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| | The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being AbusedPage 1 of 14 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14) | An earlier thread here in the Broken Hearts forum asks "why do we keep going back to an abuser" and I found myself trying to wade through the cycle of abuse (as I know it) to find the answer. No doubt, the experience of finding one's self being abused can send a person reeling into galaxies they didn't know were out there and once they've left the abuser, many people spend a great deal of time being sickened to the bone that they could have been so wrong as to believe that their abuser was actually capable of loving them (or anyone). On the heels of abuse, victims of abuse often search their own psyches to determine whether or not they even consider themselves worthy of love and respectful treatment. Many simply lapse into carrying a cold rage inside... not towards the abuser but toward themselves. They consider that maybe their abuser was right about their flaws and defectiveness because after all, they picked him or her. Not only that but many got free a few times and actually turned around and went back. With the benefit of hindsight, victims of abuse often think the abuser was right and that they ARE hopeless and deserving of the mistreatment... With that conclusion in place, they return to the abuser, humbled by their own sense of defectiveness.
Unfortunately, all of this involves anger with themselves and the more often they allow it back into their lives, the angrier they become with themselves. It would seem to me then that that in order to stop the "cycle", victims of abuse need to learn how to forgive themselves before they ever begin to try to forgive the abuser.
The word "forgiveness" can be just as benign and meaningless as the phrase "you need to love yourself first". They say you know you have truly forgiven when the memories no longer bring pain, anger or shame. But the question becomes... how many of us actually know how to go about forgiving ourselves? If we need to forgive ourselves in order to actually become strong enough to never allow it to happen again, do we even know how?
If you have ever gone through the process of forgiveness, of yourself or someone else, I'd love to hear people's thoughts on how to go about it, where to begin and what worked for you to forgive yourself or others? What works (or worked) for you? | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:36:32 PM | | I haven't been abused, but I think what you're saying counts for most people who are lacking in confidence. Your brain trains itself to react in a certain way to any given situation, and whether you scold yourself when you get something wrong, or nurture yourself by telling yourself that to make mistakes is human, and part of the learning process can have a dramatic impact on how you feel about yourself as a person. If you believe you are nothing you will eventually become nothing. You can re-train your brain to turn negative into positive reactions, but it can take some doing, and most people need help to do it. | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 2:50:20 AM | am i reading this right?
u have to forgive yourself, because you was being abused?
because you think you might have deserved it, and your abuser was right in punishing you?
em, i dont know....
i was in an abusive marrige for 12 years (mental and physical abuse, with drink-problems on his behalf too.), and it took me a long time to leave, because i wasnt in my home country, and i had no familie around to back me up, unlike him.
he used to say, i wont get my kids and i wont get the house,
but in the end i just had to leave, as i couldnt take anymore,
and i made the step, when my boss at the time offerd help, because she could see how upset i was coming into work every morning.
and yes i was young and gullible, (i got married to that guy at 17) a big mistake, i know.
and after i seperated from him,
i knew nothing about life.
it was like being trown in at the deep end. AND THAT HAS DONE ME A BIG FAVOUR.
as i had to toughen up, do things for myself.
YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, THERE IS NO EXCUSE ON THIS EARTH, FOR SOMEONE TO ABUSE "THE PERSON THEY "LOVE" AS A VERBAL AND PYSICAL PUNCHBAG.
so i say the onley thing you have to do now,is dust yourself off, work on your selfesteem, get out, join some classes, meet new pplz, and sing and dance that you are rid of that **stard!!!!!!
may they drown in their own misary,
dont let him drag you down to his level!!!!!
and yes i got the house and the kids...heh | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 3:01:19 AM | | I have to agree with NuttyKitten, you don't have to forgive yourself. Abuser's work on your weakness, they charm there way into your life, it's done over a long period of time. Which is why it takes you along time to get away from them. Once you have escaped from them the only thing you can do it dust yourself down, pick yourself up and move on with life, this can take along time, as personally I believe mental abuse is worse than pyshical abuse. Been there done that still working on being more confident. | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:27:58 AM | | It is true, you shouldn't have to forgive yourself for anything, but having the confidence beaten out of you can sometimes make you see things from a completely wrong perspective. I don't think it's so much about what you should or shouldn't do as what you can and can't do to make sure it doesn't happen again in the future. | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:46:37 AM | Silken Fire....as always I understand the premise behind your post........As a SURVIVOR of childhood sexual abuse and also a counselor I can tell you forgiving yourself is a component to healing.
