| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:35:57 AM | A co-worker of mine sets me up with her neighbor.
She tells me he is very polite, in every encounter they've had, at the mailbox, pool etc.
He tells her he would like to be with someone who appreciates his great sense of humor. He also likes hispanic women and mention he had dated a few.
So, she gets his number and I call him. He sounds very nice and well manner, he tells me he was raised in the mid-west and he also has a PHD.
We meet for coffee and he looks great, better than his picture. He's cute, pulls the chair for me, smiles etc. He says I look like Selma Hayek, I smile too.
Then we started talking for about 20min.
He tells me about his family and job and then he asks me if we could go someplace else to eat since he is hungry and we are having such a good time.
He points at my shoes as we get up from the table and comments how "they are a slight shade up from your dress, they don't really match but you sure make them look great". He laughs and I look at him...... funny.
We go next door and we order lunch. Then he says "you are perfect height, if I want to place my drink somewhere when we are in a party, your head is right there"
He adds, once he stops laughing, how perfect my smile is and he also "digs" my hair he calls it "very mexican" ???? (I have long, black straight hair, japanese people have that too, amongs others, but O.K.)
I tell him about my childhood and how I was always the clown in the family. I can find humor in any situation and then I say looking at him straight in the eyes " AS LONG AS IS NOT AT MY EXPENSE!".
At this point I feel I have to explain, I enjoy humor very much but not when I'm putting people down which is the only kind of humor he has exhibited until now.
I have to say, this kind of humor and "toilet humor" only makes me laugh once, if it's funny but I can only hear so much (2 min? maybe) of bodily functions before I shut down.
He keeps chewing and listening to me.
He asks if I come from a large family and if they live in "poverty" and that's why I'm here.
I tell him there are lots of middle class and wealthy people in Mexico "not everybody there needs your 25cents a day to get clothes and food from an american sponsor, you know?" I laugh, he looks perplexed:-)
We also have cars and electricity, go figure.
By now,I'm starting to believe his "benefit of the doubt time" is running out.
Let me explain here, I'm from Mexico city and I've live here for over 20 years I'm 100% bilingual but I do still have a slight accent, must people find it charming (I don't sound like Charo either :-)
Then he says I love how you guys say "orange juice".
I say, who "you guys"?
He says, "My last girlfriend was from ecuador and she used to crack me up when she said "orange juice". Go ahead say it!!"
Then he says I also pronounced the word "Dizzy "funny and "woozy" while I was talking.
He talks the way he thinks I said it ,he now turns into Juan Valdez, sounding like the commercial for Colombian coffee when he does that, exaggerating every single word.
I said, look I don't think I sound that ridiculous and I don't like it when people make fun of my accent.
He says " My neighbor Sara said you had a great sense of humor, where is it? You are just too sensitive!!" "My last girlfriend didn't mind it when I made fun if her"
I said maybe because, as you told me, she wanted to marry you for a greencard, she didn't want to tell you it bother her? or I don't perhaps, bad self-esteem?
Would you be amused if I crack jokes about you being from the Midwest?
Where are your overalls? and how come you have all your front teeth?
Is our niece also your daughter? He stops chewing now, he doesn't think I'm funny.
So he can dish them but he can't take them.
Funny is funny, right?
I wasn't eating since I had to go back to work so I just said "enjoy your lunch" and walked out of the place.
Not before saying to him. Very calm and enunciating every word.
When you make fun of someone with an accent you sound like an ass while doing it, and the person you are imitaing thinks you are an ass too. At least they are trying to speak your language.If you had been raised right,(mid-west upbringing etc.) you would know is not the polite thing to do.
So,was he funny? or just plain MEAN? | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:46:51 AM | | I think it sounds pretty insensitive and in bad taste. I agree with you - you don't have to cut down other people to be funny. And you taking offense when someone does doesn't mean that you have no sense of humour. | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:48:23 AM | | I think he was just plain stupid, it's never a good idea to make fun of, or talk down to the person you are trying to make a good impression on. I like to joke as well but I have learned to get to know a person first before I start showing my "silly" side. I try to find out what they think is funny, then when we feel more comfortable with each other I can be (or try to be) funny. He may have a PhD but he has no clue. | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:48:37 AM | Just plain mean is my vote. He showed a serious lack of class and very poor manners. I guess we now know what your friend meant when she said 'he wants someone who appreciates his great sense of humor'. More like 'wants a wallflower that will put up with his cutdowns because, in a sick and twisted sort of way, it makes him feel superior'. BRAVO to you for walking out but not without giving him a little 'what's up'!  | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:28:34 PM | Just one more example of why guys need to keep their yaps shut!
Unless it's a blind date, the woman is with the guy because she
finds him physically acceptable or better! That's a huge hurtle
overcome! Then he says or does something STUPID and blows it!
Then probably wonders why she isn't taking his calls!
I too have made the REALLY dumb mistake of making jokes
that offended women! You should kid with and be playful
with women but you have to be extremely careful! So if a
guy is going to do it, keep it to a minimum! The odds arn't
in your favour!
Maybe this guy was just trying to be C*cky and funny! | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:43:29 PM |
So,was he funny? or just plain MEAN?
Humor is a strange thing. What some people find offensive, others find funny. There are a lot of comedians that think vulgarity and profanity is funny. And what about some of the movies these days? Vulgarity and profanity seems to be all the rage.
