| getting used to co-parenting
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:14:05 PM | well, I'm reaching out to all the single mums and dads out there.
My wife (still legally we are so) and I seperated a few months back. After several years of trying hard to work it out, counselling, so on, we just had to accept it was over and not coming back. People change. Now I have a nice apartment ten minutes away from the house, my two daughters (6 and 8) stay with me every second weekend - 5 days out of 9. We managed to keep it all as amicable as can be. For my part, I am really glad to be out of what had become a very stultifying relationship, even though it still hurts at times.
Even so, the whole thing with the kids eats me up at times. The last 3 times they stayed with me, they got sick - flu, coughs, stomach upsets. I'm sure it's an emotional reaction. We tried to really explain everything, be open and honest with them, and they accept things as much as they can. But there is the heart and the head, and the heart is still hurting for all of us. For myself, I still miss the family feeling sometimes. I know they miss it a lot, and they would give anything for it to be OK with us.
What can I say. I know it has to be this way. No going back, it would just be awful. In time things should heal. Even so, it just hurts like hell sometimes. I had a disrupted and troubled childhood myself, I do all I can to try to make it better for my girls. It gets to me that it didn't work out better, that somehow, it feels almost inevitably, the cycle repeated.
We do our best, but sometimes it seems our best is just not enough. I know it will get better in time, there is no other way it can be. But this bit is pretty hard. | |
|
| getting used to co-parenting
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:39:56 PM | Hi danmcb,
I feel your heartache. The feelings of there no longer being a family unit are very hard for those who really care. The biggest thing I noticed in your post was that you did not bad mouth your soon to be X and your main focus seems to be on the children. It is always wonderful to hear about two parents who remain vigilent about what is best for the children when the marital part fails to hold together. In the future your children will appreciate the effort you and mom are making.
Keep your head up, be strong and look to the future.
My prayers are with you,
Kenny | |
|
| getting used to co-parenting
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:13:28 PM | hey Kenny,
I really appreciate your comments and support. Right now these things mean a lot. I won't badmouth my ex, because although emotionally we grew apart, I still have a lot of respect, and I genuinely think she's a great human being. I hope and believe she feels the same for me too. It took a lot to get to that place, but it was worth it, I guess. The idea that one day my kids will really "get" all this is a great thing to hope for.
peace
Daniel | |
|
| getting used to co-parenting
Posted: 6/7/2008 3:42:31 PM |
The idea that one day my kids will really "get" all this is a great thing to hope for.
Daniel..... your girls most probably do get it now... but they like you are also trying to get use to the co-parenting but in their eyes its co-children.
Kids see and hear alot more then we give them credit for..... they most probably saw and heard you and your soon to be ex try really hard to work it out.... they would have picked up on the mood in the house.. saw the body language.... and realised mummy and daddy werent like they use to be... but you just never really noticed that they would have noticed.... the benefit of them noticing/seeing/hearing all that went on around them and saw the split was a mutual thing and nothing nasty was done or said ... would give them a good experience for their future on how they would be able to handle something in a similar situation.....and speaking from experience myself with my own parents.... i can now look back 20 years on... and say... yep... it was the best thing my parents ever did.. not only for themselves ... but for us kids...... your girls will be able to see the difference in bot you and ya ex and see how much happier you both are in your current lives....
Give it time to all settle down .. theres a new routine you all have to adjust too.... soon you will all see... happy parents = happy kids.
Oh and by the way... dont fret the girls getting sick.... id put it down to change of weather which does get to most of us... some worse then others regardless of where we would be living. | |
|
| getting used to co-parenting
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:16:33 PM | Daniel,
I'm going through similar circumstance, except that my kids seem to be adapting fairly well (they actually seemed to adapt easier than I did). While I doubt that it will ever get easy, it does get easier. Hang in there, keep reminding them that you love them, and that their mother loves them. Support your ex in her parenting decisions.
Most of all, remember that you're not the first or last person to go through this, and that people do make it through. You can too. | |
|
| getting used to co-parenting
Posted: 6/7/2008 5:36:06 PM | wow. I was even wondering whether to start this thread, but I see I really walked into a very good place. Thanks all for the positive feelings. Good to know I'm not alone (well, I knew it, but it's good to feel it too.)
Here's to positive parenting!  (hey, smileys suck a bit IMO, but sometimes ... !) | |
|
|
Home
login 
