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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 11:56:53 AM | I was watching the "Millionaire Matchmaker" one night.
Not that it is something that I normally watch, or ever watched before... I just happened by one night and she was saying something interesting, so I put down the remote and continued to watch.
What she said that made total sense to me, was that men no longer know how to pursue a woman. This caught my imagination, because I have seen a lot of threads with men asking women why they never pursue a man.
I realized that this may be true and let me give you a two examples:
A guy asks for my number, I give it to him. He calls a week later. *yawn*
He seems stunned that I not longer want to talk to him.
A guy takes my number and we have a great chat. Then I do not hear from him for another week or so.
He seems stunned that I not longer want to talk to him.
I have seen a lot of discussion about the 72 hour rule when it comes to calling a woman after a date.
How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested. A man who is serious about you, nothing will stand in front of that.
I have heard some women say that if a man does not make a move on the first date, that they think he is not interested. I do not share this, I think it means he is polite. A gentleman. If you couple that with the enthusiasm expressed when a man is seeking out your company, this would be a glorious sign.
Since a certain percentage of men are not particularly discerning when it comes to sexuality issues... just because he want to fondle your parts... does not mean he is interested. Just means he wants to touch your wobbly bits. Not an effective indicator.
So what I want to know is... Men, do you know what it is to pursue a woman? Or are women so busy desperately chasing you, that you no longer feel the need? | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 12:14:51 PM | I get confused by these things. It's like that Dr. John song - Right place, Wrong Time. Ya can't call too soon. Ya can't call too late. Ya can't grab her butt on the first meeting. But if ya don't then she thinks you got no sex drive. It's tough to be a man and a gentleman at the same time. I try to break a woman's will by constantly asking her to the opera. Ya think that would work, wouldn't ya? Nope. Now I'm invitin' them over to wallow in my dump. That's actaully doin' better.
Someone should teach a class in this stuff. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 12:50:27 PM | So what I want to know is... Men, do you know what it is to pursue a woman?
I think most men know how to pursue a woman, but there is a fine line between showing interest and getting to know someone, and being too aggressive. I like to get to know someone on a friendly basis and learn about there character and interests. Some women prefer a man to be aggressive, and if he is not, they assume he is not interested in them. Sometimes its true, and sometimes it isn't. I just dont like to be pushy.
Or are women so busy desperately chasing you, that you no longer feel the need?
If a woman is desperately chasing me, it is a turnoff for me. Anyone who is in the desperation mode (male or female) has self esteem issues to work on. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 1:23:10 PM | Question, op. Regardless of protocol, in those two cases were you interested in either guy? Or was the turn down a form of payback which subverted your real desire.
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:20:05 PM | | "dont know how"...might actually be translated into " they are tired of our games". Why worry about who chases who? And if a woman thinks" He needs to know how to chase me" then she isnt really very mature anyway, and the same goes for a man who thinks he needs to be chased all the time. As far as the guys not calling for weeks? Maybe you said something to chase them off??? Maybe you triggered the loss of interest button. I'm guessing you didnt call in that week either? The calling and the showing of interest, goes both ways! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:24:18 PM |
I have heard some women say that if a man does not make a move on the first date, that they think he is not interested. I do not share this, I think it means he is polite. A gentleman. If you couple that with the enthusiasm expressed when a man is seeking out your company, this would be a glorious sign.
Ahhh...dating...it's so complex.
I wish I could wear my heart on my sleeve...I've even told myself I did and told others the same thing. The sad reality is, I hide my feelings as much as possible.
I wish I could call that girl the next moment, but I can't. I always have to wait that couple of days, not nessecarily 3 days, but never the next day. I make up stupid excuses too.
Just recently I accidently started talking to this beautiful chica at the bar right at the end of the night. I was kind stunned when she said, yes here is my number call me tomorrow. So stunned, I made up some excuse about being too busy for the next couple of days because of work. When I did call her the next day, she didnt' answer and I nervously left a "calm, not overly excited" message on her machine. She never called me back. I text'ed her a few times and she replied once saying I seemed like a nice guy and we should hook up one day. At that point, I deleted her number from my phone.
