| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/9/2008 3:26:01 PM | Hi everyone. I know this may sound a bit, well, simple but I am never sure what to put for the question in the profile that says 'Do you want children'. I have this feeling that men and women might have a different take on the question. For example, when I think 'Do you want children' my answer is 'Yes, I had them didn't I', but also in terms of prospective friendship/partnership I am trying to tell guys that I don't mind if they have children as I am open to it.
When I read on a guy's profile 'No' as the answer to this question I tend not to initiate contact because they don't want any (more) kids .. now it could simply mean they don't want to father any more children, and as I'm nearing 45 and have no intention of making any more babies that is not a problem! But it could also be taken as maybe the guy doesnt want to be involved with someone with young children (my two are school age) so making contact could be a non-starter.
Of course if a guy's profile seems to portray someone I think I might like to get to know, I could just ask. But it is the hardest thing for me to do; I'm just after possibilities at this point and don't feel I should have to raise the 'issue' of my children and whether or not they would constitute a 'deal-breaker'. So gentlemen, ladies, help me out here... what does this question/answer mean to you? | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/9/2008 3:46:26 PM | My answer is "yes", that I would ideally like another child or 2 of my own biologically, I'm also open to a new partner already having a child/children of their own.
I'm probably more open to both step and biological children than some, as I only have the one child.
The deal breakers for me are:-
1/ The man has an appalling parenting style
2/ Has abandoned his existing children
3/ Just plain does not want to take on a child that's not his "own", (my child). At least to the point of being kind, consitent and fair in his treatment of him.
Family life is important to me and I'm looking for someone for whom that is also important. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/9/2008 3:57:29 PM | its a question i often ask myself , especially when the woman says they already have children and are "undecided" about wanting children.
As a guy with children if you said no i wouldn't think that meant you dont want a guy who has children ( or that you didnt like children ) , i would think you mean you dont want to create any more :)
Infatc i cant even remember what i put there haha i should go look in mine.
just looked , i put undecided/open.
I'm not completely opposed to the idea of having more children , but i guess it all depends , if i hooked up with a woman with 3 kids and my 2 , i would prob not want to have another one. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:49:39 PM | When someone says, do you have children, yes, and say no to wanting more, it could either be because they can't have any more kids, or they chose not to have more kids. It does not necessarily mean they don't want a relatonship with someone who has kids. As well as someone who doesn't have kids and don't want them. But if they put in their profile that they can't stand kids, then there's probably a good chance he doesn't want to date a single parent lol.
But perhaps pof should put another option for that so people can see only the criterias they want. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:51:10 PM | | Yes, I do want kids and expect a man to be clear with his intentions on having kids or more kids. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/9/2008 8:16:07 PM | As a person and you would ask me if I wanted children (now or later) the answer would be the same. Yes.
I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be the same person I am today without having children. What I have learned about myself as a person would never be possible without God’s blessing of my children. We give to our children and may I say we give a lot. But what we get in return can’t be counted in days or years. I have a quote I tell myself and others
My children are my saving grace!
So to answer your question?
Yes...
I want children to be happy
I want children to be loved
I want children to know they are care for always
I want children to be children and to enjoy that part of their life...
I want my children to enjoy parenthood as much as I have..
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:30:20 PM | | My profile says yes. Yes, I want another biological child (would have to seriously consider that if the man I fell for had a whole football team already) and would be happy to accept a man's child or children into my life as well.. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/9/2008 11:13:19 PM | I've got open/undecided on my profile because I am undecided about whether I want more biological children for a number of reasons.
At the moment with where I am at in my life I don't want to be starting again with a newborn but I would never say never to the prospect sometime in the future, but it would be with careful considerations. My body doesn't handle pregnancy well and I struggle to carry to term.
I'm dating a guy at the moment that has two kids, were not at the point of bringing our children in the mix but we did have a discussion the other night that if we did end up long term there wouldn't be any more children as between us we'd have 4. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:17:20 PM | On my profile...My answer is "Yes, wants Children" because I don't have any... and one day would like to have my own children. I prefer someone who doesn't have children.
I have plenty of niece's and nephew's that I tend to, I'm a great Auntie. So, should he have children, Not a problem... It's something I definately look at in a man's profile.
Honesty is the best policy...I love kids even if they aren't my own. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:33:37 PM | | I'm annoyed there's not a 'children by adoption' selection. I don't want birth children, I don't want a man who already has children. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:36:54 PM |
The deal breakers for me are:-
1/ The man has an appalling parenting style
2/ Has abandoned his existing children
3/ Just plain does not want to take on a child that's not his "own", (my child). At least to the point of being kind, consitent and fair in his treatment of him.
