| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:02:42 AM | My experience with a mentally ill woman.
We met and we both fell in love at first sight. She was a brunette beauty, Sigorney Weaver and Marilyn Monroe in a single package. She said I was her skinny artist Adonis. We had a love that would have been written about for centuries if only it had remained so.
We loved each other for weeks before she told me of a minor thing, something in her brain the size of a green pea that would later be the greatest weight of my life. I loved her in ignorance, I did not understand just how a brilliant yet unstable mind would embrace me in love, then eventually discard me in an irrational rejection of marital fulfillment and the loss of a love that might one day be remembered as demonstration of true.
I would have commanded a thousand ships into battle, if only to keep that perfect moment when our eyes found in each other the mortal form that stirred our souls and instantly cemented a bond that no man nor instrument of destiny could part. Only an organic dysfunction was able to divide the unyielding rock that was our love. The slow acid of unsubstantiated doubt began to dissolve it away. It did not matter that the man constantly repaired the breach, giving more and more to something that did not recognize his efforts of unity. She retreated into a beautiful shell of suspicion and departure. I was mesmerized by the curvy warm shell, it offered me a comfort that I did not recognize as false.
Her visit to a family across country was the crowbar that split the block. She listened to the irrational thoughts that spoke to a state of paranoia. She listened and took the first blow to make a clean break, a new home in a new state with no bed for the man she had loved.
I met her red-eye flight with a dozen roses, I was ignorant of her plan and took her home and made love with her for a good while. Then, while we lay there she embraced me and sobbed that she had bought a house and was leaving me. Yet she would not let me go, and I struggled to stand up out of bed.
I often wonder if I could have changed things at that moment. What if I had asked to go with her? Would we be together now? Or would the the green pea sized spot in her brain have prevailed, and poisoned each fresh start we could have ever embarked upon.
I really wanted to call her tonight, I wanted to promise her anything, just so I could be wrapped in the warm curvy shell and believe that the past 15 years had not been lost, that the moment in 1993 had been forever. But I know she is empty of the woman I loved, it is like a TV that won't turn off, offering the promise of touch but delivering only projections.
I want to love someone new.
I think I have learned a great deal from this experience, I was broken by her, but reassembled myself into a slightly different man. Stronger, a little less naive, and maybe more realistic. I hope this new man has lost nothing that is important to the new love that might come this way. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:24:50 AM | I've met three mentally ill women since dating on this site, and I mean really messed up, but the sort of person that lived in a delusion that they were somehow perfect and whenever any irrationality crept up to point to their demons, they would simply blame anyone and anything to get away from the truth...themselves.
Sorry to say but there are many mentally ill/multiple personality disordered people in the world, they have also not been diagnosed in most cases, and so we have to be on our guard. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:49:09 AM | | I am a little confused. Of course I don't know the details, and you have written very abstractly, but you would have commanded a thousand ships to war yet you broke up because she was moving? | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:49:13 AM | The love that you describe from your point of view seems pure and true but I don't think that there is ever really any of going back. Even though we can allow ourselves to be influenced by family and friends I don't think it would ever be to the extent that we would break up with someone we loved deeply and move far away. Break ups and heartache are very difficult and often take a great deal of time to recover from. To me, it sounds like regardless of your ex's mental condition that you would have broken up either way. We should not torture ourselves with the "what ifs", it will do nothing in helping you to move on. It sounds like you have come out of this experience with greater respect for true love and a more intellectual understanding of what you need in a relationship.
Best of Luck finding a new love that can love and appreciate every part of you!~! | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:18:53 AM | Hang on here a minute. She is mentally ill because she left you?
Who the hell diagnosed that? Couples split up all the time dont make her mentally ill. Think you need to sit down and calm down hun and think about what you are creating as a memory.
You say you would move the earth to be with her, but you wont move state COME ON HUN? LAUGHING OUT LOUD, think the woman just needed some space or a new job or a new life, she is not mentally ill.
AND MEN - just because a woman does not agree with you, if she dont toe your line, dont make her mentally ill, just makes her not your woman.
Geesh. RANT OVER (hugs) xx 
EDIT OP - she is still not mentally ill, she will be under the care of the Neurology Team/Oncology Team, not the Psychiatric Team - she has a growth in her brain, different thing altogether.
