| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 12:21:43 AM | | Just curious, I've heard that women find it a turnoff when a guy spills his guts to a girl when they are meeting for the first few times? Is it a turnoff when a guy talks about his whole life story and totally opens himself up to you, shares all his fears and dreams too soon in the relationship? Or do you ladies prefer a little bit of mystery in your men? | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 12:49:34 AM | | Openness is important to me, but I am going to have to go with the option of not spilling everything immediately. Some topics of conversation are very intimate and are simply not appropriate to share with virtual strangers. Divulging deep personal issues can add intimacy to an existing relationship, but telling your date that your first kiss was with your cousin when you were 9 (or whatever your issues are) is more likely to make her uncomfortable and encourage her to withdraw from you. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:18:30 AM | "When your "secret" is about a couple stints in the state pen, yeah women tend to get bummed out. Also when they find out about the wife in another state, the 3 kids, all that rigamaroll, bad news...."
No, nothing quite like that. I've been through quite a bit in life but no kids or wife or jailtime. I'm an artist and I have a very vivid imagination and some of the stuff I like to think or talk about is pretty far out for the average person, I find that some people only like to keep things light hearted and surface level. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 7 | |
| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:02:35 AM | Simple fact OP..is if someone is "taken" by you...they'll be completely enraptured by your every utterance because they're excited to get to know you...
...unless ofcourse...your conversation contains phrases like...
Im;
...on Americas Most Wanted
...a paedophile, drug addict, alcoholic etc
...into groups and my wife and I need a girlfriend
or
I hid the body;
...in my backyard
...in my closet
...in the crawlspace
Someone who's not interested in you...wont give a F*** and so it doesnt matter what you say.
Unless ofcourse you are on Americas Most Wanted...cos then they'll be desperate to audio tape you and use it in court against you to make a quick few thousand bucks
*kaching*
$$$$$$$$ | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:08:52 AM | | Telling someone your whole life story right away is too overwhelming for most people. As you gradually get to know one another and ask each other questions, you can share your fears, dreams, successes, failures, etc. That's half the fun of meeting someone... gradually learning about them. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:34:32 AM | | For some reason, people open up to me. It doesn't phase me any more. But I DO think the GUYS get weirded out that they've revealed too much [made themselves vulnerable] and worry that I have this knowledge and would use it against them. I never have done anything like that, and would not, which is why people tend to tell me things. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:53:16 AM | Is it a turnoff when a guy talks about his whole life story and totally opens himself up to you, shares all his fears and dreams too soon in the relationship? Or do you ladies prefer a little bit of mystery in your men?
Women usually prefer men who are open and genuine. Nobody likes a closed book, unless it's got a nice cover, but even "pretty" gets boring, eventually.
On the other hand, you want to present your best side to your date in the early stages of the relationship. Sharing fears can show weakness and doesn't highlight your strengths as a man. Since your partner doesn't know you, she needs to learn how you can add something of value to her life. She needs to see the attractive qualities of your personality and character.
In addition, it's usually best for men to maintain a small degree of mystery. Too much mystery can make you appear closed to her. Too little mystery can make you appear weak (or worse). Try to find the right balance with your partner, and recognize that the weight of mystery generally decreases as the length and depth of the relationship increases. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:45:05 AM | | I don't want to know their entire life story starting at birth, at least not initially. However, a person's willingness to open up and share things tells me a lot about their communication skills, and whether I could ever be involved with them, at least on a more personal level. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:54:14 AM |
Just curious, I've heard that women find it a turnoff when a guy spills his guts to a girl when they are meeting for the first few times? Is it a turnoff when a guy talks about his whole life story and totally opens himself up to you, shares all his fears and dreams too soon in the relationship? Or do you ladies prefer a little bit of mystery in your men?
It's not about mystery, it's about pacing yourself...and overwhelming someone you don't know that well. There's plenty of time to do that once there's mutual interest and an actual connection.
The fact that you're asking if "too soon" is ok shows that even you know that the timing's not good...you're answering your own question. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:05:04 AM |
Women usually prefer men who are open and genuine. Nobody likes a closed book, unless it's got a nice cover, but even "pretty" gets boring, eventually.
On the other hand, you want to present your best side to your date in the early stages of the relationship. Sharing fears can show weakness and doesn't highlight your strengths as a man. Since your partner doesn't know you, she needs to learn how you can add something of value to her life. She needs to see the attractive qualities of your personality and character.
In addition, it's usually best for men to maintain a small degree of mystery. Too much mystery can make you appear closed to her. Too little mystery can make you appear weak (or worse). Try to find the right balance with your partner, and recognize that the weight of mystery generally decreases as the length and depth of the relationship increases.
Thanks, thats the type of answer I was looking for, very detailed and accurate. You didn't judge me like some of the other replies who automatically assumed I'm some ex-con with 10 kids. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:07:32 AM | Um..yeah that would put me off actually.
