| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:18:01 AM | | Here is an invitation especially for non-Americans to speak (of course, Americans are welcome, too): how come we hardly ever hear of stalkers in other cultures that I know of, but it's sooooo widespread here? Is my observation correct, and if so, what's the reason for this? | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:30:11 AM | | Because many other cultures are male-dominated. The stalking exists, its just not labeled for what it really is. Actually the recognition of stalking here, and concern for the victims is a relatively new thing. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:32:14 AM | | I hear yah....I know what you mean...neither do I and for me if a guy would show up or give me something by surprised (i.e. workplace etc...) I dont call it stalking I appreciate the fact that he took time and was really really interested in me by researching where I worked and all that....now I know that if someone here knows about you without you knowing it...its called stalking. And you should be scared because they're the bad ones or psycho.....what a crazy world we live in isnt it? | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:35:53 AM | Psst Stalking isn't just caused by males, I've had lots of male friends telling me horror stories of being stalked by freaki women. I don't think its anything to do with cultures either its the person | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:38:57 AM | | Because you guys have some weird people. I dated a guy and he broke up with me. Then he kept contacting me via email, IM, and even messaged my phone asking for sex. I told him to stop and leave me alone or I would tell his new gf about this. He accused ME of stalking HIM can you believe this?! He even said he would call the cops! I told the wacko I would go to the cops the next time he contacts me! | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:50:09 AM | Hummm...well...I just watched a show on tv last night...about a man from Greece...who was stalking women in the US and other countries...actually set up an elaborate scheme to steal a 14 year old girl from her parents home. Thankfully, because the U.S. pursued it more so than the Greek authorities...he was caught and imprisoned.
So maybe it is just that you HEAR of such more because the U.S. is doing more to halt or prosecute it?? | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:08:19 AM | Stalkers do exist. But I find it ironic that if you, as a male, have an attraction to a woman you don't know, and you try to find out more about the person, that it's considered stalking.
Example: My roommate in college was flirting with a girl in one of our mutual classes on the first day. He had her name from the roll-call, and he didn't have her phone number. So he went to the college directory listing of all students on the website, and pulled her dorm phone number. When she found out about it, she initially called him a freaky stalker and made things awkward.
In class they started sitting on the opposite ends of the rooms of each other, until about a few weeks later they ended up dating anyways. While it was a happy ending, I don't think my roommate did anything wrong. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:11:00 AM | | In many other cultures, the ones who would be stalkers end up just skipping the stalking part and go right to rape or kidnapping. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:36:36 AM | Here is an invitation especially for non-Americans
Well being a Canadian~American (North American ) I believe that "stalking" is very hard to define. As johnbonolo pointed out that there is a fine line between attraction/ affection and stalking.
Very similar behaviours may be interpreted different than intended.
I could send an flower anonymously to someone every week , depending on how it was received/perceived it could be the most romantic thing or the scariest?
How is one to know?
The is why we see/hear about stalking more in North America than elsewhere is because of the FEAR that you country lives in.
Southern North Americans(from the old US ofA) are well known for being very Ethnocentric, when is the last time you read a newspaper from any other country? New program?
Big Al | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:20:39 PM | > how come we hardly ever hear of stalkers in other cultures?
Stalking is a course or continuous process of directed violence to a person that would cause him or her to feel fear. Women in the US are wimpettes and scaredy cats who frighten easily, whereas women in other cultures are stronger and more self-secure.
Not to mention that the US political process is prone to panics of many various sorts, so one or two incidents involving those who have sought celebrity get blown out of proportion, an epidemic is declared, and politicians get scrambling over one and other in an effort to appear all tough and manly and to be busy protecting the poor weak widdle wimminsandchilluns. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:42:00 PM | | There are just as many stalkers in other countries as you would find here... i've lived abroad and you can read foreign news and see very similar stories as to what you find here in the US. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:57:49 PM | "He accused ME of stalking HIM can you believe this?! He even said he would call the cops! I told the wacko I would go to the cops the next time he contacts me!"
I can believe it, because a guy did this to me too. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:20:56 PM | Non-American here...you want the truth...or not?
Let me qualify upfront...I HAVE actually been stalked.
ONCE...by a complete stranger I smiled at in the street and said good morning to. Lasted about 4 yrs all up.
And I dunno anybody in my circle of family or friends that have ever had it happen.
