| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:06:03 PM | Has times changed or do men still take women out on a date, like; dinner, shows,fairs, comedy shows, ect. For me I would like to go on a date!
Twice now I have had men that want me to come to their home, play card games or watch a movie. We met in person the first time and then talked on the phone awhile, they would say "do you want to get together? ( I am thinking of a real date), then they say, do you want to come over? That turns me off!! I dont call back!
After dating awhile then I would hang out at their home, but not for the first, 2nd or 3rd date, maybe 4th date.
What do you think? or am I old fashioned. | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:13:59 PM | | A lot of people call me negative, but I consider myself a realist, and I would think you were absolutely crazy to go into their home in the first few dates. Maybe a half dozen dates or so. I just find it hard to trust people these days and would rather be safe than sorry, especially if I were a female. It would scare me about the guy in the first date or 2 if he asked me to come home. JMO | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:49:48 PM | OP~ times have definitely changed as far as dating goes. I'd have the same reaction you did if a guy wanted me to come to his house for the 1st, 2nd and maybe even 3rd date.
I've read a lot of threads about how guys get sick of asking women out and picking up a $50 tab and then never hearing from them again so that could be the reason why they're suggesting a free or low cost date. However, there's just something smarmy about going to some guy's house that I don't really know and to be honest, I'd feel a little disprespected if he thought I was the type to accept an invitation like that.
There's something admirable about a guy who would never put you in a position to choose an activity that he knows isn't the safest thing for a single woman to do. There are a ton of ways to have a safe and low cost date and it really doesn't take much effort to come up with a good suggestion.
Unfortunately, there are all kinds of people dating online and not all of them have the social skills or the mindset to date respectfully. I'm sorry to hear you've been running into those types. I've been pretty lucky and have only run into the bads ones a few times, and never in person. Most of my interactions on POF have been okay. | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:50:02 PM | First date should always be some sort of "out" thing - it kinda creeps me out and makes me think the guys are just trying to get you into their house so that you can sleep with them or something.
It's understandable that they may be on a budget and want to be careful with their finances, but frankly, there are a ton of low-budget romantic ideas that a guy can do for a date that don't involve sitting on the couch!
(When I was flat broke, I invited a date to a picnic and made PB&J sandwiches that we ate in the park! We went walking along the water and hung out downtown, catching some free live music - all for less than $10, but still a wonderful date)
If all he can think of is playing cards, or watching a movie, he's not trying very hard! | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:49:24 AM | Never, Never on a first date, in todays world and the internet not a good thing to do.. for men or women!!! I'll almost always pay my half for first date and sometimes the next... If I know he's on tight budget, I'll suggest dutch treat for the next few dates ... but unless you are really comfortable with him early on, I'd stay away from his home until you are. Another thing I'll do sometimes is sometimes is suggest a place to go on our date and say it's my turn to treat.
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:59:29 PM | I agree. I can imagine all kinds of circumstances where a first date could be at home, but they all require knowing the person first, or meeting elsewhere etc. A first face-to-face meeting after online contact? No, I don't think so.
If you're trying to save money, then don't do a dinner date. Go for a hike, see the mountains, or hang out at Pike's Place. | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:44:56 PM | | OP, I would definately decline a first, second, third and even fourth date at a man's house. Just the fact that he would offer that tells me the guy is either broke, lacks social skills or has an ulterior motive for inviting you to his house. Any way you look at it, probably a good idea to remove the hook from that one without tearing his mouth and THROW HIM BACK! | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:16:08 PM | Thanks guys, I agree!
many things to do without money used, but if they are that cheap then I dont want that either.
Ill keep fishing! | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:20:58 PM | Wow. I don't think that your idea of wanting to get together with someone outside of both of your homes is old fashioned at all. If a guy asked me to his house on a first date, or even shortly after we started seeing each other, I would seriously question his motives.
Not only is he sending a "I just want sex" message, he is also saying, "I'm not creative enough to think of something we can do together."
While I'd be delighted for a movie night with my 'special guy' after we had gotten to know each other well, I would not be jazzed about being asked to do that in the beginning of a relationship. Especially as, in the online dating scene, the two people know close to nothing about one another.
Now, something like being invited to a BBQ or other group gathering after being in communication for a while, and meeting in person a few times is, I think, a different situation. It would be a great opportunity to see who he (or she) really is when surrounded by friends, and a group environment is a little less threatening.
Just my two cents. | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/11/2008 7:15:19 PM | Funny that I just saw this thread, 'cause I was going to go on a FIRST date to a man's home for dinner and a movie right about now, and he just cancelled on me because of his work. Those dangerous Seattleite men, they can't be trusted!  He is a co-worker though, that's different.. even though I've never met him at work. You think it was too forward on his part to invite me home?
