| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:19:11 AM | | after dating and spending alot of time talking, etc. at what point do you remove your profile? and what if you remove yours but he does NOT want to remove his? saying he still has friends that he talks to on here??? what then? | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:24:23 AM | This is probably going to get deleted because it's been done a few times before, but I'll answer your question for how my BF and I do it.
I don't think the profiles should be removed until you've dated a few times and can talk about doing so ( becoming exclusive). To just expect it right away is not a good thing.
Both of us still have our profiles up and have checked to boxes stating that we are no longer looking, and are just here for the forums. I gave him my password and he is more than welcome to use it if need be, and visa versa.
It works for some couples but not all, just like everything else in life. | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:29:27 AM | He is a cheating git and still on the scout for the one!
End it now and run for the hills, or put a new profile back up and ask him for a date tee hee,
hey men sly woman here telling secrets on how to check you out????
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:31:47 AM | | I dont understand this whole deleting of profiles thing, who are you or anyone one else to say Right thats it we've talked and chatted and dated now get rid of the profile I'd be like WTF?? Who are you my mother/father/husband etc? | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:34:29 AM | what you do is go and search and read the numerous threads that have asked the exact question you have and in the end it comes down to the same thing - it is a matter of personal choice and you have to accept his choice, just as you would wish him to accept yours. you can't control him nor hope that what you would do is what he would...you can't change what he does. you can only accept it, or not.
and there is a compromise, by the way - you can each hide your profiles, for then friends can still contact you - it just stops new people from finding you...unless they are forum surfers and you're a forum writer, for they can always get to you from this side, if they are members and your restrictions allow them to, even if your profile is hidden.
good luck. it seems to so often be a source of contention here, so I would let your concerns go and enjoy what you have together, until it's not enjoyable anymore...if that's what happens. don't get hung up on this technicality unless your gut feelings are telling you he is not the one for you - in which case, go with those, for they are always right. | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:40:20 AM | | If there is remotest change of a relationship to blossom then its important to know your both on the same page. If the end result is a long term relationship then I think its fair to ask the question. There is nothing worse to think your in an exclusive relationship when he is out there still fishing. | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:42:35 AM | If there is remotest change of a relationship to blossom then its important to know your both on the same page. If the end result is a long term relationship then I think its fair to ask the question. There is nothing worse to think your in an exclusive relationship when he is out there still fishing.
Thanks for your input....This is how I feel too, and that honesty is NEVER a BAD thing. thanks again. | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:44:49 AM | I met my current man at one of teh pof meets..didn't know he was on the site when I met him.
Anyway..we talked about it..and as we are both involved in co-hosting meets and pre-meet drinks we have to stay seen and not hidden..so we went along the not single/not looking route...discussed and fine with both of us.
One thing..the numbers of emails we BOTH receive has increased..not decreased!
Discuss it with him and agree on something.
I love the forums here..I'm not about to leave..not for anyone. | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:45:54 AM | *raises hand* -  to reply...
This one's easy. I know.. I know..
Discuss whether you are in agreement to take profiles down. Or have it say things like 'Just here for forums and friends, etc.'. IF after an agreement is made and one of the couple doesn't honor it... then, it's time to rethink the 'relationship'.
EDIT:
Blueskies stole my thunder...   | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:52:40 AM | Forget it sister, he is not looking for just you... he wants is all.... I had a man do this to me, tell me everything that I wanted to hear. I removed mine, and he updated his with the picture that I told him looked better of him... Players.... Never again, will I allow a man to rule my POF heart....
I will wait until I am certain. | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:55:33 AM | Communication! Ive had partners in the past and we've both left our profiles on, it's never been an issue. I trusted them and them me and we never split for any reason to do with this site or the internet. At the end of the day just cos your here doesnt mean your cybersexing all the time and meeting loads of random people and for me I have a lot of real life friends on this site and on others.
