| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 5:18:11 PM | There are so many forums, comments and questions about guys and sex. How they schmooze you, get you to trust, making you care about them until you have sex and then move on. I guess I have two questions. Most women are not going to rip off their clothes and be naked with somebody they hardly know. Why is this okay with guys to do? That's kind of an intimate thing, ya know? Or isn't it for a guy? Lots of you guys are paranoid about getting naked at the doctor's office!
My other question is that everybody says it's been forever, they go without. Then they meet somebody, email, talk on the phone, start to date, date for awhile, have a good time, have sex, then the guy walks without a word and never calls again. Wouldn't getting it on a regular basis be more comfortable than walking away and not getting it for who knows how long again? Why not call her again? Did you ever care about her in the first place? Okay. Guess that's more than two questions.
I wish we could read each other's minds :-) | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:02:35 PM | Dear Friend,
I think you are right. I met someone on this sight named Rick. He came across as very nice said really nice things and then wanted to show me his home on the 3rd date.
He didn't want to take me back to my car becuae he was tired.
ANyways he was very in to me and then after waitng 5 days I never heard from him so I called him.
He sounded too busy to talk but then asked me to go for dinner. I thought he sounded rushed and not into it.
SO I said it didn't sound like he had much free time for me. He then just hung up o n me. I couldn't believe it. He's so rude. Everything seemed to have to be his way and so I said that. My true feelings were that.
He didn't want a relationship but just someone to stroke is ego. That is want many men want.
I am a teacher and trust me, do not go back to their homes. Let them come calling you. They say nice things to get women to come back so they can use them.
You'd think once they met a nice person then they would be happy but- once they get want they wnt -many move on.
ALot are like animals on the prowl.
Take care and listen to my advice. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:03:27 PM | I can assure you short stuff very few guys are at all paronoid about getting naked at the doctors. (You've been getting too much informantion, about guys, from the girlfriends, again.)
When a guy gets itnto the doctors office he's normally feeling so sick that the onlything he wants is treatment. Naked or not doesn't mater. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:10:55 PM | First of all......most "boys" might rip off their clothes and be naked with someone in order to get laid, but most "men" will take off their clothes, fold them neatly, then enjoy the one they are with.......  
Second question with multiple additional questions within that question........having it often on a regular basis is wonderful, but, and this is a "huge" but, having it often with the right person, oh so much harder.....
Many times what happens is that the attraction is there, the chemistry starts to develop, and you both want to enjoy each other in and out of bed, and guess what........In bed is not as good as expected, or the one you are with is so damaged with sex and intercourse, that they just can not overcome those things that so need to be there in order to be a good lover.
There are times that going without is much preferred over having it on a regular basis, when that regular basis is just not that good at all.......
OT......There is no need to hit and run with others when it comes to sex and getting to know one another. If it is there, you will continue on, enjoy it, develop it, and keep on coming back for more.
If it is not there, just be truthful about it, thank them for trying, and for what both hoped could be, and then leave as friends.........and stay friends, even if not lovers....
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:38:37 PM | Thanks for your reply c deacon. I understand where you're coming from. But women are also in that same boat with not caring for the sex part. If a guy isn't what you were hoping for -- and sometimes the older they are, there are problems -- the woman still cares about him and doesn't cut off all contact the day after.
There are lots of guys who just "can't" or it's like a 60-second deal. But the woman cares about them as a person before they get intimate. And that's another point. When a guy has a "problem" in that department, they call the next day because we don't walk. We work with it. To most of us, it's not the most important thing in the world or in a relationship. It's about being with somebody you care about. What do you mean by her being so damaged with sex and intercourse? | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:40:18 PM |
My other question is that everybody says it's been forever, they go without. Then they meet somebody, email, talk on the phone, start to date, date for awhile, have a good time, have sex, then the guy walks without a word and never calls again. Wouldn't getting it on a regular basis be more comfortable than walking away and not getting it for who knows how long again?
^^ Don't know why some guys sex and step. A chase or game to them I guess. It is, after all, online dating.
But, will give you my take based on my opinion/experiences and why I "walked" away in the past:
The women I've distanced myself from changed after intimacy. Gone is her saying, pre-sex, "have a great night!", replaced with "Where you going tomorrow? With who?", post-sex. Gone is the sweet and honest hug goodbye and asking "what do you want to do tomorrow?", replaced with "I know I just called, but I'm coming over in one hour - cancel whatever plans you've made and make sure you're home". Little things like not tucking in my shirt which never was an issue pre-sex, became focal points to her post-sex. Their actions and a demeanor,which shouted "you don't like it? Whatever, deal with it", turned me the hell off.
Understand that these changes occurred in a matter of a few days, not weeks or months.
Basically, it seemed to me that after being intimate, these women felt as if they had license over me, to dictate what I'll do, where I'll go, what time I should be in bed at, etc. Was very bizarre, especially after talking to them about it - they saw nothing wrong.
