| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:26:56 PM | I've noticed something recently, and its the fact that I can't seem to respect women. I think it may be related to my young days when I was fat and excessively nerdy and couldn't get a girl. They'd be my best friend, always would hang out with me, but at the end of the day they went fooling around, and I had nothing. I asked some of them out and I got the "we should just be friends" bit, along with a bit of gossip behind my back about how that "nerd" asked them out.
Anyway, I dealt with this for a long time, but then circumstances (got sick) caused me to lose weight, and now I'm becoming succesful in business, and I'm beginning to dress well, and take care of myself.
Of course, like clockwork, I begin to attract women. Normally there are guys fighting for this attention and loving every minute they get, but in my case all that I can see is the difference in a woman's reaction to me and the fact that the only things changed are my body and my $$. This, needless to say, has filled me with a great deal of resentment, and now if I even go out with a woman I treat her like shit. All I can think is, "you are only interested because I look like a nice piece of ass."
I don't really have a problem with being resentful, but I'm worried that this attitude will begin to alienate me from women first, but then everyone, and that if "the one" were to come into my life, then I'd dismiss her without as much as a thought.
I would really do well with some advice for getting over this resentment of mine. Also, I wouldn't mind some advice as to how to avoid shallow women. I know this should be easy, but all I can think of what the complete rejection I got when younger and how no one seemed to want to get with me as the nerd I was.
Thoughts? | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:38:58 PM | It's called "The MR. BIG SYNDROME"..............
And you need to know that your lack of respect for them is NOT exactly UNWARRANTED..... For the 'disease' is running rampant amongst the women you know, and those just like them.... Every one of them thinks they are entitled to no less than a "Mr. Big"...... Or haven't you noticed all the groups of gals all lined up at the movie theatre for their big SATC parties???
Listen dude.... It's not going to matter how well you're dressed.....or how thin you are now....or how much success you're having....because what you need to know is: They are NOT concerned with the "YOU" inside....only the MR. BIG that is in their poisoned little minds....and the second you either gain some of that weight back....or loose a little money....or become MR. AVERAGE......they will be gone....because they WANTED MR. BIG....Because nothing LESS than Mr. Big will do, regardless of if they've earned it or not....they're ENTITLED...and so it is written in the Gospel according to Carrie!!!
So I wouldn't have RESENTMENT per se...... but I certainly wouldn't waste one more second on them either. Just take some of that money you're earning now, and buy a 'lady' from time to time......you'll have a good time...and in the end...it will be CHEAPER in the long run. Don't forget that for every six to eight hours of laying next to them in some peaceful slumber 'spooning' come sixteen hours of sunlight when they've actually woken up............
you do the math........ | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:46:33 PM | well youre definitely right that you should quit this behavior. enjoy the women and the sex dude. making a girl feel bad because you want revenge for something she wasnt even involved in is just shooting yourself in the foot.
i understand that feeling you have tho. i was fat and nerdy and only recently have i lost weight and started being social and having girls tell me im hot and all that. its still weird to me.
but women really and truly arent that evil. the reason the women are on your balls now is because you expect it.
when you were fat and nerdy did you think you really deserved to be with these friends of yours? did you think it was likely they would choose you over the guys they were dating?
well they WOULD have if you had the belief. tons of ugly and fat dudes get massive amounts of hot girls. its because they fully believe they deserve it and women pick up on that.
looks and money and all of that doesnt mean as much to women as you think. its all about how you make them feel. and since women have awesome intuition, they can sense when a guy thinks of himself as sex-worthy and when he's just some self hating guy with no self esteem.
so the reason girls like you now is because you have more self esteem and think youre entitled to women now. your new self esteem is shining through.
dont blame the women, man. it was your crappy behavior when you were fat that turned off the girls. now that you dont have to worry about that anymore.. ENJOY THE WOMEN. | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:50:48 PM | Ha!
Now you know how us women feel.
I was a model in the 70's in my teens and I got lot's of attention for the T & A and pretty face. I was the arm candy.
Now I am old and overweight and well, I am the same as you only in reverse.
The good thing is now if someone is interested in me, I know it's for me and not just my body. | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:00:34 PM | OP I'm sorry you had to experience discrimination due to your weight. However, you are now making the whole female poplulation suffer for a few, but you are also penalizing yourself in the process.
If you cant see that....or get beyond it on your own...seek help........