To demand someone leaves here shows mistrust and it isnt just a site like this can enable someone to cheat. If they are hell bent on doing it they can use other sites or go into the real world so your not protecting yourself if they do come off here anyway. I feel leaving accounts open is not a bad thing. Otherwise a partner may feel bullied and mistrusted and think sod it I shall open under a new name, then they've lied then oh well the hell...
If you dont trust him then maybe you should look at your relationship x | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:56:56 AM | It would make sense to remove your profiles if you agree to see only each other. That being said, I had dated one guy a few years ago who swore up and down he was removing his profile from yahoo so I had removed mine, and yes he did remove his however... One day he asked me to look something up on the net on his computer and lo and behold, his homepage was bringing up Match.com. I went on to Match.com and sure enough, he was there. He removed the profile stating that he had forgotten about it (yeah right). A couple of weeks later I was at his place and he asked me to send an email to one of his friends for something. So I had his permission (so no one thinks I was snooping around on his computer), opened Outlook Express and wouldn't you know it! E-mail from a woman at Largefriends.com... Shortly thereafter I dumped him and not soon enough.
As for anyone who disagrees to take down their profiles (unless using it only for forums and state that they're not looking for someone to date because they're in a relationship), who claims they have "friends" there, or makes you feel guilty and accuses you of being their mother/father or whatever, don't buy it. Friends on a dating site? If they are "friends" they have your personal email address. They're trying to keep their options open which is fine, but you should do the same. What's good for the goose, is good for the gander, and vice versa. Don't make someone a priority if you're only an option, you'll end up regretting it. | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 10:00:06 AM | | i think you've misunderstood my question.......i have not demanded he remove his profile......and also, is not a question of trust.........was only askin for input as to how this is supposed to be done, cause it seems to me (even at this stage of the responses here) that there are still conflicting oppionions on some of the "dating rules" | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 10:06:54 AM | Then change or remove your profile at teh point you want to and at the point he wants to.
If he wants to stay on here becuse he has friends on here then let him stay.
It all depends on how the two of you are getting on and how much you trust each other.
I don't think there is a rule for this..but then..I don't personally go by a lot of the so called 'dating rules' so I may be wrong on that. | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 10:19:29 AM | didn't we just have a voluntary or when or what's a commitment blog / thread...
when two people decide to do whatever it is that they decide i am going to say again... i think they just do it..
alot of us are in relationships an on here for friends / forum... wouldn't consider asking my gf to close down her blogs... hmmm control.. it isn't just a remote... | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 10:41:59 AM | If you have spent "alot of time talking, etc.", maybe you should "spend a lot of time talking" about the friends he talks to on a dating site.
That's all I got to say about that.
~fly | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 11:48:21 AM |
after dating and spending alot of time talking, etc. at what point do you remove your profile?
What type of relationship have your agreed on? Have you agreed on being exclusive?
If I'm casually dating someone, I won't remove my profile, even if the person asked me to. | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 12:33:41 PM | | you tell him you understand he may have friends, but the can use his email adress, why continue on a dating site? hmm, makes me wonder, nope it does not....he just does not want to, he is still looking for something | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 12:37:23 PM | You should not even be thinking about this until you've gotten to know him better. Think 3 to 4 months.
And, just because he has a profile here doesn't mean he's looking. Just because he doesn't have his profile here doesn't mean he's not. | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 12:45:30 PM | | I would decide if that works for me, if not I would quit seeing him, if it didn't bother me then I'd keep seeing him. It doesn't matter what he does, what matters is if it's right for me, how I live my life, if it works for me, then I act accordingly. Why would I waste my time trying to analyze his every move, when the issues is about me and what I want from a relationship? | |
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| you remove your profile but he does not remove his
Posted: 6/9/2008 12:46:16 PM | This IS a dating site. If he has friends he can contact them through other methods. Keeping a profile on here is saying that he is still looking.
I know this from personal experience! | |
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