| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:12:52 AM | I have heard from many friends of mine that they chose to leave it up to the other person, the one they truly liked, to contact them if they liked them also, I guess because they wanted to be in a relationship only if they were truly liked and desired by the other person. However, what happens if both leave it to the other person to contact or show them interest, and nothing ever happens even if they both have strong feelings toward each other because they are completely unaware of the other person feelings? ... even a fear of rejection plays a part in here sometimes!!! I think that this is a big issue with a significant number of people that I know
Especially, with all the laws about harassment, that might greatly interfere with true love expression sometimes, it might be difficult for one to know where the acceptable limits of their expression is, especially if the relationship becomes complex.
What are your experiences with this? Do you want to be sure of the other person desires you before you actually approach or re-approach that person, and do you leave it up to the other person to contact you or show you somehow he or she likes you before you do anything? | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:39:58 AM |
What are your experiences with this? Do you want to be sure of the other person desires you before you actually approach or re-approach that person, and do you leave it up to the other person to contact you or show you somehow he or she likes you before you do anything?
No. I see no harm in contacting someone and asking them to spend time with me, regardless of whether or not it goes anywhere. I used to be more afraid of rejection, but being rejected isn't as bad as not trying. One of the most difficult things for me to read is whether or not it is o.k. to make any physical moves, which can be pretty awkward if you make a mistake. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:43:41 AM | What have you got to loose to make the first contact.
What is wrong in saying you'd like to get to know them?
Be honest and tell them or you will never know if they might be attracted to you too.
If you do not get a response...fine, then that is your answer. Or you might get a response that says, "thank you for your interest, but I don't see the chemistry."
OK, deal with it and look further until you find that one open to your interest in them.
If you wait to be the first to contact, you might wait forever and never find what you want. Sure, there is that chance that they are not interested. So what, You have nothing in the way of emotions involved except the attraction to that person.
I'd hate to think some woman has an attraction to me but is afraid to tell me so. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:25:52 AM | I used to get nervous contacting the other party. But not sending a message over because it can be thought through. I am meeting a date tomorrow and I'm dead nervous but that's only because I like her lol! In terms of answering your question, I used to initiate the first contact and never seemed to have any luck. So I just gave up and concentrated on other things in my life like my business. I did put more effort into my profile though. My current date made the first contact with me which blew my socks off! Especially because I thought that someone like her would be way out of my league! I've since realised that she only did it because I am being myself and she likes me for who I am. It's done wonders for my self-confidence. Ever since then I've been contacting her non-stop lol.
I think it's harder for a bloke to get a response than a woman, probably because there are so many morons out there wanting only one thing. My date told me only yesterday that a married man tried to contact her the nite before, even admitting that he was married with kids! What a looser! | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:35:16 AM | | I think everyone should occasionally take a risk and let someone know you're interested... no doubt you will sometimes be shot down, but then this gives you empathy and admiration to those that take the first step towards you. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:27:06 AM | I can tell you that here on POF, I definitely leave it up to the woman to contact me. Writing several letters and getting no responses gets really tiresome really fast, and I feel I'm just wasting my time doing that. At least if the woman shows interest in me here by making first contact, I know there is a level of interest on her side, and then we can see what happens.
In real life, I might or might not make first contact. If I hear through the grapevine or get the correct signals from her showing me she is interested, I have no problem making first contact, unless she does it first. If I don't get any sense of an interest from her though, I won't approach. I want to know there's at least some interest level on her side.
