| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:22:15 AM | | My partner has a VERY healthy appetite for porn, which includes him placing an add on a sex site for us as a couple looking for a bi or bi-curious lady to join us in a threesome. I wasn't asked. Is he serious? How is he going to meet these ladies without me knowing?...because there is one problem, he doesn't know I found out ...how do I approach him? | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:34:38 AM | | The first question should be... are you interested in a threesome also? If you are okay with it, tell him you found his ad and you would have appreciated him consulting you before placing it. If you aren't okay with a threesome, I would confront him immediately and tell him you have no intention of participating in a ménage à trois. I would also inform him that you don't appreciate him making plans for sexual trysts without your knowledge and approval. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:34:39 AM | Your relationship is a mess. You talk to him thats what you do. You tell him this is not cool.
Porn is an addiction to many. Its like a drug. they need more and more crazy and wild behavior. You are in for a rough ride. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:00:59 PM | | This is hurtful.....very hurtful. I would not be happy with this situation. Porn is like most things ok in moderation and even better if your relationship is such that needs are shared and talked over. To put such an add without consultation is a betrayal and an insult. Addiction is the downside of anything......and he has an addiction. Only way forward is if he is prepared to admit and seek help. If not then the relationship is not being ture to you. Communication ........ | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:06:15 PM | | I not being facetious, but are you sure that it is "you" who would play the third in his threesome??? | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:35:59 PM | | Get out the door and don't look back. For you even to consider/wonder about this behavior says it's a disaster in the making. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:44:01 PM |
I not being facetious, but are you sure that it is "you" who would play the third in his threesome???{/quote]
Hmm... That is a good question. What I would suggest is that you confront him with this information directly and immediately. let him know what you have found and how you feel about it. It sounds like the sort of thing that would be a deal breaker for most folks. It also sounds like he has crossed the line of acceptable behaviour to put this ad up (whether it would have included you or not). If this is a deal breaker for you however, forget the whole conversation. Just sit him down and tell him that t is not working and that you are not happy with the direction of the relationship. If he pushes for a reason let him know that you discovered the threesome ad and that is enough. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:46:19 PM | | Complete psychological addiction your husband has. He might be just putting that add up for the hell of it. But how can you trust him if he's going to be putting adds up and meeting other women? Does it bother you that he's done this? | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:58:29 PM | | A little bit of porn is great, even a lot of porn is fine as long as he is not obsessed. Now putting out an add on a sex personal site for a 3 way withy ou and aniother woman without asking for your permission first is a violation of your rights. You never agreed to such a thing. Are you even into threesomes this is a lot like cheating or trying to coax you into a sitution by making it happen and putting you on the spot. He's a jerk who should either be in therapy or someone who is into the same kinky swinging stuff he is. He's not good for you. Dump him unless you are ok with having a 3way with another woman. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:59:56 PM | OP you have to clearly confront him and be honest and clear. I was in a marriage and my partner was chat addicted. Not porn sites just chat. I was honest and trusting. I got completely burned. The same thing happened witha girl who was a band follower and saw the passed away lead singer in her dreams.
Op you have to have anyone in your life honest and up front with the big issues. If they cant be then YOU have to move on or get drug through your own mud.
I wish you the best, I really do. It took me months to deal with my own denial. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/11/2008 2:18:48 PM | if the addiction was a drug.... that caused the person to ..
1.lose their integrity
2. selfishly follow the addiction putting it before all other things/people.. making everything 2nd place .
3. stole your cash...... your tv.... your car... to have that drug... how would you react?
it amazes me how people will put up with someone hurting them in lack of respect/caring/truth/honour etc....
but damn if they steal ya money they need to go...
the analogy is........ regardless of whether hes being unfaithful with another as the advertised couple.. or he means you? .... either way.. hes dishonoured you....
disrespected you..
if its true.. no misunderstanding..... that hes placed the ad.. and is addicted... then you cant go back from this knowledge.. ..
i guess if your instinct was mistrust which caused you to find this..... then it would be hard to bring the conversation up../.. as he he will get defensive/deflect b/c of prying etc...(if your instincts were telling you something wasnt right.... do you feel hes been unfaithful?.... )
but if you just stumbled across it..... then either confront him..... and if he wants to get help for addiction.. ...i guess thats about the only way... the relationship has a future...
unless you want to try his hidden lifestyle... once its in the open..
how can you not confront him on this regardless of how you found out?
the question is how do you feel?.... gutted im sure.....
sorry you have to deal with this reality and i wish you the best.... and maybe get tested... if hes had a hidden life.... from you.. and has actually had sex outside the relationship.... you need to protect you.. physically as well.
i know its hard when your in love/attached.. but loving yourself comes first....
i couldnt live with this....id leave.. cause i dont think id ever trust him....
smiles/peace | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/12/2008 1:39:16 AM | As you say..he is addicted. When men get addicted to this kind of behavior..most go into this game of "how far do you have to go to get that few seconds of relief?
