| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:03:51 AM | I recently went out with one of my friends who told me a story about her girlfriend and the guy she's been seeing. The gist of the story:
Her friend had met this guy at a festival about 2 months ago. They're happy and he eventually told her he knew she was the one she wanted to be with. He had somehow found out where her and her girlfriends were having her birthday brunch, reserved the table and, went there ahead of time and laid out rose petals about the table. And left some items with the waitress. When they arrived, he waitress approached with a basket of presents. The basket had seven presents in it, one for each day of the week for her birthday. As she opened them, she realized that each one was something she had mentioned she had liked while out on a previous trip to the mall.
I honestly looked at my friend in HORROR. Which led to a big fight. Apparently the girls at the brunch, including my friend, felt that this was one of the most romantic things they had ever seen.
I, in the 5 minutes it took for her to tell me this story, looked much deeper. One, I felt it very creepy that he knew exactly where she was going with her friends. Okay, she may have mentioned it - so I might let that one pass. Second, I felt that the $500 - $600 he spent on these gifts was a bit over board. Not to mention the bill for brunch for 6 girls had been taken care of prior to the meal. Third and most importantly, HE'S ONLY KNOWN HER FOR 2 MONTHS... and feel that was extremely close to psycho.
I asked her, how exactly is this guy gonna take it if she figures out he's not the one? I could only imagine how that stalking nightmare would play out.
Call me weird, but I just felt the situation was a little extreme in my eyes only have knowing this person for such a short time. And all honesty, the only time I hear on how there doing is when he's bought her something, or paid for a night out, etc etc. And it just seems like she just $$ signs in her eyes.
Anyway I wasn't winning this argument, and decided to end it with a question to her. "For your 30th birthday, would you like me to buy a $5,000 necklace from Tiffany's or make you dinner?"
She never answered. lol | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 2 | |
| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:55:48 AM | Well OP...Im not gonna agree with you sorry.
First up...unless he was hiding in the bushes in camouflage watching the Birthday event unfold...he wasnt exactly doing anything wrong.
When someone really IS interested in another...what you described is not psycho behavior, its only bunny boiling stuff when you ARENT interested in someone.
She IS...so its not a big deal what anyone else thinks to be honest.
He showed clearly that he's aware of her and listens to what she says.
And it doesnt take me longer than 2 months to figure out if I like someone...so why thats a big deal I dunno.
Lastly...the amount of money he spent...well thats relative to HIS income ...he could be on a decent wage so that money isnt much at all. Alternatively...he may have used some savings...its still not an issue.
I cant understand how you can listen to a story like that and assume this girl is after his money...when he's the one who's going out of his way to spend it...very strange IMO that you should assume that. Its a new love...so ofcourse you'll hear about the fact that he's doing these things.
IF she was dropping hints to him...then fair call
or IF she wasnt interested in him...then fair call. But you just dunno.
Not saying this IS the case...but honestly sounds to me like your nose is a little outta joint cos another guy has shown what true romance is about when it comes to a man pursuing a woman he clearly likes.
Often people dont realise how little & how lazy they are until they see how well somebody else does it.
how exactly is this guy gonna take it if she figures out he's not the one? I could only imagine how that stalking nightmare would play out. How you manage to make the leap from birthday surprise to stalker should they break up...sorry...its a stretch.
"For your 30th birthday, would you like me to buy a $5,000 necklace from Tiffany's or make you dinner?" Do both if you can afford it. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:20:52 AM | Personally I see it as romantic. How can you put a timeline on a relationship? Just because you think 2 months isnt long enough, other may think is much more than enough time to do that for someone they care about.
But I do agree it was a bit pricey and personally would have had something from the heart instead of a bunch of items bought! | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 5:17:00 AM | Strikes me as pretty creepy, too.
I'd want to know what happened to the last five women he was involved with and how many of them are buried in his crawl space.
Maybe I read too much Ann Rule but my feeling is that this can't end well. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 5:20:08 AM | | Depends on how much that money was to him. If he went into debt on credit cards to pay for it, then psycho. If he is rich and it was just a drop in the hat, then romantic. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 5:52:40 AM | I find that the gentleman seems to be of the romantic sort.
Having said that, it probably took a lot of creativity on his part to make his advances come to fruition, albeiet a little unorthodox in nature.
Be happy for your friend.Think about this for a minute please...would someone who is obviously well off financially not have some sense of responsibility and a fair moral compass?
Ultimately i defer to how their feelings towards each other reveal themselves.
If joy and true happiness seem to be the prevailing trend in their relationship than there is no problem as i see it.
