| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:05:12 AM | Is it me or is it plain odd so many women list independent as one of their traits? I mean, isn’t independent the opposite of being dependent? Isn’t this a dating site to meet people where we think depending on each other to traverse this journey called life is a plus?
So what gives? Is it one of this fictitious walls we all know about where someone is seeking something they never had, meaning they list what they want but they’ve never had it? Like someone that says respect is so important, I’ve learned that to be a given but when someone puts it in their profile as a requisite it almost always means the last relationship lacked it. Now that last statement I can’t prove scientifically but it has borne itself out time and again.
So what gives with listing independent? What are you really saying? | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:10:12 AM | People Miss-use words here all the time
Sometimes they say in dependant, what they mean is self reliant
I like it when they say they are honest and have integrity... But can never define it?
Big Al
Miss-using words since 1972 | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:12:28 AM | It means we're not huge, gaping, chasms of NEED. Cuz it seems plenty of men have had a run in with a woman who expected them to do too much, pay for too much, or be too much . . . Being independent means I am capable of taking care of myself, financially, physically, emotionally. Does that mean I don't want a partner? No. It means I don't NEED a partner. I have a wonderful relationship with a fabulous man. We are both independent, and yet, our lives have become very much intertwined. I even RELY on him from time to time. That does not mean I am dependent. See the difference? | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:14:31 AM | | Independent? Means she does not expect you to pay her bills, solve her problems or be her Daddy. She is mature, responcible and self supporting. Her life is in order and all she wants from a relationship is love. It does not mean she will not need you, respect you , or treat you as a partner in life. But there are far too many women out there looking for a meal ticket and far too many men that wanta gal to treat him like the boss. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:16:37 AM |
So what gives with listing independent? What are you really saying?
People stating they are independent means that they are capable of running their own lives adequately,they can run a home,have a career,social life and make important life decisions without constantly having to ask for help or guidance off others. It does not mean these people dont want to find a special partner to experience life with so they have every right to be on a dating site. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:20:30 AM | Is it me or is it plain odd so many women list independent as one of their traits? I mean, isn’t independent the opposite of being dependent? Isn’t this a dating site to meet people where we think depending on each other to traverse this journey called life is a plus?
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the idea OP is we may be independant women, but we still have the right to be loved.
just because we are independant doesnt mean, we want to survive on our own, sometimes we just have to.
and surely being independant assures some men that we can cope without them being around 24 hours a day, that were not on the phone every 5 minutes when the car blows a tyre, or a plug needs a new fuse! | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:22:16 AM | | Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying some women don't lie on their profile about being independent because they think it makes them seem less clingy, but there's a difference in being dependent in the genuine sense of the word, and being independent, but actually wanting to find the right person to support and share the ups and downs of life with. An independent person doesn't NEED to be with anybody to validate their existence, but that doesn't mean they haven't got room in their lives for the right person. | |
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| If you're independEnt, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:23:15 AM |
Is it me or is it plain odd so many women list independent as one of their traits? I mean, isn’t independent the opposite of being dependent? Isn’t this a dating site to meet people where we think depending on each other to traverse this journey called life is a plus?
Not really no...it means we're capable of paying our own bills, entertaining ourselves, fixing our own broken stuff, we're free from constantly needing approval, and can generally run our own lives...which SHOULD be attractive to the opposite sex, as no longer is it required we be "taken care of" in order to date someone. Self reliant is a good way to describe it.
So what gives? Is it one of this fictitious walls we all know about where someone is seeking something they never had, meaning they list what they want but they’ve never had it? Like someone that says respect is so important, I’ve learned that to be a given but when someone puts it in their profile as a requisite it almost always means the last relationship lacked it. Now that last statement I can’t prove scientifically but it has borne itself out time and again.
No generally most women have heard so many complaints from men about women who want something from them, we feel the need to make sure up front that we're not one of those women.
So what gives with listing independent? What are you really saying?
That we have something to bring to the table, that we will not define ourselves by being part of a couple, or expect a man (or anyone else) to take care of us. We plan to be equal in the relationship...
If you're independant, why R U here?
I'm here more for the entertainment value, myself... | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:24:29 AM | | I agree with justwant2no! I realize that all too often men like to be felt as though they are needed, and yet at the same time they can complain about a woman smothering them and so forth. As a single mother, I would be doomed if I was dependent. I know that I can survive without a man. I can fully support myself and my two children on my own in all aspects of our lives. That does not mean that emotional support and having someone to share your life (and yes even bills..lol) with is something I don't want. But just as they said, I don't NEED it. That is something I wish more women would realize. How often is there that woman allowing some low life to ruin her life? That is because she is dependent and doesn't think she can do it on her own. Well, for those of us who know we can, we have the upper hand. We don't have to settle for a man mistreating us and bringing us farther down. I had to realize that I could do it on my own before I was ever ready to date. I am not needy in any aspect. I like emotional support and having all the benefits of a companion. I just am not willing to hand over all independence and risk being messed over in the long run....... | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:30:14 AM |
So what gives with listing independent? What are you really saying?
"Don't expect me to become the happy homemaker in life." | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:38:20 AM | ^^^
"Don't expect me to become the happy homemaker in life."
Oh, on the contrary grkboy! Independent women make great homemakers - we've got nothing but experience! Not to sound too domesticated (after all, I am one of those independent women) but I do laundry, cook, clean, pay bills, taxi children, throw parties, organize charity events, work a full time job and manage to have a pretty fulfilling relationship. And now that I'm with my SO, yes, I still do laundry, cook, clean, etc. - because I was doing it already before I ever met him! Frankly, he really lucked out!  | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:50:52 AM | I just was speaking from experience. Most women I've met who claim to be "independent" more or less want a life where they work their careers and housework/parenting responsibilities are divided in half.