Just don't degrade yourself for the entertainment of a porn addict..k? | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:11:37 AM | It is so very SAD (to me) when Anyone allows themself to be treated so Badly.
People ARE defined by their Actions.
His Action : Placing an 'ad for SEX' - while In a sexual relationship with OP.
(without OP's knowledge/consent)
That action = Bad
Him = Bad
('Bad relationship material' - for those of the 'Lilly Livered,don't be so black/white')
Appropriate ReAction : Immediately Sever Any/All connection to Him.
If one does NOT choose to Remove themself from anyone that is treating them Badly?
Result : ALLOWING themself to be treated...
OP : Maybe ask yourself "Why don't feel deserve to be treated with Love , Respect?"
My 'Bet'? : You DO Deserve to be.
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:48:58 AM | Thanks for your reply. I may have considered it if our relationship had more trust. It takes me a long time to get to know someone before I go there anyway.
I think my main problem is the not being consulted.
I'm still not sure if he's just playing a game or is serious.
Thanks again...all the best. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:51:41 AM | Our relationship has been from one extreme to another...I don't give up easily, all I require is honesty. Is it an addiction that can be cured...is it like alcohol where giving up is the only cure? I'm not against porn....just his disrespectful actions.
Thanks for you're reply. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:52:36 AM | Good question!
Yes...unless I have a twin, the description is me...no photo.
Thank you for taking time to post a reply. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:54:35 AM | I am hurt, the problem being he doesn't know why I am down...obviously he had no intention of me finding out so as far as he is concerned he isn't hurting anyone. Although I guess if he has any answers on the site he is on...he is taking them for a fool too.
Thanks for your reply to my post! | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:56:30 AM | Maybe...getting out has been thought of...I'm not in a position to do this. I have put a lot into renovating our house financially...I'm afraid I'm stumped. I'm going to take the rough ride option and try and fix this.
Thank you for your reply. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:02:48 AM | Everybody can get addicted to something, especially in the realms of fantasy, or removal of reality, so yes porn sites can be addictive.
I would also say that from my experience more couples / friends etc talk about threesomes and more without actually doing anything about it in the real world. It is a nice fantasy to have and some things should stay just that a fantasy.
In your case of steps actually being taken without your knowledge, let a lone your consent, I would say you have some serious talking to do.
It might be a fantasy he is acting out, but does he know where to draw the line when the time comes. On his own there would be no problem acting out the part of a willing participant, even if a couple approach him and he runs away screaming NO!!!
But he is not on his own and has given you concerns which you now need to address. He has to state his case and listen to your needs or lose your trust, which is now shaken. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:35:35 AM | | I hope things work out for you. You have to be open and honest about it. I personally think porn, corrupts sex in some many ways. That is just my opinion however. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:49:33 AM | For some porn is an addiction...Your relationship sounds a bit extreme...You need to talk to your boyfriend...Sounds a bit twisted, "to say the least"...
Good luck, to ya... | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:59:14 AM |
As you say..he is addicted. When men get addicted to this kind of behavior..most go into this game of "how far do you have to go to get that few seconds of relief?
Just don't degrade yourself for the entertainment of a porn addict..k?
And what about when women get addicted to this kind of behavior? | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:37:04 AM |
I'm going to take the rough ride option and try and fix this.
Fix it? You can't fix this cause it isn't yours to fix. All you can do is is face the truth.
I'm more concerned about how he offered you up for something without any discussion with you. It makes me wonder what his game is? Perhaps he's planning to lure these people into a scenario in which it's just him and them, or perhaps the ad isn't about you at all? Perhaps it was about you, but he wasn't planning to be honest with you about it, and then pressure you into performing, all the while innocently playing it off as something that "just happened".
Addiction can be overcome. Sickness is a whole other ball game. Neither are something you can do anything about other than to draw your line and make it clear.
You cannot just wish this away, or try to fix the relationship, hoping it will fix his problem...doesn't work that way. It has to be faced, it has to be brought out into the light. | |
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| Porn/sex chat sites addiction
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:10:55 AM | Just because he's acting like a pig doesn't mean he has an addiction. There are alot of people who act like self-entitled pigs.
There are also alot of guys who place ads for 'threesomes' hoping to meet women - and then they're not able to produce the 'third' party in the threesome - namely, their female partner - when they finally get one on their hook. They'll use all kinds of excuses as to why their female partner suddenly got 'cold feet,' hoping the interested 3rd party will just go for him anyway and forget about the promised threesome. Heard about it many times.
Don't be so sure he's looking to involve you in his scumbag behavior. Whether he is isn't doesn't matter. He's a scumbag. | |
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