| Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget:The Secrets To Communication:
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:38:40 PM | Found this one article at wnbc.com.
It is an inside look at the communications between men and woman, andthe differences, as to why we have difficulties of being able to communicate with each other.
This not any half-baked Q&A, but a reseach that was done, as to why, we have trouble communication with the opposite sex, and some of the barriers that we can over come.
Anyhow, have a good read of it, to see if it can help YOU, to communicate better with your partner.
Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget:
The Secrets To Communication
STAMFORD, Ct. -- Neither men nor women can claim that their brains are “better.”
While men’s brains are 10% larger on average, women’s brains have more elaborate connections that make them more efficient. Male and female brains unquestionably are different, in terms of both structure and chemistry, and that can cause problems when we try to communicate with one another.
Most of us speak to our spouses just as we would speak to members of our own sex—then wonder why they don’t seem to understand. Here’s how to communicate more effectively with the opposite sex.
NONVERBAL CUES
The female brain is good at decoding nonverbal signals, including facial expressions and tone of voice, perhaps because mothers must understand the needs of children too young to speak. When women send nonverbal signals to men, women are often dismayed to find that these signals are ignored.
Women don’t realize that the typical male brain is not skilled at interpreting nonverbal communications. Men are particularly bad at identifying signs of sadness in women—though men are pretty good at spotting signs of anger and aggression.
Women: Tell him verbally when something is bothering you. A sad expression or the silent treatment won’t get you anywhere. It’s not that he is ignoring your feelings—he is just unaware of them.
If a man asks you what he can do to make you feel better, tell him. If you say “nothing,” he’ll assume that you mean nothing and he’ll do nothing. He isn’t trying to hurt you—men’s brains just work in a more linear, literal manner. Because men often like to be left alone when they’re upset, he might conclude that he is doing you a favor by giving you some space.
Men: Search for clues beyond her words when she seems unusually quiet or terse. She might be sending signals that you’re not picking up. If you can’t figure out the signals and she won’t tell you what she needs, remind her that you really want to help, but it’s hard for you to pick up her nonverbal cues.
LISTENING
The female brain seems to be better at listening than the male brain—women have more nerve cells in the areas known to process language and put a larger percentage of their brains to work when they hear someone speak.
The more elaborate wiring of the female brain also makes women better multitaskers than men. Evolution likely made women this way so that mothers could keep an eye on the children and still get other things done. Evolution shaped the male brain to focus on one very difficult task at a time. Tiger hunts were more successful when the hunters could focus all their attention on the tiger.
Add men’s inferior listening ability to their superior focus, and the result is a phenomenon most wives know well. Tell a man something important while he’s watching a ball game, and he might not remember a word of it. He isn’t purposely ignoring you—his brain simply isn’t wired to hear what you said.
Women: Put him on alert that what you’re about to say is important. If it’s particularly vital information, begin with a gentle “I need you to look me in the eyes.” If there are too many distractions in your present location, ask him to go with you for a walk or out to a quiet restaurant.
Men: Don’t be insulted if she doesn’t stop what she is doing when you want to talk. Chances are that she can pay attention to you even if she’s occupied. If you want her undivided attention, ask for it.
PROBLEM SOLVING
The structure of the male brain makes men straight-ahead thinkers—when they see a problem, their instinct is to try to solve it.
Women are more likely to ruminate over decisions. They’ll verbalize a problem and talk though all the implications and issues before they proceed. When women try to talk through their problems with men, they’re often dismayed and insulted that the men try to tell them what to do. This confuses the men, who thought they were being asked for a solution.
Women: Tell a man the specific type of response you want before you share a problem. Are you asking the man for a solution, or do you just want to talk through the issue so it’s clear in your mind? If you don’t specifically tell him that it’s the latter, he’ll assume it’s the former. If he tries to solve your problem anyway, understand that this is just how his brain responds.
As for how to respond to a man’s problems, this rarely comes up. Men tend not to share their problems with anyone.
Men: Understand that women like to verbalize their thinking and don’t always want you to solve their problems. Instead, wait for a question before providing an answer. Ask what you can do to help rather than assume you know. And if your wife starts crying, holding her quietly works better than telling her she’s being too emotional.
DIFFERENT INTERESTS
Women tend to expect their male partners to be interested in every subject they wish to discuss. That isn’t fair. A woman wouldn’t expect her female friends to chat about a subject that she knows bores them.
Women: Tailor your conversation to your partner’s interests. (Men should do this, too, but because men talk less, it isn’t as often an issue). Find other conversation partners for topics that don’t interest him.
Men: Encourage your partner to spend time with female friends so there’s another outlet for the conversations that don’t interest you. Don’t get upset if she’s busy with friends when you want to see her.
