| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:24:01 PM | I love cars, to me they are more than just transportation. At their best the are rolling works of art, as well as complex machines. I enjoy working on my cars, I'm talking about adding parts that make them handle better, go faster, get better gas mileage and look nicer. While scheduled maintenance is not nearly as much fun, I enjoy that too.
The feeling of satisfaction I get from completing a car project and then driving it for a night on the town or a road trip to "Vegas" with my lady by my side is hard to beat.
I spend three out of four weekends doing "honey do's" and going to whatever social event's she chooses, without complaining I might add, but let me say I want to spend one Saturday and part of Sunday working on my car and I'm given the guilt trip of a man who never spends any time at all with his lady. You love that car more than me, it's a piece of junk you should sell it, are just a few of the mean comments a woman will say.
I make sure her needs and want's are met, the bills are paid and the family is taken care of, so why all the anger when I want to work on my car? Ladies please help me to understand. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:37:05 PM | | I do realize there are two sides to every story and she would probably argue that you do worry too much about your car and it is just a vehicle and so forth. The bottom line is that compromise is very important and one making sacrifices all the time while the other just expects their "demands" to be met is outrageous and not healthy. If you do her things she can allow you your time as it is important to have your own hobbies and activities you enjoy. Many people, not just females, do not comprehend hobbies that they are not interested in. Here you are spending time and money on a car. I am sure she finds this to be a waste of time and money. To you it is important and you are proud of your work, after all every time you do something new you have enjoyed it and have a sense of accomplishment. I would try explaining to her that this is something you enjoy and how important it really is to you. If she has an activity she enjoys tell her it is like that in the way it makes you feel. Do not try to put hers down though, as that will just cause the two of you to compare what perhaps neither of you understands. Good luck....Just remember compromise and communication. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:38:24 PM |
OP Hello ladies, I'm divorced and ready to start dating again. I'm single, not in a relationship and looking to trade up, nor cheat on my mate.
My suggestion to you is up~date what you stated in your profile to begin with. Then when you're working on your car ask *her* to pass you the wrench; watch closely as she might want to hit you up side the head with it. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:56:17 PM | | My question was taken from my past relationship experiences, with my ex-wife and the woman who came before her. My profile is fairly recent, I started with a statement letting women know that I am a one woman kind of guy. Not a cheater. But I didn't write much about car's. Wanted to leave something for future conversations, lol, but thanks for the advice ladies. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:49:56 PM | you're dating the wrong women.......... jealous of a car? no way  | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:19:28 PM | Lowenna, you'd be surprised. I think they would be less upset if I told them I had a date with another woman, LOL. But you're right I am dating the wrong women.  | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:32:26 PM | One of my exes was big-time into cars. When he wasn't working on his car, he was talking about his car, or buying stuff for his car, or posting on online forums about his car, or talking to his friends about *their* cars. It's all well and good to have a hobby, but in this instance, the guy was just plain obsessed. Most people want to date someone who's got a broad range of interests so that things don't get boring and they don't end up sitting on the sidelines constantly hoping you'll pop out from under the hood once in a while to say hello.
I don't know you, so I couldn't say whether or not this is true in your case, but I'm guessing either you spend a lot more time with the "other woman" (you know, the one with the pistons and the crankshaft) than you realize, or maybe the women you date just have low tolerance for motor-philes. Either way, you're unlikely to change your spots now, and why should you? You're best off trying to find a woman who's a little more... ahem... "geared up" about your favorite hobby than your exes were. Case in point: after I broke it off with my car-obsessed ex, he found himself a girl who drove a pickup and was willing to go off-roading with him. I started dating a guy who didn't know which wire to connect to which battery terminal to jump start a car. Everybody wins. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:44:54 PM | | Great answer, Thanks Marahanna. Oh and just so you know I try to keep my car love in check, once a month or less. It's a fairly expensive hobby. I don't care if a woman knows about cars or even likes them, just like me enough not to complain when I do have the time and money to work on them. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:19:21 PM | Great answer, Thanks Marahanna. Oh and just so you know I try to keep my car love in check, once a month or less. It's a fairly expensive hobby. I don't care if a woman knows about cars or even likes them, just like me enough not to complain when I do have the time and money to work on them.
Totally agree. As a fellow car nut myself, I repair and maintain them, I can modify them and I thoroughly enjoy discussing them. Does that mean that if I get back in a relationship that I'll spend more time working on them than with my SO. No, but I will spend SOME time on them.
What I'm thinking here is it's that same as when women talk about the guys. It's nice that the guy has other things in his life to keep him busy as to not come on too strong. But if they get together, that somehow mysteriously those things aren't relevant anymore. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:51:26 PM | | if a lady was compaining bout me working on my trucks more then spending time with her, i would hate to say but the vehicles are mine, i have time to work on them, so i'm using that time, i did alot for ya last weekend, this is my weekend, | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 6/11/2008 7:27:59 AM | | Working on your car is your hobby. I would suggest she get one as well. Or find women who have them already. However, weekend time should be couple time at some point. Make sure to spend some of the weekend with her. Maybe trade a weeknight of working on car for more weekend time with her. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 8/21/2008 1:09:01 AM | Thought of getting her involved? My wife was quite jealous of my "other woman" for quite a while. I'll be done my resto in the next few months, and have started looking around. I asked her one night what she's dreamed of owning, met with a frosty stare. After pushing her a bit, I got her to close her eyes and picture herself driving across the desert. Now pan out. Describe what you're driving in the daydream.