Would have made the whole post easier to understand if you put, that your ex went to another state because she has a brain tumour, rather than all that third person confusion. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:45:21 AM | | You totally don't get this!! It was not about her moving away ... it's about what drove her to move away ... and it wasn't the writer. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:10:35 AM | Great read ` ~ many a wonderful song and story written from such events
Can you think of a world without a sad song?
It's only after narrowly ecaping death does one feel so alive.
As far a mentally ill ~ unbridled passion will give you the same effect.
Continue your writing, in your misery lies both comfort and pain,
Something that needs to come out and be processed
Dance
"I fooled around and fell in love"
Elvin Bishop | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:11:57 AM | | A brain tumor does not make her mentally ill. Can you just begin to imagine how she felt, she needed you to love and support her, and you come on here bleating about how YOU feel, how shallow can you get | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:20:33 AM | | I think the OP is enjoying everybody trying to make sense of his poetic ramblings. OP you are not Shakespere you know, just plain English would have sufficed. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:36:16 AM | | Listen- when you can stop being so abstract about life- then you will understand. She moved away because of whatever was happening with her. You only mention a brain tumor and you spout off about how she's crazy- me thinks you should take a look in the mirror guy. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:54:44 AM | Your thoughts were conveyed beautiully.
Reading some of the others' responses confirms my conclusion about the awareness level of alot of folks in this world. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:02:44 AM | She probably moved away because she didn't want to hurt you any more by putting you through what ever she may have felt was facing her. She was thinking of you. Your only thinking of yourself. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Message number 9 said it all. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:24:53 AM | Remember people that brain tumors, when they occur in the right place, can cause mental illness. Tumors can shunt blood flow, pinch nerves, block synapses, all those wonderful things that cause the changes in people we recognize as mental illness. It doesn't always have to be some chemical deficiency only diagnosable by throwing drugs at until the person feels high enough to be happy - sometimes there is an actual physical cause for the changes.
And if you'd read the post he says she left him. It can be agonizing to try and determine if it's better to chase or to respect the wishes the other person stated.
OP - you took something from the relationship and grew and that's the important part. I feel for your loss. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:08:15 AM | Hi, i met this wonderful girl nearly 3 years ago, everything was fantastic, we moved in after 6 months then her personality changed overnight. She said she had problems at work then she started to blame me for everything. we started arguing, then it got physical to the point she constantly assaulted me. I lost weight, friends, I went for counselling, I moved out temporary but we still continued to see each other as both of us couldnt let go.
She fell pregnant things got slightly better and I moved back then her demons returned. More fights then she eventually moved out on xmas eve. She returned the night our child was due and we were both there at the birth. She was fine until she moved out of the hospital then went back to her ways, blaming me, jealousy, assaults, mental abuse, put downs, false accusations. I eventually had to give up and walk away after so many chances. We have a beautiful daughter I just wish she would focus on the good things in life. Im sitting here on fathers day and I cant be with the two people I love the most because of her illness. She denies she is to blame, she says its all my fault and Im the one to suffer as a result. It was like I am dealing with two people some days she is fine if we meet other days she is a hurtful, spiteful hateful monster.
I think about her everyday, always back to when times were good and just wish that she would get help as there is nothing else that I can so or do to make things right
Happy fathers day to all dads out there
Take care
Rob | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:21:13 AM | To put it plainly, she has a brain tumor. It has affected her badly.
Since when does a brain tumor equate with mental illness????? My husband had a brain tumor(cancer) no one ever classed him as mentally ill. Although depending on the location it can cause behavioral changes. NOT ONE OUT OF 17 DOCTORS CALLED IT MENTAL ILLNESS.........................
Calling her mentally ill is soooooooooo wrong.
And by the way....is this tumor inoperable???? And know that if it is and continues to grow it will still kill her and prob make her incapacitaed before it does. Shame on you for the name of the title here. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:08:36 AM | I really hate the way mental illness is portrayed on this site. I am classed as having a mental illness because I have been diagnosed with depression. This doesnt make me crazy. A lot of mental illness doesnt mean the person is crazy, a lot of the time its that people are struggling with their emotions.
