| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:21:35 PM | POF Ladies,
How would you feel if this happened to you:
You just went shopping for some new clothes. You're going out tonight on a date to a place that you really want to visit. Your date is really attractive to you. You like everything about him so far.
So you dress yourself up, make sure that your hair looks just right, that your clothes are adjusted just right...that everything looks great. You even found these really cute shoes at a store, they fit perfectly, and no one else can ever have the same shoes because their's only one pair, and you've got them.
And did I mention that you went to the spa? Your skin looks and feels so great that you can't help but touch it. And your hair and nails...WOW! You feel great! And you've been doing this new routine at the gym and you notice that you're physique looks noticably more provocative.
Well your date arrives, on time and looking great too! He knocks, you open the door and flash him a big, sexy smile, greet him and posture yourself oh so cutely. And then you wait a moment...*silence*
After an uncomfortably long pause, you ask him with a big grin and a twinkle in your eye "Well? How do I look?" He doesn't pause for second and immediately tells you that he doesn't care how you look. "I just like you for who you are!".
(Well, maybe if this happened to you, you'd feel disappointed, maybe even angry. Maybe you wouldn't want to go out with him anymore. Nevertheless let's suppose that you suck it up, smile and say "Thank you".)
You go out to that place you've wanted to go to for so long. It's busy and there are lots of people there. Your date comments on how great the atmosphere is, how great the food looks and smells and tastes. He eloquently describes the beauty of the night sky, and the fixtures on the wall and ceilings. Everything he describes seems so beautiful. But you notice that he still says nothing about how lovely YOU look. He doesn't seem to be moved by your appearance at all, but you don't know why. But he does tell you how intriguing you are, how smart and challenging you are to him.
So you start to tell him about your day shopping. You tell him how excited you were to go with him to this place. You enthusiastically describe to him how pleased you were when you found the lovely pair of shoes that no one else will ever have unless you give them away. "Aren't they great?" you ask. "Sure" he replies.
You then tell him how refreshing your visit was to the spa. You tell him how soft and supple your skin felt afterwards. "Here, feel my hands" you say. "Don't they feel soft?" "Sure" he replies.
Perplexed, you then tell him how much sexier you feel about yourself because your new workout has accentuated your curves, especially the form of your legs. Giggling, you turn in your seat and cross your legs to draw his attention to them, and say "What do you think?" Well, he can't just say "sure" to this question! He replies "Well I think what makes you sexy is you mind. But I can see that you've been working out".
OK ladies, I'm curious to know how you would feel if this happened to you? | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:37:49 PM | | No one wants to be thought of strictly as a sex object, but that certainly doesn't mean that we all don't like to be complimented on our appearance. It's one thing to continually drool over a man or woman like they are a piece of meat and you are a starving dog, and it's something else to acknowledge their physical beauty at times. We want our partner to appreciate our whole being... our mind, our spirit, our soul, our personality AND our body. I would feel quite hurt if my appearance was being intentionally ignored. I would make sure I complimented my date on his handsome appearance also. It goes both ways. | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:40:26 PM | | If I were going to bother doing all that stuff...which I wouldn't. I would be doing it for myself. Since I am doing it for myself it matters very little to me what my man or anyone else for that matter thinks. I just don't require that kind of attention. After reading this I'm really glad that I am fairly low maintenance. We all like compliments...just seems all that effort to get one is a little extreme. | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:41:24 PM | Well, first off, I wouldn't go to all that trouble to go on a date....because I am just who I am.
Secondly, I dont need a many to validate me about my looks. I am comfy in my own skin for the first time in my life.
If he says it, great ...I will thank him for the compliment. If he doesn't say it, it doesn't bother me in the least. | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:45:21 PM | I always try to look presentable on a date. Most men in my experience don't say a word about your looks on that first date. The ones that do, I usually end up dating in a more steady way.
Women take the compliment as an indicator that all the work she put into looking nice, matters. Women are sexual beings too, no matter how long we wait until the moment is right. | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:49:15 PM | | I would never fuss that much just for a date. But even if I did, I would know I looked great whether my date complimented me or not. I feel sorry for people who feel like they need validation from external sources. | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:52:06 PM | I agree with simplelady....I think that woman (if it's a real story about someone) went a little overboard trying to fish for compliments. Yes it's nice to get them, but stop fishing for them, if he wants to give it he will. He probably didn't give it on purpose as he knew she was fishing for them.