It's one thing to want to spend time with your guy/girl, quite another to demand they conform to what they see as a relationship.
Sex changes things - changes which should be for the better. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:42:44 PM | Ok this ones a tough pill to swallow but men don't assosiate love and sex together. Unless we're in love with the woman its a purely physical act.
Wouldn't getting it on a regular basis be more comfortable than walking away and not getting it for who knows how long again?
Because its like a hunter and prey thing. After he wins its on to the next target. Thats how some guys are. Now some guys will stick around and play the game but most know if they are bs artists that thier act shows through in the long run. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:47:51 PM | I'm not sure what the big deal here is, I've been handed this beautiful thing called a double standard and it seems silly not to bask in it. It's hardly a secret now is it?
if you don't like the way men behave, you can date women, or women inhabiting men's bodies. there are certainly a few of them. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:52:39 PM | | Wow -- of the Inn -- I gotcha! I know after we get to that point, women (many of us) expect if you're sleeping with somebody that it's "exclusive." It sounds like the women you are running into just want to make sure. So let them know -- either you are or you aren't. What you are describing tho sounds very controlling. I'd run too. Maybe she just wanted an assurance? | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:27:57 PM | Hi Shortstuff,
The only reason I don't hate men is because of my big brother. I asked him one time when I was very young if sex was all men or boys ever think about? He said yes and he thinks about food when he's hungry. Otherwise, horny or hungry, and mostly horny sums men up.
So, I went around for a week trying to make a****and balls out of everything with all five senses unless I was hungry. You wouldn't believe how frustrating and exhausting this is and just how hungry you can get until you try it. I can't imagine having to be stuck like that from birth to death. I truly feel sorry for them all. I truly do. I am grateful that I can think and feel about other things besides sex and food over 90% of the time. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:28:08 PM | That's kind of an intimate thing, ya know? Or isn't it for a guy?
It doesn't have to be. The lusty "right here, right now" kind exists, and is pretty constant. It often consists of "I wish these floors were mirrors". The "right here, right now" is important to recognize that it exists. The dream of the act is much more frequent and constant than the intimate part. Plus, how can you be intimate with a stranger? Intimate is nice, but that takes time. But wanting them on first sight, that's pretty easy to do and that doesn't go away. Be grateful! It's what gets us to talk to you in the first place.
I'll explain below what happens if you deny or condemn it.
Lots of you guys are paranoid about getting naked at the doctor's office!
Every time I get naked for the doctor, something bad is about to happen.
My other question is that everybody says it's been forever, they go without. Then they meet somebody, email, talk on the phone, start to date, date for awhile, have a good time, have sex, then the guy walks without a word and never calls again. Wouldn't getting it on a regular basis be more comfortable than walking away and not getting it for who knows how long again? Why not call her again? Did you ever care about her in the first place? Okay. Guess that's more than two questions.
Warning: Before the rush of white knights come in and say "I'm not that kind of guy", I never said you were. I don't want to hear from you. (Who says I am either? Actions, thoughts and urges are all different.) I'm answering the question for her benefit and understanding, so someone like her might be able to find you and quit wasting her time with "them".
What is a guy's option for getting free unattached sex? What is a woman's? Please think about and answer this question honestly.
I do not have a clue how to get free sex unless it's with someone I really don't want to have sex with in the first place. Honestly. I wish I could. But my known options for free sex make me feel dirty just thinking about it.
Why do they walk away? They never cared. And, sex is a pretty rewarding experience ego-wise. Perhaps it's valuable enough to through all the hoops leading to her pants that she laid out for him to jump through.
Is it ok to break someone's heart in the name of getting some? I guess that depends if you think it's ok to steal food if you're hungry.
Women have refused to play by our rules. We must play by women's rules. We must do what WORKS if we want to get somewhere. That doesn't mean doing what's right. Doing what's right doesn't work because it turns women off and is therefore unrewarding to men. Women reward doing what works. Guys will follow. It is a woman's responsibility to reward what is both right, and what works with her.
Why not stick around? That ironically is to spare feelings. Why get attached? Leaving is to prevent attachment, or not interested in what else she has to offer. Maybe it's him not being interested, maybe it's her not having much else to offer. (This is a big one that needs to be looked at. Drop the self-esteem building "I'm somebody special" crap, look at the honest evidence.)
"Then why not be honest in the first place??" Honestly, would that work with you?
How do you solve this? Give us options. Give us someone attractive and willing to have sex with us without requiring attachment, to fulfill the instant lust type of sex. It's my belief if that existed, few would have to lie to get sex. Fewer hearts would be broken. No women would foolishly trade sex to get a guy to like her.
