| I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:59:50 PM | Okay, I read the forums all the time, but this is my first time posting one... bear with me :)
I've never really thought about it, but yeah, I guess I do fall into the "single mother" catagorie... I have a very smart, polite, conscious, 6 year-old daughter (who I don't discuss much on here for obvious reasons). I do all the normal "mommy" things... I cook (and yes, I mean cook... not microwave or fast food), I see that she practices daily personal hygiene, and she has to fold and put away her own clothes after I wash them. She's not allergic to posion ivy and I've never tried to keep her out of it. I'm against antibiotics and processed/pasteurized foods. We both pick up litter off the side of the road and she always asks "why would somebody do this?" I help her with her homework and I help her catch lightning bugs. I have her about 6 days a week and I miss her like crazy when she goes to her father's. I love this child more than anything and she knows that.
Here's what makes me a bad mother: I'm pro-legalization for marijuana and like most other legalization activists, I partake. I don't deny it or try to keep it a secret from anyone because I don't believe it's a bad thing. I have my boundries and I do respect others, most importantly my daughter. There's a time and a place for everything.
Back to the "single mother" thing... No, I'm not on welfare, foodstamps, or any other kind of government assistance (aside from my student loans).
Anyway... This guy on here just completely went off on me after I refused to meet up with him and told me what a terrible mother I must be... I know in my heart that I'm not a bad mother and I also know my daughter would agree. We have a wonderful, fun life together and she doesn't want for anything, especially affection. But still, his comments bother me.
Finally, the question :)
Do most other people really see this issue the way he does?
Thanks
Thread on Watch List - Inane replies , insults, off topic, chat etc ... will be dealt with.
Zero Tolerance
READ THE FIRST POST AND SPEAK TO the qustion asked
Either answer the question from the OP or move on !
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:07:51 PM | well obviously hes just saying that because you wouldnt date him.
Do you smoke around your daughter, does she smoke too? | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:13:22 PM | I personally don't see this any different then alcohol!
If you are addicted to either, you should seek help!
Has nothing to do with your quality as a Mother, in my opinion
unless you are exposing your child to some aspect of the drug culture! | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:16:15 PM | I don't think smoking MJ makes you a bad anything.
I don't smoke it, so im not really bias at all.. | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:18:16 PM | What part of this makes you a bad mother?
Unless you are smoking it around her and then feeding her ding-dongs after
He is saying that because he didn't have anything else to hold against you and he can sense that's were you are vulnerable, your daughter.
Some people are crappy that way.
For what you have described you are a responsible mother and your beliefs about other matters don't make you a bad mother, only if you impose that lifestyle on her.
Unless you have glaucoma,but not even then you should be lighting when she is in the room. I don't think you are. Are you?
Let him ride away into the sunset on his high horse. Opps, not high! Well, you know what I mean.
Best Wishes | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:19:52 PM | lol
No, I don't sit in a closet with her and blow it in her face... believe it or not :) | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:20:16 PM | I don't think it makes you a bad mother at all Dustie, as long as you confine your adult activities to when your daughter is asleep or with her dad (which I'm sure you do). Although I no longer partake myself, I did smoke occasionally (and I mean very occasionally, like a few times a year) for a long time; to me, I don't see minor usage of marijuana as anything different than having a drink here or there (and all the legal moralists feel free to pile on here).
Where you will run into a problem is when your daughter is older, and asks you about drugs, and if you do them. I know I went round and round about the hypocrisy of telling my son how wrong it was while I still smoked, and decided to be honest, but told him it was something for adults only, for all the good that did. If I had that decision to make over again, I would likely have swallowed my penchant for being honest just that once and told him no I didn't, at least until he was an adult himself and old enough to understand. | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:26:47 PM | | Perhaps what could be construed as you being a bad mother is putting yourself in a position where you could possbily be arrested for possession of a controlled substance if the proper authorities caught you. You won't be around to take care of your daughter if you're in jail, right? Smoking weed might not be the worst thing you can do, but that doesn't change the fact that the consequences for possessing it still exist as it is still currently illegal. Just something to think about. | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:43:45 PM | They want to delete this for "pity" reasons!!!!!
