| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:25:07 AM | | Why does a man isolate when he comes under alot of pressure. Or do they all do this. For me, i like to talk about the problems and try to work them out. I like some feed back...but men...become silent. Why do they do this. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:36:01 AM | Men like to work through problems with no distractions. Women have problems and want empathy and not solutions. Most won't admit it, but it's the truth. When a g/f or wife has complained to me about her problems and I offered her a solution, she got pissed.
Guys want solutions, they want the problem over and the best way to do that is to isolate usually.
Women may be capable of offering great solutions, I don't know, but they made the bed they lay in with their very well known and extensive history of rejecting solutions in favor of a shoulder to cry on.
By the way, I know I'm about to get attacked for making generalizations, but there are only about 3 I'll make towards women and that's number one. I've seen it time and time again and almost every guy here will back me up if they still have a mancard.
Flame away. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:38:03 AM | Or do they all do this.
No. I don't. Bottling stuff in has always been and always will be a woman thing.
but men...become silent. Why do they do this.
I don't do that. I don't think I've ever done that. Why do women do it? Is it because ALL women ALWAYS take the path of least resistance, due to their inherent weakness?
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:05:37 AM | | This is a fundamental difference in how men and women are hardwired, how we think, and how we deal with things. Get yourself a copy of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It's a classic for good reason. You'll understand men better and probably understand yourself better as well. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:14:24 AM | I try to fix a problem on my own at first and if need help will certainly ask but I do need some time to think and work things out. Its not that I'm angry or sullen but do need quiet time to ponder the situation and the possible solutions/outcomes.
Quite different from most situations with a woman who will tell you about a problem but actually NOT want a solution, its really difficult to listen to a seemingly simple problem in silence.... but just don't offer advice if you know what's good for you ;-) | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:19:48 AM | Because we are men, not women.
You pee sitting, we pee upstanding.
You talk your problems, we don't.
And the reason by which men become silent when women ask us about this, is because we know you won't understand it, or you will try us to act as women ("talk your feeeelingss......"), or will become upset, and then we will have two problems instead of one. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:23:48 AM | | As a man I can become isolated at times, because I dont like to burden anyone when I am stressing about things in my personal life whether it be work issues, or other personal issues. When it comes to relationship issues though, I agree that talking and working them out is very important. If something is stressing me out to the point where it is affecting my relationship, I always try and talk it out. Communication is crucial for any successful relationship. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:31:48 AM | Well I don't know for others but for me its to get some time to work things out in my head.
When I'm really emotional over something I don't like to lose control in front of people, especially someone that means a lot to me:
at a certain point anything can make me explode, even the most banal thing like stubbing a toe. So when I'm in a foul mood I prefer to keep to myself.
You just want to be sure you're doing the right thing and directing your anger/frustration at the right person and in the right way.
Once I'm capable of acting normally I rejoin civilization. It's how most men I know deal , and have dealt, with stuff and it seems to work fine. Its when they don't bother getting a hold of their temper that things go awry. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:41:02 AM | | The way I solve a problem is by secondary reasoning. Let it go for a while, do something else, and don’t let it fester. If I (when the stressor is a woman) continue to address the issue with a heightened level of verbal aggravation, the situation will certainly go the wrong way. Women need to understand that some men need time to sort things out, and if you push him, you may get an unfavorable decision. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:45:00 AM | Talk about coincidences, someone forwarded me this link to Mark Gungor on the difference between men and women's brains.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMZ73mT5zM
that will answer your question.....
Women may be capable of offering great solutions, I don't know, but they made the bed they lay in with their very well known and extensive history of rejecting solutions in favor of a shoulder to cry on.
When a woman is stressed or has a problem, I have yet to find a woman who either a) wants a man to solve it for him, or b) wants a solution period. It has been my experience that women just want to talk, not hear your side, not hear your suggestions, they just want to get it out and if you DARE to interrupt, watch out!
Men? As stated in the above video: the only time we talk to someone about stress or a problem is when we want a solution. We don't talk just for the sake of talking.... | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:46:38 AM | That's a great point. With a lot of relationships if the problem I'm dealing with IS the woman I'm wanting to be isolated from, sometimes I just needed a few minutes/hours to get over it.
