| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:17:38 PM | | I have had 4 dates on this site and all were not very good. I had been nervous to say the least, but I have been up front with the three men I went out with. The last one did me in, as a nice way off saying. I got all dressed up in a casual way and had my hair done and expected a casual meeting. I was taking him for wings and beer at a local eatary,but when he showed up looking the way he did I asked him if we could just have a couple of beers here at my home and get to know each other. He is a nice man, but he showed up in his style of dress that was not impressive. A pair of baggy shorts and old T-shirt. I was not impressed to say the least. I do not judge people by their weight or clothes, but he could have tried a little! I not sure this site is for me anymore and it has been truely hard to get back into the dating scene. Not sure if I will stay here much longer. Best of luck to the three men I met. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:57:05 PM | | Meeting men /women is hard for anyone over the internet. I have met a few that act like they can be whatever they want to, as you dont really get to know someone untill you meet them in person. There is no hiding behind a screen. I myself do not like meeting people in a bar / club, it's just not my cup of tea. So here i am on PoF. You will find some who are honest and some who are not. Some will care about making a good first imperssion and some wont. You just have to roll with the punches. I do wish you the best of luck and keep your head up. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:45:27 PM | You seem earnest and serious.
I think, based on my own experiences, that its hard for men who are earnest as well.
Your experience was with men who obviously weren't serious, "just fishing" (aka "testing the waters") or paying the numbers.
Not all men are like that.
This doesn't mean that if and when you do meet someone serious and earnest you'll 'click'.
But there are such men on POF.
I'm sure ther's at least one :-) | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:03:36 PM | Going on a one to one date is hard. Especially when you've been in a committed relationship for a few years and now find yourself single.
Go on the forums and read what people are saying. When you find one (forum conversation) that you have a comment on, start adding your voice to those out there. It helps to break the ice, and let's other people judge you by more than what you say on your profile.
The other thing to do is find an event happening near you and go on it. You meet other people who are just like you, (single for what ever reason) and you are all there to have fun.
It is not a date where you have to impress the other person so he /she thinks you are worth taking home. (Maybe that's why i'm not on many dates)
This (the P of F dating site) allows people to contact each other without the pressure of standing at a street corner with a sign saying "single man/woman available to loving person, please take me home and try me out".
Go on the events, other people are just like you, and some of them are even likeable.
Rick. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:13:58 PM | It is difficult. Some of my meetings didn't go all that great. It goes either way. You meet someone and are not impressed with them, or they aren't impressed with you. I have met some that are friends and nothing more. I have met some at the POF gatherings and feel that is a more comfortable way to meet. No pressure, just new friends meeting for drinks and chat. You never know, might be the way to go. Look for a gathering in your area. Have fun............... | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:26:30 PM | I been on quite a few dates on here! It has been up and down to say the least, but I have to say they were all true gentlemen even if I did not fancy them and just became friends. I do think it is a better way of meeting someone and getting to know someone because the bar/club scene is just a nightmare and usually alcohol and beer goggles get in the way lol! So stick at it gurl there is that someone out there for you feeling the exact same way as you are on here after a few dates its like the saying goes "If we all measured our days by how many people we made laugh, ... In order to get to the good things in life, you have to go through the bad to get to the good and it will be so worth it in the end! Hopefully one day I will find my knight in shinning armour!He better hurry up lol 'D  | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/9/2008 8:43:48 PM |
I not sure this site is for me anymore and it has been truely hard to get back into the dating scene.
But think of the funny stories you now have to share.
I wouldn't suggest giving up, though. Just keep in mind there is less selection than there was when we were all teens and nobody was married, separated, divorced, or widowed... we have implemented standards that didn't exist when the selection was greater. It's not going to be easy no matter where you go. Where selection has diminished, patience must be in abundance. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/9/2008 8:57:28 PM | Meeting women is twice as hard. I think that destany and fate are what keeps us into a motivational urge to keep pressing on. You may go through 50 men... till BOOM!!!!
There he is. And I may go through 50 women... before I meet someone. Thing is keep on keeping on! Better luck lies ahead!  | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:08:53 PM |
I do not judge people by their weight or clothes, but he could have tried a little!
what's wrong with casual shorts, and a t-shirt?
sounds like it was a issue? | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:16:04 PM | | at 56 years old you are still judging how a man dress? as long as he doesn't dress like a bum i dont see there is any problem. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:20:39 AM | Tress
Untill you can show some true empathy to the difficulities that men have in meeting women then you will get nowhere.
I won’t bother with the usual bewailings of young women round nightspots. The women’s rags have already done that to death. I’m going straight to what the guys go through.
The guy doesn’t spend an hour and a half preening so that’s some advantage to him. Clean up the car to impress the girls. Then a shower, scrub down, clean teeth and a quick spray with deodorant. Slap on a bit of two year old fashion and he’s ready to go. That’s fine.
