| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:39:15 PM | I met someone several weeks ago and while we've had PHENOMENAL sexual encounters I find myself wanting to be more than just a the kinky goto girl. I've explicitly said, "Hey you, take me out to dinner sometime" and just today on our ride back to my place I mentioned that "this 15 minute drive is the most I've heard you speak"
I have a LOT more formalized education than him and I'm still in training. He brings up our education disparity frequently. He also has asked me when/how long i'm going to be living in this area at least twice. Once he said "Well if you're just going to move in two years why should I get attached".
So is this a case of he's not that into me? or is the kinky crazy sex pushing his "slut" button and he's afraid to commit?
thoughts? | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:45:40 PM | Sounds like you have already framed this relationship, in the direction it is going... try someone more mature and closer to you education level, then go back to you boy toy
Big Al | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:59:40 PM | | He's afraid to commit to you because you are moving away in two years. He's gonna enjoy the ride while he can. | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:29:26 PM | | Your title says it all... great chemistry, nothing in common. It will probably only be a sexual affair. You have nothing in common to talk about. You're in grad school and what interests you intellectually, is probably quite different from what interests him. If you are enjoying yourself and having a purely sexual relationship doesn't bother you, go for it. If you feel you want a more complete and fulfilling relationship, either talk to him about it and see if there is enough common ground to make it feasible. If not, look for someone more compatible. Good luck. | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:53:45 AM | Ive been through this myself. The sex is phenomenal but theres just nothing else there. However, due to the awesome sex you dont really want to move on because Lord knows how long it'll take to find such great chemistry again.
For me, the lack of an intellectual and emotional connection got to me, and after multiple attempts to find other common ground we finally parted ways. She was OK with it being sexually-based...I was the one who wanted more.
So it comes down to what you both want. If you feel unfulfilled but he's cool with it, that might not be something thats fixable. Hopefully it will work-out for you, though.
Follow your heart. Thats the best thing to do in something like this. | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:02:26 AM | | you met the guy several weeks ago and have had mutliple sexual meetings without much more than a word spoken. what do you think the definition of slut is exactly? | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:29:33 AM | I think when you start a relationship based on sex, you bypass the 'getting to know you' stage so you don't even get to find out whether you're a good fit or not.
You've both pretty much set the pace for an FWB type of relationship. It speaks volumes when you have to tell him you'd like to go to dinner with him occasionally because you only spend time with him horizontally. He just sees you as easy sex. | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 5:17:51 AM | Starting from just the sexual part of a relationship isn't a good idea. I've been there, and while the sex was PHENOMENAL, the best I've ever had, there was no real chemistry between us and while we we got on very well indeed, that vital spark was lacking. That little je ne sais quoi, y'know?
And I need that emotional connection. I can't really do this 'wham bam thank you ma'm' thing, tbh.
:( | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:11:43 AM | | Congrats you have a 'fvck buddy' relationship! Hey not saying there is anything wrong with that - but if it's not what you want and he sees you only as a temporary lay - I would suggest you move on - before there are any deep feelings - that can turn to pain! | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:21:54 AM | Re the Opost
This is not a FkBuddy rel as some posters atgued, IMO.
1) Sexual/romantic dimension: Superb!
2) Intellectual dimension: Poor to non existant.
3) Emotional dimension: I do not think "we" have info on that one from the Opost.
Only if (3) is poor, can one label such rel an "FkB" one.
What it does not qualify IMO is "FwBenefits" simce friendship is usually based on common/shared interests.
I have been, alas, in many rels, even long ones, where the shared/common interests dimensio was poor. But both the sexual AND the emotional were great or very good!
But IMO go out on dinner does not really qualify as a shared interest or is relevant to teh existence of intellectual connection or not. | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:32:12 AM | | You allowed this to happen and if you continue going in this same direction, you already know how it will end. You know that it is your choice on what you do. He has made his decision, so enjoy the kinky crazy sex for these 2 years, or find someone else. You know what you want to do and you also know what is the right thing to do. Your choice. | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:32:18 AM | Big Al makes a good point. He is already getting what he wants without actually acting like you are having any sort of relationship. He is obviously intimidated by your education and has a valid point about becoming attached if you are leaving in two years.
If you want more, then don't settle for the sex. The different education levels is not necessarily a problem, I know many men without any post-secondary education that are highly intelligent and in your case, you may have things in common but spend so little time talking that you have not found them out.
If he doesn't want to redefine the way you spend time together and you do, it is probably time to move on despite the fabulous chemistry. | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:46:49 AM | Oh that was Mike...where is he now? I would meet him at the airport and man was he hot but not a brain cell in him. We would make out then I would hop on a plane and not see him for months. I guess he got fed up with me never putting out or the wife caught him but that man/boy whatever sure was what I needed for the ego boost during the divorce...geez keep your legs closed and masturbate.