Let me go to the range, go ride 10 miles, go BS at the gun shop, get under my car, whatever. Just give me time to get over it, and I will, and the issue will die.
Keep pushing me to talk about it, or whatever, it's just gonna escalate to the point where it will never go away. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:19:05 AM | | Just have to say there are a few of us women who don't want to talk when stressed. I'd rather isolate. You will find me on a long stretch of empty road driving too fast with the music too loud as I work things through. Closest I get to talking things out is I will blog about them. Helps me work it out in my head. I find no point in burdening others with my stress or bad moods. | |
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NYinNM
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Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 16 | |
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:19:11 AM | I think a lot of men are raised with the idea that they are supposed to be self sufficient, so when we have a problem we worry that we will be seen as weak for needing help.
I know it sounds stupid (and it is) but you'd be surprised how hard it is for some guy's to admit there is a problem they can't solve alone.
I think that's part of the reason guys won't stop to ask for directions when were lost.
Ladies we never want to appear weak or unsure in your eyes. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:24:50 AM | I agree with nearly all the guys and ClassifiedAlly. Men and women are different, and the problems we see in society are by one sex or the other not understanding and not respecting the other.
I have female friends and when they want to talk about a problem, it's 99% empathy and only 1% ideas/solution/advice. Women don't want answers, generally. They want support.
When guys talk, the situation is nearly reversed. When guys want to talk, it's because they've already done their cogitating and need a new perspective, more information, or advice to Reach a Solution. When guys talk, they need about 90% ideas/solutions/advice and 10% empathy or less. And most of the time, guys don't need to talk, because they're skilled at handling the problem on their own.
Handling one's own problems is what's expected of a man. A man is WEAK if he continually consults others for advice on handling his problems. He is viewed as INDECISIVE, COWARDLY, FEARFUL, and so forth. Worse yet, any man feels this way inside, so avoiding these kinds of social and psychological stigmas are important. Bear in mind that rugged individualism is part of how the West was won, so it's a hallmark of the American spirit. Aussies also have these characteristics, as do Brits, to a lesser degree.
To sum up -- what if men didn't solve their own problems and acted more like women? Would you respect them for it? Would they seem more masculine to you? Would you want to date them? | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:27:45 AM | Most won't admit it, but it's the truth. When a g/f or wife has complained to me about her problems and I offered her a solution, she got pissed.
I'll back you on that... Any more, the only time I'll give an opinion is if a woman asks me about a guy related problem... Otherwise I just offer a shoulder and think about grocery lists and rewiring my bike while they blab...
Talking my problems out with somebody else is a totaly useless operation.
Even if it's a woman related problem it doesn't help much to talk with her about it, it's impossible for them to truly understand my point of view and they can only give the solutions that work for them.
Just leave me the hell alone for a while and let me find my solution. You go blab and bawl with your friends and after we've both got our solutions we'll compare and see if there's a compromise in there somewhere... usually not though...
And if a guy tries going to other guys for help with a problem.... that's great fun for us... Unless they're needing help fixing something all they're going to get is "Stop whining ya fuking p*ssy..."
edit: LOL...
A man is WEAK if he continually consults others for advice on handling his problems. He is viewed as INDECISIVE, COWARDLY, FEARFUL, and so forth.
Yeah... a fuking p*ssy... | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:38:14 AM | I'd have to say that Glock22Shooter had the right answer more or less.
I already know that there isn't necessarily a solution to whatever is bothering me. If there is, since I'm the one with the most detailed knowledge of the problem, it stands to reason that it's highly unlikely anybody will accidentally stumble across a solution by talking about what is a different subject (feelings) Unfortunately, (or fortunately actually) women aren't usually actively seeking a solution but simply providing support in the meantime. That's actually a great thing of course...that's one of those differences that make us love you women so much after all but it still doesn't solve the problem (whatever it may be exactly)
Otherwise, I can't speak for other men but frankly, I've learnt that nobody wants to hear about my problems. Too bad/so sad I guess. I might mention that I'm bothered by something but as soon as I do it, I regret it. I'll live either way and if I don't well, no more problem I guess. lol | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:57:38 AM | Yea, when I said what I said in message 4, I had misunderstood what this thread was about. I was imagining it in the context of a relationship with communication issues, a la the typical:
guy: "what's wrong baby?"
girl: "Nothing!"
