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 Fish311
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 1
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...Page 1 of 1    
I've only been on plenty of fish and a couple of other similar sites for a couple of weeks. But each time I contact a girl, or she contacts me everything ends after I ask to meet.

Expanding on that, I don't ask to meet right away. I first message back and forth with them a few times to see if theres any mutual interest. Then assuming the conversation goes well, I ask if they'd like to meet in person to see if we hit it off. And at that point everything comes to an end. Where they stop messaging me all together.

Am I approaching this wrong?

Alt. Focus: When is a good time for a guy to ask to meet?
 Lady678
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 2
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:17:47 PM
Alot of people are on here just to "see what's out there" & just chat back when u contact them, & aren't serious. Or they are just playing games & are lying about who they are & know once you meet the "illusion" is gone. As in real life,, most times the person just isn't right for you, you are young , don't worry too much it'll all work itself out.
 lonesome wonderer
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 3
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Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:20:04 PM
a good time to meet is when you're both ready to meet in person. sounds to me from what you said....those women don't really want to meet you if they stop talking to you after you mention about meeting. they might be hiding something, not being honest with who they are or what they look like. also, depending upon other things as well, some scammers also do that. they pretty much know they're not going to get anything from you and with some of them being under fake profiles they have no intention on meeting you then they go poof!

i'm not sure as to how you're talking to the women so i can't say if it's you or not. why don't you wait to see if someone asks you about meeting. if they don't say anything about meeting within the first month or so then sure, go ahead and ask. eventually someone would agree with meeting you.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 4
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:10:07 PM
What Lady said for sure....but I know for me personally, anyone that asks to meet before a minimal of a week of conversing...is too quick! But that's just ME...cause I prefer to see if we intellectually connect before seeing if we chemically connect!

In my thought process...worse case scenario is I DON'T chemically connect, but I have made a new friend....which is mucho better in my eyes, than having the chemistry and not the intellectual bond of an early meet!
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 5
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Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/14/2008 3:03:04 AM
Try suggesting a specific activity and general time frame e.g. "Can I take you out for lunch/coffee/drinks next weekend"

Then again, maybe those girls just figured out that there weren't really interested. In which case, you just keep trying, and don't expect every girl that you talk with to be interested in you.

I like meeting up right away if I'm interested (after a week or so). A week of emails back and forth, and I start getting bored. I don't mind IM'ing for a while though.

Since you say you've only been on for a couple of weeks, I have a feeling you might have to adjust your expectations of how many women will actually be interested in you, and also, that probably means you are asking to meet too soon too.
 medana
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 6
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/14/2008 3:25:34 AM
i say at least one month. guys that wanna meet too soon r annoying. some persist when i say i wanna get to know u better, they say thats what dates r for.

i got news for u, there is only one of me, i cant be going on a date w every guy that wants to meet me, i have to sort thru and choose

BESIDES the fact i would rather NOT meet anyone, as my profile specifies?
 Maculon
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 7
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:09:28 AM
The sooner the better, nothing replaces live and it will save you a host of time, unless of course you're one that enjoys the game before the big run up. It's easy to get lulled into mails and wonderful phone chats but it hits the fan at hello, go for the hello.

Greg
 Fish311
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 8
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:51:34 PM
Thanks for the replies everyone. You've all been very helpful.

Maculon's reply confirms what I was thinking. Woman seem to see meeting as a first date, while guys see it more as what it is... meeting.
 prurire
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 9
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:10:19 PM
It will be different for each woman.

Personally, I like meet and greets that happen fairly quickly after the initial contact.

I don't like long, drawn out getting to know you on line and phone for weeks and months on end. No matter how much you share, you simply won't know if you like a person for more than a chat buddy if you don't meet in person. Typically a couple of emails and a phone call before a meet and greet, which lasts about 20-30 minutes to see if you want to make a future date to get together from there.
 marahnna
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 10
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:48:15 PM
It's difficult to dictate a hard and fast rule for everyone. People are here for different things, so it's important to pay attention to what they've specified they're looking for. Girls in general have to be really cautious of guys they don't know, so some of them might feel a little pressured if you ask to meet them too quickly. To be on the safe side, you might want to give it at least a couple of weeks before you suggest meeting. When you do it, be casual. In my own experience, when a guy arbitrarily asks me if I want to come over to his place, I figure he just wants to hook up. Whereas if he says something like, "Oh, hey, I'm going to check out this movie that's coming out next week, you game?" it sounds a lot more benign. Try making it more appealing by throwing something she likes into the mix. She's much more likely to accept if she knows you'll be on neutral territory and there's at least a decent shot of her having a good time.
 Apocolypstick
Joined: 10/16/2007
Msg: 11
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:20:34 PM
honestly, i think i know pretty quick if i am interested in meeting someone.
their response to a quip or comment from me tells me if we are on the same page.
better to know sooner rather than later if there is physical attraction.
 doodlebanannypogey
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 12
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/16/2008 5:28:29 PM
Most guys that I have been emailing back and forth with will talk on the phone and decide to meet, but often when we seem to be connecting through emails, the likely question that comes out at the end of the email is.....So, when am I going to get to meet you? I think that's a great way to go, to the point and not pushy.
 kittybiscuit
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 13
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:26:20 PM
2 weeks. If you don't meet within then, you're never going to meet.

