| self esteem?
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:38:11 PM | I've finally come to a conclusion that much of my relationship woes and mistakes have a lot to do with my low self esteem...which I am currently trying to evolve/improve upon. I'm just finding that it isn't all that easy (especially with a very recent break up in my back pocket). I've recently also found that taking care of myself really helps, because I trust myself and depend on myself more, and I like that. (I can't believe it has taken me soooo long to figure some of this out) Does anyone relate? Does anyone have any 'then and now' stories?  | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:34:11 PM | | kind of a tough thing to describe. i mean is there actually a turning point for when someone realizes they need to respect themselves more? i think its more of a accumulation of events that build up to someone either being able to actively change the way in which they feel about themselves and how it relates in relationships. plenty of people think they have high self esteem but once it actually comes down that they are treated wrongly by someone they are very infatuated with they will be broken like a horse. love and passion can make the most strong willed and self esteem having person become a spineless jellyfish. i tend to enjoy women that dont have this affect on me, thats why i date sluts. sluts are beneath me and that makes me feel good when im next to someone with no morals. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:25:19 PM | | You should never let ANYTHING or ANYBODY hurt, damage or take away your self esteem. I once felt like I was at the end of the world but now I feel as if I made it back. A person can gain or lose anything else but at the end of the day its all anybody really has that they can maintain. | |
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kel35
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Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 4 | |
| self esteem?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:40:14 PM | "i tend to enjoy women that dont have this affect on me, thats why i date sluts. sluts are beneath me and that makes me feel good when im next to someone with no morals."
LMAO. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:41:12 PM | I surely can understand what you are going through...
I have been married twice..First marriage lasted 18-years and the second lasted 6-years ...Boy, I have learned to depend on me and not have my man by my side when I get home, so hard
But I can say that it does get better and even though I am still learning about myself, as well as what it means to love myself.... Everyday does get better
I still have a broken heart with this second divorce but everyday I take that step to finding the real single me as well as now letting someone new in my life.
Keep your head up and know that you are worth only the best and DON'T SETTLE for less
Good luck and as my Mother always tells me....Love will be right around the next corner, stop looking for love will come to you | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:05:50 PM | I relate, and I bet you it's taking me longer...
Then and now stories you want to hear....hmmm. Sorry I don't want to brag 
(just kidding)
What really helped me and is still helping me is emotional Freedom Technique, esp. when I actually do it. You can learn how to do it on Youtube and there is some for ocd, and it is very effective . Best to do it daily. If you have the resources, see a practitioner a few times. I see someone roughly every two month and it helped me get rid of some deep-seated (unconscious) limiting beliefs . Seeing someone skilled using EFT is such an eyeopener... You might want to keep a log, because EFT can be so gentle that you wont even notice the changes as they are happening. Cool stuff.  | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:18:02 PM | so glad i can't relate to these problems..
but best of luck to ya.
 its peanu-butter-jelly time!!! | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:27:23 PM | Thorvin- That type of thinking is pathetic. Maybe if your self esteem was up to par
you could date women other than those you term as "sluts" | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:36:30 PM | | Just went to check out EFT. Definitely an eye opener. Thanks | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:45:26 PM | once was a tennis pro the world was my oyster . at 54 i became a bum who traveled all over. left it all behind to find adventure once my kids were grown . self esteem is knowing your self and being glad about you and understanding ones inprefectoins are your friend to
. i;m glad you wrote your file it is something that comes with wisdom | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:45:56 AM | | Post number 2 was VERY funny. My first girlfriend had a low self esteem. I tried to help her. But i really think that she did not want help. Not much i could do for her. And her constant clinging to me drove me crazy. I really hope i never experiance that again. One has to want to get help and change. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:52:16 AM | | God if you dont respect yourself - no one else will. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:57:49 AM | Luvsouth, lighten up, and try to find your sense of humor.
OP, I recently had my own little Rocky film festival as they are now selling double pack DVDs on the cheap. Hadn't watched them in years but it was interesting watching Adrian's transformation when she was treated with some kindness. I had forgotten the scene when she finally stands up to Paulie after being bullied and belittled for years.
For most, this type of epiphany does not occur. As others have noted, it is accumulated experiences and sometimes reminding ourselves yet again to not accept poor treatment today because of some future bauble of happiness being held out to us.
Don't waste time thinking about how long it has taken your survival instincts to wake up just be thankful they are there and continue surrounding yourself with people that like and appreciate you rather than those that take and don't give anything back.