Anyway.... I am sitting here all dressed up, with no date... cough cough... | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/11/2008 10:07:04 PM | Ahh... the famous Seattle Freeze - though, standing you up isn't exactly a good omen, is it?
My point wasn't so much that going to someone's home is too forward, rather that online dating can lead you to lower your guard prior to having any sort of meaningful communication with someone. It can be misleading, and the only way you'll get to confirm what you think about someone is to meet them in person. Meeting them at their home on the first date is risky behavior, so you need to be pretty careful if you plan to do that... | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:40:22 PM | It honestly depends on the person and timing.
I personally love to cook. So me offereing to cook dinner for someone, or for us to cook together in one of the first few dates isn't unheard of. Especially if she's got similar interests as me (i.e Anime, or a movie buff) that you really can't do outside of the house.
Probably the best way to say this is that yes, the first couple of times out should be public, or "neutral territory" meetings. And then it's your own personal discretion as to whether or not you're both comfortable, and trust the idividual enough to either visit them in private, or have them come into your private space.
Honestly if we've gone out a couple of times, and we're talking/IMing regularly, and you "flake" at me suggesting that I cook for you, that's a red-flag that you don't have an equivelant level of interest in a relationship.
There should also be an equal balance of "out" nights and "nights in". If there's too many to either side of that equation - there's an issue that needs to be addressed. | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:07:26 PM | That's a huge red flag to me. In the beginning you need to receive his BEST. Card games or watching a movie as the 1st date just isn't going to cut muster with most women. Are you supposed to get gussied up to go sit at his Texas Hold'em table or on his couch to watch
his latest DVD?
There's something about the ambiance of even the 1st trip to the local coffee shop or someplace for a nice dessert. In Washington there are so many options for most of us to frequent. If you want to be treated well you have to set the bar high initially and see how good that man's Fosbury Flop is.
H | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:43:22 PM | ABC6587, From what I have read and been thinking about, NO! to a mans home for 1st and even 2nd date unless you know them from friends, but not even for the 1st date, 2nd date (if known by friends)I may.
As for the last guy I was talking to on the phone (after I met him at the BBQ), I have not heard back from him after I said "I would rather go out somewhere".
That tells me he must have wanted to have fun at his house.
Oh well! | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:30:06 PM | From a thread in another forum:
http://www.buffalonews.com/cityregion/buffaloerie/story/369100.html
I guess that'd be relevant to this thread and the one inquiring if anyone had experienced any dangerous situations. | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:04:29 PM | | definitely go out. Besides the fact that he might be a psycho, how interesting is that? I mean the best he can do is say "cmon over"?? is that the kind of person you want to be involved with? He just wants a convenient and easy situation.. "next" | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:58:51 AM | | I've gone to a guy's house for a dinner he cooked and a movie, but not on the first date. I see it as a viable alternative to going out. You're able to relax and let your hair down a bit. If I'm dating someone who has been picking up the tab for dinner, I'll invite him to my place and cook as a way to show my appreciation. Anytime you make this kind of decision, you base it on what you know and how you feel. I'm good at reading people and I do not put myself into a dangerous situation; ever. | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:58:35 PM | I think to are doing OK to me I'm old fashion to the one night stands are just old and over done
keep it up girl Your man of the trees Bryce   | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:21:45 PM | Since this posting I have had NO bites in my inbox, whats up with that???
Excessive mail restrictions, perhaps?
You have "dating" blocked?
Even I can't email you.
Not that I would, though. I don't need the paranoia.
Male
Age between 40 and 52
Live in United States
Live within 75 miles.
You must have a picture to contact this user.
Must not be looking for Hang Out
Must not be looking for Talk/E-mail
Must not be looking for Other Relationship
Must not be looking for Dating
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
Must not be looking for Activity Partner
Must not do drugs
Must not be married | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:40:39 PM | I would prefer to take a date out, I'm not home to much, and well things gather between the occasional free weekend day to do cleaning.
I would be a little worried going to anyones house on the first couple dates anyways, but that's just paranoia. | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:38:49 PM | Is there something WRONG with being "old fashioned"? I don't kiss on the first date and I think I'm pretty progressive because I will PAY for my date ONLY if I ask him out first. Go to Hannibal the Cannibals HOME???? NO NO NO. I'm probably gonna get trashed somehow....some way for saying that. 
I still want the respect that I am willing to give to develope a meaningful relationship. | |
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| First date, out somewhere or mans home?
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:20:38 PM | to Shimbo, paranoia??? No, but a respectful man would take a lady OUT, not hang at his house on first date. To me its called "cautious".
As to the above, I will pay for myself and have never expected anyone to pay for me, unless they want to, and then I would say "I will leave the tip". I do believe in 50/50 or take turns. | |
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