I'm not asking for pity, just opinoins :) | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:02:33 PM | Dear dustie,
I do not think you are a bad mother. I think any mind altering drug should not be used on a regular basis. It may have long term effects we don't know about. Ask yourself if you want your daughter to do it when she is 14, because I did when I was 14 and my parents were on the other end of liberal.
Guys on here can be cruel and vicious. I think anyone who sits around blasting people via the internet is a major coward. Put it in the past if you can, move on.
I also had a post on here when I guy stood me up, and I just wanted to chat about it. It was up for deletion for the same reasons..troll, pity. So it was deleted all of a sudden and we had a good conversation going. I don't know who all the a**holes are on here that think we cannot talk about our dating experiences, good and bad. It truly pissed me off. I voted to not delete your post.
You have to develop a tough skin to internet date. It is a rough world.
Best of Luck to you!!!  | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:17:40 AM | | It would really depend on how often, and how much you smoke. If you're getting high several times a day, that's not a good thing, and yes, that's not a good example for a child. It also depends on how you behave after smoking. Some people get a mild buzz, and behave pretty normally. Others get silly and bizarre. Basically, think of how you would want your baby sitter to act. If you wouldn't want to drop off your kid to someone who behaves like you do when you're high, then you might want to reconsider your drug use. | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:20:06 AM | I think pot is no different than alcohol. The difference is the public acceptance of them. Over time it changes, but there isn't a huge difference in them.
Often people like to point out the negatives of pot, and some people do react in a bad way to it, it changes who they are, but others are able to smoke and never have it change who they are, and simply enjoy it, much like one might enjoy a drink.
But there are people who can't have a drink, because it changes who they are. They are known as alcoholics. To them, it's a deadly substance.
So I think this guy was just an idiot who doesn't understand things. You sound like someone who can enjoy it recreationally. Don't sound like a bad person at all.
I think you'd see the public perception, at least from the government, change if they had control over it and were getting tax money income from the sale of it. Then, it would be a resource, and there would be education about it, and would be no different than alcohol.
By the way, alternative lifestyles, I thought you were going for some type of BDSM lifestyle here. Got me all interested.  | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:07:08 AM | OP, its hard to answer that question, we don't have enough information. The thing that *might* make you a bad mother is (as others have pointed out) its quite possible to end up arrested and in jail, at least briefly, for possession. I have no idea what kind of relationship you have with the child's father, but it could also be used in court to adversely affect your parental rights. Your profile says you partake "often, more than 3 times a week" so you're obviously using it quite a lot. Your profile also says "complicated" in reference to your job or work - I have no idea what that is supposed to mean, but the consequences of continued usage could and does sometimes result in the loss of one's job after a drug test, which would be pretty irresponsible and a sign of a bad parent also.
So, my answer is a definite "maybe" and due only to the legalities (not to any moralistic opinion of pot itself), in my opinion you're taking some pretty huge risks as a single mom.
Plastic Sturgeon: I personally don't see this any different then alcohol!
Twofeetremoved; I think pot is no different than alcohol. The difference is the public acceptance of them.
Happily Ever...maybe: I don't see minor usage of marijuana as anything different than having a drink here or there
For all of those of you who claim you don't see any differences - what part of the words "illegal" and "arrest" and "drug test - lose your job" do you not understand? Minor usage of alcohol doesn't carry those potentials. | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:10:46 AM | | Didn't a lot of moms in the 70's smoke grass? As long as you're not a chronic I don't see the problem. | |
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| I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:18:19 AM | OP,
Bottom line: Buying, having and smoking pot is illegal. Whether or not it SHOULD be illegal is a different matter. I have friends who smoke it. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion.
Bad mother? Nope. Slightly irresponsible? Yep. Regardless of how careful you are, is it really worth doing something where there is even the slightest chance of you getting arrested if you are caught? | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:20:21 AM | | its illegal! which means you are breaking the law. you get arrested what do you tell your daughter? and what will you say if your daughter does something illegal, she can just say you smoke pot whats the difference...oh or are you going to be a good mommy and smoke it with your daughter??? | |
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| I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:24:20 AM |
I don't think it makes you a bad mother at all Dustie, as long as you confine your adult activities to when your daughter is asleep or with her dad (which I'm sure you do).