This all stems from a fear of over-excitment as a young adult. When I first started "getting" with girls I would basically tell them I loved them. LOL
I didn't nessecarily mean it, but like a little boy who likes a girl doesn't know how to say "I like you" and instead kicks her in the shins, as a grown man, I just said whatever came to mind first and that was usually something stupid that alwasy resulted in her feeling something other than "like" for me.
I hide my emotions, because I'm terrified of stuttering or blushing or saying something stupid. I feel rather silly putting on any kind of macho front, but at least it protects my ego or dignity or whatever it is I'm protecting. LOL
Women don't chase me...if they do...they aren't my type and I don't notice them chasing me. So that certainly isn't the problem.
I lie to myself and the women I try and start something with...I think it's just stupidity on my behalf.
I'm not sure I know what it means to chase or persue a woman, no. Should I have tried harder with the one I met at the bar?
I figured, she wasn't really interested in me, although at the bar I felt she totally was. She tried really hard to look me in the eyes (and of course I avoided eye contact). She touched me a lot and I swear went for a kiss at one point but I didn't reciprocate so she pulled out before making it too obvious.
It's complicated and I think that is why men go for sex mostly, even with women they might otherwise like to persue something with. It's easier, no hassles, faking (for men anyways), etc... | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:25:32 PM |
"dont know how"...might actually be translated into " they are tired of our games". Why worry about who chases who?
I couldn't agree more. I also strongly suspect that these days a lot of guys don't like to appear desperate. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:29:40 PM | But then again, I'm smarter than the average bear.
In general, I let the woman make up her mind first before I jump.
Superlizard is smarter than the average bear...maybe even smarter than the average lizard. Chasing can only happen if one person is running. It's better just to be around each other and let an attraction be mutual.
Who makes the fabled first move? I don't know. Hopefully Superlizard can tell you more. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:31:21 PM | First of all. If I get the slightest impression that a woman is demanding,
and expecting me to call with a time limit, that would be the end of that!
I think, how I was going to handle a woman depends a lot on the women.
You need the right tool for the job! 
So to answer your question. Yes I pursue, but I don't do tricks and
although I can be somewhat disobedient, the good news is that
I am housebroken!
The really bad news is that I BITE! | |
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Hi Mom
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Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 10 | |
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:32:49 PM | Why pursue when there's tons of great women out there we don't need that nonsense with?
If I have to I'm just not going to bother. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:38:51 PM | When two people are interested in each other and it is obvious then it tends to flow pretty smoothly and everything works out effortlessly.
I can't read minds. I can only tell when a woman is interested in me when she acts interested.
If she is interested, but does not show it, then I will think she is not interested and I'm not gonna pursue any further. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:02:52 PM | A guy asks for my number, I give it to him. He calls a week later. *yawn*
He seems stunned that I not longer want to talk to him.
A guy takes my number and we have a great chat. Then I do not hear from him for another week or so.
He seems stunned that I not longer want to talk to him.
The fact of the matter is that YOUNG, good-looking, and highly desirable women simply do not want a guy to contact them too soon or too frequently. Modern "American" man has been emasculated via Oprah, Dr. Phil, US public education, Hillary Clinton and everything else and these girls have just been completely overrun by these spineless, needy, nice guys. They want a "real man", the alpha male that exhibits all things manly. "Real men" pursue, but they generally don't care if they get the girl or not. Why should he? Many flock to him. This indifferent attitude is what attracts girls.
The problem, of course is that "bad boys" give off the aura of the "real man" and women are so emotional that they often can't tell the difference.
So by the time even reasonably good-looking women are 35, many have been played so many times that they've grown tired of the games and "bad boys" that they want someone upfront and honest. By then of course, they are probably divorced with two kids. Yeah no kidding they want the nice guy to swoop in and call everyday and show interest. The "nice-no-games-kind-of-guy" is the sucker.
The thing with attracting girls is that girls of different ages act very differently. One way does not work on 18 year olds and 45 year olds. Biologically these girls are very different and their experiences (read: wisdom) are even more different. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:07:14 PM |
men no longer know how to pursue a woman
Know how it *used to be* done?
H.ell yes, I can read.
Willing to do so in today's world?
H.ell no, it's called stalking now, and it can cost any man his entire career. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:16:20 PM | What she said that made total sense to me, was that men no longer know how to pursue a woman.
