| why the obsessive behaviour???
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:58:26 PM | Ok, I haven't been on here for a while but I know that in the past I have received some valuable information and need a little top up as the situation I'm in is confusing the hell out of me.
I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months now and to be honest the relationship is a little one sided. I'm not long out of another relationship and want to take things slowly and yet he's barging in with talk of moving in with me, marriage and long term commitment. He has had a lot of sexual partners in the past, has been married, divorced and has a child with another long term relationship that has been over for a year. Since his split with his child's mother he has had 2 girlfriends and a string of sexual liaisons with exes and a couple of holiday flings so it's not as if there is any shortage of female attention/admirers in his life. I have tolerated his mood swings and quirks just to see if they were teething problems and it has gotten to the point where they are starting to put me off him a lot. I've told him how I feel and that he's suffocating me with all this talk and he apologises then he starts it all up again. He looks over my shoulder when I text, he calls me when I go out with my friends to check whether or not I'm telling the truth and he argues with me constantly complaining that I don't return his affections. The truth is that it's only been 2 months and declarations after 2 weeks that he loves me kinda scared me a bit........
My question is, why the obsessive behaviour??? | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:06:03 PM | He needs a place to hole up before winter and he's invested two months into this relationship already .. ...take a well-deserved break . | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:07:57 PM | Okay, what you've got here is a highly emotional and impulsive individual. That's it in a nutshell.
Now the question you should really be asking yourself is whether or not that sort of personality appeals to you and more importantly, will it appeal to you for what could potentially be the rest of your life ?
Reflect on this and make the call. Whatever it is that attracts you to him will have to be weighed against his character otherwise . No matter what , you can't plan how long the relationship will last so just assume that unless you ditch him, it could last the rest of your life. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:08:23 PM | Mental problems, insecurity issues, trust issues, controlling mentality... the list could go on and on as to why.
The real question should be how much more are you willing to put up with, doesn't sound like a very good relationship to be in. You should be asking yourself when to get out, not asking us why the behaviour, he's obviously got a few loose screws. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:18:16 PM |
He looks over my shoulder when I text, he calls me when I go out with my friends to check whether or not I'm telling the truth
HUGE red flag there OP. He is a control freak and it will only get worse in time. Do you really want to be with someone who will question you all the time? Without trust, it will never work. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:19:59 PM | RUN, FORREST, RUN!!
Seriously, he is a control freak and potential abuser. Calls you to check up on you and excuses it as "love". Checks over your shoulder when you text? Talks about moving in after 2 months? Do you REALLY need us to tell you this guy's antenna not picking up all the channels. What did I say earlier? Oh yeah,
RUN, FORREST, RUN!! | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:22:54 PM | OP: I've noticed that generally there are two types of people. There are those that can't stand not being in some kind of relationship, even if it's unhealthy, to avoid being alone.
And then there are those that are ok with it.
Sounds to me like this guy can't stand himself. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:25:43 PM | Sounds bi-polar to me. I think I'd toss the towel in on him from everything your saying here. Sex must be good for you to put up with this. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:27:14 PM | I definitely don't want to spend the rest of my life with somebody like this and he's far too serious for me anyway. I just want to have a laugh and I sometime feel the because I'm a bit of a challenge (i.e: not rushing to settle down at 35) he thinks that by controlling me it will steer me in that direction. He's older than me so I would have though he knew better.
I gave him a chance and thought that he might change but he hasn't.
Thanks for comments x | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:31:00 PM | | It's a control problem and it will get worse. You answered your own questions. #1 He's going through lots of women - IN my opinion he's unstable and in a short time, these ladies grow tired of him. #2 He's already looking over your shoulder - Means he does not have enough self esteem to trust you. Usually when a partner is overly jealous, it means they don't trust themselves. He knows he's capable of cheating, cause he has probably done it several times already.He's not a trustworthy person. #3 Little by little his behavior will become more and more controlling, to the point where you will be afraid to see your friends, visit relatives or even chat with co-workers. Expect him to accuse you of cheating everytime you mention another guy. #4 He's a loaded gun, get out of it NOW. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:31:39 PM | There could be a million reasons for obsessive behaviour. Its not just obsessive, its obsessive compulsive. It could come from his childhood or from an early relationship.
How you describe his behaviour, its not really a surprise what followed; all those failed relationships. You've told him what bothers you and he's incapable of not doing it. These arent teething problems, they're how he is.
starting to put me off him a lot.
