I get it, you are who (whom?) you are. My suggestions are below because I think you were on the bus headed for Wit, but jumped off two stops early landing at Cranky and just short of Meanness. Try this.
I am playful because work is so serious. I am kind because the world is harsh. And I love passionately because the wind outside can be terribly cold and I want you to always feel warmth.
This should be your opener. It sets the tone for the profile and prepares your reader for what's to come.
So what's your story? What motivates you? Have I stood out? That is the goal after all, to find the one who compels your breath. And you don't really want HIM to sound like every other guy who is out there...
This should be your closer. Everything else would work best if it were placed between these two "paragraph-lettes". I'm not going to do my usual hints on writing better paragraphs. Just remember, you mentioned advanced education/experience in English and writing. You should know if you're representing advanced ability there.
Check your pulse, it's time to start living again.
This needs to go.
- T
{edit}
PS;
Ellipses = dot/space/dot/space/dot <- sorry, couldn't resist.
Home
login 