BETTER ARGUMENTS
During an argument, women are more likely to bring up past events. Estrogen increases the amount of cortisol, a memory-boosting hormone, released by the adrenal glands during stressful moments. Because the female brain has more estrogen, memories of old fights remain fresher in a woman’s mind. The male brain finds it easier to forget emotional situations and move on. Maybe forgetting a close call on a tiger hunt made it easier for men of the past to continue to hunt.
Women: Use simple, declarative sentences, and state what you want in outline form when imparting important information to men. Leave out anecdotes and unnecessary adjectives. Take advantage of your ability to read his emotions to spot the signs of boredom.
When you see them, sum up your argument with a closing statement and end the conversation. Try not to rehash old arguments.
Men: Try to keep women focused on the point under discussion. If during an argument she brings up a fight you had five years ago, tell her, “We’ve discussed that already and it isn’t going to help to go over it again. Let’s focus on the current problem.”
Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Marianne Legato, MD, FACP, a physician and professor of clinical medicine at Columbia University, New York City, and founder of Columbia’s Partnership for Gender-Specific Medicine. She is author of several books, including Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget (Rodale). | |
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| Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget:The Secrets To Communication:
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:55:02 PM | This is a very interesting study, however there seems to be a flaw in the part of only men forget intensely emotional events.. Women go through child birth, and low and behold a few hours, days, weeks months, et all, they have forgotten what an absolute pain it was to go through...
I swear if men had to go through that kind of pain they sure as heck would NOT forget the pain, and the species would be non existant..
As well she didn't seem to touch on what testosteron does to the male brain especially in a fight, or argument. This hormone can get a tad to heavy in an argument, and it is not longer about discussing anything, but rather squashing the opponent, and winning no matter at what cost...
I do agree that men to often want to fix things, while women DO want to fix things, but they have a need to go through all their wiring to decide exactly how to fix these things without upsetting to many people..
Good article all in all... | |
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| Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget:The Secrets To Communication:
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:38:33 AM | "Women are whores of many things. First of all, they are actual whores, which I’ve already proven. They’re also attention whores of course. That’s another obvious one. Then clothing whores and jewelry whores and shoe whores, but that’s all pretty much the same kind of whore — a money whore.
It comes as a major shock to me — which as a man I express in a simple, “Hmm, that’s interesting,” that women are also whores of a completely different colour.
Women are also memory whores.
I’ve often gone on record saying that women have the memories of goldfish. A goldfish is a creature that will eat itself to death because it has forgotten the act of similarly gorging itself not five minutes ago. Goldfish will also eat their own shit. They are a foul and slimy creature kept in tanks by the hundreds in wait for their one and only purpose — to sustain life. The comparisons to women are innumerable.
Saying women have the memories of goldfish, however, isn’t exactly true is it? No, the truth is that women remember shitloads of things. We all know it. They just don’t remember anything worth a damn like directions or to bring their fun attitude or that work doesn’t start at 9:35 it actually ****ing starts at 9:00. That’s why women having no memories is something that I like to call a man-truth. A man-truth is something that while not true at the moment due to a glaring contradiction, will probably be true at some point in the future with more evidence or consideration.
That future is now.
A recent article that I’ll post at the bottom says the ability to think critically, AKA take care of business and get the job done, is not a function of memory, but of selective memory. Sound interesting? You bet your man ass it is. Let me give an example.
Let’s say that thinking critically is like flushing a toilet. You have your problem floating in the bowl and the solution comes about as you flush the handle. A bunch of swirly shit happens (unless you’re in Australia where I’ve been lead to believe that the water doesn’t swirl clockwise as it does here. It just drops straight into the drain) and when all the noise is over, the problem is gone.
That’s how a man brain works. Problem, flush, solved.
A woman’s brain is exactly like the above, except that before she even starts thinking, the bowl is already chock full of shit. As any man can tell you, a toilet chock full of anything — especially shit — is not going to flush. **** what’s it’s going to do is make one hell of a huge, horrible mess — which only makes this metaphor ten times more man-true, because that’s exactly what happens when women think — a huge, horrible mess.
So what’s the problem here? The problem is that if brains were nightclubs, men’s brains have huge burly dudes out front who look like they used to stunt double for that guy Zeus in the movie No Holds Barred with Hulk Hogan. They don’t take any bullshit and if you’re dressed like a slob, you don’t get in. Anniversary? Who gives a shit about you, get to the end of the line. Women, however, have a sign out front with a bowl of candy that says “Please only take one” that all the ***holes ignore the **** out of as they pack the nightclub until the poor guy in the Get Your Oil Changed T-Shirt with the Don’t Act Like a **** brand slacks can’t even fit his hand in the door.
Women are memory whores. They have no concept of priority in memory just like they have no concept of priority in life. If you’ve ever seen a woman try to balance a $5 cup of coffee or a baby on top of her car while pumping gas, then you know exactly what I’m talking about.
And that’s a man-truth."
http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200511/s1516334.htm | |
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| Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget:The Secrets To Communication:
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:38:56 AM | ^^^^WHOOOOOOA, good one.