As simplelady said, you shouldn't need anyone to validate you, you should be happy with yourself. Of course it feels great to get a compliment, don't get me wrong, but you shouldn't go looking for them so obviously. :) | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:57:22 PM | We leave the restaurant and have a pleasant conversation on the way home. I invite him in for a drink and we cozy up on the the sofa. He pulls me close and I invite him into the bedroom. He holds me close as we walk in and whispers sweet nothings in my ear. I turn the light on and point out to him how the light flickers on the wall. I say "doesnt the light make an interesting pattern on that wall".....he says sure.....then I point out the new embroidered bedspread running my hand over its softness......and I say"do you like my new beadspread."...he says sure.....I gently pull the beadspread down to expose the satin sheets....I tug lightly on his arm to have him sit down and tell him to caress the sheets and ask him if he likes the feel.....hes says sure........then I look at my watch...........".Oh dear its past 11 I think you better leave as I have work tomorrow."........................And as he leaves I tell him how much I enjoyed our mindmeld
But really OP I am confident enough in myself to know when I look good...... | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:03:59 PM | Well how hard is it for the guy to say "you look lovely/gorgeous tonight"???
But I can see the guy is still givign her compliments but more along the line that he is interested in 'her' as a person. Yet, he still mentions the physical aspects .. working out in a gym... so he obviously still thinks of how she 'looks' overall. hmmm tough call.. but I just think it wouldn't hurt him to say how gorgeous she is cause he must obviously notice that she made an extra special effort.
Or maybe he is worried that she will think he is putting her on a pedestal, totally depends on the guy. As I said, hard call. | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:17:45 PM |
Well how hard is it for the guy to say "you look lovely/gorgeous tonight"???
That's what I was thinking too. Who cares if we'd never go through all of that for a date or if we say we don't care if he says anything nice... it's just plain polite to say "you look very nice tonight" whether he means it or not.
We do this sort of thing every day... when asked how they are, most people respond with "fine, thanks". We may be far from fine, but we say it because it's just better than saying "I'm sh!tty, I had the worst day, I have cramps and I feel fat in this outfit". Or if someone asks you, "how do you like my new_____?", a basic response would be "it's really nice", even if you didn't really care. It's great to be honest, but not when it's going to hurt feelings.
If he is going to make a huge fuss over the meal and the wine and the atmoshere of the restaurant, then h*ll ya, I'd be pissed if he didn't say I looked good!
Sheesh, if he fussed that much over the atmosphere and the table settings rather than the woman he's with, the gay-dar may start to go off!
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:23:15 PM |
You even found these really cute shoes at a store, they fit perfectly, and no one else can ever have the same shoes because their's only one pair, and you've got them.
The nerve to say that my shoes are just fine. I would cry right there I think, or walk out on him. How dare he...Okay, but seriously it is one thing(as someone else mentioned above) to be seen as just a pretty face and another to not tell someone they look good. If he did not say you look good, then he does not think you do. Especially if he is describing how great everything looks in the restaurant etc.
If I take the time to put makeup on, do my hair, nails etc, facial and buy a new outfit someone better be telling me I look good.
No compliment on shoes=bad date
~Carrie | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:27:17 PM | Well OP I seriously can't see that ever happening to me. First, I wouldn't spend all that time, but IF I did, I certainly wouldn't go fishing for compliments afterward. He either appreciates that I went through the extra effort, or not.
If I didn't feel that he appreciated me for very long (a series of nights) then I'd probably look for another fish, rather than try to bait that one into complimenting me or noticing me.
Strange thread - why are you asking? | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:29:49 PM | 1) I wouldn't do all that prep to go out on a date.
2) I wouldn't ever ask a man, "How do I look?"
3) If I felt I looked good, that would be good enough for me.
Fishing for compliments seems rather needy to me. | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:41:29 PM | So you start to tell him about your day shopping. You tell him how excited you were to go with him to this place. You enthusiastically describe to him how pleased you were when you found the lovely pair of shoes that no one else will ever have unless you give them away. "Aren't they great?" you ask. "Sure" he replies.
You then tell him how refreshing your visit was to the spa. You tell him how soft and supple your skin felt afterwards. "Here, feel my hands" you say. "Don't they feel soft?" "Sure" he replies.
Perplexed, you then tell him how much sexier you feel about yourself because your new workout has accentuated your curves, especially the form of your legs. Giggling, you turn in your seat and cross your legs to draw his attention to them, and say "What do you think?"
If I behaved like that, I'd feel like the Worlds Biggest Attention Whore. I can't imagine going to that much trouble to fish for compliments. That chick sounds like a used car salesman trying to unload a lemon. | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:52:22 PM | OMG how I have to comment on this! I would be pissed! Sorry, I really didn't read everyone elses posts but listen ladies come on especially if its your first or second even 5th date and she went to all that trouble like we all do, to look good for him, he just wasn't getting it. I know men, that is the first thing they have said to me, wow, you look great and love your shoes even asked where did you get them. No he wasn't "gay" he really was a detailed man. BUT....some men we have to remember are not very detailed...Woman are all details...we tell them when they ask us "how was your day" we say things like, well, I got up at 7:00 brushed my teeth, took a shower, went to work, talked to everyone blah blah the whole day in detail. Men on the other hand (some of them not all) are bottom line people.....They just want the bottom line answers, so maybe for that guy he really didn't care about your shopping, shoes or how good you looked and who knows maybe he was nervous. But I would have been upset! I know for me, (maybe it's a self consciene thing) but I never go anywhere without trying to look my best because you just never know. But....when it comes to going out on a date, I try even harder to look my best and when I buy a new pair of shoes even if they were old ones I would like him to say something about something. MY OPINION ONLY! :) hope that helps...