Let alone stories about everybody having it happen or twice or three fricken times..its a load of BS
90% infact Id say 95% of the time its simply because you all talk crap and there is no foundation to stalking claims or legal intervention.
You either
a) break off relationships by saying absolutely nothing and hope the other party will figure it out by ignoring them
b) dont break off the relationship cos you wanna "date" other people and keep other people as backups so therefore you're sending mixed signals
c) you're dating sooooo many people and jumping from person to person you dunno who likes/cares about you or not cos you're too self absorbed
If you've been involved with someone...and you choose any of those methods ...the other person will be hurt and will expect some answers...thats perfectly normal.
They will also give you time (if they care for you)...in the hope that you will sort your head out...again perfectly normal.
Stalking? pffft...I read stuff on here that the authorities here would laugh at you about then stick your name in a little black book under "idiot and troublemaker"
Sort your own shit out when it comes to your interactions with other people by dealing with the situation rather than expecting others to be psychic and the legal system to waste time and energy and money on helping you with something you're completely accountable for.
Over here...you wouldnt get an ounce of sympathy from anyone
Thats not to say its completely an American thing...its also an individual thing...
...but the way you guys en masse operate in relationship/dating causes alot of problems...to yourselves...
And then you wanna label it and point the finger at someone else?
*rolls eyes* | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:46:12 PM | Well, stalking DOES happen in other cultures, but it's considered... cute? Romantic?
Thinking of two Russian songs I know by heart... one involves a girl confronting a man who's been stalking her for a year and finally getting him to ask her out... the other, a man who stalked a beautiful woman he saw on the street, only to find out she is a hooker... in either case, no negative connotation whatsoever... hmm. And FEMALE stalkers?? | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:21:14 PM | American people suffer from;
- paranoia
- super strict 'personal space' limits
- absurd privacy rules...
but on the other hand, all hypocrites too...
they don't care others' privacy (google their dates, look up their phone #s, check their SSN #) | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:54:19 AM |
Thats not to say its completely an American thing...its also an individual thing...
...but the way you guys en masse operate in relationship/dating causes alot of problems...to yourselves...
And then you wanna label it and point the finger at someone else?
*rolls eyes*
Some excellent points you made, ~Kyn~. Another point I would add is that Americans seem to feel there's some status to having a stalker, so their definition of one has a very low bar to cross. I've been active in live online chat communities for over a decade, and people used to say proudly "I finally have my first online stalker!" I had any number of them (by the loose definition most people used) and just ignored them. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:10:50 AM | "Example: My roommate in college was flirting with a girl in one of our mutual classes on the first day. He had her name from the roll-call, and he didn't have her phone number. So he went to the college directory listing of all students on the website, and pulled her dorm phone number. When she found out about it, she initially called him a freaky stalker and made things awkward. "
This was because he should have gotten her # from her. Her giving it to him give permission and says that it is ok for him to call her up.
I'd be a little freaked out by this too.
"American people suffer from;
- paranoia
- super strict 'personal space' limits
- absurd privacy rules..."
I do agree with this a little bit, but in my life I have been taught the hard way, to behave in this manner. I am very guarded an do not like people I do not know well in my space. Nor do I want them to know things about me without me telling them.
I have never Googled a date, (might be different if I had kids, then only if it was going to get serious) I would rather find out about them from themselves.
Now if it was a case where I was feeling unsure about the person, I probably would not continue to see them. Always trust your gut. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:28:45 AM | I agree with Kyn 100%, especially this comment:
"Sort your own shit out when it comes to your interactions with other people by dealing with the situation rather than expecting others to be psychic and the legal system to waste time and energy and money on helping you with something you're completely accountable for." | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:53:17 AM | | Because in the other cultures woman IS the dinner. No but seriously it exists everywhere, we just whine too much. Accept the fact that you are a woman and desperate men everywhere will claim you and your lands. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/13/2008 12:38:04 PM | I know you asked for non-American opinions on this, but I just have to put in my two-cents worth. I worked in the newspaper business for several years as first a writer then as an editor and have a little bit of experience with this whole subject.
The reason is simple actually, it all has to do with the media. It is not that there is less stalkers in other countries or that they are seen as more "romantic" then here, it's because here we are addicted to the news and the news is driven by advertising.
Lets say a newspaper has 70" of column space, and 50" of that space has been sold as advertising, the other 20" has to be filled with something. It doesn't matter what we filled it with when I was in the newspaper business, but it had to be filled. Advertisers are also more likely to buy ad space if an article is especially entertaining or provacative because that ensures that there ad has a more likely chance to be seen and acted upon. So, the more juicy the story, the more the ad space is worth which equals more money for the newspaper.