Also, if there is a fight that goes on, beteen a man and a woman, it is amazing how some woman, yes, got to be fair to some woman, however, how some wman do not keep it present.
Instead, they will being back someting that had happened hooooooooooow, loooooooooooooooooong ago, and use that in the present.
G ood lord, some of the things that some woman will bring up, that are not relevant to the present. | |
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| Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget:The Secrets To Communication:
Posted: 6/10/2008 12:27:50 PM | Ohhh Dakota, and you started out soooo good, I thought you real intent was to demonstrate different brain structure of males and females and how to communicate better because of those factors....Hmmmm my bad...
Oddly your first post addressed the fact that women will remember things from way back...
Sadly you now want to turn this in to a gender bashing thread, which if you haven't been married to a male, or dated males, you may not know that men are JUST AS ADEPT at remembering things from 1979, when it so suits them, even if it was a base ball score, and who made the last strike...
I can remember two men bickering for over an hour on menial, it didn't matter then, and still doesn't matter 30 yrs later...
Good Lord, the things people pass off as an informational thread, only to turn it into a I am the better sex, and all the opposit sex are "whores"... Hmmmmm will be so sad to see this thread get tossed because it wasn't presented as supposedly intended... :modhammer: | |
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| Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget:The Secrets To Communication:
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:22:12 PM | Ohhh Dakota, and you started out soooo good, I thought you real intent was to demonstrate different brain structure of males and females and how to communicate better because of those factors....Hmmmm my bad.
Ahhhhh, good point, and good on you, nexthyme, thank you for your feedback, and shucks, ya caught me when I was not looking. 
However tho, at the same time, and on the bright side of it all, instead of looking at it, as bashing, instead it is a good way to stir up the pot some, and get some fiesty, and challenging, fun interation going between the sexes about this topic as well, rather then some boring bla, bla, bla, talk.
I know that as opposite sexes, we do have our definate differences, that is true, true, true, and true, but, by stiring up the pot some, and get some lively communications going between the sexes, just may give each other a better understanding with each other.
Guess you could call it active roll playing, of everyone sharing their thoughts and ideas on the topic, through their postings.
Also a good way to challenge what was said by the opposit sex, with their thoughts and opinions on the topic, so, if you have got some more to say, nexthyme, then load up that ammo and fire away.
A battle between the sexes does not always have t be a bad thing, but instead, a fun way of getting to know each other, and possibly finding that certain one for each and everyone of us.
Besides, I like a woman, who has got a little spunk and spirit, and fighter side to her, and she is not afraid to challenge me because, it creates a two way interaction between her, and a man, and shall we say, it also helps to put a bit of any lost spark back in to any reationship, to help keep that relationship going.
Boring, is detramental to ANY, relationship, and that, is a killer as well. But, by putting some spunky spark back into a relationship, will help to keep it's longevity going, even through the rough times.
Oh, also, by the way, nexthyme, warm welcome to BC, Canada, now that I see that your from Washington State.
Anyhow, on that note, I think that I will now turn it over to others to post and exchange any ideas and thoughts that they may have on the topic.
Next poster, your turn, load up your ammo, and fire away, because, I have had my say for now. | |
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| Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget:The Secrets To Communication:
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:34:50 PM | Men never seem to remember things that I find important, but then when I think about it those items really are just important to me, so why would they remember???
Who funds these studies? Why do we really need them? Just another reason for men to spout off about bigger brain's and women about more efficient brains... | |
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| Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget:The Secrets To Communication:
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:36:15 PM | Who funds these studies? Why do we really need them? Just another reason for men to spout off about bigger brain's and women about more efficient brains...
^^^^Carolinalilly, if you go back to the original posting, there is a write up about who, did ths article, and infact, I went up there, and copy the information about it, and ya know what, it was a woman, yes, a woman, that ha put this article together, abd out differences between woman and mens thinking.
Below my writing, of this, you will find the person's name that has put ths together.
Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Marianne Legato, MD, FACP, a physician and professor of clinical medicine at Columbia University, New York City, and founder of Columbia’s Partnership for Gender-Specific Medicine. She is author of several books, including Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget (Rodale). | |
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| Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget:The Secrets To Communication:
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:31:25 AM | I am pleased that people are doing studies that provide results that help explain us to one another. That said, of course these are generalizations and not every female or male has a brain that works exactly that way.
I'm definitely a problem solver and every woman that I've discussed it with has told me that she doesn't want to talk just to talk; she also wants to solve problems. I've yet to meet a female that just talks for the sake of being heard or to work a problem out the long way around.
And this one's just lame:
Find other conversation partners for topics that don’t interest him.
One of the nice things about a relationship is learning about topics you might not have initially been interested in. It's about broadening oneself. I suppose there might be a subject or two that fascinates one of you and bores the other, but ideally that that would be the exception and that both parties would make the effort to take an interest. | |
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