| second chances
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:06:03 PM | | I have a few questions to ask everyone out there----Has anyone had a second chance with there ex's?whether they started to see someone else or the fact of just being broken up for a length of time.was it a right choice?was it a good choice?do you regret it at all? | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:10:10 PM | | no when you break up its for a good reason dont go back move forward. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:50:01 PM | | I don't give second chances to anyone any longer. I've learned from past relationships that giving second chances are a mistake and a waste of time. So now and in future, no second chances. I'll just move on. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:03:22 AM | | I believe everyone deserves a second chance and that it is up to both partners to work through what caused this problem in the first place. I know some say move forward but if you love this person a lot then it is worth fighting for. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:33:35 AM |  Love deserves another look, but the second look is under a microscope. If it wasn't there before, it's not going to be there! You'll just keep changing slides and keep looking on and on and on. 
Next slide please! Observing, the slides all have the same information within them that was there before. If you got the time, sit there and go through them. In the meantime, life moves forward.
the slides all have the same information within them
the slides all have the same information within them
the slides all have the same information within them
the slides all have the same information within them
Chela  | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:51:17 PM | | I've given many second chances, and I always regret it! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:34:51 PM | Im sure most of us has given someone a second chance or more, I say it depends on why you broke up in the first place, if it was because of stubbornness and lack of communication, divergence of opinions, your significant others daddy threaten to cut your nuts off blah blah blah it really depends on the two of you
If it was because of infidelity, lying, deceit and any other bad thing, well then the answer is obviously HELL NO.
Generally Second chances In my opinion can be a opportunity for someone to disappoint you again. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:19:55 PM | | I'm asking the question in a general sense,not about my other forum.It's just that I hear and/or read bout so many negative situations and never see anything about anything good. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:46:47 PM | no second chances,, ever.
fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:40:31 PM | ~OP~ There are many different reasons that relationships fail/fall apart/etc. I've given a second chance a time or two. It depends on the scenerio. I met a wonderful man (here on POF several years ago) ~ he had some issues that eventually hurt me personally. He sought out help for those issues and about 7 months later, I did agree to date him again. I don't regret that in the least. I don't know ~ he was valuable to me and he truly did attempt to make things better for himself and for me. I see no reason to view each situation with the same set of eyes, therefor, I don't know if I'd do it again or not. JMO  | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:20:31 PM | Second chances have been for me, just a re-run of the same problems/issues that led to the end of the relationship. Hearing someone say "I love you, I miss you, I want to make it work" sure sounds promising, but people really are who they are. And personally I haven't found it to work either of the times I tried it. So I'd say no. Second chances usually are just a bad replay of the first show. And you get the bonus of feeling like a fool for hoping it would be different. That's not fun.
Sure you loved them and wished it would have worked. There are occasions it has (so I've heard), but unless the problems that led to the break up are open for discussion and are going to CHANGE, then you can expect to be back in the same boat feeling like you made a mistake by trying again. But hey, you DO gain the fact that you can walk away with a clear conscience knowing you tried everything possible to make it work. If you want to learn that lesson and grow from THAT, and go through ripping off the healed hurt from the past breakup, then by all means give it a shot. But have your eyes open to the fact that things probably haven't changed and you'll find yourself in the same conflicts. That's the majority. You don't hear much about second chances working, do you? | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:24:19 AM | Nope, remember they are ex's for a reason! and i think even if you are to give them a second chance, thing's will never be like they used to
~Serenity | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:34:03 AM | My first husband and I broke up for several months and got back together, then married. The marriage did not stand the test of time but I do not see getting back together with him or the marriage as a mistake because he was a wonderful person.
I have known others that have gotten back together and had very long, fulfilling relationships. What matters is why people get back together and the reasons they split up in the first place. If two people are not compatible, they are not going to become compatible because both parties want it.
Love is not enough to make a relationship last so if things materially change or if people grow and recognize that the fights they had were over stupid shit and they know how to avoid similar confrontations over different stupid shit, a second chance can be fruitful. I think a good deal of it boils down to whether you start out with two whole people because when that occurs, there is less tendency to start creating mental tallies which is the real reason that most people get pissed off at each other; he/she did or did not do X while I did or did not do X. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:45:32 AM | Hmmm...
I am a firm believer that it takes two to tango, and only those involved in a tango are the right ones to decide, if they find appropriated to give "whatever" the chances...
HOWEVER
IMO, I would give a certain amount of chances in some relationships, and it is so complex and unique, and in other times, seasons and reasons I would simply give no any chance at all and move on. Though, no regrets about the wrong or right... We're here to live and learn... s*hit and good happens, nobody is perfect...
