| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 8:08:15 AM | Let say you did not like anyone to the point to desire to be married to him or want to have a kid with him. Now, if you wanted to have a kid, would you ever consider having a kid by artificial insemination?
There would be no one that you did not like to see coming for the rest of your lifetime to visit the child and no one to have child custody fights with if the anonymous sperm was used.
If you were a male and you girlfriend had a kid by artificial insemination for the above mentioned reasons, what would you think about it? | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 8:22:04 AM | Sarsss..
Is she having this procedure done while in a relationship with you? Or is this something that would have happened prior to the beginning of the relationship?
I don't see a problem with the use of artificial insemination. Society privileges "natural" birth and pregnancy, which isn't fair to those who may not have that option. Lack of mate should not prevent a woman from having a child. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:05:35 AM | I know two women that used this method to have a babies. Both are educated, well off and provide excellent homes for their children. They are both surrounded by loving family and friends so the children have great role models of both sexes.
But basically the women were around 40 years old single and had no prospects of marriage in the forseeable future (although one has married since) and when your biological clock is screaming and you want a baby, why not. Both considered adoption but wanted to experience childbirth.
It had nothing to do with not wanting to deal with a birth father, leaving them out of decision making process, or fighting for child support. Most gals I know actually like men. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:29:09 AM | If i had to do it all over again, i would of had artificial insemination.
Its not being selfish, its not having to deal with all the fighting and who gets them when , its not fair to the kids, and if men want the same they could just hire someone to have their babies, and after they are born the man is the only one responsible for what happened.
I love men , i just dont care how some treat women. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:40:39 AM | I find the idea of single women using artificial insemination to be quite weird, especially given the number of children who are available for adoption. This is just my opinion and I don't expect that everyone will agree so don't get your knickers in a twist...but I have to wonder why these women need to have a child that is theirs by blood (partially, anyway). It seems like a very clinical and almost mercenary approach to life. If these women have no prospects for marriage, perhaps it is not meant to be for them to have families. Even so, I think that being adopted provides a better statement to a child than being the result of store-bought sperm. Adoption speaks of having the capacity and desire to open one's heart and home to child unfortunate enough not to have a family to provide that. It's an incredibly generous act (although both parties benefit).
I think I'd be put off by the situation. It seems self-centered to me - less about the child and more about her drive to have things perfect for herself because I'm sure she didn't select "random" when asked what type of donor she desired. Nah, these are designer babies, the donor type selected based on what the woman thinks she deserves: The right I.Q., the right ethnicity, the right height and body type, the right profession, the right family history, and the reich (oops - typo!) hair and eye color.
I rolled the dice and did things the normal way and have the best children I could ever hope for. What can I say - I like surprises. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:51:23 AM | It's very selfish. Most studies show that children do better with two parents in the home. If a woman makes a decision to wait until she was more established to have kids, fine. That was very responsible. But, she has to live with the consequences. Having a child, without being with a the father (or mother) in a committed relationship is irresponsible.
If you think I'm wrong, do the research. Children from a loving, two parent home are the healthiest both mentally and physically. Anything short of trying to do that screams, " I'm selfish and what I want takes precedence over everything!" That's a huge red flag to me. I'd move on if I were you. Sooner or later, when your relationship stops being "convenient" she'll find an excuse to end it rather than work through the problem.
Lateef | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 10:08:24 AM |
Most studies show that children do better with two parents in the home.
I agree with this Lateef, children do better with two parent families... BUT, there is a but to it... the same studies show that the compensating factor is parental education and household income. Even without 2 parents, the child does well if they have good involvement from an extended family.
A further wrinkle in applying the studies to this situation is the fact that there isn't an acrimonious divorce or on-going ex-relationship difficulties which is so damaging to children.
I've known a few women who have had children with AI - all are doing very well. The women had their children because they were not in a relationship, didn't see one on the horizon, but very much wanted children.
