| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:11:03 AM | | I find endless men and some women not many who only care about immediate gratification and not looking for a deep mature relationship with one person they can fall in love with. I don't hear people talking about love or wanting love or even considering falling in love. Have people become that cold and calous that love is no longer desireable because it would me being vulnerable, giving, taking your focus off your self and putting someone else first? | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:22:27 AM |
I don't hear people talking about love or wanting love or even considering falling in love.
I don't think your listening then.
You can only be yourself, and be wise who you give your heart to. Anything less will result in pointing the fingers. If your loving be loving, if you care, care. But if you don't know if the person you are being yourself with well enough to know if your being played i think you need to slow down and get to know them better before you cross intimate boundaries that you would regret if they were just into immediate gratification.
If it is taking a long time to find someone, well better that then having to suffer the pain of loss because of a wrong choice. | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:26:40 AM | There are those among us who want nothing more than to love and be loved. Yes, there are plenty of users and abusers, people who will lie to get what they want. The world is full of them - and many of them use the internet for their own designs. But there are an infinite number of people who are sincere. Be patient, and cautious, you will find someone who wants nothing more than to love you, and be loved by you. It may not be soon, and it may not be via the internet, but it can happen.  | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:27:03 AM | This has become a self-centered "me first" society...I know it sucks...but I didn't create this garbage...this is what it has become...and myself, and a good deal of others will say, "I'll change...when I see others change...but in this day and age, I'm not holding my breath..." | |
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puaka
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Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 5 | |
| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:27:43 AM | I think you can spend a lifetime looking for love and not fully satisfied.
Loving someone is based on many things and you can't build a relationship of love overnight. Words don't count as the basis of love....that can change. You have to build a life together with someone to truly know what love is...and that can take years.
What most have is just an infatuation....thats not love! | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:33:28 AM | If you seek love, all you will do is find yourself alone, frustrated, vulnerable, used and abused, disillusioned, cheated. Now if you seek someone to meet, see if you get along and have something in common, someone that turn you on physically, someone that you can become intimate, someone that you are able to share, then love may find you.
So don't look for love. Let it find you. | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:53:45 AM | | Outmind that was very wise. Thank you for your input. That really opened my eyes. But men seem to want to love me right off the bat and then use me and and move on to the next sucker. Then you meet the play hard to get guys who say they are interested but then go hot and cold. never really being able to know where their coming from. then there are the ones who are so nice and really seem like someone you could really fall for and all of a sudden they start acting weird and moody and abusive. Then there are the really nice ones who put on a big show and then out of the blue say they your too good for me or I am not good enough for you. I never give anyone a reason to feel that way. But I have been told by many women that women are intimidated by me because I have this way of attracting men like a magnet. Because I am strong and confident and attractive and motivatied. Not a lazy liey leach looking for someone to support me. | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:07:19 AM | well maybe if you change the title on your profile you might have better luck. this is a kind of thread i see alot here. you start off by saying that "endless men" and only "some women not many" just wanna hit it and quit it and then you end up by wanting everyone to answer a rhetorical question.
this is the bottom line, if you cant find love, if you keep meeting the same kinds of people over and over again, maybe you should take a look at yourself before you blame the rest of the world. | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:08:45 AM | OutMind: Well said. What if you do seek to meet - meet that person, seem to get along and have commonalities, etc.................But the timing seems to be off? i.e. They are pursuing a goal that they have always dreamt about and it may interfere with a relationship.............
What then? | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:50:18 AM | | 2hedz the title is meant to be funny and nothing more. I see thousands of the same hum drum I want a nice man or women. Dah don't we all. But if you sound like the rest your not going to be noticed. Put a little humor in the mix. Don't follow the crowd. be different. | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:59:48 AM | | OP- you must be talking to the wrong people then. I know plenty of people that enjoy being in love. I do know lots of people that have walls, but I gave those up long ago. I figure that vulnerability is worth it. | |
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| Is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:14:06 AM | It is very important to me and most people. Love may not be the final goal for those who are married already, looking for an intimate encounter or just want to sow their oats.
