| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:30:39 PM | Hi people,
I was just curious to know (just by numbers),
have you ever dated someone seriously who you were not physically attracted to? for how long? and if you decided to stay with them longer, what was the reason?
and nope...a baby in the picture does not count  | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:41:10 PM | | Well for me it started off as friends and we got along great. He made me laugh all the time and then we fell in love. We were together for years. It ended do to differences not looks. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:58:34 PM | I dont know if this is the same thing. But a few times I had this happen to me. I would hang out with someone who I wasent initially attracted to and their personality was so awesome they became way more attractrive in my eyes. And the opposite has happened, Ive being with some real studs who were ***holes and then they became ugly as f*ck in my eyes. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:41:56 PM | | I have dated men I wasn't particularly physically attracted to, because I got to know them over a period of time and I liked their character, i.e. they were persistent, and I like persistent men (within reason), but when you meet them, if you really aren't attracted to them their character, personality whatever makes no difference. Much as you might think you could be happy with them, you will never really be satisfied until you get the whole package. Settling for a compromise inevitably leads to dissappointment IMO, so don't go for the quick fix, wait for the one who you know you want to spend the rest of your life with. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:59:56 PM | | Ya gotta love someone who's shallow and not afraid to admit it. OT: I've never dated someone I wasn't attracted to, for one reason or another. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:03:35 AM | | I wasn't physically attracted to my first husband. I did end up falling in love with him though. It only lasted a little over 2 yrs and he was the father of my son. I have never thought he was good looking or hot or sexy. I was just stupid, 17 and rebounding from the love of my life. We do such stupid things when we are hurting. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:07:15 AM | | No of course not. Why would anyone date someone that they did not find attractive? That would be called hanging out with a friend, not a date. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:20:08 AM | I'm with xchaosx, I've found that people I initially thought were hot can turn real ugly when you get to know them, and people who I initially thought were plain but found to be really nice, or funny, or whatever becames more attractive to me. That said, though, if I found them to be truly ugly it's hard to look beyond that.
It's lack of chemistry that's a deal-breaker for me, more than looks. I've dated attractive men who just didn't do it for me- kissing them was like kissing my brother. And I've dated average-looking men who left my lips smoking- you just never know! | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:20:30 AM | yep... my ex hubby....... .. we started as friends.... he taught me heaps...so mentally stimulating... he made me laugh..... we had things in common.. re music/reading.. (not the same style though)....
over time.. he became more attractive to me.... to finally.. i thought he was the most beautiful man on earth........(the expression love is blind)... and you can create chemistry)
too once getting to divorce stage.... feeling wtf was i thinking... as our relationship became ugly i guess we both did to each other...
next guy.. was younger.. in my eyes(and alot of other womans eyes). great body.. sexy/charming...... but overtime... found.. his character.... was unattractive...
so being older..... i have no problem with being open to spending time with someone.... getting to know them.. because i know if they have great character/qualities... i can fall in love with them and thus find them extremely beautiful...
mind you if someone is unattractive spiritually/mentally/ emotionally etc then physically they will always i mo appear that way too you..(in other words if they are ugly /selfish etc on the inside then they are ugly on the outside.. just cause you find someone unattractive dosent mean you ever will find them attractive if they have no inner beauty)).. ive meet people where.. theres noway id ever find them attractive.. b/c of how they think/ etc
otherwise the beauty comes from within holds true if someone has character..etc inner beauty... then yes... but respect... and being able to see/be open minded.. is the key imo
smiles/peace | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:21:00 AM | | My first BF was not that attractive to me, but I had no experience in the matter. He was ugly and dumb. Nice guy, generally, though. I think only because I had nothing to compare him to, I stayed for a while. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:22:10 AM | Attraction is so weird.
I've never dated someone I wasnt attracted to, at least not more than a few times.
I have found myself attracted to men who didnt impress me at first, and this is where it gets weird. Even though it's still not a 'physical' attraction, it manifests physically.
