| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:34:43 AM | I'm just curious to see others points of views on this since I know that my way of seeing things is often far different than the rest of the worlds. :)
So... I've been talking to this guy for a few months now (since mid Feb). We always flirted on and off, even talked on the phone a few times, but had never actually met. He was always busy with work so I just kept on dating other people but always was open to going out with him if he asked. About a week or so ago his schedule suddenly freed up and we started talking more seriously about meeting since I'm not currently seeing anyone in particular. We made plans for the weekend, I said I'd put it on my calendar... all week long he continued to ask me what I was doing this weekend or if we were still going out. Every time I told him yes of course. Those are the normal signs I see when someone from online that is about to stand me up. It's almost like they're looking for an excuse (oops, you didn't say yes the 15th time I asked you if we were still on so I assumed it was a no) and so I stop having an expectations at that point. So on Friday we talked, we were still on... I gave him information on how to meet up with me for the following day. Of course he didn't show up. No phone call, no email, no IM. No real shock there, at least I was expecting that to be the result. I just moved on to plan b with someone else and had a very nice evening.
Here's where my curiosity lies. I know that I have a tendency to be too nice to people sometimes and give them more chances than they ever deserve. What would you do after this point? I'm sure he'll show up on Yahoo again, would you talk to him? If you would talk to them would you wait for them to initiate the conversation or would you IM them instead? Would you even give them a chance to explain? Or would you write him off and not even be his friend again?
(yes, I already have my mind pretty much made up but it's nice to see other peoples perspectives from time to time). | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:20:08 AM | | I would see what the person has to say at least. But yeah, move on. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:49:10 AM | Chalk it up to: Another one bites the dust. Move on. You deserve better. I wouldn't give him the time of day. And, if he writes to you again with some stupid excuse, don't even give him the satisfaction of responding. Hit DELETE....
Be his friend again? hmmmm, I'm not so sure you were "his" friend to begin with. He played you and at least you were smart enough to know that. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:09:34 AM | Wow, this brings back some bad memories... 
I started talking to a guy online then after a few months of chatting online we decided to talk over the phone. He said things like he wanted to meet me (after months of talking over the phone) and really thought we could have a future together. Long story short.... I found out the pictures I was being sent was NOT the guy I was talking to and he had pretty much lied about a lot of things. That could be what you're dealing with, a guy who isn't what he says he is. I'd chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:12:49 AM | Tell on him...no seriously...call your Mom an tell...lol
K...seriously though...live for now....maybe he will come around....maybe not...but live for now.... | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:18:16 AM | K...seriously though...live for now....maybe he will come around....maybe not...but live for now....
So you're saying you'd give them another chance? I'm just looking to see how others feel about this. I already know I'm not giving him another chance. There are far too many fish in the sea for me to be wasting my time on him. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 12:41:44 PM | sherilyn70, these kind of situations are so difficult because it places the person who is left holding the bag in limbo. Don't you just hate limbo? But much of life is spent in limbo where you don't know what the truth really is and you're left climbing the walls or pacing. So why not just make a comfortable spot for yourself in limbo while you're there?
When I'm in limbo, I work to stop the racing thoughts where I am wondering what is going on and first one thing then another pops up into my mind. Second guessing someone never really pans out, because situations can be quite bizarre while at the same time not be anything viciously against us.
Limbo is a good place to sort out how you feel and adjust your attitude. You can grow as you think about what you want to do with your life. It's a good place to learn if you have made any mistakes with the man in question as well or with previous men. There are no coincidences in life. We just have to allow every experience to move us along toward being who we truly are. Therefore, none of the pain is wasted.
I would say just let this float. Don't be in a hurry to discard someone who could be a pleasant acquaintance at the least. See how it is with him if he contacts you again. If you feel at peace with the way he talks to you, go with whatever you want to do. Peace may lie in never seeing him again or it may lie in giving him another chance. But we can't go around throwing people on a scrap pile if there is something good in them.
Getting even for a hurt done to us can actually be detrimental to our own selves as well and hold us in a place of misery. So my advise is to forgive him and go on. Be friendly if he contacts you again, and do what your heart says to do from there. Don't decide in advance. There's no need to make a decision at this time because that adds to the misery of limbo. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 12:46:30 PM | | Let this guy go. Really after reading posts suggesting you let it float or think about it for awhile. What is there to think about? He said he would meet and he did not keep his word. Had he called to say he would not be there it might be different. With the easy methods of communicating we have this guy could have communicated with you. Unless this guy was kidnapped by aliens he could have called to say what was going on. Continue on with this guy and in 6 months you will have lots of threads to write about after he has treated you poorly. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 12:49:13 PM | Sherilynn,
Im not sure what thrill a guy gets from making a date & not showing up.Im sure women do this to,but why bother.Honesty is the best policy,if & when you hear from him i would listen,then i would be straight foreward honest with ,you know you could have at least called.Thats not who i would want to spend my time with.
But youve already figured it out,but i would at least tell him my feelings on it.Then kick him to the curb.
Peggy | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:53:57 PM | Not showing up and not contacting you to let you know it shows a total lack of respect for you. If that's the way you think a relationship should start (setting the pace for the rest of the relationship)... then by all means, give him another chance.
You're smarter than that! Unless he shows up with notarized documentation stating that he was in a coma at the very moment he was suppose to meet you... NEXT! | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:50:54 PM |
Not showing up and not contacting you to let you know it shows a total lack of respect for you.