Without going into a lot of detail.....many abused take their frustrations out on not just themselves but others........so forgiveness is essential to healing........
Hard to put into words.....but how many physically abused asked.......why didnt I get out sooner?..........why did I subject my kids to this?.....How could I have not seen this in this man....why this why that........thats where self forgiveness comes in.
The sexually abused girls if not treated at the time of the assault often turn to drugs and alcohol and promiscuity and when in therapy need to forgive themselves for certain actions. Even though it is cause and effect one must take responsibility for their own actions as an adult.
And by the way.......forgiveness of the abuser is also important for ones recovery......
JMHO | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:04:22 AM | I didn't forgive him, I forgave myself. I looked deep inside and figured out the why, the how and changed my perception of self. I learned to look for the signs, that prior to the abuse, I never knew existed. The hurtful comments, the breaking down of personal barriers, the isolation...
I don't think it's about forgiveness, more about acceptance. I accepted my role in that union. I understand what I did to help him gain that "upper hand." I forgave myself my faults and promised myself never to let it happen again.
With that acceptance, came growth. | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:14:52 AM | | Galonthemt I can understand what your saying, I've gone past the stage of why didn't I leave and look at what I put my kids through. I feel in a happier place for getting out and being strong enough to move on, but I don't see that I should forgive myself. One of my children, blames me for the abuse they received, but as I said to him had I know what was happening I would have put a stop to it. When in this situation we can all put a stop to it if we wanted to but we are manipulated that much that we believe that no one will believe us. Like I say to my son, I wasn't the one abusing him and I do feel guilty for not protecting him, but it's in the past and that's were it belongs. | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:32:34 AM | I accepted my role in that union
a role you didnt choose, and got bullied into!
And by the way.......forgiveness of the abuser is also important for ones recovery......
i have been chewing on that, wilst doing my domestics here, and no, ill never vorgive that bastard.
why should i, to ease his concience, if he has even got one.
vorgiving him to me, is like saying, yeah, it is totally ok what you did, dont worry about it....
no way.
to me that is like incoraging him...hell be like, wow, she vorgave me , oh yes! maybe the next one will too.
no he can rott in the hell he created for himself! | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:36:04 AM | We are each unique individuals. Forgiving yourself may be useful for one person and not for the next.
My ex would build her self esteem by degrading those around her. As clergy, she had lots of skills in how to manipulate people, and she did it so well that nobody noticed, including myself. I don't think she noticed it herself. It was all verbal, emotional and psychological abuse, with some economic abuse too.
But once out of that relationship (its been 8yrs) I have surrounded myself with good people, family, friends, clients, volunteer work, etc. And life is wonderful.
I have never felt a need to forgive myself, but I did forgive her in my heart (not verbally, so she doesn't know, and that doesn't matter). There are certainly mistakes I made during that time in my life, but I feel I did the best I could've done at the time. | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:47:41 AM |
i have been chewing on that, wilst doing my domestics here, and no, ill never vorgive that **stard.
why should i, to ease his concience, if he has even got one.
vorgiving him to me, is like saying, yeah, it is totally ok what you did, dont worry about it....
no way.
to me that is like incoraging him...hell be like, wow, she vorgave me , oh yes! maybe the next one will too.
no he can rott in the hell he created for himself!
Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you have to accept any responsibility, it's just a way of leaving the bitterness behind in a move to a happier future, not for him, but for your own sake, because there is no real healing without it. | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:22:00 AM | to me that is like incoraging him...hell be like, wow, she vorgave me , oh yes! maybe the next one will too
kitten.....when i say forgive him I dont mean go to him and tell him. I mean do it with your heart. To get the bitterness over and done with for you. He will be who he is and you have no influence over that......holding on to anger and bitterness only affects you......thats what I mean about forgiving.....he never has to know..... | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:22:56 AM | Pamperpooch, nuttykitten - et al.