I've also dated some really beautiful men and I can say that after a while, you just get used to him and its not a big deal and you seldom think about it. So its the same principle I think. Familiarity kind of neutralizes physical appearance .
A sexy brain will trump a less than pretty face. Once that happens, you really cant tell the difference. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:19:59 AM | | I would agree that sometimes you can 'grow' an attraction to someone, but if you really find them physically unappealing, then the best it's going to be is tolerance due to their other qualities. I don't think a man has to be gorgeous to you, but he has to have something in his face and body that you find appealing. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:29:39 AM | Yes I have...My ex was extremely handsome, and after a bad split, I went through this "stay away from hot men because they're all a**holes" stage.
I decided to stick to men I really wasn't attracted to physically. It didn't work....I figured out looks have nothing to do with whether you're an a**hole or not... | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:41:41 AM |
I would agree that sometimes you can 'grow' an attraction to someone, but if you really find them physically unappealing, then the best it's going to be is tolerance due to their other qualities. I don't think a man has to be gorgeous to you, but he has to have something in his face and body that you find appealing.
My sentiments exactly. In my opinion, although attraction can grow in some cases, in other cases it has died due to what I thought were serious character incompatibilities. If a guy jerks me around, he starts not being so appealing anymore. I learned about the growth and death of attraction back in high school... I think under normal circumstances, even if there's only the slightest bit of attraction, if a man can make a woman feel trust in him and make her feel appreciated and important to him, making her feel good on the inside can make him look like a god  | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:56:57 AM | | I tried but the sex became too disgusting and I couldn't ask him to put a bag over his head. I hope no one ever tries to date me if they aren't attracted to me. It's not fair to either party. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:58:51 AM | No never dated someone seriously to whom I was not attracted. However, I am a believer in the "chemistry doesn't have to be instant" school of dating. I don't have to see fireworks to accept a first, second or even third date with someone and I can think of 2 relationships in which chemistry did develop around that stage or shortly thereafter. Those ended up being the best relationships I ever had and the longest lasting. The relationships in which I met the person and it was an immediate WOW!!! Didn't last. Why? It's simple really. The wave of emotion and sexual chemistry prevented me from seeing the "real" person and objectively evaluating whether or not we were a good fit in terms of compatibility.
Attraction is such a wild card. It just comes out of no where and hits you like a ton of bricks.....WHAM!! However, it doesn't mean anything and it has nothing to do with whether or not you are a good match. I guess it's just a sit up, take notice cue that keeps you interested long enough to get to know someone and assess whether or not they are a good match.
It happened to me recently. OVERPOWERING chemistry tons of flirting and MAJOR fireworks. It kind of surprsed me as there is no way he is the type of person about whom I could ever be serious. he was a HOT guy and definitely a stud muffin. You know, the Antonio Banderas type complete with an accent. His profession and income level are way below what I would ever seriously consider for a permanent relationship. I guess that's when people have flings...but I am not a roll in the hay kind of person. We enjoyed the flirting, the bantering and the fireworks but that was as far as it went.
I would rather meet someone I think is really nice. Get to know them for a bit and t hen have chemistry develop after there is an initial foundation of common interests, values, etc. If it goes much beyond say 3 or 4 dates and nothing is developing in terms of feelings and chemistry, then I have been honest about that the fact that I really don't feel anything. I don't believe in dating someone for a long time if it is clear that there is no possibility of chemistry developing. That would fall into the category of using people.
I remember a handful of dates with one guy in particular. I knew him from an organization in which we were both members. I didn't realize he was developing an interest until he asked me out. Suffice it to say, after a dinner, drive in the country, tea, and browsing for antiques, and a movie, he asked me if I thought there was a possibility of the relationship developing further. I said no. (I guess when he put his arm around me in the movie theatre and I pulled away, that clinched it.) We still ran into each other at the club. However, we didn't date. Within the year he met someone on the net, moved south of the border and got married. I am glad things worked out for him.
I don't believe in date and remain friends if one person feels chemistry and the other doesn't. It is a recipe for heartbreak and disappointment. It's best to wish each other well and move on. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:06:48 AM | My body is wired to something.... and I'm not sure where the wires go.... but if I'm not physically
attracted to the man, he's going nowhere with me. Something shuts down instantly.
