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Posted: 6/11/2008 10:00:26 PM | I recently met a girl on craigslist. We emailed for about a week, chatted a few times, and finally met in person. Things went good the first date, I met her at her house, we played monopoly, then watched a movie. I think she is a really great person, and I do like her. It's been about a week since we met, and shes already suggested I quit smoking cigarettes, drinking beer, and look for a different job. I understand the drinking and smoking, but isn't it my decision? I mean, she knew I did it before I met her. As for my job, I live in wisconsin, we have had severe weather for like two weeks straight. I am an Arborist, I work outside, so when it rains I can't work, but I like my job. Another issue is religion, I am a non-denomination christian person, at least, I believe in God and stuff. She on the other hand, is hardcore, doesn't smoke, drink, swear, etc. Except for pre-marital sex, she has No problem with that!! lol I'm just afraid I'm setting her up for heartbreak, or myself for that matter. What do I do?? | |
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Posted: 6/11/2008 10:17:27 PM | RRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!
As fast as your legs will take you!
It is beer and cigs today (you are an adult, so shouldn't you decide to be the one to quit if you want to?) what next... no more hanging out with guys, no more sports and being with a woman who appears to find fault with nearly everything you do?
Before you get too involved I would RUN and NEVER LOOK BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted: 6/11/2008 10:26:27 PM | | If running is the answer... How do I go about it, without damage? Do we stay friends? I like her, I just don't think the relationship will work. I've had alot of beers the last few days pondering what to do. Then I call her, we talk, then have sex.... | |
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Posted: 6/11/2008 10:32:03 PM | Why in the world would you want to change your whole life for a girl.......you just met? Don't settle for anything less than you deserve.
Btw. She's right that you need to quit smoking, lol.
Best of luck to you. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2008 10:36:48 PM | You really have to question why she originally wanted to pursue anything with you, since she knew about your habits and job, etc. If she starts right out wanting to change you, meaning that you're not good enough the way you are, where on earth can it go from here?
Basically, you just say that to her, in a nice way, offer to stay friends. I suppose you could be friends with benefits for awhile although that can get sticky. But be honest, you sure have nothing to lose, and it's too early in the game for either of you to have serious feelings yet. But don't keep getting more involved, as it will only get harder to break it off as more time passes. Plus, you are silently agreeing with what she's saying, by not disagreeing or asserting yourself and your choices. This leads her to believe that you're going to do as she wants.
There's not really any true benefit in this situation for either of you - sex is easy enough to get, move on!
Debbie
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Posted: 6/11/2008 10:44:32 PM | Here's my two cents worth:
the hardcore so-called christians are the hardest people to have a relationship with. In my experience this is because they can justify whatever they think they need to but, can at the same time judge whatever they think you need to change about your life.
I tend to agree with the other guy, RUN!
Why dont you just tell her that you need some space? Pretty sure that you will see the true character of hers very quickly. If not, then maybe you will have the time to develop a meaningful relationship with her. It's a win win if you ask me. Dont burn your bridge until you're sure and if you still want to be friends, that should be an option too.
The only other option I see is to ask her why she can justify pre-marital sex as a christian but, can try to change your behaviours that she sees as amiss.
Of course you could always just use her as your sex slave which should really mess her up and probably cause her to fall madly in love with you given what you have said about her already. Be ready to accept full responsibility for all of her faults if you do this tho' cause she will have to justify her behaviour somehow. You will probably be the most convenient scapegoat.
Like I said, just my two cents worth. Hope its worth it.
DTEG | |
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Posted: 6/11/2008 10:49:56 PM | Wowzers..shaking my head here..
Are you looking for another mother? Seriously, you guys are just not a good fit. Let her go. Do not lead her on. Do not make promises you cannot keep. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2008 10:54:48 PM | I agree with all of you so far, I know what I need to do. I'm just having trouble doing it, I already told her I'm not going to change for her, and that we need to slow way down, but she still making comments and such, that makes me believe she is going to want more than I'm willing to give.
To shed some more light on my situation, I was with my ex for 6years. She never once tried to change me, she just relized she wanted more. We're still good friends, and I see that being a problem also, but she's the mother of my children.
I'm just so damn frustrated with it already! I also appreciate everyone taking time to give me advice/support... | |
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Posted: 6/11/2008 11:08:01 PM | First of all I worry about construction workers, tree workers and other workers that are outside. Wisconsin has terrible weather so at times you are not going to work; that isnt' attractive at all. Its not steady.
Smoking is a deal breaker for me so I understand that.
Not having the same religion to some is a deal breaker. These things should be discussed before getting serious.
I think you are not compatible. She seems to pick and choose her morality and then want you to be what she wants.
I would be friends and move on. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2008 11:48:25 PM |
She's right that you need to quit smoking, lol
I think you probably know already what you need to do here my friend. Its her you need to give up not the cigarettes[or maybe both] . A couple more weeks with this paragon of virtue and your likely to be smoking something a lot stronger. | |
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Posted: 6/12/2008 5:26:29 AM | | pehaps you should speak to her about having a cell put in the bassment and only be let out when you'v been a good boy. is this woman for real if she wants to be with you then she should except you for who you are i would do one mate i see thing going very wrong for you in this relationship | |
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Posted: 6/12/2008 1:45:16 PM | | You've known this woman about a week, and she is already trying to "fix" you!? Do you really want to be with someone like that? I know I choose to be with a woman who likes me for who I am, not for who she wants me to be, and I feel exactly the same way about her. Its all well and good that she wants you to improve yourself, but her being, in your words, "hardcore", doesn't bode well for her having any sense of compromise. If its her way or the highway, I'll pick the highway, thank you! | |
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Posted: 6/12/2008 2:13:19 PM | Boy, you can take your scrotum and put it on a frying pan, put that over a flame, add butter and when you hear the sizzle of your balls being fried take a piece of wood and bite on it.