It often takes quite a bit of beating down for someone to grow a spine, congratulations and just keep plugging away at it. We all deserve to be treated decently but it really is true, people treat us how we allow them to. Be your own best friend and you will be okay. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:12:46 AM | been there done that got a bunch of t-shirts.
you really need to change that profile and quit throwing a pity party and inviting the whole world. the profile says come kick me again while i am down cause i don't plan on getting up. wrong attitude.
first place no one can take away you self worth or self exteem unless you give it to them.
i remember when i was just like you. i was about your age. really felt down on myself because all my life i had been put down and pushed around. but i still didn't do anything about it until 2004. in 2004 my son died of what was supposed to be suicide,
well it doesn't look like it was. immediately the drug dealer and the guy who set fire to his house and my daughter in law started trying to push me into an emotional break down because everyone knew i was on to what had happened. when the drug dealer tried to run me off the road i turned around and tried to catch him but he got away.
i drove straight to the sheriffs dept in the county he lived in called all the detectives and deputies in and told them about it. they shook their head and said yea he is a real problem. i said well i will let him threaten me and i will have a warrant issued for him then i bet i have to kill the sob in self defense before it gets into court. one of the deputies told the rest, he means it. i stopped by on my way home to see one of the drug dealers friends and told him that i hoped the good lord had his soul because his ass is mine. he runs when he sees me now and has left the area. the person who set fire to my sons home i stood up too and he has had a couple heart attacks because he knows i am going to put him in prison.
what i am saying is simple, letting people push you into feeling like you do because they are usually jealous of you and want to see you down and suffer is the wrong thing to do. the better you feel about yourself the better you will become.
look in the mirror, you are beautiful in so many ways don't let a group of stupid people try and make you feel any different.
STAND UP AND KICK ASS!!!!
I HAVE BECOME AN ASS KICKING SOB AND IT MAKES YOU FEEL REAL GOOD!!! | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:16:49 AM | | Wow .......................thats quite a reason to date sluts........very funny | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:47:12 PM | | Thanks for the replies...I was brought up to "do good for others, and feel good about yourself". They neglected to say, "don't take care of yourself first, fall flat on your face, or learn to resent people later". I guess I always thought of self esteem as an attainable 'stagnant' thing. Its constantly fluctuating. I guess that's part of why it can be hard...to learn and maintain good habits. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:14:52 AM | yes i use to have this mate of mine and he would watch pornos all the time. He got a cramp in his wrist and couldnt work and had to take time off work. He learned to use both hands and did special wrist strenghting exercises I taught him. Now he is learning yoga and will soon be able to use his feet. | |
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ddsk
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Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| self esteem?
Posted: 6/8/2008 12:41:03 PM | OP
I had a great first marriage that broke up when she decided she didn't want children. It had been ten years since I dated and I let everything affect my mind and emotions when I got back into the dating world.
A very good therapist reinforced that no one can be anyone's partner unless they respect themselves, and that the most important person in my life is me. I remain an emotional, romantic sort, but always stay grounded in who I am and what I want in a relationnship.
Stay well | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:31:43 PM | lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
i would date a slut but they dont like me because i dont look like nelly or any skinny ***hole sluts usally like eye candys or guys with a 6pack. and sluts carry somthing that we all know but don't want its called STDs. lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol maybe i should lose weight to get a slut lol lol lol lol lol | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:07:09 AM | | It can never be said too much- LOVE YOURSELF.... then you will have the spark that someone's looking for, and maybe missing in their life. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/9/2008 10:53:03 AM | Hi, I don't have any "then and now" stories, but definitely "taking care of yourself" is what all healthy normal happy people do. Exercise, education, meditation (some people pray), healthy eating, SEE A DOCTOR if you think its a medical/mental problem, etc.
Any improvements we can make in our lives is always good. But smoking, drinking, staying up late, clubbing, and hanging around with losers, won't help your self esteem or anything else. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/9/2008 1:10:34 PM | Hey, Poster, we're learning stuff all the time!
You go!!! Here's a book you may want to check out: "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting"
So good to hear you are lovin' yourself more and more each day!
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/11/2008 3:39:57 AM | The beauty of a woman Is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries, Or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman Is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows,
And the beauty of a woman
With passing years
only grows. =) | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:07:04 AM | Yeah, I was there once, but life is better!
My ex would grow her own self esteem by demeaning that of others. And I didn't realize it until the damage was done.
Then we broke up (after 19yrs, that was 8yrs ago) and I reached out to family, friends, co-workers and clients. I started my own business and enjoyed how people appreciated my efforts. It felt good. Still does.
The moral of the story? People. Its people that will make you feel better about yourself. Work to establish a social network for yourself. Surround yourself with good people. Join a church, club, team or civic organization. Volunteer for something. Go out and meet socially with your neighbors, co-workers, or professionals that are already in your life. Reach out to family (they probably miss you). All these people will grow to appreciate you for who you are. They will compliment you and acknowledge your valuable contribution to the greater good. They will support you, and you will support them.
Its easy to say 'I've learned to only depend on myself' but that attitude will only dig you a deeper hole to wallow in. In truth, you've got to be involved with other people. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:26:10 AM | self esteem?? whats that???
i haven't had self esteem in years and know i need it but bringing it back is a whole different story and the hardest thing to do | |
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