I never said one had to accept responsibility, I only stated *I* had. Everyone's path is different and yes I choose to accept that *I* also played a role in that abusive situation. I also chose to end it.
I will never forgive, I will never forget, but I accept it for what it was. I accept that it happened and I've moved on.
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:36:47 AM |
kitten.....when i say forgive him I dont mean go to him and tell him. I mean do it with your heart. To get the bitterness over and done with for you. He will be who he is and you have no influence over that......holding on to anger and bitterness only affects you......thats what I mean about forgiving.....he never has to know.....
i know how you ment it...but unfortunateley, i still have to deal with my ex, as he sees the kids. and i do that as frosty as possible, if i have to face him at all.
i have allways said i wont stop him from seeing the kids, (they want to go and see their dad.)
he dosent and never has paid a penny towards them, cs he cant work because he is "ill".
(selfinflicted mabe due to alcehol). but he and his new wife have bought their own home, and go on holidays all the time.
im not upsetting myself, by even thinking about that twat for a minute longer, i made my head hurt in the past wondering why he dosnt want to look after his own kids, but i have never poisend them against him, they have to decide for themselfes.
to me he is just a **stard and mistake from the past chapter closed. but vorgive him? never! | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:53:41 AM | Here is a bit of recovery. My Al-an0n sponsor had me do it. Sit down and write a letter to yourself as a little child with your left hand , forgiving yourself. And then write another letter to your inner little child with you right hand. Forgiving yourself for the abuse and let go. I don't know how it works...but it worked wonders. It relieves yourself from childhood burdens that keep you tied to the past. I takes a lot of weight off your shoulders. It Works! You don't have to do anything else. Just forgive your inner child. Do it! and see. | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 7:50:34 AM |
Hard to put into words.....but how many physically abused asked.......why didnt I get out sooner?..........why did I subject my kids to this?.....How could I have not seen this in this man....why this why that........thats where self forgiveness comes in.
Yes Galonthemt... in the "noise" of the silence that follows breaking away (and if you've been there, you know what I mean about how loud the silence can be after living with chaos), I think many victims (and survivors  ) ask themselves these questions. Not only that, but many other people are prone to saying, "why didn't you "just" leave?". (Lotsa meaning behind that "just" I might add).
Very few people are so alone in life that they have no one else who cares about them and those people have also shuddered their way through the times when the abused person keeps going through the cycle. Often, they have also had to live with the abusers threats to hurt them if the victim doesn't obey his orders. In this, those we love also become vicarious victims... The abused person knows that they exposed their loves ones to mistreatment and it matters little if our loved ones forgive us, if we can't also forgive ourselves.
am i reading this right?
u have to forgive yourself, because you was being abused?
Yes NuttyKitten... In my view, many of us do need to find a way to forgive us for "participating" in our abuse by going back to the abuser or allowing him to come back to us. If our participation was because we were financially dependent on the abuser (and if you weren't when you started, he or she will make it so that you are somewhere along the way...) for instance, many abused people will be angry with themselves for not getting a solid education and career before they had their children. (That wasn't my situation but I see it in others). If our participation took the form of being too frightened from the terrorism to take the risk of leaving (because we truly believed he or she would carry out their threats), we end up having to forgive ourselves for feeling that we were weak when we should have been strong. This is where self-forgiveness comes in.
I see in a number of your posts where it seems that you are still very angry with the person who abused you. You may still be in the stage of recovery where your anger gives you a healthy detachment from the abuser that no one would ever suggest you put away... But there will come a time at some point where you realize he is still occupying a large space inside your mind and in order to be relieved of that burden, forgiveness will play a big role in your healing. As Galonthemt said, it isn't about condoning the things he's done. It's about being able to actually rebuild all the things that got broken and not becoming a vessel that spews acid everywhere she goes... (I'm not saying you are... I'm saying you don't want to be that...). It's about not hurting anymore and not allowing yourself to "mistreat" yourself with negative thinking about your role in what happened. For that reason (and many others), I think forgiveness of self is key so that we don't end up buying into the things the abuser has said and god forbid, going back to it...