If either of them have doubt then they might try slowing things down a bit until they are sure of how they really feel. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:00:38 AM | Maybe this guy has enough money that dropping that sort of change is no skin off his back. And if he wants to do so, because he CAN, why should it bother YOU? Is it because you couldn't compete on the same level? Fact: Males compete for the attention of females. You see it through the animal kingdom and humans is just another animal on this planet. 
He's paid attention to her and what she says and it's his way of letting her know that. Giving gifts is something men have done for ages. Is it ideal or for everyone? Not necessarily. But it is for those two isn't it?
One of the sweetest things I ever saw a guy do was spend about two hours under a hot sun collecting the prettiest wildflowers he could find on the way to his girlfriends house. He didn't have to do that and she wouldn't have cared if he hadn't. But he knew she liked wild flowers. I think it just depends on what the people value and their upbringing, what they're used to seeing as 'gifts of consequence'. When they get older, that's generally what they expect. So, your freinds dad may have given her mom a lot of gifts and this guys dad might have done similar things for his mom, so it's normal to them. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:01:23 AM | There are pessimists and optimists. She seems optimistic about her new found love. You on the other hand want to analyse everything he has done and color it in a bad light. So what if he spent money on her? If he can afford to, then what's your problem? She seems taken with him and vise versa.
Why not let her be happy instead of raining on her parade and putting doubts in her head?
Yes, bad things happen all the time. Yes, there are bad people everywhere. That doesn't mean that this guy is a "psycho" or that anything bad will come of thier new found relationship. He is doing his best to be attentive and romantic.
I'm sorry OP but you sound bitter.
Yes, I've known a man who was similar with his wife. He loved buying her presents and always buys her 12 presents during Christmas. (one for each of the 12 days). At first I thought it was over the top, but romantic. After I got to know them I understood that he could very easily afford such lavishness and this was no big deal (money wise). To some that is going to sound extravagent and overly much, but to him, it was a natural expression of his affection for her.
Stop raining on her parade.
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:11:30 AM | Well, OP - I think it's creepy and potentially indicative of red flags. Could be romantic as well but after only knowing this guy two months? A bit extreme. All I can speak to is personal experience. My second ex was also very romantic in outer appearances, well into the first year of marriage. Just one example, every calendar day of each month were dozens of rose to match the number of months we had been together. Sounds wonderfully romantic, doesn't it? Ahhh, but the intent as it turned out was to create a major distraction to his real intentions which was to get close to my very young daughters.
Appearances can be quite deceiving and the way I view red flags is that these are indicators to look beneath the appearance of things and get more information before jumping in heart first. Of course, there's a flip side to your question that pertains to the woman. Is it the "gifts" that are attracting her? Or the man?
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:11:53 AM | | When you like someone, you like someone. The amount of time you've known them makes no difference. Sometimes people know they're with the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with at the end of the first date! So don't ruin her new-found romance. Leave her with her happiness. This man may be the best thing that has ever happened to her. After all, he does sound like a romantic! ;-) | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:24:07 AM | Depends on the guy. Is he loaded? or spending money he really doesn't have. Because somehow I see guys like Donald Trump or another millionare doing this when they meet a new chick to impress them with their wealth.
As far as the stalker type. I recommend you read the book ''Obsession'' by John Douglas former FBI profiler. It will give you a run down on some cases and the characteristics. If she eventually rejects the guy and he keeps coming around that is one sign.
My best friend is dating a guy now who in the beginning kept sending her flowers before they'd even met. Then kept giving her gifts. They've been together for ten months now and I've never got a stalker vibe from him.
Bottom line is she knows the guy best. It's a shame people can no longer be open and honest with their feelings. We always suspect the worse. I'm a firm believer in ''if i like you i will let you know and show you I like you''. I don't have time for the games of dating and pretending not to be interested too much in order to snag someone. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:29:48 AM |
This man may be the best thing that has ever happened to her. After all, he does sound like a romantic! ;-)
He could also turn out to be her worst nightmare.
Notice how public his "romantic" attention is? Looks to me like he's trying very hard to impress more than just the woman he met 2 months ago, otherwise - why such a public display where all her friends can see how wonderfully romantic this man is?
Possibility - only a possibility - that the man is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Too much extreme need to impress - huge red flag. Yet, OP, you can't intervene in the situation nor can her friend unless this woman begins to express doubts about the man, in which case - best to express direct concerns. What the woman does with those objective concerns is her choice. Yet if it turns out to be her worst nightmare at the end of the day, she can never say no one cared enough to speak up.