Or you can run away from this woman as fast as you can. This is one of these chics that wants to change the world one person at the time. Her job is not to like you, but to change you, so run or have your cojones fried, stumped and then put in the freezer for another millennium. | |
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Posted: 6/12/2008 2:24:21 PM | Dude, you supposed to fall in love with a person for who they are not for who you want to make them. She wants to change your whole life, you will never be happy like that. Do you really want to never drink even one beer again, work where she tells you, only see your friends when she says it ok.
These hard core religious people don't even follow the bible except for the parts they want to follow. I am catholic and I dated a born again christian. She started wanting me to go to church with her. Fine I will go once in a while, but I am staying Catholic. She got mad when I said that. Truth be told the bible says the man choses the religion his family takes. I wouldn't ask anyone to change who they are (or their religion) but only to accept me as I am. | |
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Posted: 6/12/2008 2:36:07 PM | Some people (women and men) use sex as a manipulative tool .
Of course it's YOUR choice to smoke / drink / whatever.
Perhaps deep down you agree that you should quit?
Maybe you'd like to arrive at that decision on your own?
Funny... I didn't think "nice girls" advertised on craigslist??? Hmmmmmm?
Best of luck! | |
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Posted: 6/12/2008 3:48:39 PM | | I'm just gonna fuc it till it drys out! I'm drunk right now, and happy! No one can take that from me! | |
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Posted: 6/12/2008 5:59:28 PM | | Disregaurd last statement, it is done and over with! I just want to thank everyone for their input | |
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Posted: 6/12/2008 7:46:01 PM | Run, do not walk, the other way. You two clearly aren't compatible and if she's trying to change you one week in, just imagine the fun that lies ahead should you be foolish enough to stay in it.
Never ignore red flags.
Read that as many times as it takes to sink in. | |
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Posted: 6/12/2008 8:05:56 PM | Be who you are and if you want to change, then change. Do not change for anyone. If you do change for her, you are just going to resent her for it later. How dare someone try to change someone else. Who cares if you drink and smoke? Thati s your choice. It's not like you are out raping women and killing babies. Some people need to get a grip on reality.
We are who we are and it is how it is. If she nolikkie this, too bad for her.
We are all different and differences need to be respect and she does not respect you if she wants you to change.
No one is perfect until we fall in love with them.
~Carrie | |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 9:36:46 AM | OP it does not sound like she's the right one for you. If she is already trying to change you this is no good, it means she likes who she thinks she can make you be but not as you are.
I would move on if I were you. | |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 9:42:48 AM | Yea man no woman should ever try to change u she has controll issues find a woman who smokes and drinks and has a good time..
She seems a bit ridged..This is not the one for you..Move on. | |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 10:19:57 AM | In some cases, someone who suggests you change something dangerous/bad for you is not necessarily trying to change you.
However, the way you explain the situation, I have to agree with the general consensus here and you should run as fast as you can…then when you are tired of running, get in a car and drive until the tank is empty!
You are so early on in the relationship, you should not be overly concerned about how you end it. Just be a gentleman and say that you don’t feel things will work romantically. Be honest but be firm. It is about what you want and what you feel you must do.
Oh and as for cigarettes…here’s 2 stories for you:
1) Tell them about a guy named Joe from NYC who stepped out of the office to have a cigarette one morning. That morning was 9/11/01 and the office was located in 1 WTC. Everyone else who was still in the office on his floor didn’t make it.
2) When people tell me smoking is dangerous, I reference Story #1, then I remind them that I ride motorcycles into Manhattan during rush hour, I fly airplanes and helicopters and I do competition shooting. Sometimes the cigarette is the safest thing I’m going to do all day! | |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 11:06:57 AM |
1) Tell them about a guy named Joe from NYC who stepped out of the office to have a cigarette one morning. That morning was 9/11/01 and the office was located in 1 WTC. Everyone else who was still in the office on his floor didn’t make it.
Wow dude, what a story!!! | |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 2:19:32 PM | | My motto is. When you meet someone you should like them for who they are and if there are things you want to change they arent right! So if i see things that arent what im looking for, i either move on, cos i would NEVER want to change a man, or i weigh up how important those things are to me and our relationship. She shouldnt try to change you. Find someone who likes you for you, and likes you FOR your faults, not despite them and vice versa. (we all have them, none are perfect) If anyone wanted to change me I would get rid of them too. | |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 2:35:24 PM | yeah - the best advice I could give you after just a couple of weeks of knowing someone that wants you to change a job you love is :
GET OUT FAST AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T GET THE GIRL PREGNANT!
You can be friends with her but never be in a relationship with her... You are headed for nothing but a relationship of fighting and arguements over your job and money and things that you want to do... So as I stated above....
GET OUT FAST AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T GET THE GIRL PREGNANT!
Wow JOE... that's a good one...
here is one that I tell about why I smoke...
I'm allergic to a lot of things : wheat, tomatos, peaches & all necterines & this includes bananas and kiwi fruits, strawberries & all berries and lastly coco chocolet of any type one of the few things that I'm not allergic to is : dogs and tobacco... So my dog stays and I smoke... Deal with it!  | |
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