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| | Heartbroken, but am I doing the right thing? Page 1 of 1 | So, I guess this is kind of a long story, but here's the short version of it:
I am 23 years old right now, but when I was 14, I met this guy online (same age as me) and we chatted. Let's call him Z. We were online bf/gf and I was in love with him. We never met, but chatted a lot and talked on the phone a few times. After 2 years of chatting, we lost touch and didn't speak for maybe 6 years. However, I found him on MySpace 2 years ago. We didn't really talk though, it was more like "hey, what are you up to now." Fast forward to this past March 2008. I was sad about many things in life (mainly about this guy I recently stopped dating) and I saw Z's MySpace profile in my buddy list. I messaged him at random and we started having these really long messages back and forth. I snapped out of my depression and was finally happy again. Z originally lived in the Bay Area, but moved to a Rocky Mountain state for work and I have lived in the LA all my life. During our conversations, he mentioned that he was going back to the Bay Area to visit high school friends and said I should meet up with him. We've never met before, but I really wanted to see him. For those who don't know, LA and the Bay Area are 6 hours apart. I usually visit friends there once or twice a year anyway so on a whim bought airline tickets and made it seem like I was visiting friends. We did meet up and we cuddled and held hands. After that, we all went home, but continued to talk on the phone almost everyday for hours and hours from March until the beginning of this month (June). We'd flirt and he'd joke about me moving to his state and living closer to him. He asked what I look for in a guy, etc. etc. He actually made me promise to visit him by October 15, 2008. I had an airline certificate to save me $125 that I was going to use toward my ticket to visit him. Anyway, just this past week, after not talking to him for two days (I figured he was busy with work since he was working overtime), I stumbled upon his MySpace and it said "I love ------," his ex-gf. I was so confused and hurt, like "WHAT IS GOING ON?" I don't talk to him for 2 days and this happens? I texted him and he said he's talking to her. And I asked, "What about me? Do you still want to talk to me? Do you still want me to visit you?" He said he would love for me to visit, but he just wanted to be friends. He said she was the original reason he came to California, but he didn't get to see her because she had a bf at the time. I asked if he had wanted to be friends this whole time and he said he wasn't sure how he felt; he was confused. I cried and was so hurt and so angry because I thought we had something more, but I'm not sure what happened.
That was a week ago when I found out. In 24 hours, I was a new person. I was ready to forgive and move on. I care about him too much and I don't want to hold onto anger any more. I just want him to be happy, even if it means that he's with someone else. I am ready to let go. I would like to share a rough draft of a message I wrote to him to all of you. In it, I offer the $125 airline certificate to him so that he can use it toward visiting that girl or for her to visit him. A lot of my friends say he does not deserve it and not to give it to him. They say I should use it to go somewhere else or to give it to someone else instead. There is nowhere I want to go and even if I do, I don't want to waste more money for hotel room and such. If you all would be so kind, please read my explanation for why I'm giving it to him in the link below and let me know what you think. To me, the certificate symbolizes so much: the hope I had of being with him, of visiting him. I just want to get rid of it. Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
[URL="http://docs.google.com/View?docid=ddqh98sz_0s2m9hsg9"]http://docs.google.com/View?docid=ddqh98sz_0s2m9hsg9[/URL]
Oh, btw, I sort of joking when I call him heartless. We have this inside joke where we call each other mean and heartless. *sigh* And the end is a joke too because we joke about how bad he is at reading. | |
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| Heartbroken, but am I doing the right thing?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:15:18 PM | Hi - I spent $600 on a crystal eagle just so I could stop hating my ex husband for leaving me with 4 kids to raise--thinking it would magically take away the hatred and bitterness--didn't do a thing except make me $600 poorer. I've finally learned that I will never again do something for someone else that I wouldn't do it for myself first. I would keep the $125, as he would probably not give that to you, and--is it already a plane ticket? Then do it for yourself first, and maybe you'll meet someone who is over their ex.
Depending on someone else for your own happiness is sure a waste of time--as you probably know by now. best wishes - at least you sure got a long period of enjoyment out of this guy. | |
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| Heartbroken, but am I doing the right thing?
Posted: 12/24/2008 4:34:53 PM | TRUE LOVE IS A PIECE OF CAKE
RELATIONSHIP FRAMEWORK FOR TRUE LOVE
Finally you say, (the lady I was speaking to on POF.COM - no names)
“I want to fall in love”
Ibid Micah (my words)
'If you really want to be in love your going to have to know what it is'.
In English love is polluted; we say, “I love you”, then we say. “I love my car”, “my job, my house, my dog”, etc.. Our love in English gets transfered around from one thing to the next.
In the Greek language however this is not so. They use 3 words for love.
1. EROS; this means the erotic affection a man and woman have toward one another, it is the natural physical attraction. It is the romance, the flirting, the physical craving for one another. It is that physical erotic desire, the intimacy shared between man and woman, it is the passionate intimate sex.
2. PHILIA; means friends. My oldest friend of 23yrs now once asked me, ‘hey Micah what do you think makes good friends?’ I said, ‘Joey, it’s people that like to do things together, not hand in mouth like ‘he’s my friend but never calls’. They are there, ‘with you and for you’ because they enjoy having you in their life. Friendship is not static, it is active and shared.
3. AGAPE; Is self sacrifice. This kind of love is the deepest love because you give all you have for the other. It is outgoing concern for the other over yourself. Self sacrifice for the other because you care for them more than your own self. You serve them, sacrifice for them and would in an extreme case die for them to save them. This is AGAPE LOVE.
These three kinds of love must be there to have a perfect love relationship between BOTH man and woman. If one of them is missing it is like 9 ingredients to a cake, only now 3 ingredients are missing, so when you go to eat the cake it taste’s funny. Have 6 ingredients missing and the cake is destroyed. You must have at least 2 of the categories to basically have your relationship in tact. The love relationship will not function/work otherwise and will eventually collapse.
Note: These 3 types of love are not constant but rather expressed time and again to varying degrees throughout the course of the relationship. If they are present at all you will see those experiences and place them in the appropriate category. It needs to be a continual exchange of these three categories for each to feel and be loved.
All love relationships that end have failed at meeting a balance on these three levels of relation. | |
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| Heartbroken, but am I doing the right thing?
Posted: 12/25/2008 6:36:14 PM | Hun i am sorry but it sounds like he only wants to be friends, keep the ticket youll be sorry if you dont trust me, Something may just come up and you will have wishe you still had it. You will move on we all do somehow. Good luck in your travels.
Linda | |
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| Heartbroken, but am I doing the right thing?
Posted: 12/25/2008 7:47:13 PM | OMG! Dont give him the $125 airline ticket! your friends are right. He does not deserve it. Just throw it away!
btw Im sorry for what he did to you. | |
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| Heartbroken, but am I doing the right thing?
Posted: 12/26/2008 7:54:40 PM | | Sweetie...your so young...I was your age once and I know what it's like. Please don't give him the ticket, because you know deep, deep down inside you want him to think your a great, forgiving person and if/when he takes the ticket and you NEVER hear from him again (and you would want to because you did this great gesture for him) You will be hurt, and again on here or asking friends what they think...it's just my opinon...I'd rather be out the money than give it to him....has he contacted you since you sent the letter? If you didn't send it yet...don't...good luck in whatever you do! | |
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