As for it being a selfish act, whether you are in a relationship or not, I think becoming a parent is both THE most selfish and selfless thing you do in your life! | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 10:41:27 AM | How is artificial insemination selfish? If a woman does not find a man she feels worthy of being a father to a child, then why should she never have a child? If she wanted to be a natural birth parent and unhappy with donors in the real world, insemination is the way to do it. You can choose the personality traits, genes, intelligence level, education level, etc when choosing a sperm donor.
It takes a smart and loving person to be a good momma or daddy, but it only takes an idiot to break a condom. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 10:50:16 AM | Why don't all you pious people saying "it's selfish and self centered" look at it not from your "if women have no prospects for marriage, perhaps it is not meant to be". Selfish? For whom? The man who didn't get his rocks off, create a baby, then run screaming "you're a ho and sleep with everyone"? You know, Maury Povich has a job for a reason. Maybe the woman wants to experience child birth. Why shouldn't she if she chooses to. I think I'm too old at 40, but know several over 40 women who have done it successfully. If I were to become a parent now, I would adopt or be a foster parent. And I would definitely NOT accept money from the state to support that foster child like some people. Now people who collect foster children for a paycheck...that's selfish.
How selfish is it for a man who is a biological father to run far away from not only financial responsibility but actual emotional responsibility? Thank goodness most men do not; most want to be with their children 24/7. And a lot of times women fight tooth and nail for them never to see the children because of bad blood between the PARENTS. That is the epitome of selfish. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:04:35 AM | For myself, it would have been a blessing to be a child of a single mom and AI, much healthier than the monster that called himself a dad. And no, kids can be loved and raised well without a traditional two parent household. Alot of men are not good fathers and would be better off just bowing out rather than making their kids and their wives lives hell. I think it is a very plausible and workable solution.
Alot more men should not even think about ever being a father. They don`t have it in them, and are just too mean. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 17 | |
| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:13:57 AM | Sure Id consider it if I was in the position to do it financially and it became a biological clock issue. Would I want to have to do it that way? No.
These women could just as easily make the decision to go out and have anonymous sex to become pregnant but they dont.
And do I think its important that a child have two parents foremost? Sure.
Unfortunately things dont always work out that way.
The result isnt any different to a woman becoming a single mother any other way (except they're almost always financially secure beforehand)...so there's nothing stopping a male role model being introduced at any time...nor one already pre-existing via friendship etc.
As far as the adoption issue...well I have a preference for my own biological child if possible. Shoot me. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:26:51 AM | | Many single Parents raise kids alone unaided and the other parent is no more than a surrigate or doner and the kids don't turn out all that bad. What really is the difference? besides the decision to do without the heartache there are other ways to provide the "role model" support I have male family members and friends who my kids love and look up to its the times that we live in like it or not | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:38:42 AM | > Many single Parents raise kids alone unaided and the other parent is
> no more than a surrigate or doner and the kids don't turn out all that bad.
This is like a variation on the safe drunk driver argument: most people who drink and drive get home safe, so it must be OK after all and we should get rid of all those silly laws against it.
Anybody buying that? | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:26:46 PM | I think if she has a desire to be a parent and has the income and time to provide for a child...and she is over 35 (or has old eggs), then I would applaud her for not just marrying the first man she sees and instead having a child responsibly.
I have experienced infertility (thus know the desire to have a child when circumstances prevent it) and have also adopted a child and also birthed one. Adoption is most certainly a great way to build a family but is not cheap nor easy. AI is WAY cheaper and easier. Well, assuming it works, anyway.
I adopted my first child and used medical help for the second child. Why? Well because we could not afford adoption again. I wanted to see what being pregnant was like. And lastly, even though I knew the medical procedure probably wouldn't work, it was really our only hope for a sibling. For one thing, many, many adoption attempts fall thru. This is hard enough for adults to handle. Imagine being a little kid and being told you are getting a baby brother or sister and then being told "nope, not gonna happen after all". Or, if they didn't tell the child ahead of time in case it fell thru, all of a sudden one day mom and dad come home with a sibling and you had no preparation.