The trouble starts when he fronts the bouncers at the front door of the nightspot. Regardless of his fashion tastes some totally cranky bouncer finds some excuse for a **** session. I’ve been barred for wearing the same dress boots as the girls. Hair too long, too short. Western style pendant is not a tie. Polo neck, like Carl Sagan, is not a collar. The list goes on and on as do the bouncers. (A very few current affairs programs have very recently raised this issue of blatant discrimination)
But there’s one thing that no female could ever appreciate here. No female EVER risks serious injury if she tries to enter a night spot when she is wearing the wrong gear, and the bouncer is in a filthy mood. Forget all the feminist preaching about violence against women. The ultra trendy nightspots are where the hospitals get their casualties from on any Saturday and those casualties are exclusively male. And most of this is over something as petty as a pair of shoes.
I’ve only ever heard of one solitary instance where girls have run into trouble like this. Some nightspot was only admitting girls with long blonde hair. Dark haired girls were not admitted but they still weren’t even so much as threatened let alone bashed.
No woman would ever expect another woman to walk down a dark alley, alone, at night, to get to a party, or a boyfriend. Far from it women strongly advise one another against it. Too much risk of violence. But the reality it that a man , facing a bouncer at any night spot runs something like two thousand times the risk of being seriously injured.
And he’s not even past the front door yet!
Once inside everything’s overpriced to the hilt. The girls are looking at him like a patch of pigeon poop on the Queens dress. Bar staff and bouncers alike are decidedly hostile.
But despite this he eventually finds some girl who doesn’t look too hostile so he wanders over and asks if she’d like to dance.
Piss arf ya creep.
This still remains a socially acceptable way of telling a man, “No I don’t want to dance with you, date you, bonk you, marry you etc”. It’s also considered a perfectly acceptable way of saying something like “Ask me again later, preferably with a free drink for me in your hand” These women tell this to countless guys and then wonder why they aren’t getting dates.
The whole idea to telling a guy you’re keen on to “piss arrrff” sounds, and is, insane but the girl, who do it, are doing nothing more than following the advice of countless, relationship bankrupt, girlfriends. These girls are continually telling one another to “Don’t say yes the first time or he will think you’re easy and wont respect you.” And teen girls , all too often do follow such advice like so many sheep.
The reality is a little different.
Namely “NEVER say no if you really mean yes. Because no means no these days. By law! By rape and stalking laws, by nightspot rules, the lot. Even when you mean yes you really mean no whether you like it or not. If you say no, even when you really mean yes, then he won’t respect you, or disrespect you. He will just go looking elsewhere.
“ Piss off ya stupid moll” is still an expression in reasonably common use by the guys too but not a socially acceptable one and certainly not one used by any guy who wants the girl to come back later.
This is definitely a big part of the problem in the early years of the dating game. From age fifteen the guys are practicing witty pick up lines. The girls are, just as keenly, practicing spiteful knock back lines.
The problem is that, by age thirty, at the latest, the guys are sick of the whole pick up scene, and the knock backs. The women, now abandoned by the first partner and seeking a new one, have that collection of knock back lines so embedded into their heads that they honestly believe that these spiteful knock backs are the normal way to talk to a man in a nightspot. And the normal way when dating too.
Any woman, talking to a male customer, or colleague, in a workplace situation, in such a manner would be promptly sacked!
Another question. How many of these totally spiteful lines do you think the average caring, sensitive, decent guy is going to put up with before he quits the whole dating scene? Hundreds? Thousands?
Try dozens! Tops! Only the thickest skinned and thickest skulled male is going to put up with the thousands. You’ve met this thick skulled type before. He’s the one that you always seem to get stuck with. And this is why. The rest have quit asking. They ask once, if at all, and if told to “piss affff” they never ask again. Not tonight, not tomorrow night, never. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:27:00 AM | Hey Jie Pie, I think that IS the whole issue. He did dress like a bum.
And Crayonzz, your have just described exactly why we are all dating on the internet. A lot of us do not like pubs or clubs as meeting places.
P of F lets us dangle a bait, and when we get a bite, we can then guide that fish to a safe, interesting place for a closer look.
No bouncers, No drunken put downs.
Try going on local events in your area. You'll meet other people in the same circumstances as you, most probably friendly, supportive and keen to get you hitched with someone else in that same group. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:33:17 AM | huh? you had 4 dates! how is meeting men hard? a woman just has to be seen. men don't have the same ability.