If I'm not interested, btw, I am not rude about it. I want no part of unnecessarily hurting someone's feelings. She will still be treated nicely. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:28:26 AM | | I don't wait to be contacted, but almost all of the messages I send out receive no reply. I've even had some of my initial sent messages marked as "unread / deleted." I try not to take it personally because I know the women receive many more messages than the guys, but it gets hard to write nice meaningfull messages when you don't even get a "sorry, but no thanks" in return. Nevertheless, protecting yourself from rejection is not the answer. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You never know if the other person is even aware of your profile, and so you send a message and hope for the best. I like it best when I get to respond to someone else, but somebody always has to be first. On POF there are some clues, like "who has viewed me," or people that have placed you on their favorites list, but overall I think it's a shame if somebody likes someone else and they don't say anything. Also, if you really think about it, any pain from being rejected now is going to be less than the percieved "rejection" of never being contacted after letting your hopes build up. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:19:06 AM |
I have heard from many friends of mine that they chose to leave it up to the other person, the one they truly liked, to contact them if they liked them also, I guess because they wanted to be in a relationship only if they were truly liked and desired by the other person. However, what happens if both leave it to the other person to contact or show them interest, and nothing ever happens even if they both have strong feelings toward each other because they are completely unaware of the other person feelings? ... even a fear of rejection plays a part in here sometimes!!! I think that this is a big issue with a significant number of people that I know
As I read your post I believe that you are talking about what happens when a connection is made, and I agree with you that it is a huge conundrum I relate it to running with a handful of sand... Can't apply too much pressure or it runs out can't apply to little or it runs out, can't run to fast or to slow...
I find it is good to re-assure the other person that I am interested in them, and that it is their turn to plan the next outing and I will wait for them to make a plan and contact me, so far about 50/50 so better than average I think.
Big AL | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:25:09 AM | | I agree with alot of what has been said and I think the fear of rejection is the biggest thing that holds men/women back. But that is going to happen. What I have the biggest problem with is a no response. Ok so you read my profile and don't think it would work. That's ok - just drop a note - it hurts less than being totally ignored. And the post about knowing someone is interested or has read your profile is a great way to keep up with things going on. Drop a line and just say thank you - it could start something off there. If you read the profile and it really is not someone you will like - then drop them a line and tell them you aren't interested. I think it is more about curtesy than rejection. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 11:02:13 AM | | I what find funny on here is when you write people that you're interested in and show interest they won't aknowlegde you and delete your note but yet they'll still keep checking you out without saying nothing back? what's up with that? | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 11:16:08 AM | | well i was recently in a situation like this .....before me n my man had a talk bout where things were goin i was really scared to say anything to him after 3 wks of dating....so i used email instead and still had to wait a while for him to make up his mind....well obviously i ended up with him cause we're now a couple but it was really hard for me where i'm supper shy when it comes to this matter of things...it can be a no win situation if both are waitin on each other to bring it up though | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:07:36 PM |
Do you want to be sure of the other person desires you before you actually approach or re-approach that person, and do you leave it up to the other person to contact you or show you somehow he or she likes you before you do anything?
I think there is inherent confusion in the question due to wording.
Lets differentiate between being sure the other person desires you & shows interest. To know the former, you kind of have to know the person to begin with. The latter can be known by body language without approaching - for example, a wink or a smile or simply the person looking your way.
Being sure the other person desires you is good when you want to reveal to them how you feel about them.
Show of interest is good when you want to approach someone. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:20:22 PM | Either way someone has to man or woman up and take initiative. If you keep looking at each others profile and neither make a budge, then you both need a good swift kick in the rear. Everyone fears rejection at some point. It stings when you don't get the response you wanted, but ya know what, you might not be what they are looking for. You might be the worlds greatest guy or girl, but they'll never know it. Just move on.
This constantly checking out each others profiles and yes and no and maybe is so retarded sometimes.
I am constantly saying hi, good morning, how's it going, what's up to people out in real life and never get a response. It's not shocking I would get the same thing online. Sometimes people just don't want to be bothered. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:23:07 PM | Ever have females view your profile several times and try to contact them and found out you couldn't ?? LADIES, when you check the box on your e mail account and wounder why we don't contact you it is because WE CAN'T. I have had several women Who I would of liked to of contacted but there box ( Must not be looking for intimate encounters ) was checked and we can't contact you. NO, I am not looking for intimate encounters but you have probably wiped 1/2 of the men off your chance of contacting you.
traxx1  | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:25:02 PM | | for every ten rude people in public there is one nice one. i work in grocery and convenience stores all day and its pretty depressing. maybe it has a lot to do with me being in vegas and people having to watch their backs. girls always think im trying to hit on them by me saying good morning or whatever but i do the same with 60 year old men. common kindness has really gone out the window | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:27:03 PM | I will tell the woman that I am interested in her, though most advice to play cool and get the other person to chase. I'm wayyyy over the games and will break the ice, if things progress, I will let them know of my feelings and put myself in the vulnerable position of expressing my feelings.