There is not one of us who hasnt had someone belittle or make fun of us for something in our lives. We cant let that ruin our future with others who are not responsible.
Value yourself in all things and others will find value in you.
The women you treat badly will get over it and move on.......will you????????
The past is the past and no one can change that for you. Look forward and be good to yourself and others.
We get in life what we think we deserve. If you are out to get even....something in you is attracting the women you least want to be with...........
PEACE | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:10:08 PM | You didn't like yourself then:
I think it may be related to my young days when I was fat and excessively nerdy and couldn't get a girl.
and you don't like yourself now:
and the fact that the only things changed are my body and my $$
Nothing has changed inside you at all.
You don't value your accomplishments. You lost weight due to an illness, not self discipline. For some reason, you also discount your business success as only being $$.
You need to have pride in yourself. The resentment you feel is not towards women -- in my opinion, it is self-resentment. | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:17:05 PM | Likely, your problems with women both before and after your weight loss amount to flip sides of the same coin: you have some very deeply rooted self-esteem issues. I agree with the poster who suggested therapy. When you find yourself taking out your internalized anger on the new people in your life, there's something wrong with how you're approaching people.
Granted, your experience may have opened your eyes to just how shallow some people can be, but my guess is that if you were responding in a healthy way, you'd simply use your insight to weed through the shallow girls and be confident with your new status and go find someone who matches you in terms of character, depth, etc.
Good luck. | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:50:39 PM | I may be young, but I've more or less experience the same and turned out different. The reasoning is that if that's what they want, oh well. You're lumping all women into one huge group, and I'm sure you get pissed a little if men get lumped into a group, which is either a double standard, or hypocritical, not sure. But regardless, you need to realize that growing up, they were GIRLS! That's the point. GIRLS want whatever looks good because GIRLS think it's like a new toy. It's pretty and it's fun to play with. But at the end of the day, it's still a toy, and can't be much more. These girls didn't see the potential your heart held, the spirit of what you are, and all I can say is oh well.
Therapy wont help you. A swift kick to the butt might. Because your problem is the fact that you can't let go. Stop living in the past, cause it seems your past sucks. | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:06:20 PM | Alot of us deal with this. I was the total geek when I was younger, not alot of attention. Then in my early 30`s after my divorce, I went into this hottie phase. Never took it seriously but I had men falling all over me, and resented most of them. Now I am older and have gained a little weight. I`ve been the same nice girl inside for the past 30 years.
But in reality, in the dating world and atttaction, this is not the first impression. I can literally tell, as little a difference as 15 lbs. in my weight and wearing the right clothes
to show my curves, my hair, my make up, I can totally control how many men will come up and be interested. If I was 10 pounds less right now there would be more men and I know it. But there are still enough. I don`t care. It is the way it is. That is life for all of us dude. We are judged by our looks for better or worse. It`s up to you to weed through the crap and stay real, and look for the same in a woman. Just remember to
not catch yourself being guilty of what you yourself have endured from ladies, because we get it too. Don`t hate. I doubt if you would be attracted an overweight geeky woman with a heart of gold at first glance. We all deal with rejection. It`s part of life, and overcoming resentfulness is a lesson we all need to learn. | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:07:40 PM | You don't respect yourself, or even like yourself for that matter. Your profile was a blank canvas and you decided to describe yourself as - "I'm boring. I'm nerdy. I get exhausted if I talk too much. I'm arrogant. I'm bitter on the inside, as I haven't yet come to terms with the way people are. I'd probably suck ass in a relationship. Looking for one anyway."
Your profile was a test. You hang onto the past, therefore you have become so used to seeing yourself as 'rejectable' that anything that is the opposite feels wrong. You view women's positive reactions towards you as a conspiracy theory of sorts because you have elevated your childhood rejectors as 'all knowing' therefore you can not trust anything unless it triggers off feelings of self doubt. If people accept you by showing interest in you, you are prepared that they will eventually reject you, so you will reject them first.
" This, needless to say, has filled me with a great deal of resentment, and now if I even go out with a woman I treat her like shit. All I can think is, "you are only interested because I look like a nice piece of ass."
Women showing interest in you could be a test, couldn't it? They may want to hurt you too. They could be tricking you, therefore you need to have the upper hand in order to be certain nothing will develop by.... sabotaging it. You were right in that you would drive 'the one' away if you met her, but not maliciously, although you may think so. It is a type of insurance. You are 'guarded' out of feelings of unworthiness. You need to feel protected, so you get rid of the potential 'attackers'.
