| Good Advice from Ruby Wax?
Posted: 6/9/2008 2:30:02 PM | Dear fellow POF's. In the spirit of sharing, thought some might be interested in the following (the 2nd question). Good advice?:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml?xml=/health/2008/06/07/hruby107.xml
for those not inclined to click a link, here's the question+response.
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[b[Dear Ruby
Should you listen to your girlfriends' advice? I have a lot of wonderful but very opinionated single friends who are always casting aspersions on my boyfriend.
He isn't Mr Perfect, far from it. We have lots of arguments and he disappoints me frequently. But I do believe he cares about me in his typically-male non-demonstrative non-emotional way. And seeing him beats endless wine and risotto evenings moaning about men with my girlfriends.
What I'm saying is if your boyfriend isn't all those desirable things - healthy, good looking, solvent, in tune with his emotions, in possession of a house in the country (some of my friends are very unrealistic) - should you ditch him?
Perhaps the guy I'm going out with isn't a shining, inspiring example of manhood. Maybe he doesn't love me as he should. Perhaps, as my friends tell me, I should aim higher.
But isn't it enough that we like each other and get on? Tilly S, London
Dear Tilly
Spending a lifetime chasing after a fantasy stud you've seen in a movie or spotted in a glossy magazine is the most pathetic hobby you can pursue. I have met some of these men and they are empty bags of insecurity and vanity.
If they are gorgeous they will look in the mirror more than they'll look at you. When they stop looking in the mirror and you make the mistake of aging, believe me, the man will dump you faster than Lewis Hamilton with his foot down.
You've read somewhere that this ideal chunk of maleness has everything: he's rich, loving, caring, gorgeous and emotionally healthy. My friends who dream of George Clooney sweeping them off their feet are alone now and wondering what went wrong.
The man with all these qualities does not exist. I repeat, does not exist. First of all if he's rich he won't have time for you so you'll only see him when he can squeeze you in between appointments. By all means let him buy you a house in the country, but he won't be there.
Your current boyfriend likes and cares about you; you should cry whoopee to the heavens for such a gift. Otherwise look forward to a lifetime of risotto.
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For those not in the know, Ruby Wax is an American comedienne who seems to have made her home in the UK. She's a pretty darn funny lady, and a smart cookie to boot, seems to me.
Graham Norton, the self-described "strange green poof" from Ireland, is the papers resident 'agony uncle'. Some of the advice is a bit tongue in cheek, but there's generally rather a lot of sense there too. Being an acknowledged 'screaming queer', Norton brings and especially fresh perspective to bear on the dating, mating and relating scene.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml?xml=/health/2008/05/31/hgraham131.xml
enjoy, fellow POF'ers. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 2 | |
| Good Advice from Ruby Wax?
Posted: 6/9/2008 2:39:16 PM | You never ask perpetually single people who've had multiple relationships what to do in a relationship to keep it strong and loving.
Ask people you respect and who have their heads on right.
Thats the same advice for both sexes.
Ask the opinions of HAPPILY married/committed people.
^^^THAT is just as important...dont ask the husband of a wife who's done nothing but cheat on him for 20 odd years... cos he cant even figure his own shit out let alone anyone elses.
Its the same as asking a nurse to do heart surgery on you...he/she might have an idea...but you wouldnt trust them to do it. | |
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| Good Advice from Ruby Wax?
Posted: 6/9/2008 3:16:36 PM | I wouldn't agree or disagree with the person that wrote in the question because she did not provide enough information for one to make an informed decision.
Her girlfriends could very well be encouraging her to go after someone that does not exist but like so many people holding on to folks they know are wrong for them, the brief description included in the column gives you no clue about what type of things the boyfriend is doing that apparently at least make her quasi-miserable some or most of the time. "We have lots of arguments and he disappoints me regularly." This does not sound good but doe they have arguments and her disappointments because he is not the right guy or because her expectations are already unrealistic? The woman also makes it sound like she is willing to stay with him potentially when he does not treat her well in order to avoid being single, which is not a good alternative either.
Examples, does he forget holidays and hurt her feelings or does he give her a trash compactor she needs rather than a romantic gift? Does he make the occasional joke that she takes poorly or does he regularly say things to put her down? And Kyn's point is also well-taken, is she talking to people she knows are going to encourage her to walk or is she dealing with individuals capable of looking at the situation with fairness and actually giving her good advice? Woman sounds a bit like a twit to begin with to be so concerned about what her friends think and so incapable of making up her own mind.
I would have advised the individual that wrote the letter to consider whether what the friends indicate she should hold out for are as Ruby Wax indicated, a man that does not exist or are there real concerns that the man is treating her badly. If the individual that wrote the letter is whining all the time to her friends if the guy is really a pretty good guy, she has brought the whole quandry on herself and should either get out or stfu with the friends. | |
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| Good Advice from Ruby Wax?
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:09:46 PM | | I think one must "like" before they can "love". You may not like someone all of the time, but you need to feel comfortable with them. You need to know that this person is the one you can talk with; laugh with; cry with; share with; and heaven forbid, burp together! There is no "perfect" person out there. The way I see it, is a fella meets 70+% of what I'm looking for in a companion/mate, then I figure that I've scored a home run! Looks are easy come and easy go, they don't make a person. What makes a person is character, respect, living life to its fullest. | |
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