Aurora772, msg 17:
I have female friends and when they want to talk about a problem, it's 99% empathy and only 1% ideas/solution/advice. Women don't want answers, generally. They want support.
When guys talk, the situation is nearly reversed. When guys want to talk, it's because they've already done their cogitating and need a new perspective, more information, or advice to Reach a Solution. When guys talk, they need about 90% ideas/solutions/advice and 10% empathy or less. And most of the time, guys don't need to talk, because they're skilled at handling the problem on their own.
As others have said, this is the answer. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:15:02 PM | Either/or scenarios wherever I look 
When you look for differences, that is precisely what you will find..
If you continually attract a certain kind of person into your life, perhaps that is happening for a reason.. ? To help you find balance... I mean really, you are the one constant.. and there ARE men who don't do this perpetually..
Personally I do a bit of both.. sometimes I isolate and at other times I want to talk things out.. what does that make me, a hermaphodite? Please. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:39:50 PM | Ladies, men don't ask for help unless they are stuck for a solution.
Women like to vent, get their bearings, and then focus on a solution.
Most men don't get the idea that the venting of women isn't a call for help a lot of times --which is why some of us get upset when they want to try fix it for us.
Sometimes we simply want someone to HEAR and UNDERSTAND what is stressing us.
Let him go off to his cave and brainstorm!
He will come out with a solution, or ask for your, or someone else he trusts, HELP only AFTER his private ponderings and comes up short or empty.
As said before in this thread, men and women are simply hardwired differently!
Let him know that you are there for him when he is ready (or simply finished), and don't be afraid to ask that he simply lend an ear for you when you need it.
Don't forget to acknowledge and appreciate his want/need to attempt to solve it for you.
You can be a sounding board for each other...
Sometimes it is just a congratulatory sharing of how you or he figured out the solution to a problem solo.
--Isn't that what the give and take to a relationship is all about?
Everyone has their process...
--Be understanding to his need for private processing and be prepared to say you are not looking for a solution when you feel that you are just in need of an understanding ear.
--It will strengthen your relationship because of it.
GOOD LUCK! | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:17:08 PM | when you have a problem you can't fix, and you are stressing out - venting (whining) about it to her not only rarely results in any kind of useful solution being offered, but it generally makes you look bad if you make a habit of it. So then the problem would become bigger than it is by chipping away at the respect your gf has for you.
for me personally, unless i'm utterly devastated and rightfully so, pity and coddling from anyone revolts me anyway. I find it disgusting, you would just piss me off. And this seems to be what women think you are asking for. I'd woudl have to be truly broken emotionally for the moment to find that comforting. and evne then, it is never to be discussed again. | |
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| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:38:01 PM | Usually never on a thread do I agree with almost everyone here,you men basically hit it on the nose and the ladies here are basically right,this is a Venus and Mars thing.
I will always think it out privately ,why would I want to burden someone with my problem and then give them something to continue to ask about over the next days and weeks when for me it lasted only 2 hours then I forgot about it and moved on,I deal with the important issues in life,save the worry over a house on fire rather than trivial stuff,why torture a perfectly good brain ,and if I did not succeed I will ask advise or opinion,or suggestions from only those (men or ladies)that I really value,I am not looking for pity or a shoulder to lean on,I am only trying to achieve an answer,so emotion has no place here,thats counter productive and screws up the works,and I'm only using your opinion to weigh against mine,so do not be upset I did not take your suggestion,I valued it,and weighed it,applied it to my person,just didn't use it,and I will come many times back and ask on other occasions if stumped,and it will never mean your opinion wasn't greatly valued even if I never followed it.......
that said if I direct an offer in general if ever a need to help to a lady (my gentleman kicking in) I always offer my ear and a shoulder to lean on any hour of the night,because I realize how important is is to a lady to have a safe place to express and how important to her one listens,usually with mouth shut,only if she appears totally lost and without bearing,or asks will I offer mere suggestions.........
I have never thought this odd,only the way things are,I'm a realist,which I guess then would make me a pessimistic optimist or a optimistic pessimist,lol | |
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