Abuser's work on your weakness, they charm there way into your life, it's done over a long period of time. Which is why it takes you along time to get away from them.
This is exactly my point Lindylo... Not too long ago, one of our regular forumites (Rune3) posted about how abusers (bullies) choose people they will target. They don't target the weak or the feeble-minded. They go after the strong people who have it within them to be compassionate. This REALLY made me think when she posted it and it made so much sense!
Abusers rely on their victim's ability to be compassionate toward others. Part of the cycle is for them to be able to express remorse in such a way that they can be forgiven. If they chose people who were detached and could easily kick them to the curb, they wouldn't be able to come and go or have the power that they do.
They target a person's hot spots... not necessarily a person's weaknesses. In my situation, I would get pretty torn up over his being on the street, homeless and despondent. The target was my compassion which in normal life, is a strength...not a weakness.
I didn't forgive him, I forgave myself. I looked deep inside and figured out the why, the how and changed my perception of self. I learned to look for the signs, that prior to the abuse, I never knew existed. The hurtful comments, the breaking down of personal barriers, the isolation...
I don't think it's about forgiveness, more about acceptance. I accepted my role in that union. I understand what I did to help him gain that "upper hand." I forgave myself my faults and promised myself never to let it happen again.
With that acceptance, came growth.
This is precisely my point. Awesome post Aspiring Angel. 
have never felt a need to forgive myself, but I did forgive her in my heart (not verbally, so she doesn't know, and that doesn't matter). There are certainly mistakes I made during that time in my life, but I feel I did the best I could've done at the time.
I think that IS or could be called "forgiveness" Canoeist... By telling yourself that you did the "best you could have done at the time", you forgave yourself. From what I'm reading that is one of the "tools".
Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you have to accept any responsibility, it's just a way of leaving the bitterness behind in a move to a happier future, not for him, but for your own sake, because there is no real healing without it.
That's so true... and the point of this thread. It isn't even just not being able to heal... It's also remaining at risk for returning to the abuser... Scary!!!
Here is a bit of recovery. My Al-an0n sponsor had me do it. Sit down and write a letter to yourself as a little child with your left hand , forgiving yourself. And then write another letter to your inner little child with you right hand. Forgiving yourself for the abuse and let go. I don't know how it works...but it worked wonders. It relieves yourself from childhood burdens that keep you tied to the past. I takes a lot of weight off your shoulders. It Works! You don't have to do anything else. Just forgive your inner child. Do it! and see
I'm gonna try that.... In all of the horror, somebody kinda important gets left in the dark and that's our inner child... Thank you for sharing this exercise with us Honeydew! | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:01:41 AM | Sit down and write a letter to yourself as a little child with your left hand , forgiving yourself.
Very good advise.....one thing I asked my clients to do at the onset of therapy was to journal their feelings...........once in therapy for a time I would ask them to write a letter to the perp (whether they know them or not) put it away. amd then get it out occassionallyread and revise it in a new letter. Amazing how those letters go from pure hostility to a softer tone. When the therapy sessions are over the letters are always ceremoniously burned.............leaving the bitterness and control that the past had on them behind...........I always recommend to continue journaling..........  | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:12:50 AM |
Yes NuttyKitten... In my view, many of us do need to find a way to forgive us for "participating" in our abuse by going back to the abuser or allowing him to come back to us. If our participation was because we were financially dependent on the abuser (and if you weren't when you started, he or she will make it so that you are somewhere along the way...) for instance, many abused people will be angry with themselves for not getting a solid education and career before they had their children. (That wasn't my situation but I see it in others). If our participation took the form of being too frightened from the terrorism to take the risk of leaving (because we truly believed he or she would carry out their threats), we end up having to forgive ourselves for feeling that we were weak when we should have been strong. This is where self-forgiveness comes in.