I don't judge it or him... it just IS.
And before anyone's undies get all bunched in their ass, this has nothing to do with the man
being a George Clooney or forget it. That's never been the case. What I find attractive, you
might not. As a matter of fact, most of my men have been regular Joes......nothing that would
get them in a Calvin ad..... but they did it for me.
And that's the wire that I can't seem to find.... and I'm not worried about it either. Wherever
it goes, it's the one thing that makes me wanna jump him at any given time of the day, no matter
how long we've been together..... so I just let it be.
If there's no attraction, there's NOTHING. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:40:52 AM | Over the years I have had a few male friends with whom I had a great time ...great conversations, lots of laughter, shared interests, but with whom I felt absolutely no physical attraction. The one time I did come to have strong feelings for one of them he told me that dating me would be like dating his sister, so we never pursued it. We are still friends today.
In the case of my last longterm boyfriend, what attracted me to him first, before the physical attraction became evident, was his caring way with children and the elderly, along with his rather wacky sense of humor. The more time I spent with him, the more I noticed his physical qualities...the thick, wavy hair that I loved to run my hands through, the way his eyes would twinkle when he smiled, the boyish grin he would wear when we were playfighting....The chemistry between us became so hot that all it took was a look, and we would be in each other's arms.
The man I dated for a short time after the above relationship ended, was very handsome, charming and intelligent. What made me lose any interest in letting our relationship progress to the next level was his insufferably annoying, and tedious arrogant, self-important attitude. I used to tell him that the rest of the world was not created so that we could listen to him blow his horn 24/7. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:50:07 AM |
The one time I did come to have strong feelings for one of them he told me that dating me would be like dating his sister, so we never pursued it. We are still friends today.
Yeah been there done that ONCE. Would never do that again. It ended in disaster as he just played games and strung me along sending mixed signals and flip flopping all over the place. Another one "suspected", it and became extremely uncomfortable. So much so that I just denied the whole thing. He also played games, fip flopped and strung me along with mixed signals. As far as I am concerned, if one person is feeling it and the other person doesn't begin to feel it shortly thereafter, it's best to go your separate ways. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:41:37 AM | I guess you could care for someone, maybe even love them
but things about that person have just killed much of the
attraction tht feels so good in a relationship! | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 7:08:32 AM | | To me, chemistry or attraction is not totally based on looks. I like to give a guy three dates or so..sometimes a person who is not particularly attractrive to me becomes so after I get to know him and his sense of humor, etc. But if there is no chemistry...don't do it! If it's not there in the beginning, it never will be....and believe me, 20 years of marriage with someone you don't want to sleep with is not fun! | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 8:20:52 AM | Warning, there may be things about human behavior in this post that many people would rather not know. Twice in my life I embarked on 'politically correct' dating; going out with someone who visually turned me off, even though they had 'wonderful personalities'. And both times, it turned out in disaster. Love does not 'conquer all' when it comes to sexual desire. I could either: 1. Close my eyes and pretend they were someone else during sex, or 2. avoid sex completely. I didn't find either to be an acceptable alternative. I no longer date anyone that doesn't turn me on. Do not continue to read if you still believe in 'chemistry' and all kinds of mysterious romantic ideals.
Now, before you ask the obvious question, men usually see their mates much the same as we do the first time we meet. Even after a long time, we continue to see a much older woman in the same light that we did when we met, and were initially attracted to her. It's an evolutionary device in our dna that enables us to stay with our chosen female throughout pregnancy and continue to find her attractive, even when what physical attributes initially attracted us to her may no longer be intact. Now, some women might get upset that what we are making love to is essentially a younger image of herself, but hey, whatever works. It often keeps us together when neither of us would be considered physically attractive to many of the opposite sex. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:14:48 PM | | What about blind people? How do they choose? Any blind women out there for the ol' garbageman? Wait - she wouldn't be able to read this anyway. Nevermind. | |
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