The lady was only looking at it from HER perspective. Maybe men are just tired of pursuing what turn out to be immature, spoiled, little girls....... I'm not exactly keen on hearing the 'sage words' from some gold digging, money hungry, millionaire pursuer as the person referenced. They have NO idea what it really IS to be a woman.... nor what 'womanly' qualities they should possess that would make a man WANT to pursue. Most women these days have lost all sense of what is attractive to 'the man'.....because they're more concerned about what is important to THEM..... This is like believing that the girls in Sex And The City know how to have successful relationships.........
Big difference.........
Give me something to pursue, and I just might pursue it......... | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:17:12 PM |
I try to break a woman's will by constantly asking her to the opera. I would marry that man. Oh, and I get free tickets because I am reviewing. Therefore it's a cheap date for them.
The really bad news is that I BITE! Oh, that is the bad news? Hmm, who knew?
He needs to know how to chase me" then she isnt really very mature anyway, and the same goes for a man who thinks he needs to be chased all the time. As far as the guys not calling for weeks? There is a difference between "chase" and "pursuit" in this case.
I think most men know how to pursue a woman, but there is a fine line between showing interest and getting to know someone, and being too aggressive. Yes, there most certainly is.
i.e. Calling a woman the next day, or e-mailing her to tell her you had a good time is showing interest. Calling and e-mailing a woman and leaving 10 messages asking why she is not calling back? Aggressive.
I will always call or message and thank them for the time and energy. I tell them I enjoyed myself. I think that is a reasonable signal for further contact being appreciated and considered. If I do not think this is something I wish to continue for whatever reason, such as he pinned me against my car and examined my uvula with his tongue, or was a Nascar fan, I will tell them right away that I do not think we have anything in common, either by phone in the second case, or in a message, in the first.
I would never ask for a second date. I would feel that is pushy and I don't feel that it is my place to do so. It's just not my way.
If a woman is desperately chasing me, it is a turnoff for me. Anyone who is in the desperation mode (male or female) has self esteem issues to work on. Well, apparently I don't have any of those issues on the shelves. I guess I must not be desperate... Good thing? Bad thing? Should I be? I don't think so.
If a man is not showing adequate enthusiasm, I take that as a form of communication. Because well, it is. Whether they recognize it as such or not. Talk is cheap, actions scream.
There is a sturm unt drang when it comes to the beginning of any relationship. One party advances slightly and the other responds, signaling that further advancement is welcomed. If you can't read those signals clearly, maybe it's time to back off and look at the reasons why.
Right place, Wrong Time. Ya can't call too soon. Ya can't call too late. Speaking as a female... If you have a woman's number, and don't call her reasonably quickly... that is too late. If you go out on a date and don't at least in some way let her know you had a nice time and you would like to see her again, that is too late. If you call her and try to have phone sex with her right then, it's too soon. If you call her repeatedly and leave half crazed messages and e-mails, it's too soon. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:17:53 PM | Men, do you know what it is to pursue a woman? Or are women so busy desperately chasing you, that you no longer feel the need?
Women are constantly chasing us guys, we have to beat them back with sticks! In fact they are always ringing our doorbells at the most inconvenient times, no wait! That’s those damm missionaries this time. Seriously though, the next day I’m either tired or hung over. As far as pursuing a woman as in romance. Yes. If your referring to being an annoying pest and trying to occupy her every moment, No. I don’t think men have to chase women once you have been dating. If you like each other, both of you are trying to be with the other. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:30:32 PM |
As far as pursuing a woman as in romance. Yes. If your referring to being an annoying pest and trying to occupy her every moment, No. I don’t think men have to chase women once you have been dating. If you like each other, both of you are trying to be with the other. Well, this is what I am bringing up... the opening salvo in the dating wars.
Nice to know at least someone sees what I am trying to get at! Thanks! I don't feel so alone now. Endorphins have been released in my brain and I can do my happy dance!
Lots of people are making money publishing books, telling women to examine a man's behavior in the beginning. Those books all echo what I am saying here.
Oddly, I do not see that happening much in the other direction. I do see threads from men wondering why women are ignoring their messages and not calling them back. Hey, that is communication too. Take it as such. Not everyone feels it necessary to communicate everything vocally.