I love myself first. I would like to have one and many chances too, and I would fight for it and the best tango dance, doing my best and taking compromise on my own part in it...  | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:56:57 AM | always remember: u left for a reason
we tend to look back on the good times...look at the big pix
relationships
towns
jobs
when i move on i neva go back unless its BOSTON my home town!! kathi | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:09:43 AM | If your talking about relationships, "No"...Once something is gone, "its gone"...Trying to steal a little of the past is good to a point but rekindling feelings that have been removed for whatever reason, "jus never works for me"...
Im not saying, "its an impossibility for some"...It has never worked for me.. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:14:43 AM | A friend once told me that if you love something so much to set it free.
And not to dwell on the would haves, could haves, and should haves.
However I do believe in second chances depending on why the break up happened.
I understand and only wish that my ex would take me back. But that will only happen in a perfect world.
The choice is yours,
Angelicrose79  | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:25:53 AM | I'm asking the question in a general sense,not about my other forum.It's just that I hear and/or read bout so many negative situations and never see anything about anything good.
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Do a thread search, the answers are all there. Pick and summarize the best ones, post it here. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:55:38 AM | I gave more than a second chance to my ex-wife..
She now understands that the things she did was wrong and why they were wrong.
She and I are now FWBs and we get along better now than ever before.
She wishes that she had not cheated or lied to me but what's done is done and time only moves foward.
It's what you do in the future that counts now. The past cannot be changed.
Each situation is differant and will have a differant outcome..
Choose wisely before moving foward or looking back.
Whatever you do, do it because it is what you feel in your heart and know in your head to be the right path for you.
To your own self be true.. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:17:18 PM | | I must agree with you. If it was because of infidelity then there is no going back. Infidelity is a calculated violation and trust, without trust there is nothing. Trust is given, trust is broken, there is no longer trust. Trust is a gift. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:20:54 PM | | I agree with Chellaruse. She makes a very valid statement "Love deserves a second look, but the second look is under the microscope". I think that this sends it all. There were obviously flaws to begin with and nothing will change. Same song second verse. One person usually is playing the other person and you just have to know when enough is enough and cut your losses. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:29:03 PM | | The last time I gave someone a second chance, he basically proved he wasn't woth it. And I ended up feeling like an idiot. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:40:48 PM | Post #11, I couldn't agree more:
Second chances have been for me, just a re-run of the same problems/issues that led to the end of the relationship. Hearing someone say "I love you, I miss you, I want to make it work" sure sounds promising, but people really are who they are. And personally I haven't found it to work either of the times I tried it. So I'd say no. Second chances usually are just a bad replay of the first show. And you get the bonus of feeling like a fool for hoping it would be different. That's not fun.
Yep, I totally agree. There are usually very legitimate reasons a relationship ends, and those can't be discounted. Usually when you give a second chance, you have high expectations that "this time" you'll both get it right -- but often you just end up disappointed and you realize you've just wasted time; and life is short.
I suppose it might depend on the reason(s) and circumstances it ended the first time. But for me, if it involved cheating, lying or disrespect, forget it. If someone can lie, cheat or disrespect you, there's just something fundamentally 'screwed up' within their core - and that's just the way they are, it's deeply ingrained and they may put on a good act that they've 'changed' but people really never change - particularly when they get to a certain age (30+).
Life is short. Things end for a reason. Take the lessons learned and use them for good in the next relationship. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:08:35 AM | Have gave them , wouldn`t again.
If its down to lying , cheating, anything along those lines then i never look back .If someones caused some hurt then i`m out of there.
I guess it does depend on the reasons behind a break up though. Not all are down to those reasons.
I agree totally with message 23. Infact reading them all, so very spot on . | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:29:17 AM |
Msg: 23 -- If someone can lie, cheat or disrespect you, there's just something fundamentally 'screwed up' within their core
I add to this basic incompatibility. Cheating, lying, disrespect, incompatibility. All of my breakups involved one or more of these four items. The first three were core defects in my then SO. The last was a core defect in the relationships themselves.
Elemental and essential to ANY relationship, other than Love, which is the Fifth Essential Element, are Fidelity, Honesty, Respect, and Compatibility. Lacking any one of these, a relationship is destined for failure, so WHEN it fails, DO NOT RESUSCITATE! Mourn the loss, grieve, bury the dead, then take as long as you need to grieve again.
When you are able, search for a NEW relationship that will be more rewarding. Never return to a proven failure, since that is dead and gone. | |
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