I see in a number of your posts where it seems that you are still very angry with the person who abused you. You may still be in the stage of recovery where your anger gives you a healthy detachment from the abuser that no one would ever suggest you put away... But there will come a time at some point where you realize he is still occupying a large space inside your mind and in order to be relieved of that burden, forgiveness will play a big role in your healing. As Galonthemt said, it isn't about condoning the things he's done. It's about being able to actually rebuild all the things that got broken and not becoming a vessel that spews acid everywhere she goes... (I'm not saying you are... I'm saying you don't want to be that...). It's about not hurting anymore and not allowing yourself to "mistreat" yourself with negative thinking about your role in what happened. For that reason (and many others), I think forgiveness of self is key so that we don't end up buying into the things the abuser has said and god forbid, going back to it...
thank you for that Silken fire =).
that certainley was food for thought.
i can see what you mean by, participating, allowing, and going back to the abuser.
that is why i have stopped asking my ex for support for the kids, even tho familie members keept urging me to get some money out of him somehow.
i suppose he was really enjoying me asking him, because it was showing him, that he still has a hold over me, and that i cant manage on my own.
i laugh about it now, but there was instances, where i asked him to look at a broken washer, because i thought well, it is in his intrest that his kids have clean clothers, but of corse, he made me squirm for ages, and then he wouldnt do it.....
or asked him to take my oldest son to job interviews, and after being keept hanging on till the last minute it was a no.
he shouldnt use the kids to get to me.
all of that has stopped now, and it has been a big step for me.
unfortunateley the kids happyness comes first, and if they want to see him, so be it.
i realize i seem to be verry angry with him still,
and it would be so much easyer, if he wasnt in my life at all anymore, but he is, and that is how it will have to stay for a wile longer.
i know there still is a long way to go, as i have other things to deal with like abuse in my childhood, and deaths in the familie, but at this point i still cant see me vorgiving him for what he has put me through.
wilst surfing the net, i came across a term called the "pain chain" and i thought, hm thats intresting......
it was saying about that normally you find pplz that have been bullied, become bullys themselfs, and that you should not fall into the same trap, and break the chain.
im not a bullie, but realize im sometimes a bit direct, and yes angry about what happend to me still.
so yes maybe vorgive to settle down, and put it behind me.... | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:20:30 AM |
Pamperpooch, nuttykitten - et al.
I never said one had to accept responsibility, I only stated *I* had. Everyone's path is different and yes I choose to accept that *I* also played a role in that abusive situation. I also chose to end it.
I do completely agree with you, we are all to some extent responsible for what we allow to happen in our lives, and I wasn't disputing that, merely suggesting that there is no one on this earth who should feel guilty for making mistakes like this in a relationship, and some do take on the guilt without even realising it. None of us can be all wise and learned unless we go through situations which teach us. I think the main point is that accepting we have a role to play in our relationships isn't quite the same as completely blaming ourselves for letting it happen. | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:51:47 PM |
i can see what you mean by, participating, allowing, and going back to the abuser.
that is why i have stopped asking my ex for support for the kids, even tho familie members keept urging me to get some money out of him somehow.
I've often wondered how people cope with being almost forced to have an abusive ex-spouse in the periphery all the time. It must be Hell. In order to stay detached and un-hurtable, you almost have to stay angry to hold onto the detachment. But I am also a strong believer in a child's right to BOTH of their parents' financial support. Does England not have a maintenance enforcement program of any kind NuttyKitten? We have one here in Canada and it takes having to "beg for money" right out of the game. Moreover, if a custodial parent ends up on social assistance with the children, the government will go after the non-custodial spouse whether the custodial parent wants it or not. Have you ever gone for a consultation with a lawyer?
(Oh silly me.. I'm hijacking my own thread... so okay.. .back to the forgiveness bizness...)
and also the idea of 'being abused' is an interpretation...
Sometimes the victim is as much a perpetrator, but that is more difficult to see and own.
It's never really as simple as it appears on the surface, you know?
