| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:09:34 PM | I met this guy on plenty of fish who seemed like he had all the qualifications to take our relationship to the next level.....then....I asked some probing questions and in less than a week, I find out he's still married but has been seperated for six years, been in prison for child molestation, is listed on the convicted child molesters site under Meagan's law, and was heavy into pornographyand is attending groupcounseling for this addiction.
He has asked me to forgive him for not telling me these things right away because he wanted me to get to know the real him and not be biased by his past.His conviction was in 2003.
I feel that this is a no brainer and cause for ending the realtionship.
He feels he has payed the price for what he did and should be able to live a normal life with a normal relationship.
He claims he was all mixed up at the time but has done the work to regain his life.
I would be interested to know other peoples opinions on this as I lead a very average life and have never had exposure to this type of lifestyle before. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:14:39 PM |
is listed on the convicted child molesters site under Meagan's law, and was heavy into pornographyand is attending groupcounseling for this addiction. This is a no-brainer.
I could never associate with someone who took advantage of someone that is vulnerable.
There are things in life that can be overlooked, this isn't one of them. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:20:38 PM | I agree^^^^there are things in life that can be over-looked but a man that diddles little kids--ummm I don't think so.
I couldn't possibly be turned on by someone like that--because I know what he is truly attracted to--even if he doesn't ever act on it again--the urge will never go away.
Check out the movie 'The Woodsman'...with Kevin Bacon.
And I'm sorry that you have to even ask this question. If you do date him--tell your family, friends and neighbors that you are bringing a convicted child molester around so they can protect their children--it is the least you could do. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:22:23 PM | | I see nothing wrong with doing a little fact checking on people. It’s too easy to manipulate these profiles with non truths and false securities. What he failed to mention upfront is some serious stuff and I would expect nothing less from you then to tell him you can’t see him anymore.. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:31:44 PM | The sexual offenders list needs to be revamped. I know where I live a girl can have flase ID that shows her to be of age, tell the guy she is of age and if he has sex with her due to her lies and she is underage, he goes on the sex offenders list. In my area, it does not say what you have done, it just shows you on the list. The public needs to realize that all who are on a sex offenders list are not child molestors. But the vast majority are.
In your case it seems like he was a convicted child molestor and it was not due to someone lying about their age. Big difference and I would never, ever date someone who violated a minor in that way.
They do not change, they do not reform and even with meds and therapy, they are the most likely criminals to reoffend.
Stay away, stay away, stay aways is all I gotta say.
~Carrie
PS He is sorry alright, sorry that he got caught at it is all he is sorry about. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:36:24 PM | ^^^^Good point about the distinction Carrie.
I'm all for recognizing that someone paid their debt to society and giving them another chance but many offenses would really stretch that quality in me and child molestation is one of them. This will not only follow him, but you for the rest of your life as you as a couple would be ostracized wherever you went. Nope, don't think it requires a brain. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:38:53 PM | | Child molestation is not a lifestyle. It is a criminal offence. Why should he be able to lead a normal life. None of his victims will ever have that chance. Please run, don't walk away. A pedophile is a pedophile. Now and forever. He didn't rob a store because he had no food for his kids. He hurt children. This is a no brainer and don't let anyone tell you different. Especially him. His whole " lifestyle" as you call it is about grooming and lying and taking advantage. Don't become one of his victims. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:42:56 PM | I have already made the decision not to date him anymore. I have not told him yet, but I have not seen him since he made this relevation about his past.He is waiting to hear my decision.I think the only reason he told me to begin with was that a friend of mine is dating someone that he works with and they had asked us to go on a double date. I am sure the people he works with have the knowledge of his past.
The most bizarre part of this is that I told him upfront that I had fears associated with dating people I met on the internet and that children disappear every day from meeting strangers they think they can trust. I expressed that my fear was that perpetrators could use a different avenue such as this site to get to the children. Since children and ages generally come up in conversation relatively quickly, it could happen.At that time, he said nothing. That was 6 months ago.Just reinforces the fact that people can misguide you. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:45:35 PM | | hmmm, let's see....child molester..........nope, no can do. still married/separated less than 3 months....nope, that's too soon for him. heavily into porn..........nope, no can do. murder or rape is also a no can do. if he did time for grand theft auto, drugs or anything else i don't think i would hold that against him as long as he learned his lesson while serving his time. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:46:34 PM | No way in hell would I have a relationship with a man who had this record. Taking advantage of a child and being convicted of it??? I am usually not this harsh.....but this to me is unforgiveable. And he's till married?!! I am wondering why you are even questioning this.
I am sure you can do much better....please do.
~Sexy Vixen 4u~ | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:48:55 PM | I never thought about it that way, but after hearing your response, I agree. As a mother , I do think he should pay for the rest of his life, reguardless of what he feels .