Just send a few emails, ask to meet for coffee someplace near her, if she says yes, then meet for 15-20 minutes max and go home. Then send her a nice email or call if you liked her.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 14
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Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:55:12 PM
Would the question not be better phrased as "When not to meet"????

If there is interest, attraction, desire, and availability, then you meet as soon as you can......

And if any of these are missing, you put it off until there is either completion for meeting, or moving on.....

Just my opinion.......
 rutheright14me
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 15
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:56:18 PM
I think all women are different in this area...I personally do not like to chat online. If there is an attraction there and I like their profile I would rather just meet and see if there really is any chemistry there.

BTW I think sometimes the m0re you talk to someone online and on the phone the more you build the person up in your mind and then you feel let down when you finally do meet. Just my personal experience.
 MX220
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 16
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:50:25 AM
Fish, get used to it. I've been here over a year and have had that happen several times. Before suggesting to meet anyone I always ask a woman if we can talk on the phone. And often when I do that.....just like you said our communication aburptly ends and I don't hear from them after that.

I exchanged 4 or 5 emails with a woman with whom I shared a lot of interests and activities. It was quite rare to get emails that contained an actual paragraph or two. Meaning she was actually putting in some effort and 'voluntarily' sharing a little more about herself (very, very rare). As soon as I asked her if I could call her she turned cold and the emails ended. It's frustrating as hell and since the men far outnumber the women on dating sites a woman can lure you in until a better one comes along. Not all woman do that of course but probably more than we realize.

I would suggest calling first before asking to meet anyone but don't fall into a phone or email only situation. Of course it's all a crap shoot anyway. Some will want to meet right away, some will not meet unless you've emailed and phoned for a minimum of a month and by that time you won't have anything left to talk about if you do meet. And some just love the attention, need their ego stroked and have no intention of meeting at all.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 17
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:17:13 AM
MX...I can't speak for all who freak on the phone idea...but for me, if a guy asks me for my phone number before I have even a clue to his basic information...then I balk at the idea. I would not split...unless he kept pressuring and pressuring or did not respect my choice to take a little longer in getting to know something about one another.

I mean, if I handed out my phone number (I don't care that I have the option of giving my cell!) to every single person who asked...I might as well post it on my profile! LOL And then suddenly I am receiving the doofus forwards and texts, as well!
 Stajieenikkie
Joined: 4/29/2004
Msg: 18
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:52:46 AM
Hey I have a 2 week rule.

Ive never ever had a bad expirience meeting a guy offline.

No creeps..Im usually more agressive than they are lol.
 ml456
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 19
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:56:33 AM
The answer to this question will depend on the woman. Personally I think meeting within 1-2 weeks is good. If you wait too long to meet up, then I think people can form unrealistic expectations about the other person. When the other person doesn't match the unrealistic expectations, then people will lose interest.
 plenyhappening
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 20
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Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:59:10 AM
whenever she is horny. That 5 days of the month.
 Funny_Girl
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 21
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Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:03:46 AM
I'm a fan of meeting fairly quickly because the sooner you take it offline and make it real, the better. Ain't nothing like the real thing.:)
I've met all kinds of people and I've met them at varying times after initial contact. The longer we spent online or even on the phone, the more likely we were to form perceptions about each other that weren't accurate.
When my (now) husband contacted me, we shot a few emails back and forth, talked by phone the same day, and met the next night. Now, we lived only 5 minutes apart and that helped lots, but I approached him the same way I did guys that lived in neighboring cities...let's get it done!
I don't care for endless emails and spending hours on the phone; I wanted to get on out there and live a lil.
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 22
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Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:09:55 AM
I normally like to meet quickly.

I prefer to disappoint women right away.
 bsg789
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 23
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:11:56 AM
I mentioned this on another thread about a similiar topic. I think it can also apply here.


There are many different possible reasons for it. Some people get "cold feet" about meeting someone from the internet. Maybe a person that they liked better suddenly became available. Maybe they were never serious about meeting someone. Maybe they were married or were dishonest about their appearance.
 in_medias_res
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 24
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:49:11 AM
He who hesitates is lost. Haste makes waste. Hasten deliberately. Sometimes the fool who rushes in gets the job done. Good things come to he who waits. The early bird gets the worm (get your mind outta the gutter!).

There are so many different answers to this. My personal feeling is if you feel it, say it - just use the appropriate filter. I'm waiting right now to hear back from someone I've asked out after three emails and two chat sessions. Why so soon? An awesome event this weekend and I would like to have a companion. So I added a little more about me in the last email that I wouldn't have normally.

Sometimes you just gotta say "..." *hey marahnna - want to finish this one for me?*

Oh and medana, I greatly respect you history of insightful posts, but ...

BESIDES the fact i would rather NOT meet anyone, as my profile specifies?


Er, I think that's like someone asking a crowd if this bus goes to Philadelphia, and you respond with "I don't use the bus, I don't like the bus, I drive a the Prius in the parking lot."

Um, why, exactly, are you in the bus station? ------
 chicgeek007
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 25
Online dating etiquette? When to meet...
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:40:37 PM
LOL @ FixedHeart

Nice....
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