4 dates sounds like a 5 year period for me as i prefer to go on a date with someone i already have a good idea of turning into a relationship.
dwell on clothing style and think about how clothing was thought of a thousand years ago - for environmental protection. were his nipples or scrotum showing? did he have underarm hair protruding through his shirt? did his shirt have some vulgar language written on it? if not, what's the big deal?
asking a question that makes no sense is tough to address. It's like me saying "the sky is green" and then later say it's blue. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:17:56 PM | | I know it is just AS hard for men as for women. I was just upset with his attitude of not caring, as his dress. I love a man in jeans who has worked all day and he is dirty and sweaty, but this was our first meeting and I just don't think he tried very hard. You only had to see to understand. He is very nice and I did nothing to hurt his feelings and would never do that to anyone. I just needed to vent and I guess this site is here for a reason. Who knows, maybe he was not attracted to me? I guess I have much to learn in my new journey since my husband died and will try to learn from many of you who have been on this journey before me. Thank You All, Tressiee | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:27:54 PM | Re: Meeting Men is Hard:
1. I believe that you will find the right connection/s in time.
2. Your attitude may prevent you from the success you desire.
3. If OVERLY critical, take time to find out why.
4. Some guys will break your heart, as some women do also.
5. Do not try to attempt the intimacy of a past relationship/marriage instantly if you desire a long-term option.
6. Work on yourself until the match is completed. Smile. Let relationships develop.
God Bless! | |
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| Well Women Don't leave lasting Impressions Either
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:33:22 PM | I have been on this site before and this is my second time around. Women are in general just as bad if not worse than men. Not one woman has been what she says or asks for on this site. I am a single father with custody of my boys and alythough I have had some luck with personal matches, As soon as they found out my boys came home with me every day they ran like scared animals. My curiousity is how can women of today expect men to accept thier children with open arms, but men cannot even reveal they have children from the beginning or they wo't see their date again? It's funny how women cry equal lib but the women on this site should not specify they want kids if they really don't care. I'm really surprised at the amount of women that do this as they say they love their children and others also. Anyway, this site has taught me that the cover of the book is usually a soft cover | |
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| Well Women Don't leave lasting Impressions Either
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:32:58 PM | Hey, I hear you man. I have 2 little boys that I just get visitation with. I get the same sh**
as well. I feel I have a lot to offer, but the biggest priority for the women I've met is the size of the guys .....bank acct. As for my boys....I'll take them first anyday! | |
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| Well Women Don't leave lasting Impressions Either
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:27:29 PM | Indocan4 and good 2 cu
That is unbelievable!!
I am a single mother and I find single fathers very attractive. Think about a single guy at this age that has no children. What has he been focusing on all these years? Himself maybe? You know a single father is capable of love, caring and patience that only a parent can understand and that makes him less self centered than your average.
I won't even start about the men (and women) who are absent parents. You think those women would prefer that kind of people?
As always JMO
Brenda
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| Not true.....
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:37:42 PM |
huh? you had 4 dates! how is meeting men hard? a woman just has to be seen. men don't have the same ability.
The truth has officially been told.
Please......if THAT were true there would be no women at all on PoF for you guys .......... | |
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| Well Women Don't leave lasting Impressions Either
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:39:27 PM | It wasn't from POF, But I had a blind group date years ago
and wore a new suit because it was to the most expensive
restaurant around. Everybody else was ultra casual,
especially my date! Christ, I even wore a tie!lol
Doesn't anyone have any class any more?
And I'm sure it's much worse if the Man is dressed worse then
the woman!
But this can easily be solved by inquiring with each other
how they intend to dress. Of course, what happened to you
OP, gave you a heads up as to what kind of man this was! | |
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Cazimi
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:59:44 PM | I understand what you are saying, I've met a few of those.
We all have a preference to what we find acceptable in a person .
I have met many nice guys from pof, but no real love connection.
It is hard dating online if you are shy and not aggressive enough, also if you are very selective.
56 years old you are still judging how a man dress? as long as he doesn't dress like a bum i dont see there is any problem.
what a stupid question !
Jie Pie, She is 54, where did you see 56 ?
Is there an age limit when a person stop caring about what they prefer?
Don't give up, you never know what's around the next corner. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:10:41 PM | | Assuming you have talkted on the phone to the person you are going out with, wouldn't it be simple enough to ask, how are we dressing for this occasion? | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:13:13 PM | I've met people off the site, quite disappointing and discouraging.
You have to look at other alteratives to meeting people as well. Try a grocery store or going for a walk. Just don't let yourself get stressed about a dating or social site.
Good luck to you. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:13:52 PM | I feel you here. I just wanted to say that you must remember one thing about this site that makes it special. Read the top of your web brower:
PlentyofFish.com 100% Free. Put away your credit card.
You get what you paid for. There is a higher chance of encountering more causal and less committed people on free dating sites. If someone paid 30 Dollars a month to maintain a profile, they would take online dating, as well as their actual dates more seriously. I'm not ratting on you all out there who are serious about this site and serious about using the resources this site provides. But there are those that joined this site on a whim, it costs them nothing.
I would suggest joining a paying site. You'll see a difference. Make the investment, and meet people who care equally about dates as you do. | |
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