I have encountered many who have "walls" up like Fort Knox and that is very disconcerting to me. Does not mean the human population has lost their hope of some day finding love in its purest form........I know I haven't. | |
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| Is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:20:01 AM | | It would be irresponsible of me to look for love or a serious relationship right now. Thats because I'm newly out of a LTR and I need time to recover from all that happened. Meantime, I still want sex and companionship and friendship. So, I'm not looking for love right now. That would be selfish and irresponsible. | |
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| Is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:26:27 AM | Love exists in many ways, and on many levels, and to put all those marbles in one "love bag" does us and love an injustice......
Do you really think that someone that loves another will not use them? Do you think that love just gets greater each and every day, and has no ebb and flow? Do you think that all the life experiences that we have endured, survived, adjusted to, corrected, and contemplated, has no affect on us, our hearts, how we act, who we let in, and what we do overall?
For me, I have little illusion's about love, and much more about reality. I constantly strive to hope for the best, prepare for the worse, and hopefully take what I get in such a way as to make all those involved with me feel better to have known me than not ever to know me at all.
Treating others fairly, with kindness, concern and equality, is just as important, if not more so, than placing it all on the matters of the heart......
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:28:15 AM |
OutMind: Well said. What if you do seek to meet - meet that person, seem to get along and have commonalities, etc.................But the timing seems to be off? i.e. They are pursuing a goal that they have always dreamt about and it may interfere with a relationship.............
What then?
I don't know. There's no guarantees. I find myself lucky right now. But truth be told, she dumped me three times, for the very reasons people in these forums tell you to run, run, run. (For her to run not me). Why? Because I was and still are a commitmentphove. Mind you I found something special, but if I had to find it again, I would take it slow again. Still, I also split with her one more time.
The thing is that relationships are actually allowing yourself to be vulnerable is not easy at all. Many times when we want something so bad that we chase it, we will lose it. So you do have to find a balance of the things that you are willing to compromise for that relationship, and the things that you are not.
I think a big mistake people make is that the force the idea of love. And why not? You meet a person that is perfect for you in a rational level, but inside, deep inside there's nothing but a luke warm feeling. That is not enough. Then there are the people that you fall hard for, but what you have fallen for is really only the illusion of that person in an ideal from in your mind. The thing is that we tend to demand too much, want too much, and we are all guilty. In part because of ideas put in our heads by the media, in another part, because of the internet, because you can find a better fish next week, and it's only going to get better. In my case I was also victim of that idea of perfection. I went out with some incredibly good looking women, total 10s. Some had incredible depth, some hand nada, just as empty as a gas tank. But because of my own vanity, I guess, the hot looking chic looks better next to you than the chic that looks very good, but also looks normal. The good thing is that if you meet and go out with different people, eventually you start to find the ones with more depth, the ones that happen to be parcially insane as yourself, but you almost find it by not looking, by not allowing yourself to fall for that idea in your head, but instead to connect with a TRUE person, a person that deep inside is as afraid to open up to you as you are to them, but you're both if anything willing to jump into the abyss of TRUST and see what happens. In the end you may crash and burn, but I'd rathe have crashed and burned than never have lived through that intense experience. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 19 | |
| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:42:40 AM | What if you do seek to meet - meet that person, seem to get along and have commonalities, etc.................But the timing seems to be off? i.e. They are pursuing a goal that they have always dreamt about and it may interfere with a relationship.............
What then?
Personally...I dont believe in "timing"
People are sent to you when its "time" whether you like it or not and you will accomodate them because you should.
Its up to the individual to make "time" for that person.
"Love may not be a race, but it is about opportunities and actions when True Love presents those exceptionally rare moments."
People think oh well...NEXT ...someone else will come along...and Im sure they will.
But just because that person is better "timing" for you...doesnt mean they're the right one.
Expect the unexpected...cos thats the person you should be with.