It does not matter why, what matters is the action. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:39:27 PM | Are you possibly an Alien? ? I'm most interested in this
UVULVA you speak of?
You really got me to thinking about this now, NO not the UVULVA!
It's just like someone said. If things are going well, then things just flow
and none of this stuff is an issue! Both people need to be balanced and
emotionally healthy, but how often does this happen?
And what about the awesome feelings created by sexual tension? It's not
always as much fun if things proceed in an effortless manner. So how and
where does one interject some measure of difficulty?
I guess all these considerations are what make romance so damn intriguing! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:49:09 PM |
A guy asks for my number, I give it to him. He calls a week later. *yawn*
He seems stunned that I not longer want to talk to him.
A guy takes my number and we have a great chat. Then I do not hear from him for another week or so.
He seems stunned that I not longer want to talk to him.
Sounds like yall didn't have much significant to talk about, or those guys can't pursue a conversation. Oh, and this early on, the object of pursuit is conversation, not the woman. Since you ask, hell no, I wouldn't pursue a woman. Is this a race, or is she trying to get away? I'm not the fastest hound in the pack, anyway.
How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested.
That's true. And it's a little naive, or disingenuous, for a guy to act "stunned" when he suddenly tries to resume an liaison that he suddenly broke off too long ago. Perhaps the old pursuit-mentality induces some people to run too fast too soon, and they can't do the distance. Watch the Belmont Stakes tomorrow, and you'll see several horses who are better at this than most people are. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:52:39 PM | Once again I'm stumped. It appears it was entirely up to those guys in the opening post to play by the rules whether they knew what the rules were or not. And whether the op was interested in either guy wasn't even a consideration. It's no wonder there are so many singles websites.
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:55:26 PM |
What she said that made total sense to me, was that men no longer know how to pursue a woman. This caught my imagination, because I have seen a lot of threads with men asking women why they never pursue a man.
I think it's lovely to feel as though you're being pursued -- not stalked, obviously -- but it's good to feel wanted, right? I think a lot of guys seem to go too far in one direction or the other though; they're pseudo-stalkers or they're as coy as Victorian bridesmaids.
There is nothing more horrible (to me) than a boy playing coy.
"UVUL(V)A"
I just love rubbing my uvula with a cherry lollypop until it gets all red and sticky*...but sometimes if I do it too much, it gets sore and I have to apply some ice...and if I go too far with it, I gag.
*Try it at home! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:00:54 PM | I agree with OP.
If I haven't heard from him in a few days... I lose any interest I might have had.
When I am sending messages and there isn't a reply... I write them off. Then, if they appear later, I am no longer interested.
If a man is interested, he will show it.
If he isn't interested enough to maintain contact.. then I lose interested too.
This is what op was saying. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:35:25 PM | Momi
There's one thing that you need to fully understand and appreciate.
CRIMINAL LAW TAKES PRIOROTY OVER THE "LAWS OF PURSUIT" TOUTED IN THE WOMENS TRASH RAGS.
And , under criminal law ALL pursuit is illegal be they stalking laws, rape laws, or harrassment laws.
It isn't that modern men don't KNOW how to pursue. It's that they CHOOSE not to pursue because of the risk of a jail sentence.
If you have a problem with this then it's your problem and it's not something to take up with modern men. It's an issue for YOU to take up with the police and the courts. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:39:06 PM |
How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested. A man who is serious about you, nothing will stand in front of that.
The problem, however, is that if a guy is very enthusiastic about a woman, it tends to scare her off like crazy. Kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario -- guys who express genuine interest in a woman are considered creepy and guys who play it cool are considered players.
And women think *we're* hard to figure out. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:40:50 PM | This is actually VERY interesting! Some men's relationship advice
gurus say that not contacting a woman until a week or so passes
raises her interest! She may be slightly pissed, but more interested. If
for no other reason, she can see that she isn't dealing with a needy man.
And actually, many of the forum posts confirm this! These women are
thinking about these men. Hardly forgotten! Especially, if they
go to all the bother of asking for advice!
Are some women different? Are just the controlling types, pissed
at not getting immediate attention?
I'm not trying to stir up shit! Just trying to understand why the
discrepancy. | |
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