I agree with this aspect.
There is another aspect of this you should consider. I grew up with many friends who's parents smoked pot, smoked ciggarettes and drank. How these things affected their parenting abilities aside, I think you need to think about how these habits affect your financial situation. All of these substances are so expensive. Do you own a house for you and your daughter to live in? Do you have a college fund set up? Most of the people I know who grew up with parents with these habits had families that where constantly financially struggling. It might be a good idea to lay off the hippie lettuce and put that money in a college fund for your daughter. How much better would that make you feel than the temporary escape of getting stoned? | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:36:30 AM | It sounds to me like you are a responsible mother and are doing a great job at raising your daughter.
So many people claim to be intelligent but instead of looking at how 'we the people' are being hoodwinked and suppressed by our government, they will put any body down for not believing the government lies.
I wonder if these same people would turn over their parents to be executed if the government announced they was a drain on the young and should be put to death to save Social Security some money.. | |
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| I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:41:21 AM | Do I think your a bad mother??? No I can tell the love you have for her.
However, as others have said its illegal.
A story.........true
My husbands niece is a pot smoke and has been a pot smoker on and off since a teen. Her first husband also was but got into heavier drugs and she left him. Her daughter started with pot, and as she was a user she didnt have much influence to stop her daughter. Her daughter got into harder drugs and started selling.....ended up in prison. Her son now 19 just got out of prison,. Started on pot like his sister and has done every drug available to him. Also was selling to support his habit..........then came the deal breaker...armed robbery at 17.........he is now in a halfway house and I pray evryday the addiction will not take hold of him again. By the way he OD'd 4 times...I for one was glad he ended up in prison or he'd be dead.
You can hide this from her at 6........but trust me one day she will know.....and beyond it being illegal do you want to take the chance that she will not do something heavier for the better high. Parents lead by example. You cant expect your children not to do something that you feel is ok.........................You see, no matter what you think about pot, you are responsible for another human being who will think what you do is ok.........
Good Luck | |
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| I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:41:58 AM | yes YOU'RE.
What you are doing is ILLEGAL. period!
Doesn't matter what you think or feel about the subject matter.
THERE IS A LAW THAT SAYS IT'S ILLEGAL!
It's like a thief saying 'Hey, I think stealing should be legal.
I like it, I take it'
You're a bad example for your child. You're giving her the impression
that as long as you feel it's right, then who cares if it's illegal.
You can go to jail for what you're doing.
Would that be a good thing for your kid?
YES! YOU'RE A BAD MOTHER!
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:43:36 AM |
Didn't a lot of moms in the 70's smoke grass? As long as you're not a chronic I don't see the problem
NO............not a lot.........thats like thinking everyone from that generation was a flower child......... : | |
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| Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:47:00 AM | | Think what a good mother you would be if you didn't smoke marijuana! But on the other hand, I got nothing against you smoking it a couple times a month, on your birthday late at nite, maybe new years eve, or at a campout. Same for drinking. | |
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| I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:54:01 AM | I wanted to say Thanks to everyone for the replies...
I also wanted to add that her father and I have a great friendship and they have a very close relationship as well. He doesn't smoke or drink and he's very much against it. We don't agree on everything, but he respects my views and I his. And he trusts my ability to make decisions. | |
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| I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:07:35 PM | | Dustie--Smoking anything is bad for your health. Now, that you are a Mom, don't you think you should be more health conscious, so you can be there for her as long as you can? I also agree with the person who said it might put you in danger of being arrested. And, even if you are not in the same room with her, when you smoke it, you are putting those chemicals into the household air she breathes. Why can't you get a high from just being a Mom? I will never be one, now, and would have loved to have had the chance. | |
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| I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:19:53 PM | It is very illegal. Therefore, very different from alcohol. Doing something that can lead to arrest makes you very irresponsible. I've never heard someone say 'they're irresponsible and a good parent'.
Doing anything like that which can lead to a child having their parent(s) taken away from them is highly irresponsible and is not what makes a good parent. | |
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