Back to the original point. It isn't that stalkers are more prevalent in American society, it is because we are addicted to news and because of that addiction we get to hear more about it. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:04:09 PM | media driven,
It is just as common in other nonNOrth American Countries as everywhere else.
if it bleeds, it leads.
it gives the talking heads something to sound off about.
Gives Bill O'reilly something to talk about.
Stories about " nothing happend in Idaho today" do not sell newspapers.
Stories about " crazed stalker cruises bars in Idaho !" do sell newspapers.
NO ONE finds this romantic. It has never been romantic - books, movies, songs may have made it appear romantic but it never was. at least for the vast majority of the cases.
These songs etc ROMANTICIZED the idea of being stalked but it never was romantic.
Similar to how some movies and songs romanticized World War II- the war itself was never romantic although romance was known to happen now and then...
Inappropriate / excessive gestures of affection /endearment that are unreciprocated with no chance of that are NOT WELCOME. by anyone. male or female.
editen in:
I agree with guy above who said news junkies.. we are obsessed with information. The NA culture seems to be about ersatz or pseudo news, sports, sex, politics, hamburgers, diet pop, cars, potato chips and whatever recent local tragedy and/or distant natural disaster.
I use the term Information junkies as sometimes it ain't news- it is just information that has no use but is out there.
the comment about getting siht together and not hoping someone else can read your mind is a good one.
edited in:
sorry about using Idaho... Hope no hard feelings.
IT is just that in normal places where there aren't too many loons and nutbars ( strictly due to percentages and numbers ) , the normal routine is for almost nothing to happen. The same thing happens here in NB. When one guy is found to murder his neighbours, it becames front page news. Otherwise not much happens. WEll, there's lots going on but there is not much incentive to report those things.
IN some US cities, certain types of Murder or of it's victims is so common that it doesn't garner front page attention. I think that this is true for Washington DC as well as Detroit- or used to be true about Detroit.
so " local black man found murdered in back alley" is on page 4. no picture- 25 words.
yet " high school prom queen Ashley Thompson found murdered " is front page news.
interviews with the grieving parents, friends, boyfriend and a 1/8 page photo of the beautiful smiling starlet.
Same thing is true for stalking. In some cities that seem to attract many people including fringe element- Los Angeles for example- Stalking seems to be more prevalent than in other cities. Someone else will have to look up the per capita numbers. | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:07:48 PM |
Stories about " nothing happend in Idaho today" do not sell newspapers.
Stories about " crazed stalker cruises bars in Idaho !" do sell newspapers.
I can attest to this, especially since I have lived and worked in Idaho for the past 20 years! | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:44:48 PM | We americans are far too over stimulated. For example, we buy washing machines with all these buttons and doo-dads, but the end result is the same if we spent $1600 on a washing machine or $400. We have created this scenario by quick results constantly. Fast food, fast cars, fast women, speed dating. We like stimulation. So the easiest thing to do, is to stimulate ourselves when we are bored, seeking out love and attention of others. Regardless if this attention/love is welcomed, we create drama for ourselves and this makes us feel alive/stimulated.  | |
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| Stalkers, in different cultures
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:38:25 AM |
Stalking is a course or continuous process of directed violence to a person that would cause him or her to feel fear.
My definition of stalking?
Actions cross the line from "wooing" to stalking when the receiver of said affections has told the actor that the affections are not welcome.
If a woman tells you to knock it the f*ck off, then don't continue to send her flowers. Don't "show up" at the clubs she frequents hoping to see her. Don't stop by her house/apartment uninvited. Don't ask her friends, family members, coworkers and/or neighbors about her and how she's doing.
If you do continue to do those things, expect to be labeled a stalker... or at the very least, a freaky loser who needs to get a life.*
Or, as quoted above, when the actions are specifically intended to cause fear or harm.
(*I had an exbf who YEARS after we broke up (like 5, 6 years later) would sit parked outside of my mom's house for hours... just so he "could feel close to me" - even though I hadn't lived there in years. Stalker? Kind of, I guess... but I saw him as pathetic and probably slightly mentally ill. I "fixed" the problem by showing up at his house late one night and acted like I was crazier then he was...  Not the recommended course of action, but you know what? He left me alone after that.) | |
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