Understand and play by our rules, not just yours. If you force us to play by your rules only, you will be hurt, because those willing to break the rules will do so. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:31:22 PM | | sex does not =relationship to most men.not having sex and continuing to call you for a month or so does however.if i guy doesnt stay interested because you wont put out than you know he wasnt all that interested.i have two daughters. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:59:33 PM | To some, sex is like a handshake that feels really good. Not all men have hangups.
As for your second question. Consider the possibility the sex wasn't that good (if I understood what you were going on about that is) | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:29:14 PM |
Why not stick around? That ironically is to spare feelings. Why get attached? Leaving is to prevent attachment, or not interested in what else she has to offer. Maybe it's him not being interested, maybe it's her not having much else to offer. (This is a big one that needs to be looked at. Drop the self-esteem building "I'm somebody special" crap, look at the honest evidence.)
"Then why not be honest in the first place??" Honestly, would that work with you?
Ubcobalt
First: This is an old game, not confined to cybermeeting. One has to learn who these guys are. A man refusing to take you home? That wasn't a clue of who he is? Sounds a lot like the old "give it up or get out of the car." When that was pulled on me in at age 20, I got out of the car facing a 30 mile walk home. A man who will not take no for an answer, whatever the question, is not worth a second date.
Second: No, honest in the first place doesn't work for me but I hear it does work. There was a fellow who came up to me in a bar and said, "Wanna f%$*?" It wasn't the first time someone had done that but this one, I said no and he didn't go away like the rest had. So I asked him if this line actually worked for him. He said yes, eventually someone will say yes. At least he was up front. Someone on line said the same thing," ... it is a matter of numbers." I took the "matter of numbers" to heart. Think about it, isn't it a matter of numbers that we find the guy of our dreams? Mind you, the odds may be high but these guys honestly cruising for sex seem to score, crude though they are. So there is hope for the rest of us.
Advice: So learn the red flags, there are nice guys out there, don't let this experience ruin it for you. Learn from it, chalk it up and keep fishin'.  | |
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wrecks
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Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 20 | |
| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:46:52 PM | First of all guys do think about other things besides sex - just not when they are around you. If you are an attractive woman you are a magnet for every sexual predator that sees you. By sexual predator I mean a guy who just wants to conquer you once and move on. There are a lot of guys - some of them married- that only want conquest. And there are some who are really genuine and looking for long term. Unfortunately the predators are well versed and know just what to say and how to say it. They know all the tricks and they are the ones who usually get your attention first.
Here is a good trick. Make him wait at least 5 dates for sex. That will weed out most of them. Then you may find something that lasts. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:56:22 PM |
I'm not sure where #1 came from. Maybe it was misinterpereted?
#2, doesn't sound very easy. Or fun. Honesty results in a lack of class. Therefore, dishonesty is classy.
ubcobalt: #1 was really a response to post #2, I should have said that, poor communication on my part.
Who said life was easy? How is honesty a lack of class? Dishonesty is not classy. You ARE kidding right? | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:57:30 PM | Beachdancer, #1 is just an @$$. I have an interesting story related to guy #2. A Harvard phycological test went like this. They had two people a male model and a female lingerie model. Both went up to 10 people of the opposite sex at a bar asking that question. 9 of the men said yes. lol The 10th had to be somewhere so he had to say no. 0 out of the women said yes.
And to another writer. Only teenage boys think about food and sex 90% of the time. For me I consider myself a horndog. I think about sex 20%, other recreational activities 20%, work 45%, food 10% and 5% on misclanious things. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:09:49 PM | Who said life was easy? How is honesty a lack of class? Dishonesty is not classy. You ARE kidding right?
I'm not kidding. I'm challenging, in hopes that an answer may be provided that benefits everyone. What route can be taken, that's honest, doesn't make him a scumbag for going after his feelings and also works?
Life isn't easy. But if that's your excuse, people will take the easiest way, and that seems to lead to a lot of heartache....which actually justifies "Life isn't easy". | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:18:33 PM | | OP will never understand what is like to be man because she doesn't have a penis. us men think about sex almost all the time because that piece of flesh(penis) is rubbing against our underwear, we touch it everytime we have to urinate, it is OMNIPRESENT in our senses. You also add the high testosterone levels, a man is a prisioner of his own body, like women are prisioners of their own body with menstruation. | |
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| I really just have to ask you guys -- all this sex stuff!
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:19:08 PM | Post 20:
Why do people sometimes just seem to see the two extremes - "sexual predator" or "genuine & looking for long term"? There are billions of men who are in between those, on a sliding scale depending on their individual, personal circumstances.
I've met a few men who JUST want a sexual relationship (and have been honest about it - I have yet to encounter one of these fabled "players" or "predators" I hear so much about), and I've met a few men JUST on a serious hunt for a "relationship." But the vast majority of men I've talked to or dated online, or know in real life, are a bit more moderate and balanced than that. Sex? Of course. With the right person. Relationship? Sure. With the right person. | |
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