The deal breakers for me are:-
1/ The woman has an appalling parenting style
2/ She tries to keep the father from THEIR existing children | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:30:32 PM |
I'm annoyed there's not a 'children by adoption' selection. I don't want birth children, I don't want a man who already has children.
Or at least other options to make it more clear. There are tonnes of threads about this very same subject (even under the 'pof suggestions' but they keep getting ignored)
Anyways, on a more personal note... I don't want more biological kidlets of my own. I had a horrible pregnancy, worse birth and my son was very sick up until he was 4. Not something I really want to tempt fate with repeating. I would love to end up with someone with kids around my son's age.... would rather not go back to diapers... but would for the right guy. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:46:32 PM | | I don't want to create any more kidlets, but I accept all that are already here. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:41:41 PM | I have undecided listed on my profile, despite already having a child for a couple of different reasons. I just really think it's best to be completely honest...and honestly the best I can say is "I'm not sure"...
A) I tried unsuccessfully for years to have another child with my now- exhusband. Why give somebody that false hope if I really don't know if it could happen?
B) Just like I'm unsure if I ever really want to marry again, I'm not sure that in this stage of the game I would really want to have another baby. My son is 12 - and that is a LOT of years in between. I am used to that independence, that ability to be in the other room while he reads or plays with his stuff, not having to change diapers, warm the bottle or get up in the middle of the night. I'm not saying that with the right guy it couldn't or wouldn't happen, I'm simply saying "I don't know".
If he already has children, that really wouldn't be a big deal to me. I'd be more than happy to be a step mom if it came to that. It's not mommyhood that scares me. It's the baby thing! | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/12/2008 1:57:36 PM | Hmmm, I didn't think the options left much to the imagination.
Do I have children? No
Do I want children? No
That would mean I'm child-free and I don't want to date anyone with children.
Let's look at the other permutations:
Do I have children? Yes
Do I want children? No
This would mean to me they have kids, but don't want anymore.
Do I have children? Yes
Do I want children? Yes or Undecided
This would means to me they have kids and they are open to having more kids with another potential partner.
Do I have children? No
Do I want children? Yes
This would mean to me they don't have kids and they want children at some point. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:05:29 AM | The official question leaves too much room for confusion, so I avoided it! I left it blank and addressed it in the text of my profile.
I love kids, have 2 of my own, and if I got involved with a man who had a few, it wouldn't make a difference to me. HOWEVER, I don't ever want to be pregnant again, and the next diaper I change will be on a niece, a nephew, or a grandchild. This way, if a man contacts me, he knows where I stand. If I contact him, he'll know when he reads my profile. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:37:03 AM | Okay easy
choose undecided/open and if you are really particular about this option just write something about it in your profile.... oh also you never know eventhough you don't want any more children but maybe you meet someone and then change your mind. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:42:16 AM | | I have open/undecided on my profile ...just because im not sure if i want anymore kids(biologiclly)but i have never been against someone elses kids,while dateing.That would be cruel and almost impossible to do. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/13/2008 8:42:32 AM | Capricorn40 - and what about those like me?
Have children.
Don't want any more biological children.
Actually prefer that my SO & friends *have* children of their own.
This is what people are talking about.
I'm pretty sure I put open/undecided, because that was as clear as I could get with the options listed.
They should have an option of:
"Don't want more of my own, but welcome yours." | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:15:57 AM | Amen, Jayda, I think that's what the OP was talking about.
It's like...I don't think I want to assist *creating* any more, but if you have some already, that's good. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:06:48 PM |
It's like...I don't think I want to assist *creating* any more, but if you have some already, that's good.
I think just puting "open/undecided" field should be used.
I really think the programmers that made the toggles didn't want any of the default toggle smack of any negativity.
The toggles should reflect on your personal outlook, not your wishes on your potential suiters.
Notice the smoking part. It just ask if you smoke, not if you will date smokers. That is a field further down into the profile
Your wants and desires should be in the profile box. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:14:18 PM | | There are 2 children info boxes. I've indicated in one that I have children. I've indicated in another that I do not want children. Not that I don't want my own, but I've been raising kids for 27 years and I am ready to try something different so I wouldn't be interested in a man with children who are still minors. | |
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 10/10/2008 10:19:08 PM | I wouldn't mind having more children. My profile says Undecided/Open. It all depends on when I find that special man and if he wants more children than what has already been brought into the relationship.
I have 2 beautiful ones of my own already and if I'm not meant to have anymore, I would be blessed to have what I have.
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| Do You Want Children?
Posted: 10/11/2008 2:07:57 AM | I'm undecided/open...
If it was just up to me, I would have a couple (3 max) more but it's not just up to me so I'm waiting for him and will go from there....I have a few more years left to decide then it will be no....
When I look at profiles, I glance at that part but read further to see if there is anything regarding children... | |
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