From there, I had a rough idea of what she would like, started looking around and let her know the next project was for her and her alone. But she's expected to help out with what she can do.
It started with her recognizing she could clean interior and parts. She could help with re-upholstry. She can help paint the engine bay and undercarriage. She is, after watching me curse my way through bodywork, now recognizing that it takes patience and skill to do it, but after watching me do it, if I do the welding, she'll take care of the rest. DEAL!
And so she is getting sucked in and soon will have a love of her own. Once she's helped rebuild it, she'll be hooked and we can look for not only her car or only my car, but one we can see cruising in together. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 8/21/2008 4:29:48 AM | Hmmm
I was gonna write something nice but it seems Elvis has left the building...wonder if the "wifey" found him out here?
Much better to be envious of a car than another woman.......... | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 8/21/2008 5:14:17 AM | The only auto envy I would have is if a guy was too engross in having the latest *TRANSFORMERS* item that there is on the market.........
If I was with someone and they wanted to tinker about on cars, then he shouldn't have an issue with me heading to the spa for the day.  | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:20:19 AM | Look, Bronito Mussolini.
There is nothing wrong with your love for automobiles. They are sex, tits, burritos, and money rolled together, smashed, and mixed into a bowl delivered by the Kwanzaa Gods themselves. Cherish this passion, harness it and garnish it like they were the horses on Apollo's chariot. Worship your cars, and neglect your women-- this is essential. Tap into your inner bachelor, my friend. For this liberation is of utmost importance in male development, even if you are a senior citizen and having to use a catheter.
Salut, buddy. Here's looking to you! | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 8/21/2008 1:15:35 PM | You sure know how to hurt a girl
Fewer hugs and no more kisses
Just water for your carburetor
And bearings for your pistons
Rev her engine for your pleasure
Caress and fondle her steering wheel
When you moan and hug her gear shift
Stop! Think how it makes me feel
Skidmarks on my heart
You've got me in fifth
You're burning rubber like my love
I'm driving in risk
Spend all your time and money
On that Pontiac GTO pile
Getting tired of your greasy antics
My pride's getting hurt by the mile
Blow her engine blow my mind
Keep her shocks and brakes aligned
I see that you're all jacked up
Leaving me and your exhaust behind
I buy you cologne
You want axle grease
You say get a mechanic
I say get a shrink
I need promises
You want Motor Trend
Our love needs an overhaul
This may be the end | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 8/21/2008 2:08:17 PM | My ex is a mechanic, and would spend hours working on his car.
I didn't mind a bit...until I realised that he'd forego fixing anything on mine in order to wax his. While I can and usually do my own maintenance...I did expect him (as my husband and as a mechanic) to fix the major stuff when I asked. Instead, I drove our kids around in a car that was deteriorating to the point of being unsafe while he had a brand new Mazda. Even buying the parts and offering to help install them didn't help. I ended up paying someone else to install them. Part of the reason we divorced.
My point is...if you don't want her to complain (and really, 1 weekend a month? perfectly reasonable), maybe include her in your plans? Have her watch the shows with you, or ask her opinion on parts for the car? You never know when something might become more interesting through the passion your partner has for it. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 9/17/2008 10:24:21 AM | Its happened to me,the whole envy bit but here's where I get a bit confused.
Its not like she didn't know your into cars,and its not like you spend 23 hrs a day on it,why be jealous??
What I can gather is this.
Some women and I repeat some
Feel that any attention love and care given in any direction other than her is a outrage and she's loosing out on you.so your car or bike becomes the other woman and to be frank women are very teritorial.
The only way I've found to not have to deal with that issue is find someone into the same lifestyle and that way you two share a fondness and can grow with it togeher. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 9/17/2008 11:10:34 AM |
You love that car more than me, it's a piece of junk you should sell it, are just a few of the mean comments a woman will say. You're just dating the wrong woman. I'd rather have a guy that wants to blow a weekend on engines than vegging on the couch. Granted, being a vegetable is appropriate for certain times or places, but not as a hobby.
There are women the need to be #1 over every thing else. I have a friend who is a guitarist, who normally practices every night. He cut back by 3 nights for the girl he was dating. She still threw a fit over his focus on music. They're no longer together.
There's no hobby that doesn't get attacked by the type of woman that needs constant attention. | |
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| Auto envy, what gives?
Posted: 9/17/2008 11:23:28 AM | | I had an ex who was car obsessed and yeah I had car envy. If you ask him, I was totally unreasonable with my 'demands' that he spend more time with me/less time on his car. If you look at it from my point of view, it was impacting our relationship. He was ALWAYS late (usually at least 1/2 hour, sometimes up to 3 hours) because he had to do something with his car (wash it, change the oil, fix something, install something). Plans got cancelled because he had to do something with his car (ie: we had plans to go to the beach one day and he had to do 'one little thing' that would take maybe 20 minutes before we could go. Well one thing lead to another, which lead to another and next thing you know, he's been working on his car for 4 hours while I sat there doing nothing and it was too late to go to the beach, another time I spent most of the day getting ready [gave myself a facial, doing my nails to perfection, went shopping for a new outfit and shoes etc etc] to go to the bar for my birthday and again, he has to do one little thing. Need I say we never got to the bar?) If he had said "sorry I can't make plans to go to the beach with you this weekend because I have to work on my car." when I tried to make plans it would have been fine. If he had said "Sorry I can't be there at 7, it will have to be at 8 because I have to do this with my car." again it would have been fine, but to show up late and cancel plans for your hobby, that's not cool. | |
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