I absolutely agree. That's why I was just curious what other people thought about this type of situation and what they would do. I have zero intention of ever taking this guy seriously again. Just another person on a dating site that is actually afraid to get out there and meet people. I can only feel sorry for those that do these things.
these kind of situations are so difficult because it places the person who is left holding the bag in limbo
I didn't stay in limbo for long... maybe 30 minutes. I realized he probably wasn't going to show up based on his behaviour over the week so I had back up plans for after it happened. It's sad that I can even identify the patterns before it happens, but a lot of people (both male and female) pull this all time when it comes to the internet as a means of meeting people. I had a very nice date last night with someone else instead, and that is his loss. :) | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:12:10 PM | | Yep sherilyn70, I always say. Their loss, somebody else's gain. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/9/2008 1:43:18 PM | If a woman did this to me, I would probably talk to them if they started the coversation. I would keep it polite, and would never move it beyond the "how are you doing?" "Family?" Those kind of questions. The only excuse I could think of that would get her out of my dog house would be some sort of mini disaster.
That is me though, I am also sorta kinda of soft hearted. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:43:24 AM | | Being considerate and respectful, it that too much to ask of one person? If you don't mind the disrespect and the complete lack of consideration, by all means talk to the guy again and just lower your expectations. Me, I expect someone to live up to a minimum standard of being on time, being honest, being respectful and treating me as someone of importance. I don't have to be a king, just someone special. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:21:28 AM | You are a dollbaby and seem to be a very sweet woman, from many of the post I've seen you on...(unlike me I'm a bit&h)lol....Abosolutely do not give this jerk a second chance how dare he not at least call with an excuse....I'D TELL HIM TO GO TAKE A FLYING F88K.....OR set up a date with him once again and when he shows up say 'HELL YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE YOUR PICTURE...i'M OUTTA HERE...actually I had to do that twice because the men lied and one was ugly put up a false pic....and the second one was like 80 lbs heavier in person...are you kidding me...Good Luck...sweetie.....MOVE ON...
Ms...fish out of water....lmao...good one | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:18:17 AM | Bad memories too, I drove to Norwalk for a date with someone I knew (via mutual friends) & she booked before I got there.... I chatted with her after the fact, but I'd never meet up with her again. Imagine this with the price of gas today.
Funny though several years later when meeting someone from a site, there was a deboccle, I waited for 90 minutes, & left, thinking this was another lost cause, I chatted with her later that night, her daughter stopped over & she lost track of time & was very appoligetic, she showed up about the time I had left. We ended up meeting the next evening.
Let them explain, usually it will be a fabrication.... cold feet would be the only legit excuse.
On another foot I was suppose to meet up with someone from here months ago, but I could not free up a weekday evening due to my work schedule (actually the truth, I think she was under the belief that first dates should be during a weekday), this person seemed very nice, I felt bad I never got back with her. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:33:26 PM | I definitely think that being stood up is just part of the game when it comes to internet dating. As I mentioned in the original post, it's to the point that I can identify the patterns that lead to it and know days before it happens.
Unfortunately, a lot of people have little respect for those they have never actually met and a lot more are too afraid to actually meet others in person as well. As much as we had talked over the last 4 months I have to assume that this was a case of chickening out. I know that men sometimes feel intimidated because of my past and everything I have done so far if they hear about it before they have met me. If they would just work up the courage to meet me they'd realize that I really am down to earth and never judge or compare others to what I have done or seen in my past. Just because 5 people express an interest in me doesn't mean that they couldn't possibly be the one I want... I get that line way too often. It's just seems silly to get rejected because others want me too, lol.
All in all it worked out well for me since plan b is now plan a for both Friday and Saturday this weekend. :) | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:43:49 AM |
I know that men sometimes feel intimidated because of my past and everything I have done so far if they hear about it before they have met me. If they would just work up the courage to meet me they'd realize that I really am down to earth and never judge or compare others to what I have done or seen in my past. Just because 5 people express an interest in me doesn't mean that they couldn't possibly be the one I want... I get that line way too often. It's just seems silly to get rejected because others want me too, lol.
I would have the tendency myself to think this way, & to shy away from the 'popular' ones too. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:40:24 AM |
I would have the tendency myself to think this way, & to shy away from the 'popular' ones too.
And this is why I'm still single. :) Everyone assumes that because I might get a lot of email or offers that I don't need them and I end up with only the idiots and jerks. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:06:55 AM |
Just because 5 people express an interest in me doesn't mean that they couldn't possibly be the one I want... I get that line way too often. It's just seems silly to get rejected because others want me too
You said it yourself, its just another line thats used .... My thought would be if they are THAT intimidated by you on here and the phone, are they really someone you are going to want in your life? Are you going to want someone that always just rolls over to your way of doing things or are you going to want someone that has what it takes to stand up for their thoughts and own will. Having someone around that rolls over is ok for a bit, but- at least for me- it does get tiring in short order. As I always remind others on here, to each their own because it takes all type to make the world go around. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/14/2008 2:45:17 PM | | Interesting that the feelings of being alone fuel the behavior witnessed here on POF. For some the idea of being alone is too much to bear. In the end the problem is they don't know how to be with alone and appreaciate their own identity. Shame that a person lacking feelings for themself would somehow think they might engage i a relationship with anyone or anything? | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:18:52 PM | I completely agree with Fishie out of Water - I have learned from my last few relationships that if something is done in the beginning that shows a lack of respect for me no matter how small RUN - RUN far away because it only ends up getting worse. The person always turns out to be a self centered prick and well the only person the world is allowed to be centered around is me (duh!)  | |
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