Love & Life doesnt have to be hard...but the easy option doesnt make it right.
If I had to use a comparison...well...think of it this way...say your life is pre-occupied by attempting to achieve a goal. You dont get to put...for example...your children aside to do it...you deal with and cope with...everything. And if you're aware of other people...you actually allow them the opportunity to support you through your aspiration to goals.
People who use "timing" as an excuse? Hmm...not good enough IMO.
Incidentally...no-one's ever "used" that timing line on me...Id walk away from them anyway. | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:52:34 AM | ^^Nice post Omind- love your showing your vulnerability by making it personal and real to you...and I'm sure many can relate (including me:).
OP - Yes, love is important, and for some it is all about sex and for some it is all about using people and for some it is all about sex and love, or using and love (hmmm, not sure about that, but perhaps).....and for some it is about none of those but just having a good time that may or may not be sexual....
There are all possibilities, for sure. It sounds like you are pretty disillusioned with not finding what you had hoped you would. Well, that, my dear, is part of the perfection of life - not always giving you what you want, but always showing you things to learn from....and it sounds like you are learning, on the fast track, what and who is not compatible with you.
Finding love is not easy....as you know. And yet, they say we are what we seek. So, be the loving person you want to find in others, and sometimes, magically, that is all it takes for you to attract what you seek.
Also, there's something one poster wrote I must mention - he said:
"....myself, and a good deal of others will say, "I'll change...when I see others change...but in this day and age, I'm not holding my breath..."
I totally and utterly disagree with this philosophy. If every one is holding their breath and waiting for others to make the difference in their lives....well, you'll die holding your breath at that rate!
Are you really that irresponsible to believe you don't have to do anything to make your life different? If not you, who??? So, not only are you not taking responsibility for your life, but you're wanting someone else - anyone else - everyone else - to do what you are not willing to......hmmmm, talking about using people.....
Now that, to me, is the heart of the problem. We are the ones utterly responsible for our lives, for the attitudes going around - it really does start with each of us....or, guess what? This thread will really become the norm for sure - is everyone truly seriously that disillusioned with love?
Not me, even though I haven't been in a really loving relationship for quite a while.....I've been working on other aspects of me and life in the meantime....so when it does come along, I'll perhaps be a more loving and accepting and supportive and understanding person to help promote love and the giving of it instead of, again, expecting others to be what I can't.
If you're looking for love, start with you. They say our true nature is love - not just loving, but we are love. Be who you truly are - be the loving being you really are and you will be surprised to see others will be too.
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:57:33 AM | | What planet do you live on where people don't talk about love? As for people's choices, that's their business, don't involved yourself with people who don't have the same goals and values and morals as you and there shouldn't be a problem. | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:33:47 PM |
I find endless men and some women not many who only care about immediate gratification and not looking for a deep mature relationship with one person they can fall in love with.
I find this to be very true in my area. I dont agree on the "not many women" part though. I know plenty of women who are very content in just wanting FWB.
Have people become that cold and calous that love is no longer desireable because it would me being vulnerable, giving, taking your focus off your self and putting someone else first?
I cant speak for all people obviously but, love IS what I desire. As great as sex is, I have never felt the need to have multiple parners or use someone. Its all about morals and values, and both are fading quickly in this world. | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:51:43 PM | "Reduced to its simplest terms, love is one part attachment and one part lust. That, of course, is a cavalier oversimplification, but look closely at any doting couple and you'll see them exchange both parental and erotic signals."
- Dr. David B. Givens
In other words, the OP's either/or is a bogus one from this perspective. I know I'll take half a tank over an empty one if that's the way it works out any day. | |
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| is love important or is it all about sex and using people?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:59:34 PM | | OP if you want to be loved, be lovable. I don't mean to sound mean, but there's no better way of saying it. People may date and have sex with people because they are looking for love but they just haven't found the right person. Also it is true that some people don't believe in love, and think that sex is the only point of dating, but if they find the right person they will probably change their opinion. | |
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