If you don't "get" someone's sense of humor, you won't be a good match for them. Move on. | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:07:21 PM | Thanks everybody for you input.
This particular guy was cute but short.
I have met a few guys that behave like this. Common denominator is :insecurity
Nobody who is secure with themselves would even think about putting someone else down for anything, race, color, accent, physical appearance etc.
Is call "leveling" They put you down to pump themselves up.
Specially guys who ONLY date minorities. They think they can bully me easier than a white/black american woman?
I like Seinfeld, he is always funny but he talks about people when they can't hear.
She had man's hands, close talker, etc.
I'm like him and Kathy Griffin, she said " I had good parenting, we don't talk about people while they are in the room, we talk about them when they leave, is called manners"
surgeon said:
You should kid with and be playful
with women but you have to be extremely careful! So if a
guy is going to do it, keep it to a minimum! The odds arn't
in your favour!
The odds aren't in your favour if you think is funny putting them down, if funny to you is jabbing at them constantly, yes, you should keep it to yourself.
Although I really apreacialte when they come out so soon. Then I don't waste a whole month of dating just to find out the guy is a prick.
I guess I'm not a wallflower after all
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:07:47 PM | | Sounds to me like midwestern PhD was a total dumb@ss. An education doesn't make you smart.....nor does it give you class....maybe just access..... | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:13:58 PM | | I was raises in the Midwest also. Yet he was an azz. A good sense of humor is great. There is no reason to even get out of bed, if you can't laugh some. Yet mean people suck. | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:16:20 PM | | It's one thing to tease and have fun. It's ok to joke too but not at the expense of someone else. I think he was lacking common courtesy and he needs to learn how to treat a lady. He sounds like a person who cuts others down so he can feel superior. Just my thoughts.......Take Care and Hugs | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:16:42 PM | | Wow, you had to sit through all of that. I understand why you may have been led to think he was intelligent and polite. What a bad date. No, that is tacky, racist humour. Only few people (Like Roger Dangerfield) can deliver that king of humour successfully and usually they do it as stand up comedy in a crowd, not on an intimate date. You were certainly justified to get up and go. You need not justify yourself to him or anybody. | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:18:18 PM | Mean and insensitive, I would think. And he probably doesn't even understand what you said, if he remembers it
BECAUSE OF MY ACCENT????
Just kidding! | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:31:44 PM | Can he enunciate: Jack-azzzzzzzz???? Augh, I can't stand that type of "humor" and I'm with you OP ~ toilet humor is simply not funny unless it's a rare moment in time (for me.) You endured more than I would have, I'm afraid. Class, tact, a sense of decency and a reality check is needed in that particular individual. Kudos to you for not dismissing yourself at the comment about a drink on your head.  | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:56:46 PM | So, did you schedule a 2nd date with the joker? Next time sharpen up on YOUR put downs, THEN nail him. Let Mr. Personality have it with both barrels. I always like a good verbal spat.  | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:07:45 PM | I would guess he is insecure and putting others down makes him feel better. He probably doesn't even know he's doing it but if pointed out he will consider it just someone trying to put him down.
It's great that you told him off but I doubt it helped. | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:55:03 PM | | I have a wicked sense of humor...I'm retired from the army and being a little gal, and stationed in male dominated units..I had to learn to "hold my own", there is a time and place for funnies, but never at someone's physical appearence or their language skills. I told a friend (male) one time "I am on a quest for the worlds best steak..and everytime I think I found it, another one appeals to me"....now I have always been slim and petite and my friend (who was married) told me he had a steak (meaning his pants by the way he started to open his zipper!)...I stood up (all 5'1'' of me) and looked him in the eye and told him "You might think it's a steak, but most likely its mini-dog" and tossed my soda in his lap and looked down and chuckled and said "I stand corrected..it's not even big enough to think that". Needless to say we don't have the friendship anymore. | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:29:50 PM | | I have seen that before and yes he was mean and very stupid. May be he was clever and not wise...He was very dumb! His loss girl.... | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:46:38 PM | | He wasn't funny at all. He was tacky tacky and more tacky. Plus he was racist. Knowing me, I probably would've left in the middle of the date! | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:51:25 PM | It's bad form to joke at another persons expense unless they're a longtime friend or someone who knows it's strickly for grins. Then it's way fun.
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:55:24 PM | | Not at all, because of any accent. Sorry if that sounded weird. I meant "insensitive" in that there is no feeling going on. Nothing to do with you, and that's my point. | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:03:29 PM | Iplaymusic:
I was just pulling your leg. I know what you meant.
People like that don't even know how bad they come across and they don't care, you are right. He'll just find another minority woman that puts up with his behavior for one reason or another.
evnsteven: I don't have a problem when is done amongst friends just as long as they can also take it. I have a few long term friendships that I have to keep in check too.
They like to tease but if you tease them back the they get all offended.
I say, there are so many instances in life that are so humorous, why would you want to
antagonize the person you are having a relationship with? Isn't that just plain dumb?
Bitting the hand that feeds you?
I mean I'm never mean to waiters and they just bring my food to the table! | |
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| Sense of humor?. Let's talk about it.
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:10:02 PM | Being Canadian... I get teased saying "Eh!" and "out and about".... I guess we have an accent... Who knew?
I can understand you being upset by what he said... it always depends on how it is said. I get teased by an American friend of mine... but it is all in good fun.
~Charmed~ | |
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