You must have the patience of a saint to have gone on this long! I wonder why you havent already given up. Who stands for this kind of behaviour to start with? | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:40:38 PM | not to be cruel or mean but I would look at your own self esteem as to why you'd tolerate this obsessive and borderline dangerous situation. Have you dated men like this in the past? And please don't think you can change him or that "it will get better," because it will only get worse as he whittles down your defenses.
On another note, I've seen behavior like this from guys before (although not nearly as controlling). They overwhelm a woman with how they're crazy about them and then when the honeymoon is over at the three month mark, they suddenly come to their senses and do a complete 180. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:28:50 PM | It's all pretty much been said, so I won't repeat, but...
To the OP, if you're 35 and still aren't ready for a serious, committed relationship, you should seriously consider avoiding exclusive relationships, period, and just date around. I'm not saying this to try to be rude, disrespectful, or belittling in any way. This guy is obviously way over the top, and that's not your fault. But from your descriptions of yourself, it sounds like you just don't want to be in a relationship, period, and you just want to "have fun" and date and stay single.
So in the future, do yourself, and other guys, a favor and make sure they know you're not interested in being in a committed relationship, so there's no problems later on. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:51:09 PM | Some people spend a lifetime jumping from the frying pan into the
fire and back again!
Listen to all the above posters!
I hope you don't have problems dumping this loser! | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:53:53 PM | zilla72:
I checked out your profile and you are a real cutie-pie, but you must have some issues if you know all this stuff about this guy and still want to be involved with him, which it sounds like you already are. Most posters were right on the mark...the one that advised you to be upfront about what you wanted from your man ask a very good question: your 35 and still wanna just have fun? Well this guy will be the heaviest wet blanket you could get wrapped up in and your fun will go on a holiday! | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:50:44 PM | | Ahhhh ~ Don't fool yourself into believing he found an ideal mate & true love with you! He'll try to make you believe that you are the true love of his life and he needs to live with you--however; his behavioral traits of his prior actions demonstrate the actions of someone unable to assume his adult responsibilities of living life solo. I bet he went from his mama's cradle to his girlfriend's apt. Can you not see that he constantly seeks out the companionship of a female to assist him in completing the duties of a normal adult life. ~ Who washes his clothes ? Who makes his meals? He probably views you as a great new option to batchelorhood. That's not falling in love -- its finding a cheap maid service. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:52:27 PM | | If you want to be the next ex of his, with all the baggage he seems to leave behind, then continue seeing him. If all you want is a few laughs, start looking for your next ex. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:50:20 PM | Reason for the obsessive behavior, insecurity. Sounds like he's trying to change you into something that works for him. I don't see how on earth a relationship could ensue let alone grow. Time to shift gears & move on from this guy.
The very essence of what makes a person attractive is their individuality. My opinion, it's vital to maintain that individuality. It's a priceless gift when a relationship grows out of respect, honesty, & integrity. The person who would treasure you is no doubt wondering where on earth you are .  | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:09:45 PM | Lack of security on his part. (Needy, needs balancing, finances etc etc etc)
Unless he enhances your life and well being, he will deprive it.
A simple rule of spiritual thumb.
Whatever draws your energy away from that which truly brings happiness and love into your life, needs re-evaluating, and on a constant basis.
Not to say there won't be test of tough times, that's part of the long term test. But when one is taken for granted, like tomorrow; one may never arrive.
Not OURS to gamble with.
Respect and Love you for now....Accept nothing less afterward.
God Bless, and Best Wishes in Life and Love to you.
Scott. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:25:30 PM | Umm Zilla72, Does the phrase RUN FOREST RUNNNNNNN mean anything to you????
Time to wave buh byeeeeeeee, doesn't matter why he is obsessive? HE IS , take the blinders off and see the red flags, multiple liaisons, tons of ex's, child with some boobooo, mood swings, suffocating you, trust issues, do i need to say any more???? Only a professional therapist can analyze this guy? other than that
RUN FOREST RUNNNNNNNNNNNN | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:06:08 AM | **cdngodfather**
Good post and point....
Some red flags are so big and bright, it's almost hard to understand why some would miss them.
But then again, I remember a time in my life when I didn't know what a "red flag" was, emotionally or otherwise.
I am still missing many I am sure...:( But I feel I have grown.
Again, good post and point.
God Bless,
Scott.
P.S. Why did you change your name??? (Respectfully)
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