Sandi | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:04:43 PM | You've been thinking about this little fantasy a looooong time methinks OP
Yeah...this is just waaaaay too unrealistic to happen.
Were you a writer for Sex in the City and now you're just bored?
Seriously...some of you men think women are like mythical creatures and that preening is some fricken magical act. No wonder you disappoint yourselves. *lol*
Honestly...if a guy looks at me and he isnt wow'ed enough to say I look beautiful without having to play the ....are my hands soft card or cross my legs & giggle crap...
...then he's not that into me.
OK ladies, I'm curious to know how you would feel if this happened to you
Well if I got to watch these two from another table at that fabulous restaurant...Id be feeling these two were a coupla weirdos.
BTW...Big and Carrie are not a love story, the guy was an ass, and Carrie was a doormat | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:18:25 PM |
After an uncomfortably long pause, you ask him with a big grin and a twinkle in your eye "Well? How do I look?" I would never ask that question of a man on a date.. if I put that much effort into my appearance, then hopefully I already feel good about it.. so why ask? Inconcievable.
He doesn't pause for second and immediately tells you that he doesn't care how you look. "I just like you for who you are!" This just comes across as rude.. who would act that way.. ??
He doesn't seem to be moved by your appearance at all, but you don't know why. But he does tell you how intriguing you are, how smart and challenging you are to him. I would be putty in his hands.... compliments on my appearance are nice and all, but I want a man to see beneath my exterior to who I am.. a man whose entire focus is my looks? Toodles.
Perplexed, you then tell him how much sexier you feel about yourself because your new workout has accentuated your curves, especially the form of your legs. Giggling, you turn in your seat and cross your legs to draw his attention to them, and say "What do you think?" Well, he can't just say "sure" to this question! He replies "Well I think what makes you sexy is you mind. But I can see that you've been working out". Frankly I am perplexed at this woman's lack of self esteem.. why is she so nakedly needy for his comments on her appearance.. ?
If this were a relationship though... and a constant state of afairs where he made offer of absolutely zero compliments.. ? I have to admit that my ego probably couldn't handle it... | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:55:14 PM | Yeah, I'm with sassya, wth is going on here? I would never ask anyone how I look, I already know how I look (what with owning a few mirrors & all), & I would never steer a conversation in the direction of how long I took or how much I spent to get ready for a date. I would hope if I've agreed to meet this guy, we have more interesting & amusing things to talk about than my shoes.
I don't know if OP had this experience himself & he's asking how it would be if the tables were turned (seems that way), or if he's dealing with a woman who behaved as he described. If it's the former, get over yourself. If the latter, get over her. | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:56:48 PM | Thankfully, I can not relate OP, but evidently you can. Whether you were the insecure girl with the "noticably more provocative" physique who was waiting with bated breath for the compliments you so desperately needed after giving your date every opportunity to comment the way you expected him to, particularly with the help of your artful prompting, or you were the distracted disinterested guy who was quite aware of her insecurities yet intentionally withheld them in an attempt to 'change her' or 'enlighten her', it was a disaster waiting to happen. If there is so little depth to a conversation between two parties that it revolves around uninspiring superficial nonsense, rather than analyze how others may react if they were in a similar situation, I would simply question my own intentions and self reflect. Why spend time with someone with whom you are not sympatico?
Best wishes ~ | |
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:05:05 PM | .....Oh dear its past 11 I think you better leave as I have work tomorrow." .........And as he leaves I tell him how much I enjoyed our mindmeld
Good story, and the ENDING is good, too, because my man got into the house, and into the bedroom by only saying "sure...." !!! 
22 replies, and ONLY ONE, sassyaquarius, said she would appreciate the comments about her personality and mind. AMAZING!
The rest of you seem preoccupied on being "holier than thou" by not needing compliments or slamming the hypothetical woman because she was fishing for compliments. Did the rest of you NOT HEAR the compliments? Have you NO REACTION to his compliments at all?
Based on responses, sassyaquarius is the only woman worth a second date. She actually listens to what the guy is saying instead of ramming attitude down his throat.
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| How would you feel if this happened to you?
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:10:34 PM | I wouldn't ever be bothered going out with such an apparently pea-minded individual who is all about appearance. The real question is, why did *you*? Oh, sorry, I mean, "he".
Maybe you should ask this question over in the Ask A Guy forum. They'd probably enjoy the fantasy aspects of this little tale more that we did. Except for the genius above me, who apparently bought it all as "real." Good one! | |
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