Learning about you is part of getting to know you..which takes time..and should do..bit by bit.
I would be concerned that a person..anyone..even a potential friend would end up being too needy by telling so much at the outset.
I've got a whole life story..some of which even my existing friends don't know about..the same is true in reverse. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:08:38 AM | "Secrets"? It depends what type(s) of secrets he is revealing.
However, I welcome a man that feels comfortable talking about himself, his dreams, his life, etc.......It is flattering as long as he is not on "biotch" mode or just likes talking non-stop about himself............. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 12:22:07 PM | Although I have never understood women who like "mysterious" men -- I also fail to understand why some men want t spill their beans about everything. Some guys just go waaaaay to far.
I have one friend who just recently disclosed to a woman he was seeing that had braces for like 4 years cause his teeth were really f*cked up. What the hell???
Who needs to know that?
I think somethings are best kept secret for infinity. If you really need to get something off your chest, go to confession. If you really need your woman to accept you for everything you are, maybe leave out the stupid things that are of little relevance. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 12:25:23 PM | It can be very overwhelming depending upon what he's disclosing.
First discussion:
How 'bout, prison time on a drug conviction (recently) for dealing. Rehab, numerous times within a short period of time a number of years ago. This is a man in his late forties now. But said he was committed to being a responsible person now. Good job etc.....Without getting into more detail of this long (years) chaotic lifestyle, (long but interesting) this can be an overwhelming piece of information laid at your doorstep in the first few minutes of conversation. Takes a while to digest completely. First off, thinking to yourself.....uh, there's not many who BEGIN selling drugs at age 43 almost 44......So, you think about it and rethink what he had to say since you decide this guy was laying it all out on the table.
You give the benefit of the doubt.
Then a little later you find out that he's been shot not once but twice and stabbed. Then you find out that there's a NUMBER of DUI offenses when he was point blank asked previously if he had a problem with alcohol in addition to past drug problems and he said "no".
So, depending on what is disclosed and what you are ready to hear. The above mentioned should be somewhat commended for doing so but not in the way it was done and the timing of it all. It's like you have to know the bad deeds before you know the person. He was a total stranger at the time of disclosure. And you might think that this is also commendable on his part.....yes and no. .....since actually he likes talking about himself and what he wants period and everything and everyone else is secondary, 90% of the time.......Too much, too soon, isn't always a good thing.
And I'm not saying to keep things secret but on the first conversation? | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:11:32 PM | try giving your life story on your profile and see how that goes....
its got nothing to do with openness/mystery, its all about the big picture. You can't tell a practical stranger a bunch of stuff without putting it into context, that being a big picture that includes a sense of your personality, emotions and nature. Otherwise stuff naturally gets judged in black & white. You can't expect people to wait to find out more about you before making judgements, its simply not practical. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:52:25 PM |
its got nothing to do with openness/mystery, its all about the big picture. You can't tell a practical stranger a bunch of stuff without putting it into context, that being a big picture that includes a sense of your personality, emotions and nature. Otherwise stuff naturally gets judged in black & white. You can't expect people to wait to find out more about you before making judgements, its simply not practical.
True, but I do think that many women especially younger ones do find a little bit of mystery sexy in a man. | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:36:11 PM | It's because I wasn't afraid to reveal my deepest soul to my current girlfriend that we built such an instant bond.
She felt safe to reveal her secrets to me, and that was the key of the whole thing. There must be a give and take.
A relationship is made up of many facets, but as far as people go, there are five that are most important to balance:
1) The Persona (includes their body and any pretentiousness or shells they use)
2) The Personality (obvious)
3) The Secrets (includes things they hide with their persona, whether they explore it or not in their inner life)
4) The Friends (people they aren't close to, but feel bonded with)
5) The Family (people they are very close to, whether they include family members or not)
Make sure that you and your prospective partner are able to share these things with each other at a level of intensity and honesty that is mutual and mutually wanted.
Balance is not just where these are all equal. They simply need to be able to balance out without being at extremes.
If you personally aren't at this state of balance (and I mean the big you, not OP specifically), then you shouldn't be in the dating arena at all, else you'll risk making your state worse and harder to remedy.
Some things are meant to be shared in a relationship, which should be a place for personal growth. But as Sturgeon said (though not to the same extent as he suggests) some things are meant for a psychiatrist/therapist.
~ David | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:49:36 PM | David: I certainly wish you well, but I wonder how old your
relationship is and what kind of a relationship it is?
Maybe you do have a very sound and solid relationship
where both partners have their shit together emotionally.
If, for no other reason, I have found that women will use
any such negative information against you during a skirmish!
Like they say. All is fair in LOVE and WAR | |
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| Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:26:30 PM | Yes,........its a turn off.........
I want to know all the dirty little secrets..............the ones were after you tell the girl your life story your dreams and fears............and still don´t spill.............
those are the ones I want to hear.............
It never happens though.......... | |
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