blame or demand really, just this makes me feel that way and I can't take anymore. I wasn't trying to change him or understand him, just help him understand why I wanted out and why I was done. Somehow that made it possible for him to say he was sorry, that it wasn't his intention to hurt me, and I think he meant it. Interestingly, he did refer back to feelings in his apologies and it helped him save face. I guess I-messages do work. (Just wish I had applied this 20 years earlier.  )
Anyone read "Achieving Emotional Literacy" by Claude Steiner? | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:18:12 PM | Words are just words and every example you use can be used by someone insincere to manipulate someone else.
Saying sorry and the words you choose are not nearly as important as genuinely meaning it.
"oops" works just fine when you're sincerely sorry and it can be read in your face, tone and behaviour. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:37:08 PM | I am always wrong.
I like it that way......so I never have to be right. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:40:29 PM | they say that an apology should have 3 things:
~admitting you were wrong.
~not using the word "but" or other words like that...it pretty much cancels out the apology.
~asking what you can do to make things better.
this goes for whomever you may need to apologize to.
#9 sounds like a players line lol. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:43:41 PM | | Pretty much saying you're sorry and stating why is a good start. It's too common that people just say sorry and not why, I guess now that I'm older I can see why my parents made me state why I was sorry when I was younger... | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:48:04 PM | I agree with Melissa
Know your SO, and what works for them! My ex would always insist that I apologize to her, then declare that my apology wasn't adequate, sincere, or otherwise up to her standards. After several years of this I declared there will be no more 'asked-for' apologies. She is a very controlling person, can you tell?
Now that I'm free of her, I can make apologies when needed, and having an apology accepted is music to my ears! | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:01:19 PM |
Words are just words and every example you use can be used by someone insincere to manipulate someone else.
Saying sorry and the words you choose are not nearly as important as genuinely meaning it.
"oops" works just fine when you're sincerely sorry and it can be read in your face, tone and behaviour.
Very good point. Definitely something to keep in mind. But OP did say:
Here are 15 ways to say "I'm sorry" to someone you love.
I think if you love someone, you wouldn't want to manipulate them. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:19:23 PM | hum....well... I know some people that have no problem saying sorry....
however, the action that they were apologizing for continues...
but yes.... for some, it is hard to say^^
nice suggestions! | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:52:17 PM |
I think if you love someone, you wouldn't want to manipulate them.
LMAO... you'd think, wouldn't you?
I'm Canadian, so I have no difficulty saying I'm sorry. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/6/2008 1:57:58 AM | I have a hard time saying I am "Sorry" . And I am teaching myself right now that an apology givin means nothing when followed with justification which I tend to do as I feel the need to have my side of the story heard.
Saying this is hard enough for me to admit but I also know I am not the only one out there like this. I think as the OP mentioned above keeping it simple can mean more then hours spent attempting to say 2 words "I'm Sorry".
Thanks for the reading.... I am sure I will use some of it....!  | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:09:41 AM | | I have no problem taking my "lumps" and responsibility on where I personally went wrong, but I am definitely NOT willing to take anyone else's. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:02:12 AM | There is absolutely NOTHING on that list...no matter how it would ever be worded, that will amount to ACTION........
See...Catholics are the MASTERS at doing something every week......confession....
and they go into the little booth there to confess that they did something wrong to the guy behind the little wall with the holes in it..... and you tell him what you did....and he then gives you a bunch of 'hail marys' and 'our fathers' to say to absolve you of the sins you did during that week.....
But Catholics don't take any of that seriously...because after doing all the requirements......what does one do??? He or she gets up from the pew.....goes out on the streets...........AND DOES IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!! Only to come back the next week to say his confession again.......and repeat it OVER and OVER ....and OVER again....
You don't have to BE Catholic to do this sort of stuff.... you just have to be a person who is only concerned about YOU!!!!
You can quote a list all you want.....you can try to say you're sorry ALL YOU WANT...but until the person puts their ACTIONS where there big fat MOUTH IS...... just shut the HELL UP!!! Because words don't mean SHIT!!! | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:24:34 AM | Don't over-think things, just simply say "I'm sorry".
I'm afraid if I say I'm sorry, you'll make everything my fault.
This one would actually have an adverse effect with me. It seems to say that if you say "I'm sorry" that I won't be mature enough to accept your apology and will be ungrateful/blame you. To me that is not an apology, but a cop-out so you don't have to apologize. #1 is very similar unless you preface or end it with "I'm sorry"
If you aren't mature enough to own up to the mistakes you make (and we all make them) and say you're sorry, then you aren't ready to be in a relationship.
- of course that's just my opinion - | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:37:00 AM | you left off the no 1 key thing to an apology...
saying what exactly you're apologizing for, not the result of the offense. if you upset someone you can be damned sure that person wants you to say specifically what you're apologizing for sincerely and taking responsibility for the offense.
heres what i mean
"i'm sorry i called you a dirty SOB" --very specific and shows you take responsibility for the offense.
"i'm sorry your feelings got hurt" ---shows the offender to be "distanced" without taking responsibility for the ofense....
without taking responsibility , apologies are meaningless to the injured party... | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/6/2008 7:31:02 AM | | I always feel the most important part of "I'm sorry" is to not repeat whatever you're sorry for. I make sure that I don't say the words "I'm sorry" unless I really plan to change my behaviour in the future. I expect the same in return, otherwise - saying the words in insincere and meaningless. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/6/2008 8:01:33 AM | newyorktomboy,
People that can't or won't say they are sorry won't say any of these. They have been taught that saying you are sorry is a sign of weakness.
If I feel that I need to apologize I will just say "I am sorry". People that need to beat around the bush and use what is on your list aren't really sorry. They have a false sense of pride. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:38:17 AM | I'm Canadian, so I have no difficulty saying I'm sorry.
Marge ! What the heck do you mean by that?
Saying your sorry is fine, so long as it's appropriate.
After having an axe stuck in ones skull......
Hmmm.....
Makes one kinda 'submissive' at times. | |
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| Saying your sorry
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:52:06 AM | ^^ It's a joke, sort of. LOL, Canadians will bump into a chair and apologize to the chair.
This series of posts caught my attention...
I'm afraid if I say I'm sorry, you'll make everything my fault.
This one would actually have an adverse effect with me. It seems to say that if you say "I'm sorry" that I won't be mature enough to accept your apology and will be ungrateful/blame you. To me that is not an apology, but a cop-out so you don't have to apologize. #1 is very similar unless you preface or end it with "I'm sorry"
If you aren't mature enough to own up to the mistakes you make (and we all make them) and say you're sorry, then you aren't ready to be in a relationship.
Not intending to direct this at you specifically. But doesn't this reaction kind of reinforce what the apologizer was saying/fearing?
If someone had the honesty to say "I fear you will use something against me" and the other person turns around and says "the fact you would feel that way proves you aren't mature/ good relationship material" ... umm, well, wouldn't the apologizer have been better off just to keep their mouth shut, because it is being used against them and they are being made wrong to have their feelings/thoughts?
Wouldn't maturity mean someone w/could acknowledge their fears and open them for discussion with their partner? | |
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