Find a man that is smart and sexy...like AL | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:30:31 AM | So we actually met at a bar following a friend's party. We're both in the healthcare business just different echelons if you will. (He brings them in from the street, I sew them up). So it's not as thought the potential for common ground isn't there. I get the impression that he is intimidated by me and is somehow afraid of saying something stupid so he prefers to keep quiet. We've been meeting about once a week for close to 8 weeks now with a two week hiatus where I was seeing someone else who I found more socially stimulating. However my mind would keep comparing the sex and frankly, new guy just wasn't satisfying, and the emotional/social aspect wasn't enough to justify the less than stellar horizontal adventures.
So I found myself texting the fireman, asking for advice on what to do on a gorgeous saturday. You can imagine the rest from there I suppose.
I think the potential for relationship is there, however I suspect that it's a situation of a)he's not that into me or b)he doesn't want to pursue something/someone with a possible end-date and lastly c)the sex is great because he does things with me he'd NEVER do with someone he was seriously interested in
It's parsing out these differences that I need help with and even if this doesn't work out, I'd like the lesson for future reference. Thanks guys! | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:36:40 AM | first, doc this isn't about him or his thought or his feelings..it's entirely about you!
it's obvious you have no or little idea what you want with regard to him...if he were to come to you tomorrow and propose would you be overjoyed? ...you are the one analyzing this situation to death....he however, respects that this is what it is for as long as it is..he's just going with it for now... why lead him on and make the eventual separation harder?
"I think the potential for relationship is there" <---go tell him this and have an adult conversation.
secondly, stop judging him as being intimidated and get over yourself already girl!!!...do you think a man who knows he is capable of giving you mind numbing orgasms ....and who also intermittently risks his life pulling people out of burning buildings is going to be intimdated by someone who has read more books than him?
he may not feel as if he is your intellectual equal..but he is in no way inferior
(it's all said with love hun..i truly respect your hard work, perseverance and profession,...honestly some of my best friends are doctors) ;)
good luck! | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:29:43 AM | Obviously, a FWB, why dont u just enjoy what you have and not try to make something its not?
Chances are, one he starts treating you in bed like someone he might care for, you will lost interest, anyway.
Be a slut. Life is short! | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:18:14 PM | | I love this forum because despite not having my direct question answered ive learned more than i had initially bargained for. the bigger issue here is why am i looking a gift horse in the mouth, and frankly I agree. I suppose I just want my cake huh? About losing interest, sadly I also have to agree with this. Part of me thinks that once the "mystery" of this guy is gone (ie. why he doesn't show more interest in me) my brain will have solved the puzzle and move on. As for the bit about getting over myself, unfortunately I've run into a lot of guys who once they find out what I do, they bail on me. What I try to explain is that I'm not terribly attracted to the cerebral types myself and I love taking my mind off of work once home. I have little to no interested in so called brainiacs. Thanks for the advice folks this has been most enlightening. | |
|
| |
| |
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 9/12/2008 3:52:03 PM | | Sounds like you started off with a relationship that's about sex without bothering to find if you had anything else in common. Try finding someone you've got other things in common with and then have sex with them once you've established that. | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 9/12/2008 4:11:52 PM | >>>>>the sex is great because he does things with me he'd NEVER do with someone he was seriously interested in<<<<<
I don't get that at all???!!! Why not.... unless he was interested in someone who isn't as sexually adventerous. But I couldn't do that. Sexual Chemistry is very important to me. | |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 9/12/2008 6:37:54 PM | About losing interest, sadly I also have to agree with this. Part of me thinks that once the "mystery" of this guy is gone (ie. why he doesn't show more interest in me) my brain will have solved the puzzle and move on
Why does he need to show more interest in you?
You're already being his sex toy...
Apparently, it's not like he had to work hard at getting you into bed... so he's probably already looking for someone he can have a real relationship with...
You start out a relationship with sex, that's usually all the relationship will ever be...
Since you say he doesn't talk much or show interest in you, you can't even call this a FWB so it's more like you guys are just "fcuk buddies"...
or is the kinky crazy sex pushing his "slut" button and he's afraid to commit?
Actually I think it's your "slut" button that's getting pushed...
| |
|
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 9/12/2008 7:24:13 PM | | i know what u mean about the mystery factor i was in the same situation for months but it was reversed he really was far beyond me intellectually and i was so intimidated i barely spoke lol ...but in the bedroom it was very sweet and satisfying.....haha im still trying to figure the mystery of him out to this day and once i do im sure ill be able to move on ........its really hard to say maybe he doesnt like dating a woman that makes more money than him ??? could be as shallow as that. | |
|
| |
| great chemistry, nothing in common
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:14:13 PM | Sexual energy is sometimes all you will have in common. I have had flings where I LOVED the sex, but afterwards it was like "What the hell am I doing". I don't know. You have to decide for yourself. A relationship based soley on sex will not survive when the sex gets routine. You have to have something else or you are just FB's (which is great if that is what you want).
I am just like any other guy. I will be drawn to women who I find sexually appealing. Her looks, sexuality, things that turn my head and say "nice!!". What will hold my attentions (for a relationship) will be her intellect, and how much fun I have with her when we have our clothes on rather than off. Sex has to be good, but there has to be more. | |
|
Home
login 