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:47:03 AM | This guy went above and beyond I think its very romantic.
This is why guys are so much less romantic these days.Woman assume they have alterer motives. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:47:08 AM | While I agree that you should never let your guard down, I also believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. It's always wise to keep some sort of wall up, agreed. Hell, I heard of a few cases where the man finally showed his true colours after years of marriage! You just never know what someone's true intention is, but on the other hand as well, not everyone is untrustworthy. Maybe he just likes her immensely, and vice versa. When the romance/relationship is so young, sometimes people do what may seem like 'crazy' things to show how infatuated they are.
So...I say, let her be happy. Yes, express concerns and warn her to not let her guard down, but let her be happy while she still is. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:01:42 AM | He's trying to buy her love.
Then again,im an old cynic.
So,pay no attention.
Carry on.........................
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:11:09 AM | I think if he can afford it, it's romantic. NOt so much my style. A bit overboard, and probably no I wouldn't like it.
But I know of people who are like that...who really get off by planning things. Spending days coming up with creative ideas to impress the one they love. THey are the same people who have elaborate birthday parties for their kids, too.
I do spend 15 min planning my outfit when I see my guy. I don't spend a week planning what I'll wear though. That's the difference, to me.
This guy, might just be his thing, to go overboard, to see how "awesome" he could make her day. I don't see that as stalkerish. I see it as sweet.
Again, though, not my personal style. I'd be happy with a card and small gift (and remembering the day, lol).
I know a guy from POF who likes this girl and was going to meet her for the first time in person. He had a big elaborate plan for their "meet". He knew he'd have to go w/the flow and all. But still... taking days to dream about what they'd do on their meet and how very cool he could make it...well, that's just the kind of guy is is. Planning it was probably at least 1/4 of the fun. And yes, I can see him totally doing a birthday surprise just like that after 2 months of dating for someone he's serious about. That's just his personality. But he's not creepy at all, not stalkerish at all.
Kaylie | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:00:09 AM | | I think the difference between romantic and creepy is whether she's into the guy or not. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:24:39 AM | Whether this guy's reactions were right or wrong, OP, it really wasn't your place to object or criticize. Your job as a friend is to be supportive, not tell her that you thought the guy was a psycho. I'm not saying you intentionally set out to hurt her feelings, but once you realized your reaction was upsetting her, you should have bit your lip and kept your opinions to yourself. It was her birthday, after all. It's about making the birthday person feel special, isn't it?
Next time I hope you have a little more tact.
As for me, I would be a little weirded out by a guy who did that much that soon, but every person is different. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:38:14 AM | | if she's into him and has made him aware that his feelings are reciprocated....very romantic. he would get big points from me in the fact that he listened to details i had told him and that he took the time to put it all together....the money he spent would be secondary. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:41:06 AM | I think it was a very nice thing to do and showed his interest. I would never expect anything like that, but it was very sweet.
If he can afford it, no big deal. If not, red flag. You don't have to spend a lot to impress someone, the choices of gifts were telling. He was paying attention to things she said and did.
Now, had he wormed his way into the brunch with her friends as well... That would have been over the top. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:50:01 AM |
would you like me to buy a $5,000 necklace from Tiffany's or make you dinner?"
You should have offered to make dinner, while wearing ONLY the necklace, duh.
I think that if the guy could afford it, it was definitely a nice surprise for your friend. He didn't invade her time with her friends, if he had done that, it would have crossed the line. Paying attention to details that the person you are dating divulges, does not necessarily mean they are a bunny-boiler. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:51:46 AM | In the sea of the jaded, bitter, and cynical, I personally think that it was a very nice gesture. You do not have to spend $$$$$ to show you care, but if one can and doesn't get himself into debt doing so, then great. If it had been after a week or two, it would have been creepy. Usually, you can tell within two months whether or not you want to be with someone. Some people still have a sense of romance, that I feel that the OP may not understand, nor has met a person who makes him feel this way. Just my thoughts.  | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:19:39 AM | I'm with you, OP. That's Creepy with a capital C. WAY too much WAY too soon.
The present thing? Sure. One gift. Or maybe 6 gifts from the dollar store... little things that would make me smile. That's sweet and romantic. $500-$600 on gifts two months in? Creepy.
Paying for me AND my friends? When you are not even there - nor were you invited? Creepy. If we all go out WITH you and you insist on picking up the bill for everyone? Still a bit much, but you are generous and sweet. Stalk out where I'll be and pay in advance? Creepy.
I'd be running for the hills...  | |
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