I just ask that people try and be a bit more understanding when it comes to mental illness, it would make it easier for people who are affected to talk without the worry of being ridiculed. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:17:06 PM | How does a brain tumor make her mentally ill? I am lost on this one. Isn't a brain tumor something physical, that can be removed most times. If it can't be removed then why does it prevent you from loving her?
Like someone else mentioned, you can command a 100 warships, but you can't move. You said you wonder if it would of been different had you asked her if you could go. So, how do you know she didn't want you to go? Your writing says she didn't want you to go. Did she tell you she was going alone? Fifteen years later you still have her phone number, you mention calling her. Are you still talking to her?
I am thinking statements like the opening of this thread show strong tendencies towards mental illness, but not the ladies mental illness. More likely the writer's. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:32:00 PM | You are not mentally ill if you're just depressed. I was depressed for a while because I was in a horrible situation (I had a degree in molecular biology, couldn't find ANY work in my field at all, working in a horrible call centre where the customers were abusive americans for near minimum wage. I solved mine when I started taking accounting courses and now I've got my own apartment and a good job!)
You'll make it. I'm sure. You seem nice from your profile! | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:40:07 PM | Geez! In this case it did! Why do you think it was so tragic? It changed her from a wonderful woman to someone that cannot make good decisions. You try quadrupling the amount of prolactin your brain produces and see if you can keep yourself thinking clearly. It was very tough for us. I did not blame her, it is not her fault, the tumor in her brain has slowly caused more trouble for her over the years.
Many of the women that responded took this like I was accusing someone of something. If behavior changes, and a doctor points to a tumor on X-ray, and explains how it is pressing against a gland that make a chemical associated with anger and paranoia, what would you believe?
Please don't blast someone in a situation where there are no winners! | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:01:26 PM | | I work as a case manager with mentally ill people. She sounds like she had organic brain damage and the behavioral changes that can go along with it, but not mentally ill per se. As for the rest, have you considered that she may have left-not because she lacked the power to make good decisions-but because she was doing what was best for her? Perhaps she wanted to be close to family for what she expects to be a decline in functioning. How about you get a job in the new city and resume your relationship with her close to her family so she is not forced to pick between your love and the support of her family? If you really and truly love her,for who she is-not her shell(body), you need to accept her illness, and adjust accordingly, because it is a part of her. If not, remember Shakespeare's saying: "Love is not love when it alteration finds and moves with the remover to remove". The real questions are: do you love her? Did you ever love her or did you just love making love to her? What is more important, her well being or your ego( you have to get over the idea that she left you; she moved. You did not ask to go. You chose to be left)? If you truly love her, go find her. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:04:29 PM | I apologize as I am new here. But the Original Poster just messaged me telling me not to post what I posted. Is this allowed?
The way that I see it, if you really truly love someone, and you have morals and ethics, then you will do all you can to be with that person. You will stand beside them and help them through their darkest moments. This is what love is about to me. It's not about sex and crap, it's not about making people laugh. Friends can make you laugh. It's about holding their hand and honoring their wishes.
Maybe if he didn't want honest opinions then maybe he shouldn't have posted this thread. But since it's posted, that is my opinion on it, that he did not stand behind the promises he made when he uttered those three very intimate and special words. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:20:10 PM | LOZ HUNTER ... you said
"AND MEN - just because a woman does not agree with you, if she dont toe your line, dont make her mentally ill, just makes her not your woman. "
I Love you ...... wish you could have a talk with my last man!! All of his ex-girlfriends/wives are mental in his eyes. IF he would only THINK ... he is the one constant so it just might not be them. [not saying he's mentally ill, just that he has issues and needs some work] **and I could have still been his woman, but I cannot be forced to toe anyone's line, if it's a choice, that's different. | |
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| My experience with a mentally ill woman.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:21:49 PM | Wow, a few emails I got seem to already have judged me to be either evil, a loser or victim. I am just a good man who got alittle depressed about the past. Too bad about half of the respondents are unable to follow and understand a narrative.
Apparently some are joyful about kicking someone when they are down, even if just for a moment. If I see one of them at a POF gathering, I'll be sure to offer my chair and drink to them. At least I'll have done them a better turn.
As for honest opinions, actually read and process the OP, many seemed to miss salient details. | |
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