Nothing wrong with that either. I just was mostly speaking that for the guys who want the happy homemaker/"the man is the head of the household and women know their place" types...steer clear of the ones claiming they're "independent".
As for me, I still love women who have backbones.  | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:51:42 AM | Compare "I love you because I need you," with, "I need you because I love you."
As a positive trait, independent means a person is self reliant and self sufficient. As a negative trait is suggests the person may have such high walls around them that no one is allowed to get close enough to hurt them. The goal is really to become interdependent where we are responsible for ourselves yet when we share and work together, we can accomplish more than we could apart.
The best relationships are between people who don't need each other to enjoy their lives, but find greater joy when they do share. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:56:40 AM | The question to men: If you list nice, funny and an old fashioned gentleman as your traits on your profile.
Why do you behave like a crass, critical, jerk when we meet you?
Not to mention the 30# extra pounds you added to your frame after you took the picture you posted.
What was your question again? | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here? Original poster
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:00:37 AM | | Well this certainly cleared up my confusion and thanks to all of you; it seems everyone is basically on the same page for this thread, so it's a consensus. Independence means I'm perfectly fine taking care of myself thank you - however I have room for that special someone and prefer to not do it alone. A thanks you to all of you, Greg | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:05:46 AM | "The goal is really to become interdependent where we are responsible for ourselves yet when we share and work together, we can accomplish more than we could apart.
The best relationships are between people who don't need each other to enjoy their lives, but find greater joy when they do share."
My thoughts exactly.
You know what is really ironic? Every man I have dated tells me I am exactly what they are looking for. I am stable, I earn enough money to pay for my lifestyle, I am a hard worker, I use good common sense, I am not clingy or whiney. But after awhile, I guess I become boring. You dont have to guess where I am, because I have a routine in my life. I can always be reached (for the most part). I dont take off and drink or do silly stuff that puts myself in any jeapardy. I am not a 'drama queen'. Yet I get dumped for the exact opposite of me everytime. Afterwards, they usually come back and say they were stupid for choosing someone like that over me....too funny. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:18:56 AM | Just because a women is on this site looking for a man, does not mean she is looking for someone to run her life for her. A self reliant(independant) women just means someone who can look after her life, 'get r done' sort of speak. Im independant like a lot of men are but we still like the company of a women.
An independant women like many other women desire a man in there life, not to take care of them, but to have some intimacy in there lives, to enjoy life with someone, or what ever.
Cheers
Glen | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:38:57 AM | | Independent does not mean that you want to live your life completely alone. It means you're not CO-dependent, or looking for someone to take care of you. At least, that's my best guess. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:54:49 AM | Obviously...you "flunked sand-box" in school!!!!! Independant MEANS that a woman is not a wilted lilly....she isn't looking for a man to "complete" her or to "cling" to, which by the way---is what most men say they don't want.
It simply means that she would like to have a man in her life..........but, she doesn't NEED a man in her life!
Now, on the off chance that you would like a dumb woman, forget about it, 'cause you 'ain't gonna get it! On your next birthday, ask for a DICTIONARY! | |
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| If you're independEnt, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:57:04 AM | | I'm here because I would LIKE a man in my life....but, I don't NEED a man in my life. The love of my life and partner for 40 yrs. has passed on....and life is too precious to be alone, unless that's what someone wants. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:57:08 AM | | I don't understand people listing their independence. It is a given that control isn't love. Dependent, co-dependent, independent all has nothing to do with love, partnership or companionship. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:59:09 AM | Independent means they do not rely on others for financial/emotional dependency.
They work/pay bills... ..can survive without any drama taking place.
Your question is a waffle between.....if your independent but delve in the disfunction of POF...therefore..they are equally as disfunctional? maybe...maybe not...want some syrup on the waffle? | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 12:09:28 PM | It means....... No. 1. We can take care of ourselves in the manner we have worked to become accustomed to. Therefore, you or any man will not need to take care of us. We are more on an equal level. No. 2. You man lean on us for support as we will be there and we hope we are able to lean on you for support and that you'll be there. No.3. and most importantly, you are not involved in our lives because we are needy and can't make it without you, you are involved in our lives becase we actually like and enjoy your company. Isn't that much better than some needy clingon???
:))
Witchy | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 12:48:13 PM |
Isn’t this a dating site to meet people where we think depending on each other to traverse this journey called life is a plus?
Depending on someone to traverse life together is one thing.
Depending on them to carry all the load is another. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:08:23 PM |
I mean, isn’t independent the opposite of being dependent? Yesh, the words are antonyms, bravo!
Isn’t this a dating site to meet people where we think depending on each other to traverse this journey called life is a plus?
How's that? "We" "think" "depending on each other" to transverse life???
Hmmm, are you assuming “we”? How come I don’t think like your “we”? BTW, where did you get such rules of relationships from? I don’t think that co-dependency is a good thing for any relationship…
What about trying to broad your vision? It is not about “independent women”, but independent “individuals” willing and able to share their lives with their significant other. Good?
What’s wrong with being with an independent partner? Is it because they’re hard to being taken advantage of?
So what gives with listing independent? What are you really saying?
Someone list qualities for a zillion different reasons, and best of all, it is for one to preferably not (second) guess anything out of their significant other but simply have a starter for a good conversation and to get know one another, hence joining a dating service… go figure, an impulsive mind-reader is an annoying bore.
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