This is not really a commentary on AI...just that the "oh just adopt" idea is such a fallacy. Plus of course how many birth parents would pick a single woman to parent their child? Hmm...
And, here's another thought. So the woman isn't lucky enough to find love on her body's timetable... You were. Good for you. So you are more deserving of being a parent than the woman who didn't find love by her late 30's? I just can't agree with that.
I do think single parents, regardless of why they are single, should make sure that their children have important figures in their lives of both genders. And this goes the same for same-sex couples. Same-sex couples make great parents just like traditional couples, but I do think they have a responsibility to have important adults in the child's life that are whatever gender they aren't. (did that make sense? kinda a awkward sentence). And while I have not known many single women who had kids via AI, I do know quite a few same-sex couples w/kids and their kids were awesome and the parents were better than many traditional couples.
Kaylie | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:35:24 PM | Well I wouldn't judge her character on just that, but it would be something I would think about. I mean how do I know if she did it for selfish reasons or because she thought it was best, I'd have to know a lot more about her other actions to form an opinion.
My problem with it is that a child has a right to know their father, unless he's a danger to them, and then it gets muddy but they still have a right to know the truth about where they came from. So it's about choosing a good person to be your child's parent, even if you don't stay together, he should be a father who will always love and be there for his child, to not do so is selfish. I am always amazed at people who talk about being in an awful relationship or an abusive one but they saw fit to bring children into it.
So my answer is, it's selfish for the child to not know who his father is, and that is more important than her need to not be bothered by the who the child's father is or for some sperm donor to think he should be kept anonymous. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:37:29 PM | I think she is selfish and so what if her biological clock is ticking? Adopt. I have a cousin who had two children this way and the kids are ALWAYS asking about their father. They have male role models, but that does not take the place of knowing who they are. They joined the national registry, but their father did not join. They message their half-siblings and it is all very sad. There have been tons of articles about this in the last couple of months, especially with all the genetic knowledge needed for diseases.
Just because you can do something does not mean you should. No matter how it is dressed-up, it is selfish behavior at the cost of others. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:37:38 PM | ~OP~ I had a sperm donor. He was live and living in my house. Just because he was a live person that I was with for years ~ did not make him a Father, by any stretch of the imagination. DNA is just DNA. Fortunately for me, I was bright enough to leave and never look back. That allowed me complete freedom to raise my son with love, commitment and all of the other things involved in being a good Mother. I didn't need a man to make me realize what all of that meant in terms of parenting, my own life or the life of my son.
~OT~ Would I find a woman selfish for choosing her own path in life, love, family, career or anything else for that matter? Who am I to judge what anyone else chooses to do??? Would it bother me if the man in my life had a child via a surrogate? Heaven's NO. That is just silliness. Holier-than-thou, in my personal opinion. But I only live my life ~ to each their own.  | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:37:47 PM | I'd think she was mentally unstable and probably shouldn't have had a baby...
Having a baby is best in a strong partnership. If you are uncapable of finding a life partner, what makes one think they are qualified to raise a child???
Raising babies is a lot of work. I have a great deal of respect for couples who stick it out for life. I have a great deal of respect for single parents as well, but most if not all start out with the intentions of having a family, as in mom, dad and baby.
Artificial insemination is just weird. What happens when the kid grows up and discovers his dad never really wanted him. I can't imagine the troubles that child would then face.
My advice to someone wishing to articifically procreate. Start early, in explaining to your child that they don't have a dad, but they are still loved and equally important. That's a lot of extra work for the mother, so she better be dedicated. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:42:06 PM |
It's very selfish. Most studies show that children do better with two parents in the home
Well thats very idealistic, but with the divorce rate being what it is ...........there are an awful lot of children not living in a 2 parent home.
OP.....If the woman is mature why not.......somtimes a woman wants a child and has not met an ideal man but her biological clock is ticking. Best for a child to be brougt up with one loving parent then two bickering ones..........or one that is constantly in and out of their life confusing them.............. | |
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