I can see how we could easily get lost in "who is really at fault" when abuse happens, but I'm hoping we can actually discuss the process of forgiveness. When someone who has been abused or mistreated focusses on who is to blame, I think it's easy to get caught up in that. There are acts that are covert or not easily visible or definable... Then, there are acts that are overt that anyone looking in can see... If we have gotten far enough along the path to understand that on one level or another, we "participated", I would think that should be enough to start the cranial marbles rolling in the direction of why we thought we deserved less compassion than the abusers received.
We've had some awesome responses to how we actually work within the process of forgiving ourselves. Let me try to summarize some of them:
1. Keeping a journal... one that allows us to "see" our thoughts and perhaps vent some feelings. (I like this idea.. sometimes things look smaller on paper and it's a really great way to chart your progress, find the triggers that set you back and to be able to chart some future goals.);
2. "I did the best I could do with what I knew at the time". That sounds like an acknowledgment of our own limitations as human beings and compassion to me;
3. Refusing to participate in any more games with the abuser. I think this would give us "reason" to forgive ourselves when what we REALLY want is to be able to try to flex the more aggressive muscles that haven't been used in a while;
4. Shedding some positive and very real light on the situation by understanding that for whatever reason we had to have this experience, it has helped us to grow if only in terms of having more survival skills.
Forgiveness isn't the same as condoning irresponsibility and it doesn't constitute a lack of accountability. We're often harder on ourselves than we are on others and I think we need to question that. I think many of us think we deserve the pain and anger for participating in the abuser's game regardless of whether or not our participation was voluntary or involuntary.
I've heard that meditation can help with the forgiveness process because it helps people to get centred enough to let go of that pain and anger when they are ready to let it go. If they want to keep it wrapped around themselves to shield them from being hurt further, they might not be ready yet but when the time comes, meditation can help.
I've also heard that making amends to others who got hurt is a valuable piece of the forgiveness process. They use it in 12-step programs and it is thought to have a cathartic effect.
One article I read also spoke on performing acts of atonement... performing random acts of kindness each and every day toward ourselves and others. I am trying this particular exercise and I rather like it. It was always in my basic nature to be a generous or at least, giving kind of person but in the downtime, I withdrew into myself.
I hope people will continue to talk about how they managed to forgive their own participation because my private messages are telling me that some people are having quite the struggle in this area. | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 10:15:20 PM | I am a domestic violence survivor (he was arrested, charged, and convicted of uttering death threats and abusing me and has served) and have nothing to forgive myself for because I didn't deserve to be mentally and physically abused. He was the perp, he screwed up, he was 100 percent at fault. I didn't know what he was really like until he and I moved in together (he was all nice and sweet in the beginning like all men are), then the monster revealed his ugly true colours along with his negative behaviours (cheating, gambling, drugs, booze) and as soon as I learned the relationship was done. I feel nothing for him. Hatred is such a waste of time so I feel none of that for him. I don't feel sorry for him, he has problems but they were caused by him. I will never forgive him for what he did to me and I feel no guilt for pressing charges and holding him accountable. He got what he deserved and was punished accordingly as all men should who choose to abuse women. He will never straighten himself out, this I know. Oh well his problem  I'm very proud of myself for holding him accountable for his bad behaviours and it sent him the message that I will not tolerate his crap (I don't tolerate crap from anyone any longer). God help the next woman! | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 10:24:06 PM | | confronting the abuser... lifted alot of weight from my shoulders... wasnt a miracle cure,but it sure helped... letting that person know that what they did was wrong...i know that it sounds like it could never make a diff but it does... expecially in cases of child abuse.... | |
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| The Process of Forgiving Ourselves After Being Abused
Posted: 6/11/2008 10:50:48 PM | I was in a verbaly abusive relationship for more than 16yrs ... I havent forgivin him or myself ... I am trying to forgive him so I can let it go and NOT have feelings of wanting to beat the h@ll outa him .... He made me feel so ugly and so worthless , he destroyed years of my life and the relationship I had with my kids .... that I will not ever forgive myself cause I dont wanna ever let it happen again ...
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