Why waist time playing hard to get when its easier to be direct? If the woman begins to think that I am too easy or accessible and decides to go with another guy, so be it, she was never that interested.
Being honest, nice or making oneself is not a weakness, it is more dangerous to show vulnerability, in fearing rejection. Never mistake kindness, openness, wearing your true feelings about a person on your sleeve for weakness. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:31:46 PM | For online I won't make contacts because I expect next to nothing from POF when it comes to dating/relationships. But in real life I will continue to be the pursuer because lets face it, the chance of a girl actually pursue a guy (in a sense where she initiates the 1st contact message, or actually ask a guy out on a date in real life) is slim. So any guy that's just going to sit there and wait for a woman to ask them out or make contact could possibly wait a long time. The girls can continue to wait but I don't believe it's as big as an issue because it's not really expected from a woman to actually make contact, but I suspect (and you can clearly see from forum posts) the ladies will post complaints on the number of inappropriate messages they've received.
I've been here since October 06, and I have to say probably half of my matches and search results with negative headliners or negative profiles are from women that have been on here for just as long (or even LONGER). With numbers being thrown around all over the POF forums about the guy to girl ratio, there are no reasons why girls that are serious about finding a significant other should be on POF for THAT LONG.
I think reassurance is comforting, but there needs to be a balance. Constant reassurance is annoying, but having no reassurance makes you wonder if you're wasting your time and energy on trying to create something, when the guy/girl you're courting is possibly playing the field or are just too scared to tell you he/she is not interested.
But as a guy, I can't really leave it up to the other person to contact me, or show me somehow she likes me before I do anything. But I expect next to nothing on POF now, so it doesn't really apply to me. In real life though, I will continue to be the pursuer. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:36:38 PM | Thorvin
I agree with you on that as well, if you smile or at least say hi some females instantly get offended, but ya know what these times are dying times for kindness, caring and all but yet everyone needs it. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:47:09 PM | I suppose...that since I've Edited the #&LL out of my Profile ..
[and only succeeded to improve my typing speed (marginally)...]
expressed my opinions on a Miriad of subjects in the Forums ..
[and only succeeded in embarassing myself (considerably)..]
and written to literally D o z e n s of Ladies ..
[with about as much 'success' as Peter Griffin at the Playboy Mansion (*BLUSH*..]
I'll try something N E W .. and Let THEM contact Me..!!
*Suprises Happen* !! | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:18:58 PM | I can tell you that here on POF, I definitely leave it up to the woman to contact me. Writing several letters and getting no responses gets really tiresome really fast, and I feel I'm just wasting my time doing that. At least if the woman shows interest in me here by making first contact, I know there is a level of interest on her side, and then we can see what happens.
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That guy better not "waste his time" by holding his breath. Why not improve your game, exercise more, read spiritual books (and practice it), dress sharp, practice flirting, learn about art and gardening, and local cultural events..(I don't do none of that stupid stuff, because I like being single..)
Anyways....Someone needs to contact someone, SOONER OR LATER, maybe you set yourself a "timeframe" like 2 days or 4 days or a week. Its been said a thousand times on here, if you write or call someone twice and don't get a reply, that's a fair sign to "give up".
If you are a woman concerned about appearing "easy" or desperate or single, then just send a coy message like, "Hi what's up". then see what the guy says back. If he says, "I looked at your profile and think you are a cumt" then iggie him. If he says, "Hey, I've been hoping you would contact me. I really like your profile and what you wrote about a first date"...then make a new profile and email him again and see if you get the same exact reply. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:25:41 PM | | Lately I have been leaving it up to the ladies to contact me if there is any interest as for a while now most all of my emails have gone "read/deleted" so now I let them contact me if they're interested. I see nothing wrong with the ladies making first or recontacting the guys, makes a nice change of pace anyway. | |
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