I am sure his victims are not leading a normal life.
I think this stands as a warning to others to be evry careful. I have always thought I was a good judge of character, but I stand corrected. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:57:13 PM | Maybe not a lifestyle as you would define it, but an illness that has no cure. I have never met (and yes I said met) one that hasnt reoffended............just maybe never got caught again...................
Hard to take a young girl into a prison for confrontation so she can have closure........some will go others will not its individual.....some forgive......others dont......also individual..........
and every offender sits there saying how sorry they are........uh huh..for getting caught
Boy this subject seems to be coming up a lot lately..............
Be careful out there ladies..and dont let anyone tell you your paranoid for doing a background check............
EDIT......And I bet hes separated because his wife threw him out............... | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:18:13 PM |
I would be interested to know other peoples opinions on this as I lead a very average life and have never had exposure to this type of lifestyle before.
A person has an average life if they don't diddle kids...huh??
Lifestyle??...molesting kids isn't a lifestyle...
My head is starting to hurt now....I must go | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:23:04 PM | What everyone else has said. He had a chance to tell you months ago when you talked about your fears with children. He kept quite that is a huge red flag.
As stated by another it may not list age of child. If a man was 18-20 and girl was 17 or 16 he would be listed just as the ones that victimized young kids. Even if the girl lied about her age he will forever be listed just as the scum. those one could have some pity for. This guy I think not. Many young women and men walk around with scars that will last a life time due to what happen to them when they were younger.
It is hard to judge when talking online or even on the phone. You can not see the facial expresions or the eyes. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:56:12 PM | FYI....I just went into our state site and between my county and one neighboring county there are 436 on the registry........72 within 10 miles of me and 5 are women
If I go into my county the offense is listed.,,,,when the offense occured ...and time served......all counties do not do that.......
I must say I dont go in as often as I used to when I was doing counseling and there has been a significent increase............... | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:01:43 PM | Don't hold it against me. I killed her but she was a real ****. (HEAVY IRONY HERE)
Be serious. Women actually marry men on death row but that in itself should have them declared "mentally incompetent and a danger to themselves" and commited. Let us close the subject with "YES and forever more:. That is why they have registered sex offenders lists. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:18:42 PM | The man committed a crime, he withheld that information during a discussion on that subject. Also the criminal checks show other facets of their personality. Divorces,
civil law suits citing irresponsibility at times with finances, even minor crimes might raise that red flag. As someone pointed out the internet leaves a certain vulnerability and it is a matter of self protection and safety. If you don't take care of yourself who is?
Don't feel guilty nor should the offending party feel indignation if such information is uncovered without it being offered a short time into the relationship. People have to utilitize whatever means to keep themselves in a safe life. | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:42:01 PM | in my own opinion i believe the people who have bee arrested and/or put in jail for those offenses shouldnt be let out. they are still a danger to the community no matter if thier punishment is spent.
Lets says you gave this guy a go and thing got inimate, how do you know he wont be thinking of a young girl while he's kissing you or doing other such things.
im sorry for sounding a bit screwed up but once a paedo always a paedo | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/9/2008 1:32:00 AM | There is no magical 'balance'. Crimes do not have a equal and equivalent punishment that makes them disappear from the annals of history. The perpetrator always remains the perpetrator. Just because he has been punished does not mean he is no longer guilty.
Why are you even entertaining the thought? | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/9/2008 2:26:06 AM | It would depend on what the crime was, in your case no way! Something missing in someone who does that, people who do what he does go on to do other stuff thats why they are on a list in the 1st place as they always re offend.
If someone I met told me this I'd be gone before the date was over | |
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| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:44:52 AM | Something I live by, you can judge a person by the company they keep. If a person lives by not knowing or able to see the consequences for their actions, and makes poor choices, I want nothing to do with them. Like one poster said, just because they did their time , means nothing.
Ask a criminal this " if we told you we are not going to charge with your crime and just let you go free, or you can sentence yourself for the crime you have committed, it's very interesting to hear their answers. These people have no remorse and just don't care.
one poster said "it depends on the crime", and then says "they always re-offend", yes in most cases you are right, so why would you want to be with a person that would keep stealing that chocolate bar! | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 25 | |
| should a criminal background be held against a person
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:12:15 AM | pedophilia is a condition that can be kept under control. but u cant turn a gay man straight. u can get him to stop having sex w guys and stop enjoying himself, but my question to you is this:
are you prepared and willing to date and have sex w a man that will NEVER really be into you? he might be fighting to live within society's norms of acceptance without hurting more kids, doesnt mean he dreams of p*ssy, chances r he dreams of lil kids.
he might need a friend, someone to help him go thru this, i would give him that. but you deserve a man that fantasizes about YOU | |
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