Each time you were rejected, or made fun of, it was out of your control. In order to have some semblance of control today, you will do anything in your power to reject others so they can not only feel the same level of pain you have lived with, but then you end up creating a self fulfilling prophecy which guarantees you the desired end result. They accept you .....you reject them......they reject you......Then you become a victim all over again.
What do you really want? Do you want what feels familiar? People do not see you the way you do. People see you as the person you are today and they do not know about the past unless you share it with them.
When do you want to break your patterns? | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:37:16 AM | You have to put things in perspective....WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS..
Your still thinking with your FAT attitude..you have to deal with yourself before your can open yourself up to someone that could be your life partner.
I gained weight...lost it...gained it..lost it...but all in all..I know I am a terrific person inside....their loss. | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:58:37 AM | Blimey you are a bomb waiting to go off.
Think - No, know you need therapy, stop dating for a while and get yourself sorted. Not sure if you realize but this is psychotic behaviour,
1. You are presuming that women are shallow,
2. You are presuming that women want your cash??
3. You self insult yourself over and over!!
4. You are planning to hate the next woman you date, before you met her yet??
A small class of people wanted to be friends with you at 'SCHOOL', you grew up and left school but are not happy that they wanted to be your friend, you wanted more in your mind, without telling them this, or telling your Doctor about your dark thoughts.
You are now an adult and you are harboring dangerous thoughts towards women, very dark thoughts indeed - no one knows how you are going to make the women that you meet off a singles site pay??
Why should a single woman off a singles site, pay for your interpretation of what school mates, wanting to be just that - your mate!
Please see your doctor as soon as possible - and sign off this site before you meet someone and hurt her.
PS The boy I fancied at school from infants school went off with another girl, I just wished them well and moved on, still see him today about the town, dont harbor any dark thoughts, to him or her. | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:02:02 AM | Wow!!! why punish women that you never knew when you were fat? Enjoy your new look and succesful job, dont judged women by your lack of confidence way back when you were fat. You did something good on yourself and I respect you for that. Everyone always have room for improvemtns in thier life and you have done yours. Enjoy the women who are crazy about you, visual is always the first attration when it comes to dating , sorry but that's a fact then personality and attitudes comes next. Give those women a chance to love you and love them back if you are interested or in love with one. If you think you will be able to love a woman with the attitude you have now, you are wrong, regardless of how much money you have , I wont even bother to look at you with that kind of attitude , you are doing some revenge that's not necessary. Just enjoy life to the fullest and forget the past, and look forward to your future.    | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:05:29 AM | OP You need a therapist. You are bitter and spiteful. You hurt people to "pay them back" for all the hurt you have been through. What is sad is that these current ladies are not the ones who hurt you, they only represent them.
What I'm happy for is this post being attached to your profile. Now ladies from all over will know what a jerk you are capable of being.
In an effort to "teach them a lesson" You have become that which you most despise! Ironic, no? | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:23:19 AM |
I don't really have a problem with being resentful, but I'm worried that this attitude will begin to alienate me from women first, but then everyone, and that if "the one" were to come into my life
Gee, you think? 
It sounds like you are every woman's dream man OP. I bet they're knocking down your door right now. | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:28:57 AM | I empathize with you, really. One way would be to change yourself with your attitude.
So what if they like you for looks and money. Just be friends and don't worry about it. They make you marry them anyway. With me, if met a woman that was that shallow, I will date her once and once I discover her attitude, there won't be another time.
Go to church, though no women are perfect there either, your chances of finding better quality women will be more likely, as some will love you for you. Where I go to church, it is very diverse, and relationships that you would not see 15 or 20 years ago or a large amount of it. It's not a big deal, for it is who you are inside that matters. The woman with the right heart and attitude will see this in you. Just be patient. Oh, don't go to church for the soul purpose of finding someone, lest it is Jesus, however. Women will see through that, if their hearts are right.
Church may not be for you. However, you seem to be finding them in the wrong place in that case. | |
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| I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them).
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:52:59 AM | | you need therapy. it will be a big problem if you are looking for a relationship. It will be a big problem within a relationship too. And don't tell me that you don't "discriminate" against women because of their looks. And that men don't. It is natural and fine to have preferences in physical attraction. It is also something you can't help. It also makes sense for a woman not to want to date someone poor. Have you ever done it? They can mooch, which really sucks. And lack of funds always gets in the way. | |
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